flyingk1w1

2006: Mexican Madness - I Made it Through the Baptism Without Making a Fool of Myself

2006-12-21T07:43:00.000Z

3.7.2006
Well, that's not strictly true. I missed the church ceremony because the directions to the church I was given were so meagre. Finally found a taxi driver who knew the church. I arrived in time for the photo session at the end of the service! "Nice performance, Prue Jarvis!"
That said, my student was thrilled I made the effort, which is more than could be said for some of his other friends. They reserved themselves for the party afterwards.
I was given the dubious honour of holding the baby at the church, & then transporting him to the party venue. Having completed that mission successfully, he was left to take a bottle & sleep in my trustworthy arms. Of course it really was an honour..it ensured all friends & family came in contact with me. Jorje (Hor-he) aka George, & his wife Cecy proudly stood by & introduced me to each person as "mi maestra d'Inglis" (my English teacher!).
"Oh!" they all said. "She's so tall! It's obvious she's a foreigner; where's she from? New Zealand? Wow!..that's in Europe, right?"
Big wide eyes when I explained NZ is south & to the right of Australia. My Span-glish is getting better.
"Ah, that explains your height..we've watched rugby on TV, & have seen Jonah Lomu. You must be about the same size as him, aren't you! Can you explain Rugby to me? How much does it cost to get to Mexico from NZ?"
All I could manage to interpret from a semi-skilled English speaker is that they think New Zealand is Nova Scotia. Hang on..isn't Nova Scotia in Canada? Since when was Canada part of Europe? Is it possible there're people in this world with worse geographical knowledge than mine?

It was a weird experience standing in a room with 150 men & women, & towering over all of them! Though I've never considered myself short, it IS a strange experience being able to look across a room over everyone's heads!

There's a tradition similar to a lolly-scramble for the kids. Instead of lollies though, money is tossed. I was pleased to be standing outside whilst this was going on inside. A life-threatening event!

The food: shatter me, it was amazing! Entirely catered by Jorje & Cecy..not a maize dish in sight, & only one bean dish..frijoles..which I like. Jorje was overseeing the food table, & made sure I understood what every dish was, & was tickled when I went for everything loaded with chilli. He was absolutely thrilled when I went back for seconds. Not so me; I overloaded my belly & regretted it later..piglet! Just like the runt of a litter, I have a terrible tendency to gorge myself when presented with yummy food! I should've woken up this morning back at 76kg's..thank goodness for my over-zealous metabolism these days!

I met a lovely woman who lives in Mexico City. She's opened her home to me; I can stay there whenever I want & for as long as I need. I may take her up on her kind invitation on my way out of Mexico.

I'm so relieved I didn't follow the advice of 'Mark from Siberia'! The subject of his email was "Important Advice on Baptismal Etiquette" ... let me clarify right now..Mark is in fact a Christian..with a delightfully irrevernt sense of humour!

"I hope you have a great time at the baptism. Here are some basic rules for these events.
1. Do not under any circumstances forget to spit in the font.
2. Full frontal nudity is a common occurence, if you see someone else getting their kit off, it is considered impolite not to join them.
3. Turn up drunk , everyone else will. Offer anyone you see in the congregation without a drink a swig from your brown paper bag covered tequila bottle.
4. Roman Catholic priests are celibate so a quick grope under his cassock will be a welcome break for the poor guy.
5 In the event of a fight breaking out, which is quite likely, stand behind the oldest lady you can find and accuse her as convincingly as possible of being the ring leader.
6. It is important to be certain exactly who the father of the child is, ask the guy who has assumed this important role if he is absolutely certain of his wifes fidelity. Do this frequently and in front of witnesses.
7. As this is Mexico there will almost certainly be music to accompany the ceremony. The tune is unimportant, all you need to know is the words to "La Cuccuracca". Sing this loudly, particularly during the most solemn moments of the baptism and during any lulls where there would otherwise be silence. Encourage others to join in.

Let me know, if you live long enough, how long your prison sentence will be.

He's such a hoot!

It's election day today. No booze available for sale yesterday or today. Probably a sensible rule, but a little inconvenient for a non-national over the weekend.
On that note, I'm going to "vamos". I need to check the election results on the internet.

2006: Mexican Madness - And now I'm beginning to understand ...

2006-12-21T06:30:00.000Z

21.11.2006
... why Mexican's revere their Saints so much!

How many emails have I dutifully composed, giving due attention to your news & answering your questions, only to have them disappear into a black hole? I dunno..I've lost count!
My fuse is running dangerously short; no longer am I prepared to sit & try to recompose what I've just spent an hour writing. So, if you don't get a quick response from me, this is probably the reason. It now takes me a bit of time to calm down & face the email again.
It truly requires a saintly nature to cope with the day-to-day frustrations..& I'm not sure I'm equal to the task.
Yes I am..it's just that some days are particularly irritating. By no means 'saintly', I generally do have a reasonably patient nature, unless pushed too far & beyond reason.

(sigh) A trying time about to start here again. The phone bill is due to be paid in the next couple of days, & I'm seriously out of pocket having supported Dom the Canadian flatmate boy & an endless stream of free-loaders. I'm looking down the barrel of no phone, no internet, no gas, & no electricity. I may have to confiscate Dom's guitar & the endless array of shoes he's dumped about the apartment & sell them to defray expenses!
Honestly, any male allowed to live past year 11, year 16, year 23, & year 30 should seriously consider himself lucky. Actually, about now, my allegiance is with the female praying mantis! Scratch that..I'm all for the male cats who kill & eat their own off-spring!

I'm frantically trying to off-load all my photos & the 'Siberian Adventure' from my lappy & onto my own website. Not too successfully at this stage, but I'll keep trying.
Who knows..if I succeed I may end up with a bucket load of money from 'blogging'.

Anyhoo, that's me for now. Not the up-est message I've ever sent, but at least you know I'm alive & kicking. Actually I'm kicking the fridge cos the bloody thing keeps dying on me. At the moment my new neighbourhood dog is eating better than me..he gets the meat that keeps going off cos the fridge goes off! Bless though..he follows me where-ever I go, & most of the locals are afraid of him. They stop their cars, bikes, & Nikes to watch my pooch turn to putty when I step outdoors.

2006: Mexican Madness - so here I am in tropical Mexico ...

2006-12-21T06:28:00.000Z

11.11.2006
... with a runny nose & an annoying cough. I'm decked out in jeans, socks & shoes, a top, woolly jersey, scarf, beret, & Russian blue coat! And still I'm cold!
I'm quickly being reminded of my early days here..hot, hot days, & freezing cold nights. So many changes of clothes in one day!
The runny nose is mostly caused by the dust in the air; the annoying cough comes from the loss of humidity as this high desert land heads into winter..an asthmatic's nightmare.
Riding in buses with locals succumbing to seasonal colds & flu doesn't help. It's only a matter of weeks before once again I start every day with a bleeding nose. Dammit! I love the heat of this country, but living in the high desert has it's share of health issues!

I was laughing with my niece, Toni, earlier tonight about how I break a sweat every morning sweeping & mopping the floors with one of those industrial sized mops..a full body workout. Everyday I sweep up enough dirt to plant an orchard. When I mop straight afterwards, there's another orchard's worth of dirt in the bottom of the bucket. If I miss a day, the hair that my flatmate Dom & I shed creates 'tumbleweeds' worthy of a ghost town. DISGUSTING! I was wearing a summery top when I was talking to Toni. About now, that's a fond & distant memory; only a few more hours until I'm reliving that lovely warmth again.

I had been thinking of throwing away my Siberian boots and selling my coats and hats; now I'm relieved I haven't, though I suspect I could make a tidy sum of money if I chose to. Tonight I'm pleased I've been emotionally attached to these excess baggage nuisances; they're back to being essentials.
But how stupid do I feel sitting inside my apartment rugged up like I'm about to step outside into a Moscow winter?!

If you look past me in the photo, you'll notice that I've succumbed to owning a TV & turning it on. Not that I watch it all that often; it's either background noise or muted flickering light. Usually I'm listening to music & downloading loads of old stuff from the internet. I've already told you this.
Look a little closer & you'll see maps taped all over the wall. My world map (in Spanish), my map of Aguascalientes, my map of Mexico, a map of Guanajuato, & my well used & beloved map of Surgut.
Most people who come into my apartment are first drawn to the world map, then they spot the map of Sugut. "Where's that? Show me where that is on your world map! Wow! Now show me where New Zealand is! New Zealand's in Europe, right?!"
Cripes, and I thought everyone thought New Zealand was part of Australia!!!
The next time someone says New Zealand's part of Europe, I'm going to make them show me what part of Europe they think New Zealand is.
Part of Europe, part of Australia, or known for where I'm really from, it's all preferable to being assumed I'm from the US.
Most people quickly work out I'm not from the US cos my accent is so odd. They like it, & mostly they understand it. Sometimes it takes a week or so for them to really get the hang of it. My 'rrrr's' are too soft, as are my 'a's'. And let's not get into the 'zee' vs. 'zed' debate!

I've mentioned to my buddy Tim from Uni when chatting on Messenger, & Toni heard tonight how noisy Mexicans are. I wrote to you about the cursed Tomales truck that comes past every night.
There're also the gas bottle trucks that come past all day every day. Some of them have loud speakers singing out "Gasoline, gasoline, la-la-la-la-la-laaa, gasoli-ine". Some of them just have drivers pulling on a cord to constantly ring an annoying bell..please excuse my coarseness, but they must be fantastic wankers! Or they're too tired by the end of the day to actually do it.
There's the guy who pushes a trolley which has hot coals burning at the bottom of it. He's selling coal-cooked banana's. He has the shrillest train whistle in the world. Shrill enough to burst my eardrums every night.
Daily there're cars that drive through spouting political 'stuff'.
And then there's the water truck boys. You can't drink tap water so every home has bottled water delivered. These boys have their own racket to make, but they've taken a shine to me, so they park below my windows & then ring my doorbell until I pop my face out the window. "Agua Bonita Senora?" Grrrrrrrrr, smile, "No, gracias!" Occasionally they spot me at the shopping mall & bail me up there.
Honestly, this country is 18-hours out of 24 of NOISE!
And I thought Planeta in Surgut was a noisy place to be!
Good grief, & now the roosters have started crowing & I realise this place is 24-hours of NOISE!
Still, in spite of the challenges & annoyances, I love it!

I have 2 new 'boyfriends'.
With the first one, we haven't got to the point of exchanging names, but he's always popped out of his workshop to greet me. Last week, he grabbed hold of me, spent 10-minutes telling me I need to learn to speak Spanish well & he'll learn English so we can actually talk & romance. At the end of it he kissed my hand and let me go. He thinks I'm "muy, muy guapa" (very, very beautiful). In return I could tell him he's muy guapo (very handome). He's got drop dead gorgeous teeth! Hahahahaha..so I have a thing about teeth! That comes from not liking my own.

The second one is a 10-year old lad I teach for three hours a week. He's a difficult child & we've had a few staring out competitions to work out who's the boss. My icey blue eyes have won every time. Now he spends most of his lessons holding my hand, & every Friday he begs me to spend the weekend with him at his family's ranch.
Generally he addresses me as "Teacher", which is the accepted form of respect (regardless of the age of the student), however when he wants me to come to the ranch he hugs & kisses me & calls me Prue.
His parents started out being very off-hand & superior, now they call me Teacher, & kiss me on arrival & departure.

It's an odd world we live in, & I'm thrilled to bits to finally be experiencing it!

So what do you all think about me giving serious consideration to nipping into Libya? I read this neat article in National Geographic, & I'm a little bit hooked on the idea.

I'll leave you with that thought.
Toodle pip!

2006: Mexican Madness - Hppy Halloween Everyone!

2006-12-21T06:05:00.000Z

31.10.2006
Hola, buenas tardes!

I hope you're all well, happy & coping with spring & winter weather.

Spare a thought for me this week. I'm exhaused already and it's only Monday. I didn't actually attend any of the parties..I just sat up all weekend trying to cope with the phenominal clamour! Parties started on Friday as a warm up for Halloween & The Day of The Dead (Dia de Muertos). The celebrations are combined here, so instead of celebrating 2 separate days, they celebrate for 10 days in a row (What the ...? :-O), with the biggest nights being Wednesday and Thursday, but continuing on through to the end of next weekend.
My alcohol intake will increase dramatically this week just so I can get some sleep!
The noise is especially bad in this apartment because I'm on the corner of a T intersection. Cars and buses coming from every direction, and they're all either V8's or have those stupid stereo's that vibrate your windows out of their frames! The buses start at 5:30am & finish at 10:30pm. The cars thunder past 24/7! I think I'll boost my friend Manuel's annual sales by purchasing all the nails and tacks from his tapateria (hardware store) and sprinkling them across the 4 roads! Do you think the police will trace all those nails to me?
The local kids (aged from 10 - 25) have decided the best pot-hole in the road for playing marbles is directly under my living room & bedroom windows. They start playing at around 8pm & usually finish up at 1am. More screaming from them than you'd hear at the Super Bowl on the biggest night of the season! I'm tempted to invest in some flour and water bombs..do you think that'll deter them? Or will it earn me a few nights in a Mexican jail?
Then there's the 'tomales' truck that cruises by late every night. A wonderful set of loudspeakers on the truck roof blast out "Tomales, tomales, your kids need tomales before they go to bed! Tomales, tomales, YOU need tomales before you go to bed! Tomales, tomales, everyone needs tomales right now!!" I want to run down the stairs & kick his tyres in! Another couple of nights in a Mexican jail!
Lastly, the girls that live in the apartment on top of mine get up every morning, put on their noisiest stilettos & start dragging their furniture across the tiled floor at high speed and in multiple directions. Don't ask me why..it's a mystery to me! Then at night, they run up and down the stairs as daintily as a stampeding herd of African elephants drunk on fermented amarula berries They have a penchant for starting up their incredibly loud blender at all unpleasant hours of the night and morning. Yesterday they ran out of gas before finishing cooking their afternoon meal 'knock, knock on my door' ... "Can we finishing cooking our meal on your stove with your gas?" They're lovely girls, but I want to lubricate their stairs with an oil slick! Oh lord..I'll be in jail forever! Hey, the bright side of that is that you get conjugal visits 'inside' here.
Add to this intolerance ...
...aaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhh! Here comes the tomales truck!
... I have a temporary flatmate/room-mate. Dominique from Canada. He's 23 years old. I'm his surrogate mum, he's my surrogate son. He's driving me a little crazy. He's a messy little blighter in the kitchen, he has no idea how to replace the empty roll of toilet paper with the full roll sitting next to the toilet, and is quite negative..but he also has a really dry sense of humour..luckily for him. He has me on the verge of biting his head off, then he hits me with something really witty and I find myself having a great laugh! He is very good at making sure the water is hot for my shower.

Having dropped my good cellphone into the toilet & drowning it to death, I'm back to the one I had when I first arrived here. I think it's about 100 years old! It's been rebuilt 4 times this year, but I think it's finally on its last legs. Last night all the text on it turned upside-down and inside-out. If I want to read a message or look up a number I have to go to the bathroom, turn the phone upside-down and read everything through the mirror. I'M NOT JOKING!
Tonight, the vibrate mode died.
I think I'LL be mourning & commemorating my cellphones on Wednesday and Thursday!

On a more serious note..everyone please give a thought and toast to my sister, brother-in-law and their gorgeous boxer Shady; Shady went to sleep forever today (Southern Hemisphere time).
I'll be dedicating a flower & a few marshmallows to Shady this Wednesday and Thursday nights.

Light..light, I'm racking my brains for something light to sign off with.

Ok..maybe more vacuous than light..my stolen plant cuttings are starting to take root & flourish!
Daylight saving here kicked out last night..I was shocked by how dark it was by 6:30pm tonight!
The crazy supermarkets here have no change in their tills. Tonight the 'check-out Chick' asked the customer behind me for change! Bless his handsome skin, he tried but couldn't help. It was ok, because I was able to make the change myself. Both he and the guy customer behind HIM bade me a fond farewell, & raced to get through the check-out to escort me to where-ever I was going. Not a chance..I walk way too fast for everyone!
Which reminds me..you know how we all hate small change? Well, here in Mexico I hoard it because it's the only way to pay for things!
Mexican Madness! It frustrates the life out of me, and I love it..all at the same time!

Sorry to my Russian buddies for this very long English message.

Has this been a 'trick or treat' message?

2006: Mexican Madness - Hello!

2006-12-21T05:54:00.000Z

15.10.2006
It seems like ages to me since I last wrote to you. Some of you've caught me on MSM Messenger, which is really cool!

I've also spoken to some of you on the phone recently.

I have this fantastic new (to me) tool on my computer. It's called "Skype". You download it free off the internet, buy talk time in advance, and away you go! It's cheap, Cheap, CHEAP!!!
If any of you want or need to call me my Skype address is flyingk1w1me
My Skype phone number is 00 61 (07) 3102 83 72. No matter where in the world I am, as long as I'm connected to the internet we can keep in touch.
If you have a Skype phone number we can telephone each other for free!
I'm not sure, but I also think you can call me for free if you don't have a Skype phone number just by using my Skype address.

WOW..DO I EVER GET GRUMPY WHEN YAHOO DUMPS MY MESSAGE BEFORE I GET TO FINISH TYPING IT!

So let me try & remember what I wrote.

I have another piece of free software I want to share with you. Do an internet search on Ares. It lets you download music & stuff for free off the internet.
I now have 1,008 new music tracks to add to the almost 4,000 I have on i-Tunes.
I have a real 'smorgasbord' of music, from Tchaikovsky to Green Day, and everything you can think of in between. OLD stuff like Nancy Sinatra, Petula Clark and Cilla Black, naff stuff like Tiny Tim's 'Tiptoe Through The Tulips", sickly sweet stuff like The Carpenters, The Seekers, and Peter, Paul & Mary, classic stuff like Neil Diamond's 'Hot August Night' album. CCR, John Coltrane, Deep Purple, Janice Joplin, The Pogues, Thin Lizzy, Iggy Pop, Christina Aguilera, Anastacia, Blink 182, Linkin Park, & some reggae band I've never heard of before. You name it, I have it for your listening delight. I'm in heaven!
Even my parents would be making dust clouds in their urns over some of the music I'm listening to & loving! As would you freak out Ben!
The guy that introduced me to Ares is blown away by the stuff I've got .. "Wow! You have very eclectic taste in music!"
Hahahaha! I guess I do, but it helps to while away some empty hours & does wonders for my frame of mind..whatever it may be.

The last time I wrote I was threatening to find & adopt a cat or kitten to help keep me warm at night. Well, I've met a few dogs this week that are at risk of being brought home. My current favourite is a black one of indeterminate breed. No-one seems to know who he belongs to. The other night it was hosing down with rain and the poor boy was just sitting out on the street. We're tentative 'friends' now..I gave him 2 chicken breasts and some turkey ham, but he's still a bit nervous of me and my weird language.

We're having an amazing electrical storm with torrential rain tonight. It's hot as well, which is a bit of a nuisance because I've had to close most of the windows.

I was on my way home this afternoon after one of my exploratory walks when the storm started. I was picking my way down the street trying to avoid the 'rivers' when a couple of lovely young guys stopped & offered me a ride. I was almost home, so I thanked them but said no.

Ummmmm...I think that's all I have to tell you for now, so I'll love & leave you here.

2006: Mexican Madness - I've Moved ... AGAIN!

2006-12-21T05:49:00.000Z

26.9.2006
You can rest assured I'm ok. All Mexican wounds have healed & I'm working on not being clumsy & receiving any more.

I'm not teaching at the moment..I've been given a job researching & helping Mexicans emigrate to Canada. Interesting stuff! And the pay is better!!

I've moved into an apartment, so I'm living like a human being again. Hot water, gas, a good little kitchen to cook in (roast chicken basted with orange juice & honey, baked spuds with onion rings & avocado, orange & honey roasted kumara, & steamed carrots & brocolli tonight..wish I could find a meat-mallet to tenderise the evily tough beef), a telephone, internet access, & a nice big super-king bed! HEAVEN!
I've made a few friends in the neighbourhood, & even went to a party on Saturday night..yeeeha! Not bad going for only having been in the apartment for 2-weeks.

It's autumn here now, which reminds me very much of spring in NZ. Some days hot, some days chilly, lots of rain, & the nights now require a spare blanket next to the bed ready for 3am when it gets cold.
I had to wash my sleeping bag a couple of weeks ago cos it was a bit whiffy..& now it's ready for when it starts getting FREEZING overnight.
If it looks like I'm not going to get away from Mexico easily, I may just have to adopt a stray cat to help keep me warm at night.

2006: Mexican Madness - Life's a Seesaw; mostly good, seldom boring

2006-12-21T05:17:00.000Z

19.7.02006
Gidday Mates!

How's your week treating you? More ups than downs I hope!

Friday night was a 'gem'. I finished work at 8:15pm & the mother of one of my students gave me a lift to the supermarket close to home. Unfortunately it was all out of what I needed so I caught a taxi to the next one (it was bucketing down with rain). Purchases rapidly made, I nipped out expecting to grab one of the many taxi's permanently stationed outside. In the immortal words of Homer Simpson "Doh!" The taxi rank was empty and there were at least 30 groups waiting ahead of me. Quick calculation completed I guessed I'd be waiting at least 3-hours before my turn.
"Blow that for a game of soldiers at this time of night!", I thought.
For a fleeting moment I considered catching the bus then decided there was no point cos I'd still have 3 blocks to walk home. Gamely, & possibly naively, I started walking, thinking I'd hail a taxi on the way, but if worse came to worst I'd be home in an hour on foot.
Unbelievable! In the 3 km's I walked, I saw only 6 taxis. Usually they're wall-to-wall. The 1st 3 were full. By the time 2 empty ones were spotted I was so dripping wet they wouldn't stop for me..the brutes! I was getting a bit nervous by then as the lightning was popping directly above me in all its blue glory. The next taxi I saw was empty too..unfortunately for him I caught him at a red light. He didn't want to let me in, & it took all my powers of persuasion to convince him..I finally won out when I showed him that although I was drenched & dripping on my front half, the back half was dry. Plonked into the back seat & feeling relieved, he screamed off at a great rate, breaking all speed & road rules in order to get rid of my soggy self ASAP. Once he'd delivered me to my gate & collected his fare, he couldn't resist twisting round to check the condition of his back seat, & was gratified to find it dry. I popped through my front door envigorated by a refreshing soaking & successfully negotiating a ride home.

The rain continued all night and throughout Saturday.

Saturday morning my students took me to Sanbornes for a 2-hour 'English over coffee' lesson. Sanbornes is considered one of the 3 best places to go for coffee. It's simply filtered & as weak as a newborn kitten! Still, it's better than instant and as I haven't had coffee for months now it was a real treat. I'd planned to blinfold the boys for the 1st hour to hone their listening skills but Paco was full of the 'flu & I didn't think it would be fair.
Lesson over, Paco offered to drive me wherever I wanted to go. I declined his generous offer, preferring to head home, curl up on my bed with my e-book (The Count of Monte Christo..I had to delete Gulliver's Travels; what a YAWN that book is!), some chocolate & apples, & to read and snooze the day away. Heaven on a rainy day!
And snooze I did! I was amazed when I woke up & found the day had disappeared; it was after 6:30pm and I was still feeling shattered.

I stumbled out of my room to find the accountant sitting in his office & showing no signs of moving. I transferred my lappy to the kitchen where I could read some more & eat up a storm.
Midnight rolled around & the accountant was still here. I started puffing out a few irritable sighs. He was crowding my precious 'alone time'.
At 1:30am I appeared at his office door & told him to "vamos!" I finally got rid of him close to 2:15am.

The weather was still manky on Sunday so I repeated Saturday's indulgent & lazy performance.
4:30pm & the accountant rocked up again. "No!" I said. "All I ask is one day each week to be left entirely alone, now go!" I surrendered the battle in the end. He left after 10pm.
The ridiculous thing is that he invaded my space all weekend, but has nothing to do this week because of it.

Monday brought me my reward for an invaded weekend; back home by 8:30pm & yeeeeha!, the accountant was already gone for the day.
Uh-oh..no I wasn't alone. A massive flying cockroach & I played squealy cat & mouse for a couple of hours before I beat it into fatal submission. Just to be sure, I dumped a heavy archive box on top of it.
I had a meeting with Marifer's mother this afternoon. I was quaking in my boots. No need..she's quite happy for me to continue the informal 'chat' sessions now that she's seen the homework I set.
Earlier in the day I was walking back to the office/home from a lesson & spotted a chihuahua puppy playing in the window of a florists. I'm not a big fan of chihuahua's, but this little guy was so small & cute I had to stop & play with him through the window. Not good enough, I went inside. The owners had been watching & immediately uncaged the little man. I picked him up & he snuggled into me. MELT! We played for a while & then I left.
Striding down my home street I spotted the really pretty little kitten that lives up the road from me. We played 'You can't catch me, but I want you to'" for a while.

Tuesday, the day I have an early lesson & a horrid cold shower. How pleasing..no water in the tank! Once I'd performed the mandatory fight with the pump & the water started flowing, I got to have an even colder shower, given the water is pumped from an underground tank.
Joel finished with, Jorge arrived to collect me for his 3-hour (groan) lesson. I don't believe in lesson's lasting longer than 90-minutes max. It's too exhausting for both the teacher & the students..& especially when it's a 1:1 ordeal, which is what it is with Jorge.
Some respite today..half way through, Jorge had to stop for a business meeting with his lawyer, another bloke & HIS lawyer. The 2 lawyers & the other guy were dressed like Mafia Dons (an unusual sight here).
Holy Tamoly! Such passion! So much shouting & gesticulating! How nervous was I when these men erupted from their seats in their fury? Really bizare when all this was interspersed with jocularity. Jorge & his lawyer 'vanquished the enemy'. It was a very interesting performance for me to observe whilst sitting behind a spare desk in a corner & pretending to read my Lonely Planet Mexico guidebook. The 'enemy's' lawyer wasn't fooled; he kept catching my wide open mouth & even wider eyes.
The lesson resumed but with an unanticipated change of focus. Jorge, still full of adrenaline, 'interrogated' me. "How long have you been away from home? How long are you going to do this for? When do you plan to return to NZ? Where are you going next? No, not there, you should go to this place! Will you return to Mexico?"
Just as time was up Jorge received a phone call from his wife, Ceci. More drama, but this time a tragedy. Ceci's best friend, on her way to the hospital to deliver her baby, had died.
I've been asking myself all day how a woman can die giving birth in the 21st Century. I know Mexico's considered a 3rd world country, but this is supposed to be a civilised & educated city I'm living in.

Due to the unexpected turn to the lesson with Jorge, I arrived 15-minutes late for Marifer's lesson. Today's lesson with Marifer involved bathing her little dog, Cuca.
Cuca's a cute little 'motorised slipper' of indeterminate breed. She's absolutely filthy & has dreadlocks Bob Marley would've been proud to sport!
Until today Cuca has waited for me to get myself settled at the table before coming to leap into my lap & give me cuddles. Today she was leaping & pawing at me from the minute I walked through the gate. I needed that attention & distraction.
I don't think Marifer was particularly looking forward to the bathing exercise, & she was certainly rougher than I thought necessary, but I was determined Cuca would receive some long overdue personal hygiene & grooming. Cuca took it all in her stride, although she did try to escape a few times.
Her body & legs were washed with soap, but her "hair" was treated to the luxury of some conditioning shampoo I'd brought along with me.
What a hoot when she'd dried off & was brushed. Not much change to the terrible state of her body & legs, but the hair on her head was outrageous! The conditioning shampoo had worked magic..all soft & unmatted, & seriously fluffy! Marifer's description.."She looks like a crazy rock 'n' roll chick!"
It's true..she did! Actually, she looked like she could join Rod Stewart in his good old days without a 2nd glance.
After such a traumatic experience I expected Cuca to hold a grudge against me. Nope..she was all over me like a rash. Bless her little fluffy head! I took a couple of photos of Cuca & Marifer.

From there to a 2-hour meeting with Rene to discuss some timetable changes & 'issues'..aka "I'm really ticked off..my camera's been damaged by either you or the accountant..I know both of you have been in my room when I've been out teaching!"
I haven't touched my camera for a couple of weeks, & when I pulled it from its pack today I found the casing bent out of shape. I value all my possessions, but my camera & lappy are the most prized & savagely protected. Luckily for all, the camera's still working.
Even more bent out of shape than my camera, I'm having a lock put on my bedroom door tomorrow.

Back to home; oh heaven, oh bliss, it's only 6:15pm & the place is locked up & deserted!

It's occurred to me today that perhaps I should've become a pet psychologist. As much as I get a kick out of meeting new people & learning about their culture, it's the furry beasts that really make me feel happy at the moment.

For me, there've been a couple of downs this week, but the ups far outweigh the downs. I AM worried about Ceci though. I emailed a friend of hers tonight who lives in Mexico City, asking her to call Ceci.

Eternal power to 'fur therapy'!

2006: Mexican Madness - Shatter Me..There's a Spare Computer!

2006-12-21T05:10:00.000Z

12.8.06
As you may have guessed already, internet access is proving a little difficult at the moment. What? In Mexico? In MY Mexico? Yep, sad to say.

There're plenty of internet cafes within a 1-hour walking radius of where I'm staying, it's just that they're always full when I want to use them. I tried for an early start the other day, but they don't open til after mid day. No such thing as listing open hours on the doors either; I just parked my butt on the footpath for a couple of hours until one opened.

So now I've explained myself, please cool your heels & don't be panicking about me. I think after surviving 18-months on my own on the road you can believe that I'm a seasoned traveller and know how to look after myself. I think I'm safer here than in New Zealand. With half a million men in this city, & at least half of THEM wanting to pick me up & take me home, I couldn't be safer. The crime rate is really low here, with almost zero% violent crime. It is a big drug-money laundry though.

I've moved into a 'hotel' though '1 cut above backpacker hostel' is a more appropriate description. It's clean & cheap, I have a room to myself & my own bathroom with hot water! I'm much happier here than at the accountant's office.
The room costs 60 peso's a night..for some perspective, my replacement world map costs 60 peso's.

That's all for now; I have a gazillion emails to reply to.

2006: Mexican Madness - Have You Ever Felt Like the Blanket?

2006-12-21T04:24:00.000Z

22.7.2006
You know that cute little saying "They stick like sh"t to a blanket!"?

I've been busting myself to hold things together this year cos it's been a really tough experience. It doesn't seem to matter what decision I make something crops up to thwart me.
I decide to stay & battle through, & the sh"t hits the fan; being the 'blanket' I am it all sticks to me.
I decide to get the hell out of here, & I can't 'cos the job market's on hold due to the summer holidays. Ah Sh"t!

I don't know where the 450 litres of water I pumped yesterday morning went, but there was no water this morning, & the cursed pump decided to play games with me. 1st lesson for today cancelled due to the higher priority of getting water into the place & at least re-establishing a functioning loo.

Remaining lessons completed & I learned that the accountant's being evicted tomorrow for not paying his rent. Fab! That means I have to pack up & find somewhere to live tomorrow after my morning class. Don't hold your breath for any email contact from me after tonight. AGAIN!

I have no idea how I'll accommodate the students that come to me for lessons. I have no idea how I'll be able to get to the students I travel to. If this eviction means I have to start from scratch again I think I'll lose my mind!

Internet stuff completed (email, Messenger, some research for tomorrow's class), I tried to go to my bed but the door handle poohed itself.
I patiently jiggled & fiddled it to no avail for 30-minutes.
I went for the forceful approach I've seen on TV by ramming it with my shoulder..I have a bruised and aching shoulder & a persistently closed door.
"Right..then I'll go for the door kicking approach next to the door handle all the TV cops use."
BASH, BOING, BOUNCE, BANG, BANG, BANG..my hip hit the tiled floor 1st, rapidly followed by my shoulders & head. The door is still closed.
Furious verbal abuse followed with no result..neither did "Open Sesame".
I CAN'T get into my room!

I wish I could shrug my bruised, aching shoulders & decide to resort to alcoholic oblivion in order to pass out on the couch that's about the size of an armchair anywhere else in the world, but you can't buy booze here after 10pm..and it's WAY past that time.
No prizes for guessing tomorrow's class will be cancelled. I'll be in no fit state to teach after 26-hours on the trot. I can't call to let my students know in advance cos the pay phone down the road is broken & it chewed up my phone card last night.

I'm livid! I'm frustrated! I'm tired! I want to scream! I want to cry! I want to kick an inflatable dolly to death!

If any one of you has a direct line to the guy in charge of 'lucky breaks' would you please have a word with him? Surely I've earned one by now?!
He can find me here trying to maintain my sanity & recoup my sense of humour by playing computer card games, whilst also scraping all this brown stinky stuff off myself.

Catch you when I can.

Mexican Madness - It's The Mexican Way

2006-12-21T03:52:00.000Z

Monday, 20 March 2006 Hi Again! Some stuff I forgot to tell you on Sunday, and an update.

My understanding of Spanish is going ahead in leaps and bounds; though still sketchy, I’m at about the same level I was in Surgut after 8 months there. Sadly, my speaking skills are still atrocious! The phrase book I bought isn’t a patch on my Russian one, which is REALLY frustrating.

I saw another accident: a food delivery boy on a motorbike went under the front wheel of a car. I tell you, these Mexicans are tough! He clambered out with just a bad foot!

We were following my landlord to go and get some things to furnish my apartment when I saw a group of boys beating up and kicking another boy. No time to think whether I have sludge for brains, I yelled for the car to be stopped, leaped out before it got to a standstill, started running, and roared at the kids. Mad scatter! I picked the poor little man up off the street, wiped his eyes for him, checked he was ok, & delivered him to his dad. That earned me heroine status for 2 minutes, then a serious berating..”What if they’d turned on you? DON’T do it again!”
Yep, I have to concede it was a rash action, but no promises that I won’t do it again.

I drove! A car! Twice! Bloody scary! Not too bad just driving straight ahead, but come to an intersection where I need to turn and the temptation to head for the left hand side of the road is huge. Phew! It took more concentration than a University 3-hour end of year exam! I hereby go on record apologising to all the foreign-driver/lunatics I've mentally abused on the roads in New Zealand.
Also, I’m seriously attached to the shoulder of roads..so much so that we nearly went off a couple of times. Nasty shoulders, they drop instead of sloping. Heart palpitations when overtaking too..I was sure I was going to scrape one of those big freight trucks or buses. To be fair though, I was driving a great big Chrysler thingy (kind of like a Chariot) that seats 7 people. A bit wide for me to see my sides.
Who in Oz or NZ would ever think I’d be an overwrought driver and prefer to be a passenger? What? Prue? The speed freak? The wanna-be drag queen who needs to beat everyone off the mark when the traffic lights turn green? The crazy one who loved to chop a gear and accelerate into corners on unsealed roads? “Yeeeeha” as I took some of those corners sideways! Not to mention, squealing tyres cornering on sealed roads. No!
Yes! Friends, I think I’ve hung up my drivers gloves. It was fun while it lasted. Now it’s time to become a bus rider or car passenger.

Mexicans LOVE their car horns! The traffic lights turn green, and cars 15 back in line start tooting at the lead car. The poor soul hasn’t even had time to release clutch & press the accelerator! No toots at me..I’d relinquished the driver’s seat before reaching the city entrance. Blow THAT for a game of soldiers!

VW beetles are everywhere..and not the new models! I don’t know how many would be considered road worthy elsewhere, very few I suspect, but here..no problems! Omar, my Accountant business partner has one..he nurses that little baby when he first starts it, then gives it hell on the road! There're all sorts of suspicious vacant spaces in front of the steering wheel where inconsequentials like speedometers and gauges usually are, but hey, it speeds from A – D – B – C (time management and planning is a problem! It’s the Mexican way..Mexican version of ‘RNT’ Vadim [Russian National Tradition]) If I’m ever going to drive here, a VW is what I want! Next to no Honda’s here, but I’d go for one of them too given they’re my favourite car.

You know you’re in a devoutly Catholic country when:-
Every business and office has a crucifix on the wall..and graphically gruesome ones they are too. Blood everywhere! Accompanying these is a plethora of pictures of Jesus Christ, and Mary (Maria Guadalupe).
Every car and bus you climb into has the same. Crucifixes (crucifi?) either dangle from the rear view mirror, or are wedged into the panel in front of the speedometer. Sometimes both. Pictures abound on the dashboard, glove boxes, windows, seat backs, doors..anywhere and everywhere.
In a city of 600,000 people, there’s something like 7 major cathedrals to accommodate a minimum of 1,000 people each, plus your average neighbourhood church..and they’re full to overflowing on Sundays all day, and busy the remaining 6 days of the week. I don’t think I’ve seen a church for any other religion yet.
Whenever you’re in close proximity to a church, the people around you are ‘crossing’ themselves. And it’s a strange ‘crossing’. They ‘cross’ their foreheads, then just below their bottom lip, then their face, then they do this convoluted ‘crossing’ over their chests (not your ‘normal’ 4-point cross), then finally ‘cross’ their lips and kiss their fingertips 2 or 3 times.
I was taken to church by my last landlady. Yes, I’m a fraud and a wimp! I went through the motions to keep her happy, but when it came to the crossing thingy I was totally stumped. I think she got the message; she didn’t take me again. I’ve learned through a previous encounter not to comment on my personal beliefs..that earned me a 3-hour session of attempted soul-saving and conversion..until 3:30am! AND I’d watered down my viewpoint! NOT doing that one again!

As a result of the religious fervour, couples don’t live together, and they take years to get married e.g. 8 years dating is quite ok (that last because of finances). Consequently, “F*ck Hotels” abound. I’m not being crass..that’s what they’re called. Rent a room for a maximum of 8-hours, though the norm is 2-hours; have noisy, abandoned sex until your brains fall out, then go to your separate homes (usually where mum and dad live, no matter what your age), or back to work. These hotels are everywhere, and they do a roaring trade 24/7. I know because I’ve stayed in a couple of them, though it’s difficult to find one that will let you stay longer than 8-hours let alone a week. They’re cheaper and nicer than regular hotels and motels. But oh, my poor wee ‘good girl’ ears and blushing cheeks. No point in turning on the fabulously big TV; porn, porn, and more porn..and the volume is always at maximum when you turn the cursed thing on. No power points either to run my lappy off..until I got this nifty little plug that screws into the light socket..bliss..’Prue music’ to drown out the ear shattering groans and wails surrounding me!
No blankets on the beds, just a plastic mattress protector (oh gross!), sheets, and a ‘cosmetic’ bed cover. I had to beg for some blankets after I froze my butt off and sought refuge in my sleeping bag the first night.

Perhaps as an off-shoot of the religious fervour; I’ve never seen so many bridal shops. They’re enormous, and all the dresses would do Cinderella proud! One shop even hires models to parade the pavement for hours at a time. Unbelievable.
Kiwi family/mates: the ‘pavement’ word noted? Yeah, well I have international ‘family’/mates now! How awesome is that! I love it! Yes, yes; most of you have ‘been there, done that’, but it’s new for me, and so, so cool!

OSH (Occupational Safety and Health) hasn’t reached Mexico yet. Every day my blood runs cold! At the ‘nothing’ end of the scale are the office chairs and desks. Good grief, I haven’t seen such appalling furniture since my mother was alive and working (25 years ago), and hers was luxurious by comparison!
One of the ‘offices’ I had to visit to get my visa extended was in fact the gap under the stairs in a building. In that wee space they squeezed a documentation adviser, a passport photographer and her development equipment, a woman with typewriter to complete documentation, a photocopier, 3 spare plastic stools for the customers, the requisite crucifixes, religious pictures, and bibles for 3 employees. Being smallish, temporary, and in no need of the photographer just now, I got the stool placed at the lowest point of the stairs..I perched on that stool, doubled over, sucking in photocopier toner, for an hour! Sssshhhhhhhh! Don’t tell my insurance company..they’ll never pay out on the chiropractic and oncology claims!
At the other end of the scale are the ‘trade’ workers. No gloves for butchers and fish filleters. Guys working with fibreglass, spray paint, or welding; not a facemask in sight. Walking past their shops, I get woozy from the fumes or blinded by the light! No matter, for most, working life ends circa age 40..trade or management! After that, you’d better hope you can set up your own business, otherwise it’s just years of treading water, sitting on the pavement outside your 2-room, dirt floor ‘casa’ (home). Some take to begging, some make and sell beadwork, some perform ‘stuff’ at the traffic lights for peso’s (juggling is common, one family has a WWF type wrestling routine going on..”school and education? What’s that for?”). Lots and lots of ‘cripples’ at the lights and on the streets too..wheelchairs, armless or legless people. It’s all a nightmare to me, and yet the vast majority of locals are happy, smiley people!! There’ve been plenty of times since I arrived that I’ve been down to 20 peso’s (US$2:00) in my wallet with a long time until payday (they’ve been erratic to say the least..actually, I’ve only been paid once..that’s another story), but I can’t resist these people. I’ve bought and broken a tonne of bead bracelets and rings. At least I have all my body parts, clothes and a little bit of food in my fridge. Hahahahahahaha..the buggers..they’ve probably got more money than me! Don’t let my red hair fool you, I’m definitely a dumb blonde at heart and to the roots..though there’s a well overdue trace of grey starting to kick in, (in)conveniently shining through when I have a centre part in loose hair, or at the temples when I go for the ‘tied back’ look. So few still that people are shocked when they learn my age (haven’t reached the stage of lying about that (where’s the sense?), just enough to make me gasp a little when the sunlight catches it in the mirror occasionally. No hiding from my advancing years..even the dye bottle only gives me a couple of weeks grace!

I ‘met’ a boxer dog at the beach that I’d have sworn was 100 years old. No! The poor young thing had eaten a blowfish washed up with the tide. It almost killed her, but she’s been fighting back with a lot of veterinary help. She was your typical boxer..stupid but loveable!
A timely reminder about those damned fish; there are loads of them on the beach, it made me so much more careful about looking where I was walking..shades of learning to look further than the tips of my toes when walking in Oz in case of snakes.

Shoe shops (zapaterria’s): OH MY GOD! I’m sure there has to be 4 of these for every other shop, and they’re huge! I don’t get it. The average Mexican can’t afford more than a couple of pairs of shoes, and I haven’t been in ‘gringo/gringa/tourist central’. Imelda Marcos heaven..I’ve scared myself a couple of times by stopping and seriously looking and pricing cowboy boots! Oh dear Lord, don’t let me stoop to such ridiculous levels! There are some pretty styley ones here though, and so cheap.
“STOP! Just stop it now! You’re not going there! What you need is jandals!”..”Yeah but 500 peso’s for leather boots vs. 500 peso’s for rubber jandals..what do you do?”..”You step away from the zappateria!” It’s a tough call, but my big back pack is already dedicated to shoes and boots courtesy of Surgut and Aguascalientes.

Good business meetings over the last couple of days. A snappy one with my Mexican business partners..”get yourselves together; if I can arrive on time and prepared then you must too..I’m not interested in sitting around for a couple of hours waiting for you, and then have you dither!” A fright for them..yikes, she gets stroppy! I only had to wait one hour for them today; still not good enough, but it’s progress.
Beauty meetings with both the lawyer and the Senator..the ‘boys’ were impressed by how little I needed to have translated..”I like the speed at which you learn, now I just need you to start speaking!” Wink, wink, kiss, kiss. Rampant sexual overtones, but not seriously..I’m learning..”it’s the Mexican way!”
The Immigration guys were cool too. Much greater tolerance for a Kiwi who doesn’t speak Spanish than any American/Canadian aka gringo/gringa that does. They queued up to talk to me, and went to great lengths to help me..even staying 2-hours after close-up time to give me my extended tourist visa. And didn’t their smiles just make me swoon?! Wheeeeeeyew! And, and, and, they’ve promised to fast-track my FM3, which is a working visa, and the first step to naturalization.
Hand shake, cheek kiss, “encantado, buenas tardes, hasta luego, dos semana!” (enchanted, good afternoon, see you later, in two weeks!)
What does a middle-aged woman do? Wobble out to the car on weak knees! How to get ‘loved up’ without serious physical contact in one easy lesson! It’s the Mexican way!

Breakfast: frijoles (freeholeys)..mashed bayo beans, and huevos revueltos..scrambled eggs with chopped ham and covered with chilli sauce! Any takers? No, me neither. Breakfast isn’t my favourite meal here; there’s just something not quite right about starting your day with chilli, and of course there should be a law against beans no matter where you are in the world!

Some of you have asked whatever happened to that strange boss I had when I first got here. After that rocky start, I told him in no uncertain terms that I didn’t like him and was leaving. He told me in no uncertain terms that he wanted me to stay, and if I did he’d make it worth my while. We had an uneasy truce that ended up a great friendship. He told me what triggered his odd behaviour in December, and I’ve helped him work out some of those problems. He still grabs my hand or arm when we’re crossing roads (I’m learning Mexican men are prone to physical contact, grabbing hands, guiding you in the right direction with a hand on your back or hip or shoulder), but he no longer takes my bag off me. He’s one of my business partners.

I’ve attached some photos so you can see what Omar and Rene look like. Now you’ll be able to picture them when I write about them.

Mexican Madness; 2006 in Aguascalientes - HOW do they know?

2006-12-12T08:35:00.000Z

Aguascalientes is a comfortably sized city for me (under 1,000,000 people); the streets are safe no matter the time of day or night. Heart-warmingly friendly people who stop me in the street to welcome me to their city cos they can see I’m foreign.
HOW DOES EVERYONE KNOW? Do I have a larger & flatter ‘snorer’ than the rest of the Northern Hemisphere? Are my clothes so bizarre that I must come from the Antipodes (has ‘Once Were Warriors’ screened here?)..Nup, I don’t think it’s any of those things; after some serious people-watching & evaluation, I’m none the wiser! Certainly, there are white Mexicans here.
cheap, Cheap, cHeAp, ChEaP, CHEAP cost of living if you shop for food, clothes, & sundry other requirements at your local tiangues..10 peso’s (US$1) for the pair of Calvin Klein shorts that I bought & only peel off my body once they’ve become too crinkled for words … ah-ha..that’s it! No self-respecting Mexican steps out the door in jeans, shorts, or trousers without a knife-edged crease ironed down the middle of their pants! Now that I come to think of it, I haven’t seen any women wearing shorts either. No, that’s not true, I have seen a couple, but they were wearing ankle-breaking stiletto’s as well..definitely NOT my style!
Have you ever felt like you’re something under a microscope?
Whilst doing my ‘geriatric’ impersonation with a couple of ruined ankles for almost 2-months, I requested to be dropped at a park for fresh air & sunshine a couple of times..a nice break from my room & TV..or so I thought.
No matter where I sat, every time I glanced up from my book, I was confronted by ‘the stare’; women as well as men! As I mentioned in the ‘Moscow to Ags’ email, women don’t approach each other. I wasn’t concerned about the women’s stares..they were just curious & making feminine comparisons. The men were a different matter. Detrimental to my recuperation, but necessary for my psychological comfort, I moved several times.
Disconcerting were the 2 guys that came and flanked me on the bench, and spent an hour staring at me..”Go away guys, you’re making nervous!” is what I wanted to say..afraid of being paranoid, insufficient language skills to hand, I settled for one acknowledging smile to each, and engrossed book reading thereafter.
What do you do?
Most disconcerting of all was the guy who spent 90-minutes maneuvering his way around a ¼ hectare of park until he was sitting next to me. Treated with ignore, after 30-minutes he wandered off..”whew!’ I thought. Then I spotted him in the next ‘bay’ peering round at me. “OK! Now you’re freaking me out!” An intricate navigation of the park..a wheelchair or zimmer-frame would’ve been helpful..eventually out onto the very public benches overlooking the main road..frigging hot & sweaty terrain, but I lost the cretin!
It’s the 1st time I’ve felt intimidated here.
When Rene collected me to take me back to the hotel, I talked about my ‘microscope’ day. He said “you dress differently..you walk differently..everything about you is different.. most are attracted to you because you’re different, & your age doesn’t matter..there’s nothing you can do to change what they see; the young ones are more aggressive..You did right to get away from the weird guy though!”
That was a useless educational pep-talk because I still can’t see what everyone else seems to see.
“Rene, why do Mexican women use umbrellas instead of wearing hats?” (I feel like a 4-year-old!) It stems from the early Spanish occupation apparently, and they’ve never changed. “Oh, and that’s another thing that identifies you as foreign..you wear hats!”
Interesting information/Spanish lesson: umbrella in summer = parasol..para (for) + sol (sun).
I saw a ridiculous sight today (actually, most days)..a woman with a perfectly pretty and functional hat, held aloft like a parasol to keep the sun off her. What the …? Hat hair; it has to be a fear of hat hair! I can ‘get’ that..after a day sitting in the park or traipsing the streets in a hat my hair looks like 200 grams of rat’s tails; better that than rushing about holding a hat above my head like a loon though!

2nd visit to the park..I’m NOT doing it again! One guy came to sit and talk with me; he spoke English, was 27 years old, and asked me to be his girlfriend! Disrespectful laughter didn’t work. “No, you’re too young for me” didn’t work. “No, I’m only attracted to men my own age” didn’t work. “No, I have a son your age” didn’t work. “No, I work in Guadalajara and am going back there tomorrow” didn’t work. “No, you’re moving to Canada in a couple of months” didn’t work. Fernando (“Like the ABBA song” he told me proudly, and sang the chorus) gave me his phone number, and demanded to know when I would call him, and when he could come and stay with me in Guadalajara! “Never!” I said. Undeterred, he finally left me with assurances that we WOULD become lovers! Good Grief!!!
Hot on Fernando’s heels came Arturo, who spoke almost no English. He wanted me to go for a walk through the park with him. When I pointed out my broken ankle and said I couldn’t, he told me he’s a professional masseur, and went to grab my leg. “NO!” I yelped. More talk, he wanted to know where I’m from, where I’ve been in Mexico, and when we could get together. “Sorry, we can’t, I’m going back to Guadalajara tomorrow, which is where I work.” “That’s great! I’m a tour company manager and I’m in Guadalajara every week. I can see you there! What’s your phone number?” he said. (Huh? I thought he said he was a professional masseur!) Give me strength!
After Arturo came the guy..I dunno..maybe 20?, who all-but attached himself to my hips. He skipped to either side of me, depending on who looked as though he may seat himself next to me. No-one was going to come between us! He never once spoke to me. Since that day, I’ve spotted him in the same shops I’ve been in; curiously we seem to have the same itinerary. This guy doesn’t scare me; I think he’s just curious & shy.
I did discover one invaluable defense trick..Mexican guys can’t cope with full exposure to the sun. They overheat, and their skin burns. Go my reptilian need to bask in the sun; go my Kiwi Teflon skin! All requests to sit in the shade turned down, it’s only a matter of time before the boys are forced to abandon their quest!
My only almost-welcome ‘amour’ is a senior cop often in the area. He’s an oldish codger (gotta be in his 60’s), and a real gentleman. He’s often personally walked me across roads arm-in-arm when the lights change to ‘pedestrian’; once on the other side, he kisses my hand & returns to duty. Today, when I grinned & greeted him with “Buenos dias” he grabbed my hand, fished into his pocket, and ‘made me his fiancé’ by sliding an incredibly tacky yellow plastic heart-ring with glitter and pink and white flowers set inside onto my left hand . What a hoot! This time, he stopped ‘green-light’ traffic, and I was helped across the road with his arm around my waist.
Rene was astounded when I showed him my “engagement” ring. Floored when I told him about the regular traffic-stopping and escorts. “But..but he’s a nasty old b@st@rd! Everyone’s scared of him! J#s%s Kiwi-Chick, you’re an unusual one!”

Mobile again (should’ve been tentative, but why go for anything less than ‘all guns blazing..no guts, no glory?’) I ended up going for what became a 2-hour walk. A life-time’s worth of ogling endured, I found myself down where ‘The Ferria’ will be centered. The great thing about my hats here, they have big woven brims that I can see through..it’s a one-way convenience. When I’m sure all is flat and safe I take a glance up from the road to get my bearings or take in a ‘cool’ sight, but not such a high glance that anyone can see my eyes (sunglasses are helpful too). I cop the full impact of everyone’s gaze, but they don’t know I’ve seen them so they can’t interpret any encouragement from me. Most are content with unacknowledged open-mouthed gazing, plenty seek a reaction by whistling and cat-calling. Some come right into my space and demand attention by grabbing hold of me..arm or body twist to release their grip (Angel gave me some nice little personal protection lessons back in January), glasses raised to give the full impact of my eyes when brassed off! “DON’T touch me!” The combination of skillful twisting & stroppy eyes & voice works wonders! Mexican girlies are free with their kisses, but not much else; wives & ‘novias’ (girlfriends) are feisty but controllable; a foreign, single, white woman who’s friendly & chats but refuses to be ‘easy game’ is a novelty & commands respect..”sorry, I’m so sorry, let me take you to dinner & introduce you to my family!”
A month or so ago I was flattered by the ‘gentlemanly’ appreciation I was getting. With ‘The Ferria’ looming & the population swelling from circa 600,000 to 4 million, too many men are from out of town & aggressively out of control; I’m really hating being alone in public at the moment.

Time out..I need to get indoors and eat some food over my book, under my hat and through the tissues with which I indelicately blow my nose at the moment!
Bon Appetite .. Prietnovo Appetit .. Enjoy your Meal!

Sunday, May 28, 2006 The Ferria is over..hoo-oo-oo-rah! Aguascalientes is back to normal. I was introduced to a local guy today..a car-detailer. He’s a sweet wee man who turned himself inside-out telling me I have beautiful eyes, with no sexual overtones. YEAH RIGHT! I HAVEN’T SLEPT FOR A WEEK. I LOOK LIKE CRAP!

Monday, May 29, 2006 I’m back to not getting it! How do the Northern Hemispheroids know?..I let a WHITE guy through the gates today..I was wearing a skirt, top, & shoes bought in Mexico; no-one in NZ would’ve looked twice at him, no chance of considering him a foreigner..but he took one look at me & started speaking fractured English. Once inside the office, he was clearly a native Mexican.
Oh, it must be my trend-setting all-over array of mosquito bites at the moment! Ok, the mystery’s solved..for now!

Mexican Madness; 2006 in Aguascalientes - The Food in Mexico

2006-12-12T08:24:00.000Z

150 peso’s to feed myself over the next 4 weeks..gotta love mince, onions, garlic, chilli, coriander (cilantro here), & eggs; rice & bread for fillers..tomato & cucumber sandwiches at least once a day, if not twice.
Here, you never ever count the money you’re promised until it hits your wallet in cold hard cash! That lesson harshly learned, if no cash arrives between the end of the 1st lesson & the beginning of the 2nd, there is no 2nd lesson. So whilst I’ve been assured of a load of students, I’m not counting on it yet.

HEY! Don’t you be worrying about me..I LOVE tomatoes & cucumber! The other stuff too..except for maybe the mince (depending on my culinary inventiveness), & definitely the eggs. The last of the licorice teabags Claire sent me while I was in Surgut are working some serious wonders in my rice salads..the Canook & Mexicans, like the Russians, are in ecstasy over this new flavour!

Best we don’t talk about the exhorbitantly priced quality beef steaks cos I think it’s marbled fatty gaggy crud..give me a nasty tough & tasty rump for marinating any day (GASP! SHOCK! HORROR! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, CHICK FROM NZ, WHERE THE BEST BEEF IN THE WORLD COMES FROM?) I’ve taught a few locals the joys of garlic, red or white wine vinegar, herbs, & the occasional mango.
Mince is the same price per kilo as eye-fillet!

FANTASTIC street food for next to nothing..I could eat chicken mole every day for the rest of my life! Hey Gary & B-S; if you love curries Gary, you’d mess your pants over mole!..& for B-S & all my girlies out there..mole is this amazing Indian curry-type sauce, but LOADED with CHOCOLATE! Hang on a minute..I need to grab a cloth to wipe my drool off the keyboard & table! Contrary to what you’d expect, it’s not hideously sweet. Very rich though.
Taco’s..the real McCoy, are not those crispy curled things we buy in NZ. A taco is a soft corn bread thing, like a burrito. The only difference between a taco & a burrito here is that a burrito comes ready-filled & rolled; a taco is the same except it isn’t rolled..just folded in half. Sometimes your taco meal is a plastic bag or bowl of heated corn bread, accompanied by the usual ‘team’ of lettuce, tomato, grilled onions & chillies, bags or bowls of guacamole & chili sauce, & some grilled beef or lamb..you make your own combination.
Chillies..you imagine it, it’s here! Dried little red or green ones..like the Asian ones we find in NZ..they’re in bulk bins..grab a bag & start scooping. The ‘normal’ fresh red or green ones we buy at the supermarket in those plastic cubes..here they’re in chilled compartments like the ones that contain lettuces, tomatoes & the like. Big ones..green or yellow, that I’ve never seen before. Huge ones..green or yellow, about the size of a big capsicum..sometimes in chilled compartments, sometimes just sitting in crates on the supermarket floor. The ‘big’ and the ‘huge’ ones you can buy cooked from a street vendor. They’re stuffed with cheese & grilled. The first couple of them that I was fed, I was assured they’re not spicy. In the greater scheme of things, they’re not, but after a year of bland Russian food, those chilies made my nose run & my breath catch in the back of my throat. They ARE delicious though! Not nearly as hot as some of the curries I used to make..I’m just out of practice.
Finally getting back into the swing of spicy food, I find the locals protective warnings about something being ‘caliente’ (hot) endearing. In return, they’re thrilled by my capacity.

Gordita’s: the same as taco’s & fajita’s, except the corn bread is like a pita bread pocket. Most gordita stands are ‘ordinary’, but occasionally you come across a “WOW!” taste sensation.

Barbecoa: generally the meat is lamb, hogget, or mutton. Traditional barbecoa is a HANGI! Sadly, 21st Century economics mean something more like B-B-Q’d meat & grilled onions.
(epiphany..Rene has frustrated me for months with his loss of English “you’re an English teacher for heaven’s sake!” I’ve just spent 10-minutes trying to remember..still can’t..what’s the casserole cut of beef that usually comes cubed, that the likes of Andrew Jarvis calls ‘animal food? AH..got it! Gravy beef! Criminy..I’m starting to worry about me!)

Tomales: I’m positive I’ve told you about these already, so I won’t expand. If I haven’t, let me know. It’ll be because I’ve written but not been able to send.

Cactus: raja's are YUMMY! Juicy..sometimes sticky & stringy like..well, like aloe leaves! The spines are sliced off, then you either buy the whole ‘leaf’, or you buy a sliced salad.

Same but different from Russia; pork skin is a delicacy. It comes two ways; sliced & presented in brine, or something like crackling..an entire pig skin crackled & available for sale, you choose how much you want.

Bread: 99% sugar..it’s evil stuff! It doesn't even go moldy! The ‘Vogel’s” ads are all true! A loaf of Vogels would be separated & hidden in multitudes of supermarket bags under my mattress!

Fresh fruit: you can buy it in the supermarket. You can buy it from a street vendor. If pre-prepared, it comes doused with fresh lime-juice & sprinkled liberally with chili powder. “Errrrrrrr..isn’t fruit supposed to be sweet, juicy & refreshing?”

Sensible folk; breakfast is reasonably substantial, lunch is a big event, dinner is often cereal & milk.

Needless to say, although tasty, the traditional food is not too good for my body. By choice, I never eat beans, seldom corn or dairy products. With the lack of real work & activity over the last few months, I’ve ‘chunked up’ a bit. Nothing any of you would fret about, but I’m so afraid of regaining those 27 kg’s that cost me so much to lose.

Gastronomically betwixt & between,
Pru XXXX

Mexican Madness; 2006 in Aguascalientes - End of March

2006-12-12T08:22:00.000Z

End of March …
CELEBRATION! Found a place to live on Saturday..a studio apartment. Moved in Sunday; Monday finished unpacking; had 10kg of clothing and linen washed dried and ironed for less than $10; hung curtains; washed dishes; bought food & soaked the veges; marinated steak ready for tomorrow (not a chilli in sight..”Where’s the tin of jalapenos?!” says Rene..philistine!..”get a grip!” says Pru “Taste the coriander and garlic!”); have candles burning (love that kind of light..I should’ve been born a century or 2 ago)..even have an ‘interesting’ entrance-way (comment from landlord & his wife)..an array of hats (mostly Russian), more candles, missing a miniature vase to hold the cute berry branches I collected under the trees this afternoon (but I like them crammed into the candle holder), the Khanty-Mansi framed work from Victor & Nelly, a couple of dog gifts from Russia (thanks to Alex & Olya, & Irene) to protect & bring luck in this ‘Year of the Dog’, handcrafted beaded Mexican panther from Angel, the volcanic rock from Barra de Navidad, an incense burner (never thought I’d live to see the day..me burning incense? Travellers can’t afford luxury items like essential oils and oil burners..sigh).
Oh yes, there’s no doubt about it..I’m a typical Cancerian; give me a semi-permanent home & watch me nest!
There are 2 German Shepherds to keep me in line (cranky hounds!) The male, a long-haired shepherd..Einstein. The female, a short-haired shepherd..Lila..we have a mutual dislike of each other. Most unusual for me, but I think they’re trained to be unpleasant..not to mention they spend 22 of every 24 hours every day locked up in their pens.
A serious list of rules accompany the tenancy agreement. No parties! No food to be stored outside of the fridge! No..absolutely NO toilet paper to be flushed!!!!! All paper is to be discarded in the rubbish bin next to the loo!
It’s that 3rd rule that has me worried.
“OK! I’ll behave..but those bins are DISGUSTING!”
In spite of knowing I shouldn’t in Mexico, I’ve continued to flush paper. In this place, it’s more serious. My landlord has obviously watched ‘The Lord of the Rings’ trilogy and fallen in love with Hobbits & Hobbit-land. My home is..you guessed it..underground! Well, sort of..a thoughtful few scoops of earth have been excavated to accommodate 4 windows on one side of the Hobbit-Hole. The septic tank (no poo-ponds here) is located directly under my ‘lair’ and NOT to be messed with! I’ve flushed paper twice..once before I knew the rules, once from force of habit…”Oh mierda!” (m-yairda..shit!) “Pinche Hijole!” (peencheh eeholeh..Bloody hell!)..forehead slapping to get this message home. Since then, I’ve had to pluck paper back out of the loo a few times..revolting! A fortune spent on extensive and obsessive hand soaping afterwards. Having been a determined, proud, and unrepentant ‘scruncher’ (of loo paper) all my life, I now find myself a ‘folder’..my version of modest cat scratching. Shuddery but resolute, bin liners are disposed of every morning. There goes another shudder just writing about it!
Why am I so squeamish about this when I successfully dealt with Ben’s nappies?
No-one else here appears to feel the same squeamishness about the loo bins..mine seems to be the only one in Mexico with a lid; everyone else is happy to have them lidless, & let theirs fill over a period of time to overflowing. Aside from the stench, I’m sure there are serious hygiene and health issues! It’s particularly gross when forced to use a public loo; because the bins are full & overflowing, you wade your way through everyone else’s shitty toilet paper to get to the loo. Zoiks! I REALLY object to having to pay 2 pesos to use some of the loo’s..the money is supposed to ensure you’re peeing in a clean & well maintained baňo (barn-yo)! I NEED A HANDBAG-SIZED BOTTLE OF DETTOL!
Continuing on the subject of toilets (is nothing taboo? Nope, not when you’re on Pru’s e-mail list!), there’s no such thing as a full seat. This one’s ok cos it’s solid; if you catch one that’s flimsy plastic (there are soooo many) and you don’t sit on it completely straight the miserable thing BITES you! I’ve had a semi-permanent blood blister on the back of my right leg since arriving in December..and damn it hurts..in incrementally increasing proportions! It’s not cool when a seat’s winning number comes up and bursts the blister! Thank goodness for the occasional hard plastic seat and some respite. No smart-arse comments about my peeing technique..THANK YOU! Suffice to say, I’m generally BURSTING and hurling myself at the loo without caution (minutes spent in the loo are such a waste of time..I might miss out on something)! Occasionally, I’m just ‘aiming’ for the quiet approach. And, just sometimes, the rotten things are so precariously attached to the bowl, no matter how straight & carefully you seat yourself, they move & bite. I wonder if I might make my fortune introducing full seats to Mexico?
Again, my current loo is a goody..not too much water sitting in the bowl. Much to my horror, bowls with a lot of water are noisy! It’s an uncomfortable decision to make with those ones..make a hell of a racket, or lift the seat and get a wet butt! EEEEEEEYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUKKKKK!
In spite of my wee whinge (no pun intended), I love living in this lair. It’s too small, it’s too one-roomish, I keep smacking my head on ‘interesting’ roof angles & low hung range-hoods, but it feels really safe (other than neurological issues) and private. It doesn’t get too hot cos it’s protected from the heat by being mostly underground; the excavation allows it to absorb some of the sun’s heat during the day; it doesn’t get too cold cos it’s sheltered from the wind by being underground, and has been positioned nicely to catch a little sun during the day. Underground being natural soundproofing, I don’t disturb anyone..like I could with mere laptop speakers..which incidentally I’ve blown..nasty crackly sounds interfering with some of my favourite music! No-one disturbs me..except for the occasional din as someone runs across my roof to collect a soccer ball or dog.
Sadly, this is only an interim home..it’s too expensive at 3,500 peso’s per month. It’ll do until we find a place that’ll accommodate our sleeping arrangements more appropriately, as well as rooms to spare for classrooms.
In the meantime, we’re familiarising ourselves with this city by way of two steps forward, one step back (yuk, sometimes 1 step forward & 2 back!) I thought Auckland was confusing to navigate..hello?! Wake up and smell the bourganvillea! Generally, street signs are posted on the exterior walls of corner buildings..challengingly tiny (about the size of a car’s registration plate) and inconveniently posted on the wall that requires irreversible commitment to the direction taken (Noooooo! We needed to go left! Shit, too late! Goddamn; it’s a ring-road system here!) All too often though, there are either no signs, or they’ve been prettily adorned and masked with..bourganvillea! What’s with these signs, and the damned council? Grrrrrr!! It doesn’t help that, although the speed limit is 40km/h, the traffic flows between 60 and 70km/h, sometimes 100km/h..also, I’ve lost my classy, expensive, but ½ price D&G graduated lens glasses in all the chaos over the last few months, so I can’t see for crap!
We did this amazing tour of the district Monday evening trying to get home from the supermarket..no ‘pinche’ (bloody) benefit, it was dark & nothing looked familiar. Me at my most intelligent and helpful, I got the giggles. It WAS funny as we zoomed and zigzagged, this way and that, only to see landmarks changed from the left of the car to the right, but still none the wiser or closer to home.
It’s one of my favourite things about Mexico; we get lost, Rene pulls up next to any car at an intersection, rolls down my window (generally cos he’s in the wrong lane), leans over me & calls “Oiga!” through their window. Sometimes I have to offer a ‘pretty woman, pathetically touristy’ smile & wave to get them to roll down their window. In return, ‘Oiga’ proffers a massive smile; a conversation ensues regarding our whereabouts, our desired destination, and the best possible route to get there.
Peak traffic? Bonus..no-one’s going anywhere fast! Green lights? “No le hace!” (no leh aseh..Don’t worry!) Sit tight and listen to the directions; ignore those agitated honking horns, they’re only Chilango’s (Mexico’s version of JAFA’s..what they call inhabitants & expats of Mexico City). There’ll be another green light in about 30 minutes, they can wait! (”oh God, this is terrible!” I groan quietly as I shrink in my seat)
Thanks given by us, another global-warming smile (a-ha! So the Mexicans are to blame!), best wishes offered, along with cheerful waves, and we zoom off to the next set of lights, only to select a new ‘Oiga!’, and get conflicting directions. Every ‘Oiga’ greets our enquiries with a beautiful smile and willing helpfulness..unfortunately few actually know the city, hence the goose chases!
Tonight we got lucky..catching a local who called, “Follow me!”, & screeched off at a great rate of V8 knots! Bless! Better than directions, a chase at high speed; I enjoyed the trip. It had taken us over an hour find this guy, and to complete what was a 15-minute journey. Chihuahuas! (chee-wa-wa’s..crikey!)
Another awesome thing about road travel here; if you find yourself in the wrong lane, & you actually know the direction you want to go, all you have to do is catch the eye of the driver in the lane you want to be in, make ‘big eyes’, smile & wave. He/She is quite happy to let you cut across so you can get to where you’re going. AMAZING! Can you imagine a Kiwi or Aussie graciously letting that happen?

My address is:-
Pru Jarvis (from New Zealand)
Calz. De los Alamos #123,
Fracc. Ciudad Granja
Zapopan,
Mexico 45010

Don’t ask me how to get here. If you can get from the airport or bus-station to ‘Minerva’ aka ‘Diana’ in other cultures (a fab sculpture in the middle of a round-about fountain..naughty girl..she’s wearing a flimsy little calico number that’s sagged in the water, & so her top has slipped below her very erect nipples..I spotted that on about my 20th trip past her..very observant Pru!) by bus or taxi, I can collect you from there. Then we’ll take the Puerto Vallarta highway, or Avenida Puerto Vallarta (2 different off-ramps, 2 different routes, same result) to Ciudad Granja. If you opt for the surprise or independent approach, once you’re at my home gate take a hard right, and look for the Hobbit-hole. You can’t miss it! Really, you can’t..all the other houses in the ‘compound’ are above-ground & high-rise. (Snort..conformists!) Actually, we’ll get together by you breaking your ankles navigating the fantastically green and spongy grass hiding rabbit-holes and tomo’s! I’ll come running to rescue the ‘screamer’..1st Aid kit in hand, of course!

Still no phone..having been paid the princely sum of US$460 in the last 4 and a bit months, and a phone connection costing US$200, I’m not about to fly into connecting a phone when I’m pretty sure I won’t be staying in this Hobbit-Hole.
The cell phone I bought in Surgut can’t take a Mexican sim-card..gutted! Apparently..& let this be a lesson to all other travellers..the phone companies selling cell phones have a block on the phone which must be removed prior to leaving their country. Mexican cell phones are the same. Mostly I’m upset because I love the Khanty phone ‘mitten’ Mark bought me as a farewell gift, and I can’t use it for now.
Mexican cell phones don’t get service to NZ, Oz or Russia, so text messages are a failure. Believe me, I know..I’ve sent messages to most of you..not a single reply..irrefutable proof!
Patience, please people! Actually, I really need to get the time difference through to you all. Ben asked me to call him 7pm Saturday NZ time..RACK OFF! That’s midnight Friday here (or least it was..but some daylight saving changes have been made and I haven’t worked out whether they’re in our favour or not)! Besides, it was Saturday morning here when I got the e-mail! Any phone calls will need to be mornings your time, and carefully planned weeks in advance, especially until I can afford my own phone & internet access. Back to sporadic e-mail contact..the only place I’ve found within 1-hour walking distance advertising internet service is perpetually closed..probably run by a Kiwi ‘tripping’ on peyote (an hallucinogenic cactus) and still on Southern Hemisphere time! Three times the standard price as well!

Love to you all from the contented little nester, Pru, XXXX

Mexican Madness; 2006 in Aguascalientes - Mexican Pets

2006-12-12T08:19:00.000Z

A Pet Shop! I MUST go in there! Very disapointing..here, most pet shops only sell fish..& the poor buggers are prone in a plastic bag with enough water to keep them from drowning, but insufficient to allow them to swim.
I’ve felt sorry for a few fish in my lifetime. The one Toni, my niece, killed (2nd degree homicide) when she was 4 years old; she decided it was thirsty (plucking it out of its bowl & dumping it into a glass of orange juice). The 2 that died resulting from my compulsive use of Pea-Beau to combat the flies & cockroaches in Tolaga Bay. The 3 I was convicted of understandable, but slipshod care of when I cleaned their FILTHY POOEY stones with liquid Ajax & neglected to rinse sufficiently. The most tragic story of all..Christmas 1985, living in Te Kaha, the Mackintosh clan (Ben’s father’s family..all 7 of them), my Dad with his new wife & her 2 kids (14 of us in total) descending on my two-bedroom home..the Christmas Day kitchen was a frenzy from 5am. I’d moved the fish bowl from the kitchen table to the stove top (temporarily). Dad, bless his 1st-in-a-lifetime helpful jandals, turned the stove on around mid-day. Before we knew it, there was a foreign & awfully bad smell in the kitchen..”OH MY GOD..Goldie & Horny!” Too late..the bowl was melting, the water was boiling, G & H were cooked! No up-side..they were too small for filleting. I’ve never had a fishbowl since!
So what’s in this glass tank? YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRKKKK! A god-damned tarantula! YOU’VE GOT TO BE JE-YOKING! Nup..it’s true..they’re for sale in pet shops..5 tanks of them! Yes, I write “fuck’ reasonably regularly, but there’s NO WAY I’m going to share the quantity that day, or the myriad of other filthy words that went through my mind when I saw THOSE tanks!
Tanks of snakes, mice, rats, gerbils, & other vermin-like things..some isolated ‘mummy’s with their squirming furless yam-like off-spring..gross!
5 happy tanks for me..4 containing cutie puppies; one with 3 lizards..dunno what they were, other than fascinating.

The Cats: Ow-ow-ow..the strays make my ears bleed with their yowling, my heart ache because I know they’re hungry & need some loving, & my lap crave for a furry cuddle. Back in February, Sybil grabbed my arm & gently maneuvered me away from the 1st ‘little baby’ begging me to take it home.
Lots since then that I’ve had to force myself to be tough over.
The 2nd night I was back in Aguascalientes (the latest tour of duty) I was sitting at the kitchen table when an ear-splitting yowley racket set up in the reception area. Out to investigate, I found a tiny wee fur-ball skittering from the doorway under the client interview table, then from the client table to under my desk, then from my desk to behind the leather couch, then from the couch to under the coffee table..”yeehaaa” it yowled as it found a clear path to the kitchen..”Doh!” No escape route! Not true..the little bugger shot through my legs back to the reception area as I opened the fridge to get it some food. NO WAY was it going to take food from me..not even delectably pulsating imitation KFC. It quickly found the door it originally came in through.
All that fright hasn’t stopped it from making nightly visits..& today ‘Mum’ came to call. She didn’t deign to dismount the high wall from which she was observing me, but she had a lot to say for herself. We had quite a good chat!
The Accountant’s office may end up with a nice wee family before I depart!

I think I’ve already written about the small dogs that wear doggie clothes to ward off the chill of +25°C, live on the roofs, & make me giggle.
Since then, I’ve had a run-in with a couple of German Shepherds. They were co-residents of my Guadalajara compound. Most of the time they were cooped up in their pens, but one evening they were let loose for their daily run earlier than usual. I returned from my evening hour-long stride, stepped in through the gates only to be confronted by two territorial dogs. I gave the male my hand to sniff & said “Hola”. He stepped back, looked at me, then lunged & took the knee out of my jeans! “Aaaaah, ya bastard!” I shouted. As I leaped back from him his bitch grabbed my arm in her teeth. “FUCK OFF!” I barked as I wrenched & cunningly whipped back through the gate. I buzzed the landlord’s house & asked that he come & collect his dogs so I could get back to the safety of my hobbit-hole. 30-MINUTES LATER, the dogs were penned again. In the meantime, a golden retriever, smelling the terror oozing out of my pores, decided IT should bark & growl at me on the street! A BAD evening..I’ve never had dogs hate me before (other than one senile old codger that took exception to me walking home after dropping Ben off on his 2nd day of school). For the 1st time since I was 4 years old I’ve felt an all encompassing fear of dogs. The problem here is they don’t understand English, & I don’t speak Spanish.

Once again..my beloved Aguascalientes has worked its magic.
I can’t remember the name of the film, but do you remember it? Tom Hanks, can’t remember the name of the actress who played the vet/love-interest..she’s famous though, & the MASSIVE dog named ‘Hooch’.
Well, Hooch’s great-great-great-great…-grandson lives across the road from me. He’s gorgeous! He’s a bugger! He ‘monsters’ anyone foolish enough to walk past his fence..but the fence is a strong, tall, chicken-wire jobby, so he can’t do any damage. That said, he hasn’t once become agitated by my voice & foreign language. I’m taking him a whole minced cow before I leave, just to say “Thanks, & I think you’re lovely!” I’ve watched him during the recent storms..he gets so excited by the rain. He runs around his yard, leaps at the back-boards of the utes parked there, springs off them, twists in mid-air, lands, & races off on another circuit of the yard. He’s very daggy! I feel sorry for him..he’s locked in the yard 24/7, & is a ‘junk-yard-dog’..he’s fed & watered (though his water bucket is a disgusting stagnant pond..no-one thinks to clean the bucket), has maybe 15-minutes of ‘human-therapy’ each day which he’s ecstatic about. On the other hand, he has more area to race around in than any dog I’ve seen here yet..so he’s also lucky. On the OTHER hand, again I feel sorry for him..with the heavy rains, at the highest & driest point of his territory, he’s snuggled into a 1-inch puddle. (I refer you, at this point, to my comment about 7am showers..COLD!)
He’s given me a few sleepless nights; “Why’s he barking this late? What’s that rattling noise..is it my gate?”..on the hour, every hour! Nada, pequeño cabrõn (nothing, little bastard)!
I’ve started talking to him, & calling out “Hooch, enough! Shut up! Go to sleep!” It hasn’t made any difference of course, but at least knows my voice.
Friday, 02 June 2006 Too much for me, Hooch was going off his rocker tonight. I sifted through the kitchen crap & grabbed a polystyrene plate that I loaded with onion, garlic, chilli & mint loaded mince, plus a raw egg mixed through, & a small plastic container filled with fresh water that would fit under the fence. “Sod off with your water, gimme the food!” The poor boy is painfully skinny! Mince gone in a gnat’s breath, I was back to the kitchen to find something else to feed him. A couple of plastic bags with scorned crusts, & a paper bag with half a delicious bakery bread loaf turned to concrete..the concrete bread softened with water & flavoured with a chicken stock cube in my best bowl; back to ‘my boy’. I tentatively fed him the crusts through the chicken wire (aka poked it through & whipped my hand away before he could bite it off)..no need for fear, he has the softest mouth in the world! After discovering that, I poked my hand through the wire gaps & let him eat the bakery bread & lick the chicken stock juice from my hand & fingers. I jimmied the fence enough to get my bowl through to him so he could lap up the rest of the stock..he was STILL hungry! Back to the kitchen & I whipped up 4 eggs that failed MY freshness test, plus a couple of stolen soft taco’s torn up & mixed in. “OK Hooch, this is all you’re getting tonight!” He allowed my arm into his territory to retrieve my bowl; & has been quiet for the rest of tonight. I still have 4 ‘not for Pru’ eggs that he can have tomorrow.
I’m expecting to be paid some peso’s tomorrow..that’ll buy me & Hooch enough mince & bread to feed us both for the next week. I just need to work out how I can get a big bucket of fresh water into his compound.

Saturday, 03 June 2006 Hooch & I are firm friends! I shared my breakfast, lunch, & afternoon tea with him.
Rene, doubting the friendship, demanded I show him how nice Hooch actually is. He watched my lack of fear (in comparison to the terror the Guadalajara Shepherds instilled in me), Hooch came to my call & gently lapped food from my hand. Rene watched as I poked my hand through the fence to feed Hooch, & was amazed that a dog so starved would take food with nothing but his softie lips.
Hooch & I both passed the test..he’s a nice dog; I’m a dog lover.
Rene spoke to the neighbours, & they all agree Hooch never has fresh water, & is seldom fed. We linked a series of hoses so we could fill two huge buckets of water for Hooch.
The latest edgy law-break game..Rene, the neighbours & I are planning to ‘jail-break’ Hooch. The only catch..”what’re we going to do with him?” As far as I’m concerned, it’s easy..”He’s coming with me!”

Ahhhhh..there’s nothing like ‘fur-therapy’!
Love from Pru, the lizard, kitty, & doggy lover! XXXX

Mexican Madness; 2006 in Aguascalientes - Shower Time

2006-12-12T08:15:00.000Z

Shower Time!

Here you have me in my 1st apartment, off the loo (last email), & into the shower.

It seems to me you have 2 choices here in Mexico when it comes to showers; full jets of cold water, or 3 squirts of warm that you chase to catch. If you’re inclined towards a quality Russian ‘contra-shower’ regime, then best you make time for a 24-hour shower. The water is bone-chillingly cold at 7am, only warming to tepid at around 1pm, & cooling rapidly after 7pm.

I’ve lived in a couple of places that had gas heating for the water.
The 1st was the best; a mere 20 minutes for the gas to heat the water..but you’d better be the 1st one in the shower!

The 2nd had greater hot-water capacity..it’s just that the shower rose didn’t work. I had to douse myself with a hose-arrangement, soap & shampoo up, rinse off with the hose, condition my hair, & whilst letting that work, plunge the plug hole because the drains were clogged, & scrub the shower down. Rinse off the conditioner, dry myself off, AND the entire bathroom..no shower curtain!

After that, I lived in a place that had no gas heating; it relied on the natural hot-water springs. No complaint from me..except for the days when the spring was over-taxed..NO WATER AT ALL! “BUT WHAT ABOUT FLUSHING THE TOILET?” WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Then there was the Hobbit-hole..no gas..all electricity. No charge for electricity..it was incorporated into the rent..the landlord had the water regulated. 3 squirts..COLD! 5 squirts..WARM! 7 squirts..REALLY CHILLY! 9 squirts..PIPED DIRECTLY FROM SURGUT SNOW! If I was back in my ‘dike’ haircut days I wouldn’t care, but it makes for a VERY long shower trying to wash, condition, & rinse longish locks under 5 squirts of water..especially when 3 of them are directed at the shower wall about a foot above my head! Great exercise though, chasing & jumping for those water squirts.

Now I’m living in an accountant’s office. No gas..no electrical heating. I can shower in privacy at 7:00am before anyone arrives, freeze my bits off, look presentable for the hoardes that traipse through the office shortly there-after, & wake up with a cold the next morning. OR, I can hide out in my room until 2:00pm when everyone takes their 2-hour lunch & siesta break, & the sun has warmed the water tank to a tepid level. OR I can save my shower until the last person leaves the office somewhere between 9:00pm & 1:00am. Sad to say, I can’t get myself cracking until I’ve had my morning shower..so every 2nd morning I have a sore throat & blocked nose..just to add to the bleeding nose I have every morning from the pressure & dryness of living in high desert.
I’m getting used to the cold showers though. I no longer squeal, gasp, & groan my way through them; I mentally prepare myself by pretending I’m diving into a cold NZ lake..1-minute of held breath, then get down to the business of swimming or washing. I have to qualify that statement though..a shower before 7am is HORRENDOUS! Only had to try it once so far; I just couldn’t do it. I filled a bucket with the cold water, soaped & sponged off..a ponytail day seeing I couldn’t wash my hair. SHEEEE-YATTER-ME it was cold!
And this is summer! I can’t even bring myself to think what it might be like in January when the overnight temp drops to -6°C. I can’t see me hanging around to find out..but “never say never”..I’d be definitely taking mid-day to late afternoon showers!

Better than no personal hygiene..I’m not griping..just letting you know how much I’ve learned we Kiwi’s & Aussies take ‘basic’ necessities for granted back home.

Those of you that have never lived with me or experienced stepping into the shower at MY chosen level of heat, you need to understand that my personal choice of temperature is somewhere between boiling & REALLY boiling..irrespective of season or climate! If I didn’t emerge from the bathroom looking like some thing resembling strawberry jam or cooked lobster, then I clearly wasn’t clean!

When & if I ever get back down-under, I challenge everyone for all the Corona we can drink to beat me into any stretch of water..no matter the temperature! AND I want perfect fresh limes squished into the bottles..very un-Mexican you know!
As for my Russian mates..”race you to the ‘swimming pool’ in January!” If you win, I have to buy you all the tequila you can drink for a night..if I win you have to drink all the tequila I can buy you for a night! ;oD

Ha—ah—gasp—phee-eeew—ppffffffffffff—I’m ok..I’m ok..YEAH, this is all fine! It’s going to be great when I get out, dried (haha), dressed (hahaha), & outside (yeeeehahahahahahahahaha..cutesie little sun dance!) “Get AWAY with your rain dances & prayers for cooler weather, you Mexican freaks!”

Challengingly awake & refreshed, sharp as a scorpion’s tail,
Pru XXXX

Mexican Madness; 2006 in Aguascalientes - Toilet Talk

2006-12-12T07:56:00.000Z

Way, way, way back in December 2005. I was celebrating having a bathroom & toilet inside my own apartment..no walking through a speech therapist’s waiting room with multitudes of kiddies & fathers. How pathetic? How exciting! Ahhhh, such is life away from ‘home’..hahahahaha!

A serious list of rules accompanied my Guadalajara tenancy agreement. No parties! No food to be stored outside of the fridge! No..absolutely NO toilet paper to be flushed!!!!! All paper is to be discarded in the rubbish bin next to the loo!
It’s that 3rd rule that has me worried.
“OK! I’ll behave..but those bins are DISGUSTING!”
In spite of knowing I shouldn’t in Mexico, I continued to flush paper. In the Guadalajara place, it was more serious. My landlord had obviously watched ‘The Lord of the Rings’ trilogy and fallen in love with Hobbits & Hobbit-land. My home was..you guessed it..underground! Well, sort of..a thoughtful few scoops of earth had been excavated to accommodate 4 windows on one side of the Hobbit-Hole. The photo shows me standing outside my windows (OH MY GOD! BAD hair!)..just above my head is the roof to the Hobbit-hole; inside the hobbit-hole, my head barely reached where my knees are.
The septic tank (no poo-ponds here) was located directly under my ‘lair’ and NOT to be messed with! I flushed paper three times..once before I knew the rules, once from force of habit…”Oh mierda!” (m-yairda..shit!) “Pinche Hijole!” (peencheh eeholeh..Bloody hell!)..forehead slapping to get the message home. After that, I had to pluck paper back out of the loo a few times..revolting! A fortune spent on extensive and obsessive hand soaping afterwards. Once, I utterly refused because it landed smack into the water..not touching THAT soggy mess! Having been a determined, proud, and unrepentant ‘scruncher’ (of loo paper) all my life, I now find myself a ‘folder’..my version of modest cat scratching. Shuddery but resolute, bin liners are disposed of every morning. There goes another shudder just writing about it!
Why am I so squeamish about this when I successfully dealt with Ben’s nappies? Because that was 20+ years ago, & I loved my baby!
No-one else here appears to feel the same squeamishness about the loo bins..mine seems to be the only one in Mexico with a lid; everyone else is happy to have them lidless, & allow theirs to fill over a period of time to overflowing. Aside from the stench, I’m sure there are serious hygiene and health issues!
It’s particularly gross when forced to use a public loo. The bins are full & overflowing; you wade your way through everyone else’s shitty toilet paper to get to the loo. Zoiks! I REALLY object to having to pay 2 pesos to use some of the loo’s..the money’s supposed to ensure you’re peeing in a clean & well maintained baňo (barn-yo)! I NEED A HANDBAG-SIZED BOTTLE OF DETTOL! Imagine my consternation when I come across a pay-for-the-privilege public loo that’s well maintained, only to spot all the used loo paper sitting in a bin outside on the road..waiting to dry out & be burned off. As it dries, of course it becomes more susceptible to breezes..m-mmmm, septic paper fluttering about your head..”GARK! Let me back into the car..NOW!”
Continuing on the subject of toilets (is nothing taboo? Nope, not when you’re on Pru’s e-mail list!), there’s no such thing as a full seat. This one’s ok cos it’s solid ; if you catch one that’s flimsy plastic (there are way too many) and you don’t sit on it completely straight, the miserable thing BITES you! I’ve had a semi-permanent blood blister on the back of my right leg since arriving in December..and damn it hurts..in incrementally increasing proportions! It’s not cool when a seat’s winning number comes up and bursts the blister! Thank goodness for the occasional hard plastic seat and some respite. No smart-arse comments about my peeing technique..THANK YOU! Suffice to say, I’m generally BURSTING and hurling myself at the loo without caution (minutes spent in the loo are such a waste of time..I might miss out on something)! Occasionally, I’m just ‘aiming’ for the quiet approach. All too often, the rotten things are so precariously attached to the bowl, no matter how straight & carefully you seat yourself, they move & bite. I wonder if I might make my fortune introducing full seats to Mexico?
The Guadalajara loo was a goody..not too much water sitting in the bowl. Much to my horror, bowls with a lot of water are noisy! It’s an uncomfortable decision to make with those ones..make a hell of a racket, or lift the seat and get a wet butt! EEEEEEEYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUKKKKK!
This is what a mid-range loosely attached, soft-seated, high-tide loo looks like ..”YEE-OWWWWWW...F#*K that HURT!” Too much noise “Oh you’ve GOT to be JOKING!”..Ok, control,,control..lift the seat, ‘pleease don’t let me get a wet butt!’..oh that’s so good..silence & a dryness!” No judging this particular style of loo..it looks sturdy, but the seat shifts without warning; the tide-mark doesn’t look too high..it’s a trick! A pacifyingly dry butt though. Note the bin? Yeah, well I emptied the pig last night before I went to bed; the piece of paper at the very bottom of the bin is mine (7am visit)..the rest?..these people eat too much chilli, & don’t exercise caution when it comes to tap water!
Given all this lack of hygiene..WHAT’S WITH THE FRILLY GERM CATCHERS? Botulism to the wound? Being an avid hater of those mats that wrap around the base of the loo to keep feet warm & catch boys ‘drips’, these frilly things offend me both aesthetically & hygienically! Sorry if I’m offending anyone..it’s just my perspective..even before I left my own home, & NZ!

Sometimes you strike a loo that has a cistern that doesn’t fill automatically. If you’re lucky, there’s a shower & bucket in the same room..turn on the shower, hang the bucket over the shower rose..by the time you’ve finished peeing the bucket’s full..turn off the shower, lift the toilet seat, toss the contents of the bucket into the loo..abracadabra..flushed!
No bucket? No shower? No full cistern?..clearly, I’ve learned to check for these tell-tale signs before I drop my trou! Bad signs? Thanks to Dad for not having the right sperm..I’m a woman, which means a cast-iron bladder, & hours of restraint!

My favourite public loos are the ones that you flush with a foot-pedal. It took me about 5-minutes to locate the ‘flush mechanism’ the 1st time, but once I did, I was a convert! Next time I have my own home..I’m going to have a foot-pedal flusher!

Dash..launch..land ... squeek..reposition ... ahhhhhh ... fold, wipe, fold, bury ... PSsshhhhhhhhhhhhh..hospital-grade soap for hands for 5-minutes
Ablution-Block-Pru XXXX
P.S. Stop being squeamish about too much information..it’s life!
P.P.S Shower stories come next..no need for staunch bellies.

Mexican Madness; 2006 in Aguascalientes - Phoning Frenzy #1

2006-12-12T07:55:00.000Z

Friday, May 19, 2006 I have a phone again..temporarily. Dialling-frenzy in the early hours of this morning..I left voice messages on Ben’s mobile; I left a message on Dave Gilland’s mobile (one of Ben’s best mates); I left a message on Doug Williams’ mobile (another of Ben’s best mates); I talked to Mrs. Williams..the mother of Doug (dear lady, she wanted to catch up on my last 2 years..’YEEKS..I don’t have the time or money for this!’..rapid-fire responses, I’m sure she thought I was terribly rude; I left a message on Jayden’s home & cell phones (Ben’s other Musketeer..er, I’m reading The Three Musketeers at the moment)..ummm, anyone guessed I needed to talk to Ben?; messages left for Claire, Kathy, Karyn, Norm & Rachel Salisbury, Ian Rollo, Shelley & Guy Munroe, Aussie Andy, Cousin Robyn (by now, I’m not sure if I left a message for my cousin Christine..I know I dialed her number..like I said, a phoning-frenzy); rang Aunty Margot’s phone off the hook several times..no answer, spoke to Tim’s wife..1st time ever, a lovely woman..I’m sure she thought I was unnecessarily succinct too; got hold of Jane, my buddy since before I hit double-figures..only time to babble out “I needed you to hear my voice & know I’m ok, I love you, Bye!”; knock me down with a feather, I talked to my niece, Toni, in Oz on her cell phone..that was a toughie..”I don’t want to let you go now I’ve got you” she said just as I was saying “I don’t want to hang up, but I have to!”; made a follow-up call to Toni’s home phone to leave a message..her’s & my lovely Mark (Toni’s husband) answered..”Hi! Love You! Can’t talk! How are you? Love You! Gotta go..give each other hugs & kisses from me! Ciao!”; a call came in on MY phone..wee hesitation before answering..”Si, bueno?” A beautifully familiar voice, amusingly discombobulated..Jane! She’d called back just to check things were on the level cos when she’d looked at the number recorded on her phone, my original call came through Shanghai..GOOD GRIEF! I DREAD TO THINK WHAT ALL THIS IS GOING TO COST!! Caught Jon Later (my ANZ Bank buddy for almost 20 years..sheeks..that long?) in the supermarket..another rapid mobile call. 4 calls to Ben’s home number..poor long-suffering flat-mate girly, she never once got stroppy with me with for the 1st 3 calls..success at last, I heard my ‘baby’s’ voice for the first time in 8 months! By necessity, it was a brief conversation..his mates were collecting him for a night on the town, it was 3am here & I was not good for anything much by that stage. None-the-less, I fell into my bed feeling contented for the 1st time in months! Those of you that didn’t get a call from me, please don’t feel less loved; I either don’t have your phone numbers, or time & stamina simply ran out.

4 hours sleep & I was up fresh as a daisy. Even fresher as I quickly adjusted myself to the cruel cold-water shower, that now starts my day. BBBBBRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! Nothing’s going to get me down today!

A quick trip to a new internet café to address business bits..the young manager spoke ok English, was excited to have a Kiwi in his premises, & decided we should be friends. His name is Maury (pronounced the same as ‘Maori’..another one of those ‘just-like-home’ things that make me feel less alien).

My halcyon week in Guadalajara with constant internet access & Messenger worked magic..my inbox was relatively empty, ensuring my blood pressure stayed stable.

Just a one-pager this time..”What the…?” Hahahaha..my halcyon week in Guadalajara with constant internet access & Messenger worked magic..your inboxes are un-assaulted, ensuring YOUR blood pressures stay stable.

Hasta Manana! Pru XXXX

Mexican Madness; 2006 in Aguascalientes - Phoning Frenzy #2

2006-12-12T07:52:00.000Z

Sunday, 21 May 2006 So…living in the Accountant’s office for just over a week now (6-months since arriving in Mexico, I’ve lost count of the number of places I’ve lived in, I’m so sick of living out of a suitcase!).
The phone connected on Wednesday, I made a load of illicit phone calls to Oz & NZ on Thursday night & Friday in the wee small hours of the morning here. You’ve read that message by now.
Having been given carte blanche to contact all & sundry on Saturday, I had another dialling frenzy..triggered by receiving a call from Tim! The only people I haven’t talk to are the Aussies & Kiwi’s that have a life & don’t sit by their phones, or don’t have voice mail, & my Russian buddies ‘cos I didn’t have the country & area codes for them. I’ll work on the phones codes..so stand by!
Ben (full of the flu), Claire, Karyn, cousins Robyn, Christine, Kevin & Phillip, Aunty Margot, nephew-in-law Mark (my party-girl niece has friends staying from out of town..massive boozing going on there), Kathy Clark (full of the flu & pregnant), Cathie Wedekind, Suzie Martin, Jon Later, & my brother-in-law Alan..it was wonderful hearing so many Kiwi & Oz accents..CRIMINY you lot are ‘BROAD!..a little freaky discovering I have an alive & kicking Kiwi accent. I never really thought I had much of an accent, & have worked hard over the last 18-months to put it on ice, but talking to friends & family it came out in full force..something I’m not very pleased with.
It’s odd..in Russia & Mexico, I seldom hear my own accent, but recognise it when a student repeats a word I’ve worked hard eradicating their ‘foreign’ accent from. YIKES..No, say it more like ‘this’!
You’d think I’d hear my own queer accent more with being surrounded by people who speak nothing like me..but no!
That aside, it was awesome to use my Kiwi-isms & be understood without a 2nd thought. When I say “Rubbish!”, meaning I think someone is talking twaddle, they just don’t get it!
“Rubbish? What’s that?…Oh, you mean ‘trash’? No? Ooooh, what you’re saying is ‘B-S’ (bullshit)!” sigh..yes..if you insist. God forbid I actually ever hit them with ‘twaddle’!

Both mucky ankles almost repaired, I went for a stress-relieving hour-long stride a couple of days ago. Bad move! I was wearing shoes I bought the 2nd day I arrived in Mexico with no sign of trouble. Not that day! The result being that I have a nasty blister on my left heel, a really fat & bruised right ankle again, and pockets of pus & blood where my right heel used to be. I can hardly stand or walk all over again..the infection in my right heel is REALLY bad! No ‘professional’ shoes & garb for me for the next couple of weeks. I’m becoming a bit fed up with these back-to-back injuries.

Monday, 22 May 2006 Oops-a-daisy..I was given bad advice on Saturday. As a result of my frenetic dialling over the last 4 days, the office phones were cut off! “Excessive Use” was the reason..apparently the phone company freaked out over the sudden spate of international calls to the antipodes from a firm that’s shown no previous sign of international dealings. A quarter of me is mortified..a quarter is slacked off because I’ve had to pay a 1000 peso’s to the phone company as a show of goodwill..a quarter is unrepentantly joyous at having spoken to my family & so many lovely friends..the last quarter of me thinks it’s hilarious! Anyway, for those of you whom I promised to call in the next week or so, sorry..we’ll have to take a rain-check; not because I’ve lost any credibility with the Accountant, but because I really am embarrassed about disrupting his business for half a day. I’ll try to convince him to get a ‘Friends & Family’ type deal like the one I had in Guadalajara (WISH I’d taken advantage of THAT while I was there..coulda, shoulda, woulda!)
Friday, 2 June 2006 Disaster! Having paid that 1,000 peso’s last week, we’re now being pressed to pay a further 1,500 peso’s..like NOW! Wanna know how much I clocked up calling you all? 4,000 peso’s..which equates to something like US$400.00! Not a bad effort for 4 days! Rene & I fronted up to the Collections guy, Daveed, today. Rene did all the talking, I did all the nodding & apologies..”yes, I made all those calls, I’ve been away from home..Oz & NZ..for 18-months..I really needed to contact my son..I’m so sorry”...”It’s ok, I can understand” said Daveed. Payment deferred in consideration for gratuitous English lessons with Pru..the word’s out..”her lessons are ‘dynamic’ & her methods are ‘very unusual’ AND you get to learn both American & British English..two for the price of one!.” Apparently, there’re about 20 people ready to sign up for lessons with me just with this phone company. (tick..tick..tick..700 peso’s per person, per month..that means 14,000 peso’s..plus my other 8 students, 2 of whom are paying 350 peso’s each for 4 hours a month, 2 who pay 700 peso’s for 8 hours a month each, 3 students who pay 1,000 peso’s a month for 12 hours, & the last who pays nothing but is worth his weight in gold when it comes to fixing my laptop & i-Pod problems.

Hey; I LIKE these short e-mails! It feels much more ‘normal’.

I DO have some long ones drafted up, but I’m trying to think of how to shorten them.

Buenos Noches! Pru XXXX

Mexican Madness; 2006 in Aguascalientes - Living in the High Desert

2006-12-12T07:28:00.000Z

When I follow my training, I draw up a pro’s & con’s list.
The list of pro’s is way longer than the con’s list. Most importantly for me..warm – hot weather, generally low humidity, awesomely clear days with perfect blue skies..in the winter not much changes except that you need Russian coats, scarves, hats, & poly-props to keep you warm at work after 6pm, & a sexy man or toasty dog or cuddly cat to keep you warm in bed at night. For me, I wore my now tatty track pants & an ugly T-shirt, had a goose-down sleeping bag that everyone scorned me for buying, & a laptop e-book. Lappy’s are nice & warm on your tummy in bed!
Now wouldn’t you think this would be heaven for me?

Despite having only 3 points, the cons are, for me, majors. This climate messes with my asthma..not as dramatically as the Siberian spring with its poplar fuzz, but enough to distress me. My nose streams constantly without any apparent cause, & is a horrid embarrassment. Stink Man! I thought I’d left THAT nose behind in Surgut! My nose bleeds EVERY morning..I’ve never suffered from blood noses before, and I do NOT need this new character-building experience at my age. I reckon the air here may disagree with my sinuses. Being a born & bred sub-tropical girl, I guess I need more moisture.

I’m a bit shocked by this discovery, having complained bitterly whilst staggering about in high humidity in both Auckland & Port Douglas. Now I’ve experienced both, I’d definitely rather have the humidity.

A book I’ve read here, “The Hummingbird’s Daughter”, is set in Mexico, and written by a Mexican author..Luis Alberto Urrea. It’s a fabulous semi-fiction (based on a couple of the author’s ancestors), and has lots of really humorous moments, as well as human tragedies. It’s peppered with Spanish, and has helped me somewhat with my own grasp of the language. ANYWAY, I’m going to give you a little excerpt, where a large group of people are migrating from a humid region to the desert.
“…they found themselves sneezing and blowing their noses, blood in the cloths. They had never felt air as dry as this, and the women’s hair and the cat’s fur crackled with small lightning as if they were all enchanted. Segundo sidled up to Tomás and said “Boss, the men, they have rocks in their noses.”…”
It’s true! It was such a relief to read this segment..I’ve now stopped fretting about my own blood-soaked tissues every morning.
As for hair crackling like “small lightning”, mine doesn’t..but it’s marginally less frizzy than Samuel L. Jackson’s. Now, I LOVE that actor..he rates in my Top 10..but I don’t want to look like him!
Have I told you I’ve worked out the real difference between ‘Extra Virgin Olive Oil’ and ‘Olive Oil’? Day cream vs.Night cream! Damn, my skin gets dry in high desert country! I look like an oil slick for the 1st 30-minutes after application, then it’s all been absorbed. In the 1st 30-minutes of ‘day cream’ I have seriously blurred eyesight..gravitational effects on oil. Better a 30-minute oil slick and blindness than a ‘walnut’! Who cares at night?! Hahaha..I’m such a delectable babe! One look at me at bed-time and all my ‘amours’ would run a mile! Days too rushed to baste my body were awful. Within a couple of hours the skin on my back, belly, arms, and legs was alternately itching or feeling like it was splitting open. An excellent incentive to get out of bed on time!

My trial student, Joel Granados, excited us both when he described his skin problems during his 1st lesson on Friday..he told me about the exhorbitantly priced posh-brand cream he uses..I enlightened him about the properties of olive oil & it’s comparatively cheap price. Hooked; he’s paid me for a months lessons in advance, & is bringing 2 mates to join his Saturday lessons! YAY! I have 150 peso’s (US$15.00) a week to live on for the next month! Unfortunately, a bottle of olive oil is worth 3-weeks of this, & my current bottle is now empty.
Bring on the 2 new boys & their peso’s!

Crispy as a packet of fresh corn chips,
Pru XXXX

Mexican Madness; 2006 in Aguascalientes - A Fab Road Trip in March

2006-12-07T17:36:00.000Z

That road trip we took looking for the right place to set up school. Leaving Aguascalientes (Aawa-scaliENtes..I’m getting better at the language) I spotted this amazing mountain..does it compare to Table Mountain in South Africa Sean & Claire? Don’t care..well I do..but THIS mountain has grabbed my heart..about as special as my beloved Rangitoto Island.
We went from Guadalajara (Gwa-da-la-hara), on to Tequila, the home of that vicious brew native to Mexico..a tiny wee town with little promise of good money; up to Magdalena which we thought could be promising but turned out to be no good..pooh, it smelled bad too..like open sewers! We beat a hasty retreat back to Tequila for the night. The lure of a tequila tour was too great, in spite of us both hating the stuff. Well, it would just be wrong NOT to visit Tequila’s ‘claim to fame’ distilleries, wouldn’t it? Very much like a vineyard tour, you get the history talk, the cultivation info (it takes 5 years for a blue agave plant to mature sufficiently to produce its ‘poison’), to taste tequila through all its stages of growth, production, and maturation..evil, Evil, EVIL! Shudder, shudder, SHUDDER!! Actually, the best stage in my opinion is eating the flesh of the raw root that’s been freshly dug up! The next stage is when the root has been ‘steamed & roasted’ & comes out a stringy sugary mess..tasting very much like the malt my mum tried to make me take a dessertspoon of every morning when I was a kid..gag, heave..”oh Lord, where’s the bin & the vomit bag!” Once to the liquid extraction stage, I never made it past wetting my lips once & shuddering with every tiny cup, until we got to the end of the tour and were given a couple of marguerita’s. Never had one before..surprisingly yummy. Another night in Tequila..driving fitness was somewhat questionable. Next to impossible to find anything but tequila to drink in this town; absolutely NO wine! Flavoured tequila’s abound..cherry, mango, orange, peach, and some flavour that couldn’t be translated to English. “OK, thanks for that, we’ll take that lone bottle of exorbitantly priced vodka!” “Salud!” (Salute..but the Spanish ‘t’ is so hard it almost becomes a ‘d’)
The next day we headed south, towards the coast and spent the night in a small place called Bucerias which has become a resort town..reminiscent of Port Douglas though not quite as swanky; it’s sad to see so many arrogant & spoilt foreigners in this country of gentle friendly people.
A walk on the beach, and I was like a little girl who’d never seen one before. Shoes kicked off, squiggly walking, playing with the waves, sucking in the salt air, hair turning into a salty humid curly wild mess! I haven’t been on a beach in more than 12-months..that’s peculiar for this Kiwi! We stayed in a quaint little hotel (more like camping ground cabins, complete with bunk beds and gecko’s..minus a toilet seat) on the top of a hill overlooking the beach and bay, and away from all the holiday makers. The view was breathtaking; unfortunately the panoramic photos I took turned out to be duds..successful night scene photography continues to elude me, it's especially difficult without a tripod.
Up and off the next day, heading for Puerto Vallarta with no intention of looking at business possibilities..too big, too touristy. “Yuk!” we both say. Rene wanted to show me this city just so I can say I’ve seen it, and because we wanted to try to renew my tourist visa there. My fault, I screwed up when I entered Mexico, requesting a visa for 90 days instead of 180..I was so fried after that epic journey from Russia my brain had turned to sloppy frijoles. Puerto Vallarta is really big (think Surfer’s Paradise x HUGE), though they’re marginally more considerate of the beachfront here), and chock full of Americans and Canadians.
At the airport, they wanted to charge me 800 peso’s (US$80) to renew my visa..by rights they should renew it at no charge, but 200 peso’s is an acceptable sting. We decided to let my visa expire and have me an illegal alien (OH MY GOD! I’M ILLEGAL..I’M A LAW BREAKER..I COULD GET DEPORTED FOR THIS!) until we returned to Aguascalientes, where the Immigration people are much more reasonable & very charming..as you’ve already heard.
The airport was doing a roaring trade charging departing Yanks an additional US$40 departure tax per head to get home..there was a conference party of 200 people trying to get back to The States and begging cash off each other to pay this unexpected fee..I didn’t need to give the airport MY bucks!

An aside: Mexico is more than a little ‘edgy’ when it comes to the law, but way less dangerous than I was led to believe..in MY experience. Very much like the Russian police, slip a 200 peso note into a Mexican cop’s hand & you can be on your way.
I’ve been unwittingly involved in some ‘shonky’ stuff that has had me break some pretty wet sweats once I found out what was happening. Nothing really bad; actually, most of you probably did this stuff in your teens..it’s just that I’ve always been a nerdy good girl. Ya-aw-awn!
One of my questionable involvements was helping to disconnect and remove an illuminated sign from the side of a building..I thought everything was on the up-and-up, but should’ve realised it wasn’t given the hour of night we did it, and the company we were keeping. Really nice guys who’ve been on the wrong side of prison bars & have MOSTLY reformed their ways. Apparently it was a repossession deal. The deposit for the sign was repaid later..but still … !
Volume 2..The next adventure..Mexican Madness!

We spent the rest of the day driving down to Barra de Navidad..a lovely wee coast town with a fantastic beach. It was here that I met that boxer dog I wrote about previously; and we made some ‘friends’.
The hotel we stayed in has a peculiar little community of Americans and Canadians who get together every year here, and they ‘adopt’ newcomers whom they deem worthy. The first night we met a couple of young women from Austria; they were so sweet, but were eventually driven away by Nathaniel, one of the ‘community’ guys. He claimed he was from Canada, but after some questioning we learned he’s really a Californian now living in Canada (that figures..I’m discovering it’s the Californians I'm not so fond of, rather than all Americans). He’s my age and behaved like a total mamón (idiot).
Next came Gary, a 60-something retired show biz promoter; a real character when loaded and relaxed with tequila and marijuana. ‘Straight’, he’s a complex personality who, whilst sitting at the table with the entire group, manages to keep himself aloof. Rene was adamant that Gary’s ‘on the run’..”Mexico’s full of them..you can spot them a mile off!” Maybe Rene’s right..Gary was very careful about asking if it was ok to take a photo of us..every single day! Only the wary would have so much consideration for the potentially wary! His brand of tequila is the nicest I’ve ever tasted (if the word ‘nice’ can legitimately be applied to this beverage); Azul is the brand name, try it if you can find it..it’s quite smooth and doesn’t make me shudder and my face screw up like other brands do.
After Gary came Mike..a sweet old guy (65) from Washington State, who took a shine to me and decided I should hear his tragic life history. He confirmed Rene’s suspicions about Gary; smallish, mostly personal use quantities of coke, he’s ‘done time’ in the States for drug trafficking..there was that one BIG deal...DOH! BUSTED..5 years inside!! Mexico’s now a tolerant & friendly haven. Mike had some nasty wounds on his face, the result of a drunken night on tequila a couple of weeks ago with Gary (face-plant on the road), that weren’t healing Out came my pawpaw ointment, and over the next 4 days it worked its magic. “Pru, I love you! If you ever think you could handle a silly old man …!”
Along came Francois..French Canadian (short but sexy, & a really angry man..definitely NOT sexy), & his ‘potential love’ Diana from Connecticut (a lovely woman); Sandy next, a darling from Canada, and her ADHT son Julian who was a real cutie. I gave him my camera for the night..snap happy little man, he took some really good pics! Sandy’s probably a couple of years younger than me. We hit it off immediately and caught up every evening, talking about our respective day, and things ranging from bringing up kids, to art, to music, to books, to traveling, to life in general.
Verna and Mary were met on the 2nd day. A couple of older chicks from Canada who’d teamed up due to their closeness in age. Verna had infected bites on her ankles..go the pawpaw ointment! These two girls were intrigued by my first aid kit; pawing through it to see what tools and treatments with which a Kiwi travels. Enough of that, they were into Gary’s room for several spliffs and some tequila. I was appointed “The Keeper of the Table”, meaning I was expected to be the 1st one there every evening, & remain until the last one dropped. It wasn’t so much that I accepted the ‘role’, it just occurred naturally; Rene dumped me at the table late every afternoon whilst he attended to domestic matters, & I soaked up the great company until late every night.
The 3rd night, I met Nathaniel’s partner, Sue, and his almost adult kids. His kids are fab! Also, a couple of boys on holiday from the States, who it turns out went to school with Nathaniel’s daughter. These young men were honey’s too! Barra’s such a tiny place, we bumped into these guys several times every day. Finally, we met the woman whose room was next to the outdoor community table. The 1st night we were familiar with her under-par condition; she’d spent the evening downing tequila with Gary..poor lady, her bathroom being on the courtyard side, we experienced every vomiting trip to it. I can’t remember her name, but she’s from Finland and now lives in Canada. Leaving the following day, she’d collected a couple of rocks which she gave to me for safe keeping until she returns in a couple of years. Aye? Happy to do so though; one’s volcanic, the other is a tactile little number..oval, smooth, the perfect size for my palm, and begging to be rubbed, stroked, and warmed. A handy little paperweight it is too.
Mary stumbled in full of a head cold. Out came the ‘Kiwi Kit’..Lemsip, Panadol, and ‘Temp-Forte’ dispensed with clear instructions. “Ni-night!”
Treated to some great live music..Nathaniel plays 16th Century lute stuff..actually, very cool! He has an amazing voice too. Guys, PLEASE keep your legs crossed and down when wearing baggy shorts, ESPECIALLY if you don’t wear underpants! Take it from me..that view’s NOT alluring!
His son Ben is into jazz guitar..right up my alley! I chair-jiggled & foot-tapped the night away.
Further interrogation of Nathaniel..his mother was Japanese..ahh yes, it’s coming together..now I understand the way you look!
Day 4: Bumped into a rejuvenated Mary in the morning (thank you soooo much; you and your kit are wonderful!) Verna’s ill now, and so I was dispensing again. Late that evening Verna emerged. Gary was insistent that she have a shot of tequila, she was determined she shouldn’t for health reasons. Thinking of the Scots and their hot toddy’s, and the Russians with their peppered vodka for cold & flu treatments, I suggested it might be a good idea. 2 – 4 hasty shots later Verna was warm, glowing, and off to bed. The next morning she was thrilled with ‘the miracle cure’! Hahahaha..I’m such a medical genius with these people! Stop! My sides are splitting!
In the meantime, Rene took Gary & Mike on a ‘budget’ search for their blood pressure medications. Successful mission for them, a few ½ price catch-up pills taken. I found mozzie coils; happy campers around the table. Barra mozzies are small, inconspicuous, and leave a nasty itch in their wake. No more! There are enough coils to keep the community itch-free for weeks after we leave tomorrow.
Final ‘friend’. This woman had been hobbling in and out the entire time we were here, and in no mood for socializing, nor were the ‘community’ keen on encouraging her to ‘play’..”She’s a hypochondriac Pru, ignore her!” On this, our final night, she paused long enough for me to ask what troubled her. She’d broken her big toe the week before and it wasn’t getting better in spite of the medical treatment she’d received from the local doctor. I asked if she’d let me take a look at it, and reluctantly she agreed, though she was very prickly about it. I couldn’t believe what I was looking at! The bandaging was atrocious..loose and wobbly, and she’d been told to wear jandles! Remembering what MY doctor told me when I broke my own toe, I re-bound her nice & firm, and then taken to her room, advised which tight shoes to wear for the next week.
What a dag! The next morning I was her new ‘best friend’..”NZ people are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo special! I’ve had one in my life where-ever I’ve been!” Her toe was giving no pain, she could walk properly again, and life was back to being bright; she’d even gone night-clubbing after I’d ‘fixed’ her last night. She gave me a beaded wrist band as a thank you and farewell gift. The others had to quietly eat humble-pie..the poor woman really had been in pain!
Another wee aside..if EVER I needed convincing that plastic surgery in an effort to fight off the aging process is simply wrong (which I don’t), she did the trick. Her face looked late-forties, the rest of her had to be late-fifties/early-sixties! I guess that either ‘cut & tuck’ doesn’t extend to the rest of your body, OR it’s just waaay too expensive to go there. Personally, I’d rather not have the ‘pick ‘n’ mix’ look. If my body’s going to look like a walnut..then my face should too!
We left ‘Barra’ with everyone asking us to return soon, and offers of places to stay..Mike’s making the move permanently, and has offered beds whenever we can make it down.
Since leaving, regular e-mails from Gary and Mike have come through. Sandy gave me her email address, but me being a bit squiffy that night, I’m not sure if the obscure & unidentified address in my notebook is hers..& I didn’t give her mine. DAMN IT!

Back to Aguascalientes for a week; re-ensconced in my last accommodation there, and I found Marta, my landlady, had a ‘Montezuma’ tummy. Ginger tablets dispensed (thanks Sean & Blackmore’s)..a happy lady the next morning. My 1st Aid kit needs some serious replenishing!

Guadalajara is the 2nd largest city in Mexico (second only to Mexico City), with a population in excess of 10 million people..”Dios mio!” (d-yos mee-yaw..My God!) says the chick from a COUNTRY of 4 million people. The ‘suburb’ we’ve chosen to focus on, due to the government contract, has a population in excess of 1 million people. Do you get it? A city’s SUBURB is the size of the largest CITY in New Zealand! I can’t come to terms with it!! When I tell people I choose places because they’re small & I don’t like big cities, then find the place I’ve landed in is more than twice the size of my home COUNTRY..well, I just feel stupid..and I also realise how small, insignificant, frenetic, special, & talented a country I come from. Mexicans are endlessly amused by the fact that NZ has only 4 million people, and 44 million sheep..and far too many have heard the jokes about antipodean men and their sheep. Confused folk, I assure them New Zealand is not one of Australia’s islands! ;oP
One of the very nice things about Guadalajara is it’s lush. Grass, spongy & bright green; jacaranda trees in all their purple flowered glory; bourganvillea in hues of red, orange, pale pink, & cerise; orange trees in blossom..the aroma rockets my senses to heaven!
On the down-side, the neighbourhood roads are made of black rocks (obsidian I think) pounded into the ground..an uneven cobbled effect. It looks quaint, but plays merry hell with cars & ankles. The footpaths are OUTRAGEOUS! Craters here, cracked & erupted there; it makes for treacherous walking.

Hope you’re all happy and coping with Autumn..oops, I mean Fall (struggling with the American English vocab I’m expected to use)

Hasta luego (asta lwego..see you later),
Pru (have had to drop the ‘e’ off the end of my name..confused pronunciation, and like Russians, Mexicans understand ‘Prudence’ well..eeeeyukkkkkk!)

Mexican Madness; 2006 in Aguascalientes - Moscow to Aguascalientes

2006-11-25T05:44:00.000Z

Moscow to Aguascalientes

Wednesday, May 24, 2006 Epiphany in the shower this morning..that cold water really does get in!
Rather than brain-aching diaries, I’ll trial ‘theme’ messages..starting with this one, which is much longer than the following ones. Forgive me if I repeat myself..I have no idea what I’ve told you already. Let me know what you think.

Sunday, 25 December 2005 I didn’t send anything for some time after leaving Surgut; a combination of no internet access in Moscow, feeling miserable leaving my friends in Russia, & some culture shock. No proper dates & times for you regarding my travel itinerary..5 cities, 4 countries, 4 time zones, 3 days of non-stop travel, too hard to decipher. The entire duration spent in the air, or in airports..only one shower grabbed, which was in Zurich, not a bed seen at all..only 5 and a half hours of all that time spent in darkness, which is more time than I actually slept; is it any wonder my brain was custard for ages?

Back to the beginning …

Monday, 12 December 2005 Vadim took me into town to arrange my flights. PANIC! Two choices; fly 7am tomorrow..effectively non-stop..Moscow - Zurich - New York JFK - Mexico City - Aguascalientes, arriving in Ags at 11:30am Wednesday Mexican local time (Thursday everywhere else), or stay put in Moscow until after Christmas. Flights are fully booked.
I’m flying in the morning; I don’t want to impose on Alex & Olya, Vadim & Natalya any longer.
Back to Alex & Olya’s around 8pm. All hell had broken loose. Sergei’s teacher phoned to say Sergei hadn’t been to school for a couple of weeks. Olya was in tears; Alex was white with fury & worry; Sergei was cool, calm, collected, & unrepentant.
After much debate, I finally convinced Alex & Olya I would take a cab alone to Domodedovo Airport at midnight (5am Surgut time). Before I left, taxi waiting, Alex asked me to sit for a few minutes..Russian tradition for a good/safe trip..we 3 sat on my bags. He made me promise I’d come back to Moscow if Mexico proves too dangerous. Hugs & tears from us both before I climbed into the cab.

The little beast..he’d paid the taxi driver in advance!

So make that 3 & a half days of airports & travel. Too early to check in, I wandered around for a couple of hours, sat in a bar & had a couple of glasses of wine, a couple of buckets of water, & some heavy, greasy food that turned my stomach. Still too early to check in, I ‘hit the wall’ & tried to grab some shut-eye, that failed because some bloke started scrabbling at the bag I was using as a pillow. I’m sure the entire airport heard my furious, ‘on-the-brink’ “HEY!” He should’ve vaporised at the look I gave him, but no, his gobful of gold teeth deflected the heat; he lay down & went to sleep smirking. STEAMING, all inclination to sleep gone, I roamed (writer’s licence..more like stumbled) the airport until check-in. Have you any idea how hard it is to ‘roam’ with check-in luggage weighing (53kg’s) all-but the same as you, plus hand-luggage (8kg’s) that makes up the difference plus some (I’m weighing in at 55kg’s at the moment), when you’re sleep deprived? Let me lend you my squished shoes so you can walk in them & understand! I lost my favourite pashmina in the process..boohoohooo! Realistically speaking, if I’d lost the other pashmina IT would’ve been my favourite. They’re pretty pieces of frittery, whilst also being light-weight, small, handy, & surprisingly warm essential items.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 There was a problem with my hand luggage. Weight the issue, & I had too many bags. Backpack with lappy, a change of clothes, & clean undies for 4 days, cosmetic bag with makeup & shampoo, & a disturbing bag filled with mags & hats. I tried logic; who in their right mind would entrust a laptop to ‘cargo’ status?, & pointing out my itinerary (hence the need for my cosmetic bag, clothes, undies & mags), & reasoning that styley hats just can’t be shoved into a suitcase. No empathy from the check-in chick, the nice supervisor girly understood & let me get away with everything.
This time no-one wanted to check my lappy, & I didn’t have to take my shoes off or wear plastic bags on my feet. I did have to stand in a ‘tardus’ though..”put your feet exactly on those painted feet”. No condoms loaded with Russian petroleum gas or diamonds detected in my belly, I was quickly allowed through.
About 30 minutes before 7:10am (I’ve been up & about for over 22-hours now) “Calling all passengers for flight 1325 to Zurich …”

THE SIBERIAN ADVENTURE IS OVER (sniff, snivel, weep..it’s been so quick..I’m feeling very ‘blue’!)

Tuesday, 13 December 2005 Our flight was delayed because a plane behind us was blocking the runway. There was trouble moving it because the tarmac was too slippery from ice & snow. I’ve subsequently learned there was a cold-snap in Russia as I was leaving..Surgut plummeting to -58C! YOU’VE GOT TO BE JOKING! -38C was sufficient for me, & my book!
Moscow to Zurich; Gorgeous Moscow sunrise behind me. 2 lovely leather seats all to myself (no beating that delectable smell), a nap grabbed, not enough. Too upset, too keyed up.
Flying into a beautiful sunrise. Really wanted to steal the pretty, red airline blanket for posterity, warmth insurance, & possible bedroom decoration, but was intimidated by the warning on the packaging “The Property Of Swiss Air. To Remain On The Aircraft!” Didn’t notice that warning on the Cathay Pacific blanket packaging flying NZ to Hong Kong thank goodness..THAT blanket has been worth more than its share of my excess baggage charges!
I snapped loads of photos from my window seat, but it’s going to take some time to cull & organise them..(12-months later, I still haven’t finished the task!) I wrote some emotionally charged things to go with the photos, but really, probably none of it will mean anything to you, so I’m not going to include them at this stage.
An unintentional flash of brilliance; I’d forgotten a carton of juice from my breakfast. Forget your sickly, sticky boiled sweets for sucking on to unblock your ears. Sucking juice through a skinny straw’s the ticket! Best landing ears ever, no furry teeth..oohoohooo, even better! Why else would aero-hosties tell mother’s to breast-feed during landing? There you go; finally, a practical traveller’s tip for you!
Zurich’s a BEAUTIFUL place to fly into. Oh my god, it’s stunning! Why, why, why can’t I take photos? Gorgeous farmland, an amazing collage of rural colours & designs, paddocks of green & brown, some looking like corduroy, some like velvet..it’s all in the tilling method; hands stuck to the window, I had to stroke the view. Quaint, old-fashioned looking methods of transport; a green tractor with 2 trailers, one red, one white. Some fabulous-looking urban architecture.
Touchdown 8:50am Monday Zurich time (10:50am Moscow time; 12:50pm Surgut time; 5:50pm Qld time; 3:50pm Perth time; 8:50pm NZ time..sorry Sean, that’s as far as I’m going to convert)..so far, so good; we’re all on the same day. I wish I’d had enough time to leave the airport & look around. Alas, no. Only time to do airport reconnaissance, grab a shower & have my hair dried at the hairdressers, get my Switzerland souvenirs (I’m such a fraud)..a Swatch watch (instead of the usual 1 – 12 or 3, 6, 9, & 12 dial, it has 4, 8, & 12; also the strap & connecting bitties have a Koru design..I’m sure you understand why I HAD to have it; the dumb Hong Kong watch gives me a rash), & some coins (yes Vadim, I’ve got a couple for you), buy a book to pass some flight time, & have a brief chat with a guy from Italy there on business.
1:10pm “This is the final call for flight 65 …”
Zurich to New York JFK..even less sleep, daylight all the way. A fairly full flight but I still had 2 seats to myself. So many Jewish men..little beanies held in place with hairclips (ingenuity called for by the balding ones), interesting hairstyles & whiskers on the ones I assume were rabbi’s. Yes, we’ve seen it all before on TV, but there’s nothing like the real thing to gawp at.
A toddler doing all the right things to avoid deep vein thrombosis; we struck up an eye-contact, wink, grin, & wave ‘friendship’.
The approach view of New York into JFK is not so beautiful, but still interesting. I was gutted I didn’t get to see the Statue of Liberty..at least I don’t think I did. I didn’t have anyone sitting next to me to explain what I was seeing, & I was too shy to ask the couple of guys who’d spent a fair bit of the flight looking at me trying to work out my nationality.
Aren’t women strange creatures? The only women that would meet my eye are the ones that had babies that liked me, & accepted that I was old enough to be their baby’s grandmother. As for the rest..I was the ‘Phantomess’! In return, exhausted & fragile, I retracted into my crab-shell & emitted ‘I don’t care, I don’t need you’ vibes. Needless to say, I limited my own options. [Months later & wiser: To hell with that rubbish! From now on, I’m going to walk up, bold as brass, & talk to women; hyeehaha..it works..I’m a winner!]
Courage worked up at last, I was too late..”Fasten your seatbelts, secure your trays, & stow your hand luggage for landing.” Touchdown December 13th 4:10pm NY time (10:10pm December 14th Zurich time; 12:10am December 14th Moscow time; 2:10am December 14th Surgut time; 7:10am December 14th FNQ time; 5:10am December 14th Perth time; 9:10am December 14th NZ time. Ummm..did I miss a day somewhere? Tell me it wasn’t while I was taking a dreaded aircraft, time-wasting, & sight-missing pee!
I had to collect ALL my luggage (52kg’s departing Surgut, probably 5 – 8kg’s purged in Moscow, but then I bought an overflow suitcase, a beret, & what with gifts from Vadim, Alex & families..lordy, lordy, lordy, back to square one plus 1 kg..US$120 excess baggage charge..the greedy brutes!), then re-check it before I could do anything else.
I DO object to being charged for excess baggage when my luggage & I together weigh less than the average traveller + luggage, if my observations & estimates are anything to go by! Sexism..ageism..racism..nationalism..we’ve all heard & read about weightism when it comes to ‘chunky-monkeys’..Now I’m firmly putting my hand up & yelling “weightism..WHY THE HELL SHOULD I BE PENALISED FOR BEING SCRAWNY?!” I now seriously believe that travellers AND their luggage should be weighed together, & a median range established. It’s not on that seat sizes are being increased to accommodate our larger populace, at no extra charge. Even at my most obese, I never encroached on my neighbours space, so why should I pay … blah, blah, blah! Just in case any of you are hitting the scales & contemplating bulimia as a result of this ‘hiss’..SETTLE DOWN! I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of Kiwi’s (THAT’S KIWI’S, not my FRIENDS) that come anywhere near the size of some of the people I’ve travelled with in the last 3-years.
The airport was flat-out so it took ages for luggage to appear. Two obnoxious American women & a hen-pecked husband gave me good reason to remain mellow & pleasant, which earned me the ‘friendship’ of a poor old Swiss lady in a wheelchair at the mercy of a stroppy airport attendant. We talked a bit & I helped spot & retrieve her bags. Whoopee, mine came shortly after.
Rechecking my bags, the woman dealing with me mistook my rapid Kiwi speech for someone getting agitated (English; native & mutual language bonding..hoowah! Doh, apparently not at the rate I was speaking!) I apologised profusely, explained where I’m from, where I’d been & why, made her giggle, & was allowed to go.
Next stop, immigration. My fingerprints & eye-scan are now recorded in the world’s database, so that’s the end of my chances to become a terrorist. Come on! Of course I’d look great wearing a belt of ‘anti-matter’ threaded through my jeans (sorry, the book I bought in Zurich was Dan Brown’s ‘Angels & Demons’)
Definitely flagging, I decided to stow my hand luggage to give my aching body some respite & the chance to relax. True to form, I got lost & ended up in..I don’t know what the place was. The ‘nice’ man there told me how to get to the right place, & suggested I come back for him once I’d off-loaded..”you’re very pretty”, wink, wink. Yeah, thanks G. Like I’m in any condition for romancing right now..NOT!
Photo & signature taken to accompany my checked hand luggage; weighed down only by my bumbag & docs pouch I fairly floated about the airport shops. New York souvenir purchased..a carryall with a cool New York scene all over it .. Arguably a bad choice..so so easy to fill & increase the pressure on my poor wee shoulders! At US$10 it was a bargain, compared to the cutesy & impractical little Betty-Boop handbag that I really wanted, & cashing in at US$100!
OK, time for sustenance & rest, I was tripping over my own feet with every 3rd step.
The 1st place I went to had a friendly barman, got me a glass of wine, & a good conversation with a guy from Germany. He gave me a Chinese Yuen “for luck”, that he’d been given for the same reason 10 years ago, as he left to catch his flight home to wife & kids. Personally, I think that was a pretty special gift given we’re strangers..it’s become one of my ‘travel-treasures’.
The bar menu was ikky. Wine finished I moved on looking for healthy food.
Should’ve stayed with the ikky menu; the meal I bought that looked so healthy was foul! Bummer!!! I had to walk around for an hour trying to get my belly to settle.
Back to my friendly barman, & some relaxation..so I thought. Nope! A lady-lawyer from Israel, who now lives & works in NY, joined me & talked until my ears bled. Thankfully, her flight was called, but by then my cosy bar had lost all appeal; besides, sleep deprivation & 2 glasses of wine are not a good combination. Talk about squiffy! (squiffy: in-between mildly & very drunk).
I collected my hand luggage & decided to hide out in the anonymous & unfriendly arena of the public benches. Tired? I was more tired than the tiredest thing in the entire world! Let’s try airport bench sleeping again then. Nuh-uh, it just wouldn’t work. I remain a novice traveller, with the memory of ‘Gold-Teeth’ still too fresh in my mind! Ok; food & coffee. Oooooh, so wish I hadn’t! Blaccch!!
Stumbling back to my bench, a guy called out to me to come & chat. Nooooooooo! Please no! Really? Wah-ha-boo-hoo-hoo, ‘no’ wasn’t the right answer! He’d been talking to another traveller earlier & claimed they’d been watching me trying to sleep & wondered what my ‘story’ is. His story was that he’s a musician, generally supporting big names, on his way back from nursing his terminally ill mother. He plays in Mexico a few times a year & thought it’d be a good idea to look me up.
“Calling passengers for flight 8297 …”
“That’s me, gotta go, nice talking to you. Good luck! Catch you in A-mumble-tes, Mexico”
This time last year I’d have bubbled over & given him my contact details..but today something just didn’t feel quite right. Russian paranoia? Loss of naivete? Exhaustion? I’m hoping it was gut-instinct, because if it’s the result of the other three, I’m sad for me.

Call me ‘The Lucky One’! I was singled out for interrogation! “Where are you from? Where are you going? Why? Where have you come from? What were you doing THERE? Where were you before that? What were you doing there? Give me the details of your movements since February. Show me your teaching license. What are your plans? Open your laptop & show me your e-mails to prove you've got a job to go to. Thanks for that, I was just wasting your time, e-mails mean nothing. How much checked luggage do you have? What does each bag contain? Is there anything in any of your bags that may be considered a weapon?”
“Yes. 2 Swiss Army knives in the back pocket of the blue suitcase. A 220-vault hairdryer that could be mistaken for a firearm by your scanners, and a 220-vault tool to straighten my hair which gets REALLY hot in the black suitcase. A 220-vault Braun hair plucker..wanna give it a go on YOUR armpits?..in the purple backpack. Oh, and on my laptop, in the orange backpack, some sizzling photos of me in a green dress!” Nah, I didn’t mention the plucker or photos, but I WANTED to, just to pay him back for the e-mail game.
And on the questioning went. And on. And on. And on. The final call for my flight came & went. I commented I was concerned about holding everyone up..”We Kiwi’s don’t like inconveniencing people.” His response..”don’t worry about it, it’s normal! I want to talk to you some more..are you married? Where’s your husband? Will he be joining you? When will you be passing through this airport again?”
Then my name was called; the flight was delayed, & passengers weren’t allowed to board or disembark.
“C’mon guy..PLEASE?!” No respite..dangerous woman, this Prue Jarvis!
The BIG airport security guys were called in. They demanded I buy a return ticket to Moscow, or a forwarding flight to NZ. I told them I didn’t have the funds available on my credit card & it would take 24 - 48 hours to complete the transfer from cheque account to credit card via internet banking in order to pay. I must’ve passed the ‘too friendly, too excited, too cheeky, too honest, too patient, too tired, too ‘typically nutty Kiwi’, so crazy to choose this travel itinerary’ test. They contented themselves with making a flight booking for me without payment (bless!), & released the flight for boarding at 2:30am. Although some of this reflects badly on the American airport & security staff, they were actually very nice to me, especially when it came to bending the rules by booking me that unpaid for flight out. They could’ve been nastier.
And actually, I WAS the lucky one. Far from being the only one holding up the flight, I was therefore unidentified, & unhissed at. A couple of Mexican guys were being miserably harassed by a red-neck cop on the way to the plane. So malicious! Is it really necessary?
New York JFK to Mexico City. FINALLY, sleep. Well, for an hour anyway. My first flight in darkness, it made all the difference. My first contact with Mexicans; they ran the full gamut..crass trash, humble poor, flashy new rich, dignified in-betweens, humble old money. Crass trash in front of me, humble poor to my right (helped him with his baby), humble old money to my left (helped him to stow his overhead luggage); smiles from left & right. I hope I’m going to be ok.
I should’ve noted the aircraft toilet..more on toilets later.

Landed at 6:40am December 14th Mexico time (7:40am NY time … can you guys work out the rest please? Just remember that whatever time you calculate, it’ll be the 15th, while I'm still struggling through the 14th..the repetition of MY date is not a typo..just making sure you'll say "oh, poor Prue!").
The airport was very difficult for a shattered woman of my advanced years. Queues & milling 1,000’s of people everywhere, accompanying luggage filling the small amount of floor space left. Directed to one queue, waited forever in a system that had neither rhyme nor reason, only to be told once my turn came “oh no, you should be over there”..a crowded rugby field away. Just as well the 3rd queue was the right one, I was about to crumple & cry. Hell..I’m SUCH a CHICK..HATE THAT!
Connecting flight confirmed at last, a calming cigarette was in order. And it did the trick..until it was time to get rid of the butt. No bins! No piles of butts anywhere! Nothing! The street was immaculate! I gathered courage, & holding my smoldering butt-end like it was the piece of toxic waste it was, I approached a fagging guy who looked like he was foreign but ‘at home’. Whew, good spotting!
"Excuse me, do you speak English? Fantastic! Do you know where the ashtray is?"
“Just throw it on the ground!”
“Really? I don’t think I can. It’s not right! It’s too clean here.”
“Honey, look at it this way; you’re keeping someone in work & earning money. They’ll be by in a moment to sweep up!” No prizes for guessing he was an American (“Honey” being the clue.)
So I tossed my butt in the gutter, after 3 false attempts. And ran inside to hide in the bathroom & wash my hands before anyone identified me as the dirty pig trashing the pristine streets.
9:30am Flight 1238 Mexico City to Aguascalientes. Back to sleepless daylight flying. It occurred to me this multi-country journey has seen an end to my white-knuckle flying at some unidentified point. Maybe I’m cured, maybe I just don’t have the energy left to clench for now.
At 10:35am I stepped into a cute little airport that lost its appeal quickly; my bags were lost!
“Esperar, esperar, esperar (Wait, wait, wait).”
“Go & talk to that person.” …
… ‘That person’ said, “No, I can’t help you, you need to go over there.”
At ‘over there’, I was told “Just a moment (translation: an hour), I’ll find you an English speaker.”
English speaker: “Gosh, you HAVE had a long trip..all the way from Moscow..wow! Let me tell you about the time I travelled from … to …” (a 5-hour trip).
Pale faced sickly smile..’I can think of nothing I’d rather do than listen to your story when I haven’t lain in a bed for some days, & the bacteria on my body is multiplying at the speed of lightning!’ I’m such a ‘nice’ woman. I listened, I commiserated, I commended his English, I inconspicuously scraped my forehead back off the counter, & 2 hours later there were still no ‘Prue bags’! So now, it’s been 4 days since I left Alex, Olya, & Sergei; approaching 5 days since I last lay in a bed.
Defeat conceded by us both, I was allowed to crawl into a cab, book into my motel, to hopefully crash.
No crash. BINNGGGGG..my eyes opened, my body OD’d on adrenaline, my brain kicked in..”I’M IN MEXICO!” I took a long-long-long hot-hot-hot shower & went for a stroll; found a fabby fresh fruit & juice place, treated to an English speaker who gave me a king-sized juice for the price of a ‘kiddy-sipper’. He must’ve been worried about my pallor, the extent of which I was unaware of until I got back to my room. ‘White as a ghost’ doesn’t even begin to describe what the mirror reflected back.
Still too ‘up’ to sleep, another shower & cosmetic damage control completed, I beat the pavements looking for an internet café. Two close to home; one looked fancy from the outside but was a flea-pit indoors & expensive, the other was a plain little number, filled with sunshine, & cheap. No brainer!
A few urgent e-mails replied to, hard-core culling of spam & subscriptions, & it was time to luxuriate by lying flat & straight for the first time in a couple of days, to lie in a real bed for the first time in 10 days, to lie in a queen sized bed for the 1st time in 10 months. Diagonal starfish faceplant (face & stomach down, head at the top left of the bed, toes at the bottom right of the bed, arms & legs spread so there’s no room for any other human or cat).. BLISS! HEAVEN! OH MY ACHING BONES! ZZZZZZ!!!!

Thursday, 15 December 2005 I slept from 6pm last night until 10am this morning. Nice effort!
No bags other than those under my eyes, so I was forced to go in search of a couple of cheap tops & a pair of light shoes (fur lined boots are definitely not the go in this climate!)
Rene (my new boss) arrived in the evening to take me to the school to have a look around, to meet Danielle & a few students. Once Danielle’s lesson was over & it was just staff on site, they opened a bottle of vodka, & an initiation process commenced. I was questioned, asked & told bizarre things, & given bull-felling drinks. Thank goodness for vodka training, I did ok.

Friday, 16 December 2005 Still no suitcases. The cheap light tops I bought yesterday are ok for daytime, but it gets really cold in the evening. A jersey is required!

Collected by Rene to attend the school’s Christmas party..late. By the time we arrived the party was all but over, with maybe 5 people left. Angel was in a bit of a state because he’d been left to handle everything; Danielle & Carla not bothering to show up, & of course Rene AWOL. The last people dispatched, the school locked up, off we went to where Rene, Carla, & Danielle live. Plenty of people there, & I had a nice time meeting students & chatting.

Saturday, 17 December 2005 One of my missing bags has turned up. Damned shame it’s the least urgent of the lot..Russian coats & polyprop undies not being on the top of my requirements list right now. Still, it’s good to have it. Hoorah! One down, two to go!

Sunday, 18 December 2005 Spent the day fruitlessly driving around looking for an apartment. One little old duck appeared from nowhere & offered to help find a place. She’d been ‘taken’ by my ‘exotic looks’ as she’d glanced out her kitchen window, & was thrilled to learn from Rene that:-
a) I’m from New Zealand
b) Rene's from Canada
c) We're married

cough, splutter..you said WHAT to her?
Bless her swollen f’ankles (fat ankles), she knocked on a couple of doors & offered her assurances we’d be good tenants if a place could be made available. Delivered back to her home, she left me with kisses & blessings.
"Rene! What was that all about?"
"Hahahahaha..don't worry about it Prue, it was a joke, and that old lady wanted to believe we're a couple"

My last 2 missing bags have arrived. YEEHAAA! A smorgasbord of clean undies, fresh clothes, loads of wardrobe alternatives.
Ok, ok, ok..so I’m not a backpacker’s ingrown toenail..but I AM living my own adventures!

Monday, 19 December 2005 Slack man! My hair dryer & straighteners don’t work. Well, they do, but what took 30-minutes in NZ & Russia takes 2 hours here! A measly 110 volts from the electrical outlets is not enough..but I foolishly persevered. Now I have frizzy fried hair !

Tuesday, 20 December 2005 Found an apartment; the landlord, Alberto, is a honey. We rolled up our sleeves & cleaned the place together. He cracked up when trying to communicate & make the observation that I’m a speedy worker. We made a deal; he’ll learn English, I’ll learn Spanish, then we can talk to each other.
He’s given me beds, linen, lounge & dining furniture, cutlery & crockery. He bought me pots, sharp knives, cooking utensils, a blender, & a fridge. How’s that for a beauty landlord?!
Rene brought wine to celebrate my new home & adventure.

A slightly uneasy sleep, but thrilled to be in a ‘home’ at last.

Next installment..Prue the happy homebody, hostess, & party-girl! Yeah, a brief foray into days of old.

Siberian Adventure - December 2005 - It's All Over

2006-11-22T06:06:00.000Z

Thursday, 01 December 2005 Uh-oh! I don’t think I have enough bags for my gear!

I’m starting to get itchy & scratchy now. My New Zealand travel agent is being a pain! I leave Surgut tomorrow & I still don’t have a date or itinerary for departure from Moscow.

Shopping day today; farewell gifts to be bought.

Final drinks with Mark, I felt lousy. He cried.

Friday, 02 December 2005 Today’s the day. Final cleaning & packing. I was right yesterday; there’s not enough room in my bags for everything.
As fast as I gifted surplus to people, they gave me something in return. Nightmare!
Bags finally closed with some encouragement from me sitting on them, collected by ‘Misha’s replacement’s replacement’, & it’s time to go.
Nelly was going to come to the airport with me, but due to too much luggage & the need for 2 men to help me with my bags, there was no room in the car for her. Sad scene; she cried & shook & had to be helped away. I on the other hand was bundled into the car & given no time to dwell; chatter, chatter, question, question, question, went the boys while I discretely mopped my tears & sniffed between answers & conversation.
At the airport, I was stopped at the first security check..”ah, the questionable mass in that bag is jewellery; in the bumbag is 500 roubles in coin..sorry, I didn’t mean to stockpile. Uncomfortably heavy, but I’m sure Moscow will deplete it as quickly as possible!”
The boys decided I must have my bags shrink wrapped because they’re “unusual & interesting”. Want to guess how much my luggage weighed? 52 KG’S! Only 4kg’s off my own weight; ridiculous! Dispatched to pay for my excess, when I returned to collect my passport I was summonsed to a private room. Accelerating heart beat (please say I’m not going to be strip-searched..I couldn’t stand it!), I merely had to reassure them that my hairdryer was not an AK-47 in drag.

The true Siberian Adventure is over. It’s been a blast! An experience of a lifetime, one I wouldn’t trade for anything, but I’m now tranquil it’s come to a close. It’s done me the world of good; I’ve achieved all I had hoped, & more besides. Lots of lessons learned too! My only regret is that I didn’t get to see more of the country; however with the friends I’ve made, I’m confident that if I want to return to Russia, there’ll be plenty of sponsors to help me in.
Now it’s time to ease my way back towards a more ‘comfortable’ lifestyle. Mexico will present huge cultural & emotional challenges as well; it remains to be seen which will be the toughest..accepting & acceptance of the locals vs. my expat colleagues. I think I’m most afraid of the expat factor! I AM looking forward to having a kitchen & the healthier diet that comes with it.

Friday, 02 December 2005 An uneventful flight until the end, when we couldn’t land. We made several false starts, & circled plenty of times. No such thing as a reassuring message from the pilot, we were left to knot stomachs & swap concerned looks. I still don’t know what the problem was, but clearly it wasn’t a 'major' as I’m writing to you now from Moscow.
Alex was waiting for me, bless his cottons. Not just waiting, but he actually sweet talked security into letting him through to the arrival area so he could help me get my bags off the carousel. Not a trolley to be found for love nor money, we staggered our way outside to wait for our taxi.
Finally back to Alex & Olya’s, dinner eaten, & we all fell into bed.
Their apartment consists of a bathroom/laundry, kitchen, & living room/bedroom. Sergei sleeps in a high bunk at the end of the living room, Alex & Olya sleep on the couch, & I sleep on a camp stretcher in the kitchen.

Saturday, 03 December 2005 Up & about early; Alex took Sergei to have a tooth removed, Olya & I made bliny & chatted via the computer translator.
Alex & Sergei arrived back home, Sergei took to the couch & tv, & the ‘big people’ went out.
My 1st experience riding the underground..I’m sure it’s a drag to do it everyday, but I had a ball! It took about 90-minutes to get into Moscow Central.
Destination: Red Square & the Kremlin.
Unfortunately the Kremlin was closed, but if we want we can go back tomorrow & view Lenin in all his dead, embalmed & waxed, yet decomposing glory.
We went into a necrypt..beautiful Orthodox paintings & icons, the place is home to rows of copper coffins, the earliest dated back to 1356.
Alex & Olya were beside themselves..Alex decided to queue hop & play his trump card..”I have a guest from New Zealand, can we go straight in to the royal museum?”, & away we went. Not just the museum without queuing, my presence brought an awesome bonus..we were allowed to enter the ‘Diamond Fund’. OH MY GOD!!!!! Jewellery, crowns, tiaras, ornaments, gifts from foreign countries, all once belonging to the Tsars & Tsarina’s of Russia. One of the stones was 130 carats! FLIP!!! Sadly, cameras & cell phones are not allowed so I can’t show you, but if you ever get the chance …
All through the Diamond Fund & the Museum Alex & I often separated, either one of us ‘piggy backing’ a guided group so we could report amazing information back to each other.
Out on the street again, & I was treated to the sight of a couple of babushka’s having a spectacular cat fight. Dunno who did what to whom, but there were walking sticks flying & hell to pay!
A HUGE day, I was very pleased to get back home, eat dinner, & fall into bed again.

Sunday, 04 December 2005 We decided to give Lenin a miss today (praise be to global Sunday lie-in’s!), & went to Queen Ekaterina’s park & palace, that she visited just the once. The palace was bombed during WWII, & only now they've started repairs.
Another long underground trip; most people either sleep or read on the way. End of the line, we zoomed along to get back up to ground level, & encountered a dead bloke along the way. The police had already arrived & were going through his pockets trying to find out who he was. “It’s life, Prue” said Alex, without breaking stride.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I’ve seen it in NZ, but usually there’s a crowd of on-lookers. In Moscow, nobody has the time or interest to stop and give a second glance!
A really cold day, my camera spent most of the time tucked into Alex’s jacket trying to keep warm so I could snatch some pics occasionally.
I unwittingly created a bun fight in the craft gallery. Trying to make right change for admittance, I put my docs onto an empty table next to the cashier so I could reach the bottom of my pouch & dig out coin. Oh, no, no, no! Never, never put anything on an empty table next to THIS cashier! She had a hissy fit, Alex told her to pull her head in, & things deteriorated from there. In the meantime, I was blissfully unaware & still rummaging for change. The 1st I knew of the problem, was when we were joined by a senior woman & a security guard. What? WHAT? Ooops!
We hailed a troika for the trip back to a café, where Sergei promptly launched himself into a pile of food bigger than him. His distress over horse poo obviously didn’t interfere with his appetite.
Next stop: a huge market, mainly specialising in electronics. A cell phone for Sergei was the reason.
And home, dinner, bed.

Monday, 05 December 2005 Work for Alex & Olya; Sergei stayed home with me because he said his school had a health day off. It seems he may have been telling porkies because at around 3pm he started watching out the windows; sure enough school bag laden kids started trudging by & he went out to play.
Once he’d returned, he escorted me to the mall to purchase supplies for dinner..little man! He was so proud & important ordering the keepers to give us ‘this, that, & the other’, & they all thought he was pretty special too!
I’ve declared myself chief cook & bottle washer while I’m staying to give Alex & Olya a break..both from daily chores, & from me. They get to spend time together in the living room while I 'quietly' crash about in the kitchen. Olya keeps feeling guilty & I keep reassuring her it’s my pleasure to cook after 10-months of ‘5-minute noodles just add water’ & sammies. And it's the only way I'm going to be able to ensure I repay them for all the 'princess treatment' they've afforded me this year. Admittedly the kitchen is rudimentary, but it’s heaven compared to a coffee table & bathroom sink.
Honey & orange chicken with mashed potatoes tonight. Very embarrassing..I wolfed mine down, beating everyone else for the 1st time since I arrived in Russia.

Tuesday, 06 December 2005 Damn, damn, damn! I’ve succumbed to ‘acclimatisation illness’..a cold.
Solo excursion to the mall for supplies today, feeling anxious after reading so much about how rude Muscovite service is. 8 fruit & veg stalls to run past, all aggressively vying for custom, I diplomatically bought an ingredient from each, & worked out which 2 will get my roubles for the rest of my stay. All were nice..apparently Kiwi's can melt even the hardened hearts of Muskovites!

Pelminy (tortellini) & a huge Kiwi/Oz style salad for dinner. I can’t believe I found white balsamic vinegar here..eat your hearts out Kiwi’s, unless it’s available in New Zealand now. If not, next time you pop into Oz or Moscow, grab a bottle. Take a bottle of regular black balsamic (drool), soften & intensify it at the same time (pass the handi-towels, a bib won’t do!), & you have white balsamic. Jumbo-yumbo!
I was pushed into bed all but rattling & sloshing after the cocktail of tablets, teas, effervescent drinks, & finally a lemsip type thing..I was assured I’d be a box of fluffies in the morning.

Wednesday, 07 December 2005 The box of fluffies missed the flight!
I think Olya told me I’m off kitchen duty tonight because she’s making borsch. I think. I know she said “borsch.”
Alex checked my emails for me this morning, & my travel agent still hasn’t answered my questions, choosing instead to ask for my confirmation of flight back to NZ. This has been going on for almost a month now, & ‘seething’ doesn’t even come close to describing me today.

I went out for some fresh air & sanity, though I didn’t make it far what with crappy weather & crappier health; The Mall.
I dunno, maybe it’s the luck of the draw, maybe expats need to take a good look at themselves, or maybe it’s a bit of both, but again I was treated with warm hospitality & care everywhere I went. The herb woman watched me sniff & inspect each bunch, made me taste everything to be sure I was getting what I wanted, & recommended some ‘grass’ to cure my sneezes. The veg man was stroppy when I made the mistake of choosing my OWN potatoes, until I apologised & said I was from NZ..”Wow! Lardna! Do what you want! Come & wreck my proportional displays anytime you like! Here, have an extra spud!” The fruit & salad lady helped me choose the best persimmons, then gave me some freebies to enhance herb-woman’s curatives. It’d be easy to pass these off by thinking “they've probably overcharged me in the first place”, but you know what? They don’t..I’ve checked my bills against Alex's & Vadim’s.
A perfect example: on the 3rd floor of the mall is a ‘Farmers’. The security bloke at the top of the escalator wouldn’t let me take my newly purchased suitcase through, so I had to deposit it under a Christmas tree & in his care. I was more than a little concerned as I wended my way through this maze of a store that I bumped into my case keeper at every other turn..& NO, my compass wasn’t broken! On the 4th meeting he tried talking to me..returning 10-minutes later with a scrap of paper on which someone had written for him “Can I help you?” Ooooooooh! xxxx He continued to track me, deflected the horror of the ‘kiddies shoes aisle’ woman when (gag) slippers caught my eye, & once I arrived at the checkout with 'slippers' (suffice to say I hate slippers, so the label is used loosely) he then took it upon himself to introduce me to the checkout chicky, explained my ‘handicap’ (English; no Russian), & therefore ensuring gorgeous smiles & patience. AND my new suitcase was still under the tree, unmolested & guarded by a newby security bloke. Honestly, I could happily wrap up every Russian that’s done this sort of thing for me & bring them home..excess baggage charges, immigration issues Prue!
I wandered into McDonalds..the 1st Golden Arches I’ve seen since the beginning of Feb when I was last in Moscow. I took a look at the menu (fab, I could read it; bizarre, not translated into Russian [I expected to see “Balshoye Mac”], just ‘Big Mac’ spelled in Russian Cyrillic. It smelled just as bad as in NZ so I wandered back out & went to buy fruit. My fruity friend held my hand today, asked my name, & gave me some free grapes.

Yep, it WAS supposed to be borsch for dinner, but in true stereotypical male form, the boys couldn’t wait, so it was fried leftover pelminy & salads. Not bad actually.
Major, major, major ructions in the household tonight, & I’ve been the catalyst. Sergei has been a bad, bad boy, the tip being exposed by my questions about his school & its hours. Sergei is a serious wagger, & further investigation revealed his class marks are ‘2’ (or ‘D’ for ‘Doh!’)
Borsch made anyway, ready for tomorrow night.
Bed.

Thursday, 08 December 2005 I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED! I HAD A BIG MAC, LARGE FRIES, & A COKE FOR LUNCH! It smelled bad; it tasted bad; it hit the bottom of my belly like there were no sides; I looked for Chicken Royale ‘to go’. Stoopid junk food junkie! Nah … yeah … maybe … ok, I like the option to say ‘No’, don’t you?!

Oh yeah! Olya’s borsch is fabbo! Gunna travel & settle with this recipe.

I tried to suggest to Alex that I should move into a hotel for the brief remainder of my stay in Moscow. He anticipated the call & assured me I’m both welcome & needed for as long as I can stay. I appreciate their perspective, but I don’t want to be their ‘Kiwi Narc’ or Sergei's foreign school attendance & good behaviour monster.

Friday, 09 December 2005 Salmon in white wine planned, & prepared (by me), & postponed (by Olya) in favour of a quick bowl of borsch, a bottle of Chinese peach wine, & a bottle of Chinese greengage wine (TGIF celebration); no probs, I’m a good time party girl. In the interest of perspective..I can ‘take or leave’ salmon (preferably ‘leave’), I LOVE wine..it’s gotta be serious when my tastebuds say “we want the salmon!”
It was a fabulous evening though. One glass of the peach wine down, Alex & Olya were glowing, a glass of the greengage wine had Olya passed out on the couch. It’s important to note at this point the alcohol level was LOW, & these 2 glasses were consumed over 3-hours! In between times, there was endless grazing on salads & fruit, & hilarious conversations about the British royal family.

Saturday, 10 December 2005 We’ve eaten so much today I want to explode. Scrambled eggs & smoked sausage for breakfast, for lunch my salmon & salad plus other salads, cuttlefish & mashed potato, plus fruit, Alex & Olya wanted torte to follow but I couldn’t manage it. Sweets & fruit in the afternoon, mashed potato, salads…can’t remember what else. Oh yeah, that's right, pickled pigs ears! Honest! It's like eating really thick servings of uncooked bacon rind; and you can hear each others teeth grinding through every mouthful.

Sunday, 11 December 2005 Looked out the window & saw a dachshund going for a walk, all dressed up in his woolly jumper. Two things immediately came to mind..the old, old joke about male dogs, short legs & snow, & ‘peter heaters’ or ‘willy warmers’. I couldn’t see from where I was, but I sure hope he was wearing one because his belly was definitely dragging in the snow!

Vadim came to collect Sergei & me to take us to the Moscow Zoo. A bit of an anti-climax because most of the animals have been sent south for the winter, not to mention the set-up is a couple of decades behind the times, with animals locked in tiny cages & rapidly going insane.
Sergei delivered back home, I was kept for the night, taken to an awesome banya complex, & introduced to Vadim’s friends who’d tried to settle in Aussie earlier in the year.

Monday, 12 December 2005 Vadim took me into town to arrange my flights. PANIC! Two choices; fly 7am tomorrow..Moscow, Zurich, New York JFK, Mexico City, arriving in Aguascalientes 11:30am Wednesday local time (Thursday Moscow time), or stay put in Moscow until after Christmas. Flights are fully booked.
I’m flying in the morning.
Back to Alex & Olya’s around 8pm. All hell broke loose. Sergei’s teacher phoned to say Sergei hasn’t been to school for a couple of weeks. Olya was in tears, Alex was white with fury & worry, Sergei was cool, calm, collected, unrepentant, & keeping a secret.
I took a cab to Domodedovo Airport at midnight (5am Surgut time). Before I left, taxi waiting, Alex asked me to sit for a few minutes..Russian tradition for a good/safe trip..we 3 sat on my bags. He made me promise I’d come back if Mexico proves too dangerous. Hugs & tears from us both before I climbed into the cab.

Too early to check in, I wandered around for a couple of hours, sat in a bar & had a couple of glasses of wine, a couple of buckets of water, & some heavy, greasy food that turned my stomach. Still too early to check in, I hit the wall & tried to grab some shut-eye, which failed because some bloke started scrabbling at the bag I was using as a pillow. I’m sure the entire airport heard my furious, on-the-brink “HEY!” He should’ve vapourised from the look I gave him, but no, his gobful of gold teeth deflected the heat, he lay down & went to sleep. STEAMING, no sleep after all for me, I roamed (writer’s licence..more like stumbled) the airport until check-in.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 There was a problem with my hand luggage. Weight a problem, & I had too many bags. Backpack with lappy & clean undies for 4 days, cosmetic bag with makeup & shampoo, & a disturbing bag filled with mags & hats. I tried logic, pointing out my itinerary (hence the need for my cosmetic bag), & reasoning that styley hats just can’t be shoved into a suitcase. No empathy from the check-in chick, the nice supervisor girly understood & let me get away with it all.
This time no-one wanted to check my lappy, & I didn’t have to take my shoes off or wear plastic bags on my feet. I did have to stand in a ‘tardus’ though..”put your feet exactly on those painted feet”. No condoms loaded with amphetamines detected in my belly, I was allowed through.
About 30 minutes before 7:10am, & 22-odd-hours since I last lay in a bed ... “Calling all passengers for flight 1325 to Zurich …”

THE SIBERIAN ADVENTURE IS OVER

Siberian Adventure - November 2005

2006-11-22T05:59:00.000Z

Tuesday, November 01, 2005 Furious Nelly today. She arrived at my bedroom to tell me her timetable was changed for the day, & so she was ready for me to join her for lunch immediately. On track to meet her at the original time, I was not ready enough to join her right then (had to pull on tracky’s & a t-shirt before opening the door!) Her fury was exacerbated by my refusal to allow her into my room while I dressed properly, did my hair & face.
Enough’s enough! I’m not going back to having a daily audience of Nelly, Vasily, & sundry students while I go through my morning routine.

I charged outside later in the day to try & take some good photos of the snowstorm (unsuccessful, it looked more like rain..ho-hum); on the way back in I stopped to collect & sign for classroom keys. As I was fossicking for the key register & a pen I heard my name; Yvgeny! My summertime security boy who’d pretended to watch the DVD’s I gave him while really going through my photo files. Reciprocal warm greetings, his new work’s going well, Vyka’s good, & then he proceeded to translate my ‘key needs’ to today’s new ‘security bloke’.
There must’ve been some further explanation after I left cos the new bloke was much friendlier, & even smiley with my subsequent passes through.

E-mail from Vadim; work’s good, had to shift flat (2 bedrooms, US$600 per month, sooo expensive!), son’s doing well at school, art classes, & karate, I Miss You!
Ooooh, I miss him too! He was so much fun to talk to.

Harrowing Elementary lesson tonight; it’s a term-end break for the school kids, so it was just me & Valentina. This woman has had an AWFUL life! What she told me tonight goes a long way towards explaining her ‘oddness’. I’m glad we had this session; I’m going to plan a couple of lessons focusing on her specifically, & if I can be sure the girls won’t show for the rest of the week it’ll be good.
Valentina wanted to know if there’d be a lesson on Friday, cos apparently it’s a holiday. 7 November used to be a holiday to commemorate the October Revolution (changing from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian one meant celebrating in November). 2005’s the 1st year that 7/11 isn’t a holiday, & also the 1st year that 4/11 is, but no-one seems to know what the occasion is! Good grief!
I gave her the choice; lesson as usual, lesson earlier in the day, lesson on a Saturday. Bless her, she’s voted for an early lesson. If Lena’s similarly disposed, I have a Guy Fawkes party to attend on Friday night.
I really HATE Guy Fawkes! In the interest of an early work finish, & the opportunity to meet some other English speakers I’m prepared to compromise my principals & face my fears.

Alex arrived..thankfully without Olya’s cat! I have a few days grace; he will leave for Moscow probably next Monday.
In the last 15-minutes of his visit he told me he’s no longer going to speak to me in English, it’s all Russian from now until Monday! ‘Tough-love’ time Prue!
Yeah right! I pleased him with my ability to grab the basics of what he said, but he’s a softy & too easy to divert back to English. The habit of 9-months is hard to break!
He suggested we go out on Friday, & I invited him to Guy Fawkes. For now, he’s keen, but come Friday I know he’ll have cold feet & bail. It’s a shame, cos I’d love to have him there! Add Vadim, & I’d be a pig-in-poo with my 2 favourite boys!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005 Tough atmosphere today; everyone’s drooping with lousy headaches, & I’ve got 3 beauty bruises already from banging into doorframes again.

Tatiana Vasilievna laid eyes on me today & gave me much the same treatment that Ludmila gave the other week; you’re leaving soon, I don’t want you to go, promise you’ll come back!

Nelly asked the new security bloke this morning if he knew about ‘the New Zealand woman’ here. He smiled & made a small shape with his hands. She thought it was hilarious & couldn’t wait to tell me.

No sign of Lena tonight, she’s got the flu, so I snatched 40 winks while waiting for Alex.
I invited him to join Mark & I at ‘Guns’ (which actually turns out to be ‘Hans’..Russian pronunciation has had me fooled for months) & he leapt at the opportunity. While he & I were waiting for Mark to arrive, Alex’s former boss phoned. Alex explained he couldn’t meet him because he was out with his English teacher..”blah, blah, Novai Zealandia, blah, blah, blah”, & I cut in & suggested his ex-boss could join us. A couple of phone calls later, Alex had the giggles & said he didn’t know why, but his ex-boss wanted to come.
So, we had an interesting night. I was worried to start with cos Mark came out all guns blazing & furious over Biometric passports (my fault, I brought the subject up cos I think they’re a great idea!) He calmed down finally, but I was further embarrassed by some of his thoughtless comments about Russian culture throughout the evening. I encouraged Mark to perform Scottish & Irish accents, he chipped in with his impersonation of Queen Elizabeth; Alex nearly wet himself over them, & needed me to ‘translate’ what was said. So no real damage done in the end, Alex invited Mark, Yuri, & I to eat & drink on Sunday. Alex was fascinated listening to Yuri speak English; although he knew Yuri could, they’ve never conversed in English together before. Alex had assumed that Yuri was an ‘expert’. NO WAY! Alex is waaaay better, & had to make occasional translations! I offered to give Yuri lessons, & he’s keen, but he works 28 days on - 28 days off & is only in Surgut when he’s not working, so probably by the time he hits town again I’ll be about to fly out. Bummer! We made quite a good group; sometimes all involved in the same conversation, then taking turns at talking in pairs. It’s the most ‘natural’ outing I’ve had since my arrival.
Time to leave ‘Hans’ & I only had a small row with Alex about who would pay given I’d already told him it was my shout as he was MY guest tonight. He was upset that I was paying for Yuri as well, but as I reminded him, Yuri was there only because I’d offered for him to join us. There’ll be hell to pay on Sunday!
Out on the street, I farewelled all cos they live in the opposite direction; uh-uh I had 3 blokes determined to walk me home. Mark lost the battle & was dispatched by Alex & Yuri, I lost the battle & was walked home by these 2 lovely Russian gentlemen.
A little skiddy underfoot, I had a small accidental slide at the same time as Yuri took a deliberate one. No probs. A bit further on I had another slide, & both guys grabbed a hand each. Once past the ‘danger zone’ Alex let go cos he’s used to my independent streak, but Yuri wouldn’t, & short of roughly shaking my hand as you would if a crab had a grip, I couldn’t get him to let go. Once we rounded the corner his hold tightened..”This is a bad area, you mustn’t walk here alone!” I told him it’s ok, no-one’s bothered me, I walk here all the time. “No, hooligans live here! You must never walk alone in this place!” Tough baby, I have no choice! Actually this area is fine; the area opposite my room..NO WAY would I walk over there at night, that’s where all the yelling, screaming, & sometimes gunshots come from.
At the Planeta gates, Yuri was confused. “This is a university!” Yes. “But we’re taking you home!” Yes, you have. “You live here? At the university? And this is where you work as well?” Yes. Yet another staggered local.

That's that week over and done with; the next will follow quickly on its heels..funnily enough!

… impromptu audition for the Russian Federation Ballet Company …

I deliberately held this message over for a week cos so much was up in the air & liable to change. I could’ve sent an edited version on time, but it’s a pain & too time consuming to go back & clarify events a week later. Also, it’s important for me to keep a true diary.
Finally, in the immortal words of Nickleback..”…something’s gotta go wrong, cos I’m feeling way too damn good!”

Thursday, November 03, 2005 Stinking hot inside again with the heating ramped up to combat the outside cold, I worked in my office with the door wide open wearing just a summer tanktop. With every stranger that came to ask me for information, I only had time to turn around & say “Izvenye-“ before they backed out apologizing because they immediately understood I’m ‘fourijin’..self-respecting Russians are clad in singlets under shirts under sweaters (pfew, & that’s the truth), & for the women, ‘delicious’ crocheted shawls on top, in spite of the +25C & climbing indoors temp. People are getting whiffy again.
One of the ‘scenes’ in Planeta’s promo video for visiting schools shows a Planeta graduate, now banker, interviewing a woman applying for a loan; she’s wearing a fur coat. I originally thought it was either a ‘wardrobe’ mistake or a ‘discrete’ message that only the wealthy can afford credit. Nope, the truth is you keep all your kit on & sweat it out, unless you’re settling in for several hours or you’re a ‘fourijina’!

Whew, scary teaching day today. My young girlies turned up only to tell me they can’t come for lessons anymore because they have to prepare whatever cultural crafts they’ll exhibit, & performance rehearsals every night from now until March for a Russian Federation cultural competition in Moscow. The twins were upset, & Helen was crying. I offered to give them a lesson every Sunday if they can make it; Helen’s keen, the twins will talk to their mum. I doubt they’ll come because they’re all devout Orthodox Church girls, & let's face it, everyone needs at least one day off a week. Thank goodness I got their photo the other day!
So that leaves me with just Valentina for the Elementary lesson.
The Intermediate group has dwindled to just Olga tonight. Irene’s current work shift has prevented her from coming. Airat & Gulnara are absent because her mum’s visiting for the 1st time in 10-years. Elena & Vitaly have disappeared at last. Natasha is on holiday abroad. No sign of Alexander after his holiday; the later class time & only 2 lessons a week didn’t suit him, & I think he struggled with the demise of our summer 1:1 lessons.
Vasily’s going to have a fit when I tell him on Monday! I may be heading out sooner than I planned!

Nelly’s been ‘out-of-sorts’ &, frankly, bizarre for a couple of weeks now; I’m beginning to wonder if it’s more than just her age, normal jealousy, & escalating panic over me leaving. Her English is deteriorating rapidly, Russian eludes her at times, she’s becoming uncomfortably aggressive & irrational, claims her health is up & down, suddenly matching my own stomach complaints. Could it be she’s showing signs of Alzheimers? More often than not, when she speaks to me, she sounds like she’s ‘tanked’. I don’t believe she’s drinking, so I wonder if she’s had a small stroke. I’m trying to be patient because I love her to bits & I’m concerned about her, but she’s taxing my reserves. If I knew for sure it was a medical condition I’d be better able to tolerate what’s being dished out, but she can be such a manipulative bat I don’t fully trust her.

I’m looking forward to the next 3 days. Tomorrow I’m the only one working because of the holiday & I’ll be finished shortly after 5pm; Saturday everyone’ll be working, I’ll be free & plan to make myself scarce; Sunday is almost all my own as well. I hope the weather’s kind to me, but the forecast isn’t too promising with expected HIGHS of -10C & wind chill of -8C. I don’t even want to think about the projected lows. The temperatures don’t worry me, it’s the wind that’s the killer! I want to go to the forest on Saturday where I saw the chipmunk in summer, this time with camera in hand & hoping for even just one special wildlife pic.

Friday, November 04, 2005 1st lesson scheduled for 2pm, I thought I had plenty of time to get ready; WRONG! The last 5 of this week’s Chelyabinsk teacher neighbours departed this morning, but they have this amazing tag-team thing happening for the bathroom (I mentioned it in my previous message), & as I’m flying solo I don’t stand a chance of getting in there ‘til they’ve all finished. That’s ok, but hot on their heels came the overnight guests for tonight’s wedding; another tag-team, though marginally less adept, I was able to snatch the bathroom 45-minutes before lesson time, to their distress & my relief!

Guy Fawkes do: what a dag! I could change my lifetime hatred of private fireworks parties. Sod-all fireworks, but the few brought were cool..love those sparklers, always have! Even better, the ‘crowd’ were more interested in playing ‘childish’ snow-games. Split into 2 teams we had individual hopping races (won by the good guys), ‘doubles’ hopping races (the bad-guys cheated by running interference), snow sprints (good guys victorious again), & tobogganing on plastic shopping bags down the riverbank & onto the now frozen Symer river. Not just hi-jinx, these games were essential cos it was FREAKING COLD! Memories of the ‘Student’s Sports Day’ way back at the beginning of my adventure, I had aching frozen toes early on due to sinking into the soft snow. My fingers froze pretty quickly too, but they received regular thawing over the ‘next-best-thing-to-a-bonfire’ big Russian BBQ (Mark calls it a ‘mangarl’ (sp?) if that means anything to anyone), & finally by grabbing a spud that had been burnt to a cinder..not for eating, a nice little ‘hotty bottle’. The 3 cups of mulled wine, spaced at 1-hour intervals helped heaps too! Mark’s a lucky guy, his colleagues are a fantastic crew; I can’t understand how Jenny could’ve been miserable. They’ve invited me to join every excursion planned for Mark between now & when I leave, that’s one every weekend!
Yes, I’m fully aware of my propensity for ‘love at 1st sight’ & all too often subsequent disappointment, however, for every 5 pains I meet, the 6th seems to be worth the trouble, & so I’m not inclined to change!
Only the one photo for you, my camera gave up the ghost in the cold weather pretty quickly, in spite of being shoved inside my jacket. After 3-hours of indoor heat I’ve just grabbed it again & it’s still really cold, poor little baby! Hopefully I’ll get copies of everyone else’s pics, & there’ll be something worth sending or showing later.

Saw your doppelganger again, Andy Paterson. We queued for 3 sets of traffic-lights together; while still intrigued, I didn’t feel the need to ‘stalk’ him today. It’s still weird seeing him though!
On the way to the party I received my 1st Russian wolf-whistle..a funny sound, it’s a combination of whistle & husky ‘throat ho-o-o-o-ot/rrrrriaow’. Hahahahaha! Yay, go the rosey cheeks from freezing weather; they must counteract the ugly beanie look!
In contrast, on the way back home, a carload of young guys came gunning along the road; heavy traffic zooming with the green light, red for the boys & summer tyres on, I was positive I was about to witness a nasty accident. They escaped by the skin of their teeth, & had reversed to a safe-ish spot when I got the green to walk. The driver decided to reverse a bit more without looking just then, & almost hit me. I dodged, slapped their boot with my hand, & received a tongue-lashing for my trouble as I reached the safety of the other side of the road. I turned, grinned & waved them down to calmness, & stalked off.
Two things occurred to me on my way down the road unscathed; 1) 9-months ago & even more recently I’d’ve been too scared to openly confront like this, 2) there’s nothing like a confident walk & some poise to give yourself assurance when you want to scare off nit-wits, no words required at all! I wasn’t about to let anyone see that inside I was thinking “Woops, shouldn’t’ve done that!”
Best part though, my heart didn’t pound at all; hoo-ooo-oooo-eeeeeeee, I’m strong (almost dented their boot), I’m brave (3 cups of mulled wine), I’m assertive (1 shot of cognac), I’m independent (no-one to walk me home tonight), I’m astute (thought that car might back up some more), all this & I’m still a soft-touch as well (cursed cats)! Oh, & alive & unpunched! By no means bullet-proof, I do feel 10’ tall tonight! Happy, happy, joy, joy; picture Snoopy bounding, sinking, digging victoriously out from bottomless snow drifts, with challenging continents still to visit & conquer, but feeling sure of ultimate success. Perky ears & bright eyes, that’s me! Yeah alright, the eyes are glassy from drinks & cold air, & the ears are frozen stiff..but still…!

Saturday, November 05, 2005 Housework day again; Possum’s as mad as a snake! Rather than scooping out the clumped ‘nasties’ from her dirtbox, I ditched the lot & gave her a ‘fresh start’. No longer a dirtbox, it became her sandpit & she played happily in it for hours.
I’ve gotta say, I don’t do dirtboxes; they’re DISGUSTING! I didn’t realise how many times a day cats need to pee & poo! If I ever find myself permanently living where a cat can’t go outside at will, I’m not going to have a cat! More importantly, I think it’s cruel to keep a cat cooped up inside!

Current ‘old-lady’ neighbour (she’s spent the last 2 days in her nighty) found me a captive audience today. Multiple visits throughout the day, ‘I’m sorry I don’t speak Russian’ each time with increasing frustration, I finally took a moment to think about it. If I was at home in NZ or Oz & found a non-English-speaking foreigner living in close proximity, I’d undoubtedly leave him/her to their own devices. This old lady was either terrifically lonely or was trying to save ME from loneliness. Hmmm, more food for thought; will this change my behaviour when I’m back on home territory?

No escape to the forest; it was an icky rainy dreary day, & no good for photos.

Mark’s shout tonight.
STOP! There’s no blossoming romance as far as I’m concerned. His invitations fill the gap when I feel like going out, & are helpful at the moment while I’m avoiding Nelly like the plague because my new personality won’t tolerate demands & bullying.
I took him to the Japanese restaurant at his request. Can you believe it? The closest he’s come to a Japanese meal is sushi from ‘Marks & Sparks’! So now he’s been introduced to miso soup, sashimi, & sake.
Next port of call, a billiard room. An exercise in mortification, we spent an hour trying to play one game of Russian billiards, & still didn’t finish, in spite of canning the few rules we’d managed to pick up from watching other players.
You start with 1 red ball & 16 white balls. The red is used to break, then you’re supposed to sink the red off a white. After that, there’s no designated cue ball, you pick & choose as the table presents itself. The 1st person to sink 8 white balls is the winner. Sounds easy? Get off! The table’s the size of a rugby field, the balls are HUGE, the pockets are TINY, especially at the cushion edge, expanding towards the outside edge of the table. The cues are heavy, & believe me, I like a heavy cue, but these are ridiculous; a crane would’ve been useful!
No chance of sinking the red early on, we agreed to treat the game as bastardized pool, & cowardly treated the red as the black. Then changed our own rules & used it as the cue ball. Finally, “to hell with it, smack any ball in the hope that something will go down!” The saving grace was that Mark was as crap as me.
The experience was made all the more excruciating by locals, drawn by our foreign speech, stopping to watch our pitiful progress; cruel!
I want to try my hand at this game again, but with a Russian coach next time, & probably with those training balls!
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER challenge a Russian to play a game involving a table with 6 holes, 17 balls, & a long stick that needs chalk applied to the end of it..YOU’RE GOING TO LOSE!

Sunday, November 06, 2005 Alex sent a text this morning saying he’d like to deliver Olya’s cat at 2pm. I was waiting outside for him & nearly split myself when I saw him waddling up the drive. Two enormous shopping bags in one hand, a canvas satchel in the other..”Where’s the cat Alex?” In the satchel of course!
No time for ceremonious introductions to his new room, cat & paraphernalia were dumped; Alex & I went off to ‘Extreme’. It’s like a sports bar, but with ‘silver service’; the waitresses wear trainers, little t-shirts, & littler knit skirts..mad!
We were in illustrious company; the biggest guys of Surgut, the University basketball team, & management. No William-from-Georgia, he obviously reached his use-by date, & no Andre because during summer he signed a better contract with the Ufa basketball team.
I HAD STEAK! My 1st one since January! Their version of rare is medium, but it was delicious anyway. And tender. And big. Not a menu item, they did it especially for me! Damn it tasted good & I’m sure my tummy will have no trouble digesting it cos my drool gave it a head start!
Alex’s big news: he flies to Moscow tomorrow morning at 7am. I took it well, we had our usual fab time, but when it came to say goodbye I didn’t cope. Big hugs & kisses, “Prue, you’ve changed my life, really!”, & the tears started so it was time to sprint inside.

Good grief! I unpacked the cat’s bags, he has more luggage than me! His name’s Monya, & he came with a fabric house/bed thingy, a scratching pole, 2 big bags of kitty-litter, his own bowl, a huge container of biscuits, & about 20 packets of wet food. What’s this at the bottom of the bag? 4,000 roubles. BLOODY ALEX!

Possum doesn’t understand the scratching pole concept, believing it’s something that needs to be gnawed to tatters.
Neither of the cats will use the house/bed thingy cos it’s been squashed flat on the trip to Planeta. Damn shame actually, cos so far Possum’s keen to welcome Monya, but Monya’s supremely ticked off with the world & only wants to growl at any & everything. It would be good for him to hibernate in that house/bed. I have a sneaking suspicion I’m in for about 5-minutes sleep tonight!

Additional distraction from my woes; my lovely new Planeta security-lady had a blinding headache & nothing to take for it. ‘Nurse Prue’ to the rescue ! I pumped panadene & orange juice into her, saw her settled in bed, & left a supply of tablets to see her through the night.

Monday, November 07, 2005 Do something for me will you?! Sift through your parent’s old vinyls (or maybe they’re yours) & pull out ‘Yellow Submarine’. Whack it on & when it comes to the chorus sing, “We’re all living in a brown & white slushy…”
The snow has melted over the last couple of days & it’s REVOLTING underfoot! The only respite from the yukky slushy snow are the spots where the slushy has run off & is now a slippery ice-block.
I had an impromptu audition for the Russian Federation Olympic Ice-Skating Team this afternoon. On my way back from buying loo paper, 2 packs of tissues, shampoo & conditioner, sticky girly hair stuff, lipsticks, & tights (the details are important!), a lumpy shopping bag in each hand, my left foot hit a slippery patch. “Woop!” as it skidded, & my right leg & both arms swung out for balance & control..bags rhythmically swinging about my head. Right foot finding terra firma..”Woop!” as I produced a mirror-image performance, all in the space of maybe 5-seconds! The casting panel’s faces told me they were seriously impressed by my performance, however they prefer their skaters don’t “woop” or break into solo fits of giggles. Darn! Back to teaching English.

A thoroughly nasty, abusive, & unfactual text message from Vasily this evening, & I’ve kind-of got him!
Whether Mayster acts on the report I’ve now written is up to him, but at least I have some evidence to support me if TESOL or future employers question my performance here in the event that Vasily chooses to cast aspersions in open forum.
It’s been a late night, sitting up writing, & rewriting this document, until I’m pretty sure all emotion has been removed. Mission completed, & the cathartic effect of getting ‘sh*t off my liver’, I’m ready for bed.

Tuesday, November 09, 2005 Yeah, well I was ready for bed, but the cats weren’t! Possum’s persistence won out; Monya stopped sulking under my bed, & they spent most of the dark hours ripping up & down the room, up & over table, desk, fridge, bed, dressing table, & all over again!

Little mini-melt-down today, asking Tatiana Petrovna about the cost of a farewell do here, & how much notice she requires.
It’s highly likely I’ll be leaving early December because Vasily’s refusing to pay me for my work in November. If I didn’t have the student’s money for November in my pocket right now, I’d be on the next flight out of here.
In light of this latest financial development I can ill-afford to blow much money, however I’m determined to say goodbye in Russian style, & show my gratitude & respect.
At worst/best, I’ve got 3-weeks left in Surgut; at best/worst, 5-weeks. Time to get my skates on!

Yuk! Yuk! Yuk! It’s a day for tears. I finally watched ‘Stepmom’ today in preparation for Valentina’s lesson. It took longer than the claimed time cos I had to keep stopping it to take a break while I mopped tears & pulled myself together again. Expecting the film to be a comedy, I was unprepared for it to be a tear-jerker. We didn’t discuss the movie much in the end, cos I was still too fragile.
OK, my homework is to watch ‘Little Buddha’ in preparation for Thursday’s lesson.
YAWN! Not my cup of tea! But I’m prepared.
Right, time for fun, Valentina’s also given me ‘Brother Bear’, an animated Disney film to watch. Cool!
WHAT’S THIS WOMAN TRYING TO DO TO ME? More tears! Sure, there were some humorous bits, & some good moral messages, but what’s with the rest? It’s been years since I watched ‘Dumbo’ & so the details are a bit vague, but I’m left with the same wretched feeling.
What happened to Mickey & Minnie Mouse, Donald & Daisy Duck, ‘Unca’ Scrooge, Huey, Duey, & Luey (sp?), Goofy, Pluto, & all that gang? You know, that lot that made us laugh over their stupid antics!
Bed: grapes & ‘Great Expectations’.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005 Phew! Dunno whether the cats were settled last night, or I fell into an exhausted ‘coma’ (odd little hand wave over my mouth to catch the ‘evil’, then open hand & blow that ‘bad stuff’ away), but I clocked up some better sleep time.
Ahhhhh, there’s nothing like the sane outlook that comes from sleep.
Today I’ve awoken feeling peaceful again. I’m ready to leave Surgut, & I’m happy to do so. It’s time.

Poor little Possum. At some point in the last few days she’s irritated Monya so much that he must’ve imbedded a tooth or claw in her head. She’s a ‘pus-nut’! At the moment I’m treating her with Calendula oil for cleansing, & pawpaw ointment for healing. It’s worked for me, so here’s hoping…!

Nelly, having acted as interpreter for Tatiana Petrovna & me yesterday, has returned to her more balanced self today. I think the stress of an undefined end date has had a lot to do with her recent irritating behaviour. And probably I’m less prickly too for the same reasons.
So much so, that she asked me what’s going on & was able to sit & listen without interruption. At the end of it she offered to help me translate my report into respectable & clear Russian for Mayster, as well as acknowledging that I’m going to need some space to make my arrangements. We had a lucid discussion about whether I should recommend that she take over Vasily’s role as ‘host’ to foreign teachers. In spite of the challenges that come with Nelly, she’s a far better candidate for the job in my opinion. Unfortunately she doesn’t want the additional responsibility (humpf, it’d involve little more than she’s voluntarily done during every working day for me this year), so I’ll settle for writing her a commendation, & pass that on to Mayster.
The ‘word’ is out at Planeta that I’m making preparations to leave early, & everyone’s asking me why. Given my command of Russian remains slim at best, all I can tell them is Vasily’s angry with me. Nothing more required, they’re hell-bent on letting me know that he’s ‘gut’!

Ok! On to more frivolous things. How weird is this? This time last week, I was having a horrible sleepless night & feeling ‘over’ dressing for the cold, or like a ‘business woman’. I sent a text to B-S asking her to send my ‘little green dress’; the one I searched high & low for over several months, the one I only wore once, my ‘bye-bye NZ’ dress.
Yes, I hear some of you saying “Oh God! No!” for whatever reason you hated that dress..whether it was green, short, low-cut, or simply ‘not the Prue-look we’re used to!
Others will be saying “Oh God! Yes! It’s such a yummy dress! The Russian’s will love it!”
For me, I just wanted to have something ‘pretty’ in my wardrobe again. As it turns out it’ll be perfect & timely for saying ‘bye-bye Surgut’!

No longer living in a slushy..it’s turned REALLY cold; & so I’m living on a skating rink. Plenty of opportunity to train for the Olympic team now.

Thursday, November 10, 2005 Whacky do! Two very promising e-mails waiting for me today, falling just short of solid job offers, & I’m keen on both. Best of all, the preferred one was asking if I’m available before January. You betcha baby!
While I’ve been determined to honour my contract with Planeta, I can’t see any value in remaining ‘til the end of the year on reduced income if there’s a full-paying alternative. I may be a sucker, but I’m not completely stupid!
The down side of a rapid departure is that I’ll miss out on a beauty discount for booking a flight out of Surgut a month in advance, but the full price of a ticket is still lower than my earnings deficit, so it’s not all bad.
The ‘Siberian Adventure’ is looking like coming to a rapid close, not quite the way I’d expected it to, but no regrets!
If I play my cards right, I’ll be out of Surgut in a couple of weeks, spending a week in Moscow & St. Petes, a week in transit & resting, then into a new country & job by early-mid December. Cripes, it’s all go up here in the Northern Hemisphere!

Dmitri Mayster’s birthday today; I got to have wine, tea, & cake, flanked by a protective gaggle of Planeta chicks, none of whom speak English. No probs knobs, they chatted away & engaged me in meaningful eye-contact for an hour.
The one completely understandable conversation came from Mayster’s PA, she wants me to meet with her, Socrates 4 translator at the ready. I’m not sure what it’s all about, but she clearly doesn’t want Nelly or Vasily to translate.

Yesterday’s ‘REALLY cold’ has become today’s FREEZING! One brief venture outside without hat & scarf quickly produced a thumping headache & sore throat. Thankfully, the sore throat disappeared, but the headache has lasted all day & night & so I’m off to bed.

Lousy ‘black-ice’ patch in a slushy city!

Only 2 more messages from Surgut, then it's all over!

Friday, November 11, 2005 Hmmmm, dunno how I calculated the number of weeks per trimester way back then, but I screwed up by a few weeks huh! I’ve always said maths sucks! … or maybe I was hedging my bets?

How strange! (you'll find out why in a couple of days) I was given another DVD to watch, & decided to settle in last night to do so. It turned out to be ‘Bandits’.

Spooky power fluctuations over the last week, something obviously ‘gave’ last night. I finally accepted at 1pm today that there’s not going to be any hot water for showering. Brrr..BrrRRR..BRRRRRRR-EEEE-AAAAAAA-RRRRRRRR-GGGGGG-HHHHHHH! Nope, there’s no way I can last a second longer, let alone wash my hair!
“Ddddrrrrrrrrrr-chatter-chatter-chatter” went my teeth as I briskly toweled off, climbed into tracky gear, & sprinted back to thaw out by the heater..nya-uh, that’s gone cold too! Bummer-pyjama, I’ll just have to crank up the music & boogey my way into makeup, cosy clothes, & a pony tail! If ever I needed a reminder about why I shouldn’t go back to short hair while I’m traveling, this was it.
“Neeeeellllllyyyyyyyy! I need you to help me ask for hot water!”
No need to worry, the hot water will be back by tomorrow morning, the whole neighbourhood is without cos the pipes have blown.

The temperature today has swung from -3C at around 8am to -21C & all the way back to -3C by 9:30pm. What do you do? How can you know? Which coat/scarf/hat/boots combination to wear? How many layers of polyprops..none or all? What number of gloves?
Betwixt & between; I went out wearing my flat, super-warm & comfortable boots, but arguably it may have been wiser to wear the less warm ‘ice-picks’. I just can’t get my head around the wisdom of wearing ‘ankle-breakers’ in treacherous conditions. As for the rest? Who cares, suffice to say I was cold, but in no danger of freezing; I was hot, but in no danger of becoming stinky; neither was for long.

Skiddy-iddy trip to ‘Hans’ bar; I’m developing some style now, & I hope Mark is too, cos if he takes a fall he’ll shatter I reckon.
Bless his woolies; he’s suggested to Lingva Centre that they offer me a casual contract to tide them & me over if I don’t get a firm offer. Certainly, they need the help, but they’re understandably wary. Me too.

Skiddy-iddy trip back home, I pulled into a ‘dairy’ to grab some fags. Typical situation; woman server, & staunch bloke standing guard behind the counter. As I walked in, he produced a vicious scowl, which I returned in kind, followed by a grin. He was a bit taken aback.
“My name’s ??? What’s yours? ... Where’re you from? … (large eyes) Really? Are you alone? REALLY? How about you & me baby?”
“??? Oh! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NYET! NYET! NYET!
The best acquisition I made on Monday was a water pistol. Monya & Possum are developing a healthy respect for it. They’re both still intent on doing ‘bad stuff’, like who can leap the highest up the door frame & get a good grip on the wallpaper.
“It’s real cool fun Possum; I’ll showya how it’s done! Ready? Watch this! … Miahahahahahahaow, did you see the look on Aunty Prue’s face? ”
“Oooooh Monya, you’re soooo to die for! I love a bad boy! Lemme try. … Hey! I’m only little, ok?! Just you wait, I’ll be as good as you in no time … practice, practice, pra-pla-ak-ak...where did all that water come from?”
They now check to see if I’m looking & armed first. It’s my own fault it’s taken this long to ‘scare’ them..for the first 3-days all I could do was look on in paralyzed horror & gasp “What the … ?! Did I really see what I think I just saw?” Man, these cats can get some height! In a single bound, Monya gets purchase at the top of the doorframe! I must confess, I’m impressed! It’s also very funny, but not funny enough to be acceptable.
I returned to my room to find the map of Surgut no longer pinned to the wall. Obviously, with the door closed, they had to find a new target.
Stroppy wench tonight, gun & I had Monya & Possum settling for chewing on my heels, & 40-winks in swift fashion.
Quick, lights out! Into bed for me, before the kids wake up!
It’ll never happen! Turning lights out is like ‘disco time’ for these two.
With no neighbours this weekend, I tossed them into the common area, & left the 1st of my two doors open so they could get to food & drink. Wide open spaces, they were in heaven; room to myself, I was out cold.

Saturday, November 12, 2005 Aaaaaaaah! Peace, blissful peace! No wedding last night, no wedding today, the fact that I haven’t played any music at all is telling. Uncharacteristic behaviour, bordering on unheard of!

I got up to feed the cats, & hello, I only have Possum. Monya was obviously ‘kidnapped’ & presented to Anya for the day. From now on, Monya at least will live a free-ranging life at Planeta.
Possum will’ve been spurned cos her pus-nut exploded last night, not a pretty sight! It’s a positive development & I’m very relieved. She is too, she’s back to being the crazy/cuddly/crazy/loveya-gotta-climb-your-leg/crazy little girl of a week ago.
I tell you, calendula oil, & pawpaw ointment ROCK! Just as effective, & waaaaay cheaper than the 800 NZ notes I used to blow at the vet every time my Barlow tried to make friends with a scum-cat. He was worth every $1,000 spent (& there were a few), but if only I’d known about … never mind, I know now.

Hmmmmm, not much interesting ‘adventure’ news this week, it’s all become very androgynous (is it an acceptable word in this context?) Cats, friends, frustrations, ‘same stuff, different bucket’ stuff.
Probably some anecdotes to come about arranging internal travel, a few more weeks ‘til ‘Moscow-revisited’, then “outa-here dudes!”
Onto the next book of tales for my grandchildren & you, but no more weekly broadcasts; like you, I’m over them..ages ago!
I know, you’re thinking I’m unstable after all I’ve said about how much I’d love to stay, & now I’m saying I can’t wait to leave. I’m definitely over Planeta & I’m excited about the next place.

I DON’T GET MY ‘#2 FRUIT & VEG SHOP’ LADY’S CALCULATOR SKILLS! She’s a honey too, always giving me a welcoming smile, no matter where I am in the queue.
ANYWAY..she weighs up each of my purchases & has a running total on her calculator, so when I’m done she shows me what I have to pay. Easy? Nah! Today’s supplies came to 1,725 roubles (NZ$101) “FRIG, that’s OUTRAGEOUS,” I thought “I’ve gotta stop buying grapes a kg at a time, & avocado’s must have gold plated stones here!” I was 15 roubles short of making correct change so I tried to hand her 2,000 roubles..I know, I know, IknowIknowIknow..I was in shock, alright?! No, she got me to fan out my money, took 500 & something, & gave me 350-odd roubles change! A similar thing happened with her last week.
AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I’ve just realised, she doesn’t use a decimal point..doh; it was 172.50 roubles! WICKED! Still expensive for an avocado, a kg of black grapes, 2 tomatoes, & 2 telegraph cucumbers; extravagant but manageable. The avocado turned out to be the tastiest one I’ve had since my Te Puke life of so long ago.

We must have REALLY thin air today; I’ve been barely able to keep my eyes open..actually, that’s not true..I haven’t been able to keep my eyes open for more than 30-minutes at a stretch. Even sitting at my desk, reading or writing, I’ve continued to nod off; no mean feat I assure you. It’s not just me, the cats are abnormally sleepy too.

Sunday, November 13, 2005 Another very dozy day, but I was determined not to repeat yesterday’s zzz-athon.
Hit the streets, shopping for Kerell’s birthday present; an entertainment pack comprising a gorgeous Dumbo book, colouring-in book, crayons, colour pencils, water-colour paints, mandala-designer kit, & a spak A4 20 leaf plain-page exercise book for his own ‘creations’. Do you think I could find a scrap book? Not for love nor money! Sheer determination unearthed the plain exercise book..99% of exercise books are ‘graph-paper’ & used for writing.
Easy-peel pricing stickers haven’t made it to Surgut yet; it’s still firmly in the realm of ‘the top layer of packaging or book cover goes too’ or ‘leave a sticky dirt-magnet mess’, no ‘Citrus-Off’ to help.
A massive mall that’s been in construction-mode since my arrival has finally opened. It’s a first for Surgut; Western style with plate glass windows so you can actually SEE it’s a shop, & WHAT it stocks!
I went to have a peep, & Adidas gear has the entire ground floor.
The second floor has all sorts of yummy shops; chicks clothes, very sophisticated menswear, fur, hats & gloves (I’m not convinced I won’t be going back to score a cute little knitted ensemble with satin roses..ridiculously expensive though … FARK! No I’m not going back, I’ve just converted & there’s no way I’m shelling out NZ$230 for knitted hat & gloves, I don’t care how pretty or unique they are! Boohoo, but I REALLY, REALLY WANT them!), shoes (the boots! Oh wow, a girl could go wild! I particularly liked the lime green leather stiletto’s..though the lime green fur running up the side would have to go!), kitchen gadgets, electronics, & a styley cafe.
The 3rd level is wonderful! You step out onto the open roof, & have a choice of 4 other garret-like specialty shops, or looking out over the main street at the cars, people, shops, & lights, with a colourful round-about to your left, & the city’s founding-father’s monument & round-about to your right. All it needs is some romantic mood-music, & I can see lovers ‘in the first bloom’ taking a brief & impulsive sway. It’s what I’d do anyway..whether mall-management, or lover..it’s so pretty up there!
The entire place is crawling with security guys. Level 3’s a high spot for revisiting, camera primed, one night before I leave, definitely.

Walking back home, I followed a mama with her little pixie, all decked out in his/her snow-suit. They’re SOOOOOOOOO CUTE! They end up being as wide as they are tall; a whole new level of ‘duck-waddling’.

Return to Planeta, & the ‘Jubilee’ celebration for someone. I THINK jubilee means 50th, however Nelly also refers to hers & Victor’s 60th birthdays as jubilees; blowed if I know, & I’m not likely to have it reliably clarified until I hit Moscow.
A rather quiet gathering for the initial hours, it turned into a rocking Russian affair after 8pm, with some fabulous live performances of traditional singing & dancing, complete with heaps of masculine “Whoopah”s & farm-whistles..I love it when they do this! I really wanted to get down there, watch & pop off some pics, but I’m just not that cheeky or brave enough to impose. I did make one attempt to sneak a peek, but true to form, I chose the very time the performers took a break. STINK MAN! Just like cricket, & footy of every variety, I’m always watching/doing something else when the real action happens!

Monday, November 14, 2005 Well, well, well, well, well,well,well..7 holes in the ground! A ‘mixed-bag’ day.
Faced the day feeling ill..thumping headache & seedy belly; accumulated stress.
A small measure of cheer gained, I could read the lesson timetable for the next couple of days.

Revisited the new mall; the cute little knitted ensemble was calling. It’s ok, I didn’t buy it, but I did grab the prettiest beanie in the world, for a fraction of the price! COME ON! GIVE ME A BREAK! It’s a good replacement for the mink tea-cosy, it’ll definitely make it into NZ, & it’s still very ‘Russian’, it’s feminine, & it ‘suits’ me. Packs down to nothing too!
Bonus: when I told the Deyushka it was too big, she gifted me a liner for it..better fit for all hats now, & extra warmth!

I received my 1st piece of work for 60 Parallel; YEEHAAA!

Lunch over with Nelly, she suggested we visit Irina Anatolievna, the librarian.
“Why?” Nelly nurses a strong grudge against this woman, so I was at a bit of a loss.
Irina Anatolievna had asked Nelly to bring me to her because she wanted to give me a private farewell pressie..a hand embroidered & fringed long strip of fabric..made by her own Grandmother/Babushka as it turns out. ‘Babulya’ made it for Irina’s son’s wedding, & Irina now wants me to have it for MY son’s wedding. I’m unbelievably touched by this very personal gift. Big grippy hugs & kisses; she was thrilled by my appropriate Russian thanks, & of course I was thrilled by the gift.
You drape it over your hands & forearms, place a loaf of wedding bread onto it, with a dish of salt, & proffer it to the bride & groom who must each break off a piece of bread, dip it in the salt, & eat it (I’ve mentioned this tradition before).
What I’ve now been told is that the biggest chunk of bread signifies who’ll be the boss of the household. I wonder if Ben will agree to this wee ceremony when he gets married? If he does, & I love his bride sufficiently, I’ll have a whisper in her ear about how to get the biggest chunk. If I don’t, well I’ll be giving Ben lessons! Oh-so like a territorial mother, even I’m afraid!

Now, I know Irina Anatolievna has a soft spot for cats, so I asked if she would let me present her with one by way of thanks (conniving cow that I am). “Ooooooh, yes please!”
So now, Monya is safely delivered to a dependable & loving home.

One down, one to go; I wish Possum’s pus-nut would hurry-up & grow fur!

Bounding up to my office to e-mail the good news to Alex, Olya, & Sergei, I was halted by Lena, Mayster’s PA. Fab-O! My green dress has arrived! Even better, it still fits!..kind of! I’d forgotten how low-cut it is (amazing what confidence & excitement encourages a person to wear!), & with a few of the Russian mayo kg’s perched on my chest I’ll need to invest in some double sided tape to maintain still questionable decorum. Not sure Planeta’s ready to see this much of me, nor am I confident I want to show them ; a touch & go affair, it’ll depend on my mood on the day. Never mind, it’s good to have for future places & times once I’ve dropped some weight.

Post-lesson ciggie with Dmitri II, I descended from the last step onto the driveway, & I’m a Looney-Toons character … skidding, scrabbling, log-rolling feet, windmill arms on the go too, popping eyes, & a perfect ‘O’ mouth; out-of luck at last, I hit the deck in a spectacular way! Lousy ‘black-ice’ patch in a slushy city!
Dmitri frantically tried to catch me, & was most apologetic that he’s not sufficiently a gentleman to have done so..nit!
I wanted to brush the moment off, but Dmitri felt duty-bound to:-
1st: Check I really was ok (like I’d tell him, unless I had shattered bones poking out!)
2nd: Give me a lesson & demonstration on how to walk at this time of year (gotta keep those knees bent)
3rd: Practice some of his new words (fall, elbow, wrist, ankle, tail-bone, wound, blood, pain, sprain, bruise [all with a concerned frown] then, clumsy…hahahahahaha!)
“Yes, yes! You’re a genius AND a comedian, now light my bloody cigarette for me!
Back inside, & oh yay, Mr. Sayid Security, let me know my gymnastics were caught on film & watched by him, albeit with some concern for my welfare. No doubt this footage will be trotted out for the “yeor-my-yeor” & amusement of everyone.
As the evening progressed, my body packed-up. Dinged fingers, chunks out of both palms, wrist attached to the right aching, 2 painful elbows, jippy right ankle (it’s always been a hypochondriac!), a cricky neck, & a FREAKING sore back! My coat’s still in one piece & unstained though, thank goodness! Wounded pride for a while as well, until I started having ‘3rd person’ mental pictures of the incident..very funny! Writing about it now, & cataloguing my aches, it’s even funnier ;oD!! And, I have to count myself lucky this is the 1st time it’s happened, & I was ‘home’ when it did. I’m not about to insult the Gods by taking a lottery ticket today, even if I thought I could hobble to the Lotto equivalent.

Irene invited me to a drum & beat do tonight. Probably right up my alley, but I’m past destroying my week by staying up all night on a Monday (why aren’t these parties on a Friday then, aye?), & besides my body had packed up so much by then I wouldn’t’ve challenged an 80-year-old babushka to a race for my OWN pocket!

I’ve all-but finished editing the 60 Parallel document; have spent a fair amount of time writing to you, & now my neck & right arm are killing me. Enough of my wounds, I’m off to twirl in Voltarin gel, then to bed, sleep, & heal.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005 Jingoes! An interesting array of bruises across my back & on my elbows. I didn’t think it could happen, but I hurt more today than last night; consequently I expect a lavish rainbow to appear over the next few days. Where’s a nice hot bath when you need one?

With Monya’s departure, Possum’s using her imagination again. As quickly as I tidy up my room, she’s discovered something new to pull out. Today’s favourites are the box my nifty anti-mozzie machine came in (kept for packing), a pussy willow branch (she stole from the rubbish bin), & a Pringles Original tube. She’s awfully cute with her play, but I’d really like to have a clean & tidy room again.
Not much chance of that clean & tidy room though, even if Possum goes; as I pack things up there’re stacks against the walls; that pile for shipping, this pile for taking, another pile for donations, the pile over there for handing over to Nelly for safe-keeping until Juneen arrives, a daily pile for the bin.
I’m furious with myself & Murphy. I tossed the courier bags my dress came in into my office bin yesterday. This morning I realised they’ll be great for packing ‘precious’ things cos they’re bubble-stuff. Into my office, & blow me down, someone’s been in & emptied the bin. Given it was emptied last week by the cleaner for the first time in almost 5-months, I can’t believe it’s been proactively emptied again so soon, & without me being there to give her access! <@#%^*>!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005 Nelly’s & my raucous laughter reverberating from my office brought Irina Anatolievna & Svetlana Anatolievna rushing in to find out what’s up. What was UP were the photos of me in my green dress. Nelly & I were both saying “Yeor-my-yeor!” & “probably not!” Irina Anatolievna & Svetlana Anatolievna didn’t see the funny side at all to start with..”Klasna Prue! Kraseevy! You must wear it!” (Cool …! Beautiful!) Then “(girly giggles) We didn’t know there’s so much of you; if you don’t want all of ‘that’ can we have some?”

Lovely wee Vladimir came & presented me with 2 DVD’s; one of photos of Surgut, one a night film of Surgut he, his mum, & Alexei filmed for me. Gorgeous, thoughtful young men, & lovely mum, none of them have even been my students!

Thursday, November 17, 2005 Cute, cute, cute little 1st-year man, Nasid, treated me with charades to complement his sketchy English explanation for why he hadn’t eaten all day. Contrary to my assumption that it was due to some religious occasion, it’s because he’s been too busy with ‘repetitions’ (‘Rehearsals!’ The word is ‘rehearsals!”..can’t get this one through to them!)..fabby Saturday Night Fever maneuvers..”oh very sexy!” I said in a nice but droll way.
In all seriousness, “Yes I know Prue, you’re not the 1st woman to have noticed, or said this to me!”
As I made a dash to kak myself in private, one of his mates called out to me “Hey Prue! He’s as sexy as a silly black monkey, isn’t he?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Gotta bless the way you men show affection for your mates! I never would’ve made it to my office without cracking up, & this 2nd little man let me off the hook.

Today’s teaching success: I gave Valentina ‘The Prophet’ as an e-book on Tuesday, & she came springing into the room tonight full of joy & enthusiasm. “Prue, I am very happy! I want to show you something!” Out came a clear-file..she’s printed the book so she can have it with her all the time. “This book is about me, my beliefs, & the way I live!” she said. I’d hoped she’d like it & it would be useful for her. Now I’ve finally got something concrete to work her lessons around. Trying to perform with topics like Buddhism & reincarnation, her real interests, has been impossible! I don’t know enough, & have struggled to explain some of the concepts.even to myself.

Today’s amusing teaching moment: Olga said “I’m going to itchy feet!”
“Itchy feet?” My 1st thought was of the monthly e-mail I get about travel deals from a crowd calling themselves ‘Itchy Feet Travel’. But no, what she’d actually tried to say was “…achieve it!”

How about if I dress up as a 19th-century ‘English lady’

This is the 2nd to last message coming to you from snowy Surgut.

Friday, November 18, 2005 I don’t want to talk about it! Hideous!!! Yeah I do. Mayster went dog on me because I refused to meet with him alone after 9pm to ‘discuss things’. “What’s the point?” I said. “He doesn’t speak English, I don’t speak Russian! Why won’t he meet with me during the day, when there’s someone to translate?”
Valentina went into black despair when I told her I was leaving..”But I like having you as my teacher..I get what I need from you! What about my future? What about my dream of Tibet? What about the kitten? It’s a terrible world & life!”

Saturday, November 20, 2005 Finished reading ‘Great Expectations’. Despite the old writing style, a good tale; if you haven’t already, read it.

Hit ‘the net’ & formally accepted my new job. The only potential spanner in the works is I need to send my teaching license back to NZ for ‘apostille-sealing’ & notarising (please don’t let this be a long procedure!).
So now I’m throwing caution to the wind & letting you know I’m heading for Mexico..hence the cryptic hint about ‘Bandits’..they ended up in Mexico! Shades of last year’s coincidences once I agreed to Siberia.
I’m going to Aguascalientes, Mexico to be precise.
Mineral springs near the city make Aguascalientes a popular health resort. It's a fruit & vege growing area (yummo!), and has a mild climate, never getting really hot, & never getting really cold. Points of interest include an immense network of catacombs, built by an unidentified pre-Columbian people (wow, now that's interesting!) The job is teaching adults mostly.
I momentarily panicked..”oh God, noooooooo! I’m going to a diet of beans & corn!” They ARE staples & apparently when combined make the perfect source of protein. Good-o but there’s plenty of other food I’m more interested in & will suit my belly; bring on the guacamole! I’ll have my own kitchen to cook what I want – fantastic steaks (with coriander & avocado), deliciously spiced & herbed chicken (with coriander & avocado), lots of fresh salads (with coriander & avocado)! YEEEEEEHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA!
My greater concern,,tequila. I HATE that muck! I’m hoping that Mexicans are not so precious as Russians about their traditional ‘poison’. No amount of ‘training’ will ever see me master that art! Nor do I want to!!!

I’ve had a couple of e-mails from an Aussie chicky (Danielle) working there now & it sounds really good..though I’ll be the ‘aunty’ generation of the school.
It’s easy to get reliable-ish info about ‘today’s weather’ but I haven’t managed to find anything concrete about the climate as a whole. Danielle’s insight today was “It’s getting really cold now!” Apparently it almost never gets as low as 0C, they haven’t had snow in 5-years.
I checked my internet ‘weather guru’ & found a high of +18C & a low of +15C for today, projected low for the ensuing week..an evil +10C. Oh, p-lease! Danielle’s from Queensland, so I’ll excuse her.

Tonight’s the first night since my arrival that I thought “Sod off with your racket underneath me!” Definitely on the wind-down. Mark’s invitation to a home cooked meal, a couple of hours of peace & quiet greedily snatched. His revelation: one of his students told him today there’s another Kiwi teaching here! Shock! Probe! “Where’s she teaching? What’s her name? How old is she? Where’s she from EXACTLY? How long has she been here?” No answers..yet!

Sunday, November 20, 2005 Pretty much packed up & ready to go after today; my rooms are back to looking Spartan..almost no sign of Prue. The only truly important thing left to do is dispatch my ‘treasures’ to NZ. I have obsolete paper to dump, food items to consume or pass on, & that’s it.
The packing exercise was interesting. In fact, almost all of the clothing I have needs to go to Mexico..the long johns can probably be ditched. The difference between the locals & me is that I wear loads of light layers to survive the conditions here, each layer is an item in its own right, & can be worn individually. I’ll doubtless end up shaving the fur lining out of my boots.
The only things I haven’t packed are the bare minimum to get me through the next couple of weeks, most of which are scrunched up in my washing bag so I need to get hold of the laundry key urgently! And regularly thereafter. My pack’s reserved for these bits. The exceptions are my green dress & black suit jacket..farewell do options & either is easily rolled into my suitcase at the last minute.

I stopped to look at my world map; if I fly all the way, I reckon I’ll go Moscow/USA/Mexico. I’d love my USA stop to be New Orleans, but I’m not sure how practical or doable that is..it may be better to save New Orleans for a weekend trip later; the Mardi Gras possibly. There’s a 3-week celebration in Mexico at that time, & the whole place shuts down to party..tequila, greasy food, & bull fights apparently. I don’t fancy watching the bull-fights, so I’d opt for a siesta (if I can’t dodge the tequila) or healthy bike ride when they’re on. Perhaps a trip to coincide with some jazz fest in New Orleans would be better? Yeah, I think that one!
The alternative is to make a slower trip by train from Moscow across Europe, then fly from France or Spain straight to Mexico. If I go this way, then I need to work out the feasibility of forwarding unaccompanied luggage. The obvious thing to forward is my lappy, but I’m not sure I’ll survive without it to record my experiences & download photos. Nope, I’ll just have to take it & my camera to the bathroom every time I go. Everyone keeps telling me traveling by train is difficult; no proper bathing facilities (that used to be a serious must-have for me, but now I've lived through a month in Surgut with sponge baths), freaks & geeks wherever you look (as an Olympic-class freak magnet I should see more than most). I REALLY want to have a train adventure though! How about if I dress up as a 19th-century ‘English lady’..surely that’ll place me high on the scale of freaks & everyone’ll leave me alone? Or a Mohawk princess, with tomahawk firmly clenched between my teeth? That might work!
One thing’s for sure, it’s best for me to fly into Mexico than go by road..land border rules are tougher than airport restrictions, plus the warnings about highway robbery are unnerving to say the least.
Many hours invested in Mexico research now, very little that’s worse than the warnings about Russia, I’m feeling a bit nervous never-the-less. No doubt a combination of no ‘buddies’ to reassure me this time, & some measure of Russian paranoia having rubbed off..as I’ve been too recently accused of.
Checking my vaccination certificate, I must revisit Hep A & Rabies shots..YUK! They’re the worst ones I had. A Yellow Fever shot should be added to the torture. Malaria & Dengue Fever are present in Mexico, not where I’m going thank goodness, but I need to consider the risk if I travel out of my immediate area. Now I’m remembering what it’s like to be a baby!
I’ll get all the shots in Mexico because my originals haven’t expired yet, I’m more inclined to trust the currency of their vaccines, & I just don’t fancy going to a Russian vaccination centre if I can avoid it.

Monday, November 21, 2005 Vasily invited me to join him in the library for tea & cake this afternoon to celebrate his birthday. An obligatory invitation, & in view of the all time low in our working relationship I didn’t attend.
Nelly didn’t go either due to a conveniently scheduled lesson. After her lesson, she & I went to have lunch & she told me on the way “Vasily has told Mayster that we didn’t have tea with him, & Mayster’s very angry with us!” A blatant lie because Mayster’s in Moscow today! I called her on it, & she didn’t bat an eye. Un-be-lievable!
I’m to spend Saturday with Nelly & family.

A phone call from Natasha; Maks is in Moscow until 5 December. Gutted! Unless we can catch up in Moscow, I won’t get to say goodbye to him. I’ll see Natasha on Sunday.

A text message as well as an e-mail from Vadim; he’s worried cos he hasn’t heard from me for a couple of weeks. With any luck he’ll be in Moscow when I’m there.

Two lessons tonight, & I told the students I’m leaving at the end of next week. I tried to buoy their spirits by reminding them there’s a new teacher for next year, & assuring them she’s good. “How do you know she’s good?” A fair question, & I have no idea, so I focused on the fact that she’s been teaching for 3-years, & so has much more experience than me. No good, they claimed they only want me. Very flattering, but they’ll get over me once I’m out of sight.
My greatest disappointment is that Lena, my absolute beginner, performed like a star tonight, in spite of a week without lessons, & I so hate to leave her at this very important point! Real progress shown by her being able to answer questions out of the usual order that I give them, & applying what she’s learned to questions about her family. She’s even getting the hang of ‘a, the, he, his, she, her’..no mean feat for a Russian. Awesome! I was on the verge of despair a couple of weeks ago when after 4 weeks of lessons (16 hours) plus homework time she still didn’t know what ‘ears’ were, & pointed to her eyes when she said earrings even though we’d just finished with ‘eyes’. Patience, tonnes of encouragement (including getting next-lesson students to translate high praise), & plenty of laughs have brought us both huge rewards. It’s lessons like this one that remind me why I want to do this job.

Irene & Olga wanted to know about ‘the green dress’ as they’d seen it hanging up the day it arrived. I told them it probably won’t get an airing & why. “Show us, show us! We don’t believe you, & even if it’s true, show us, show us! … ooooh, yes there is a lot more of you than we’ve seen! It’s good Prue! We approve! Is that a special bra you’re wearing? No? Then you should wear the dress & be proud! Your son would be proud of you!”
“HAHAHAHAHA! No my son would NOT be proud of me; he would be shocked & wanting to fight off every man staring! And they will stare, won’t they! They won’t be looking at my eyes when they talk to me, will they!”
“Yes, I understand what you’re talking about,” said Irene sagely as she thrust her own excellent 23-year-old ‘rack’ out with pride & for bonus attention “but it’s not that unpleasant you know. My advice is that you should wear it!”

Back to my room, & Possum’s been going crazy! Pot plants all over the floor, CD’s spread about the place, nothing left on the coffee table, candles smashed to smithereens, cosmetic bag thoroughly unpacked & scattered, rubbish bin upturned with all paper & tissues shredded from one end of the room to the other! Deep sigh & damage repaired, company hasn’t settled her down, she’s determined to chew her way through live electrical cables. I think there’s speed in the box of cat biscuits I bought her. The water pistol has given up the ghost tonight so she’s happily flicking me her middle claw as she races from one point of destruction to the next. I caught her once & really wanted to rattle some sense into her but “NEVER SHAKE A BABY!” crossed my mind, so had to be content with “BLOODY NO!” Little maggot! Once released she squeaked “up yours!”, disconnected my lappy 4 times, cleared the coffee table again, & smashed her way through my crockery. I’m about ready to toss her out the window! No really, I am! I’ve never come across such a willful & destructive creature!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005 Odd today; the last few days I’ve been excited & feeling like I can’t wait to go. This morning I woke up fragile & tearful thinking about saying goodbye, still looking forward to leaving though. I’m going to have to be careful over the remaining time; this swirl of emotions may end up making me grumpy.

Nelly arrived in my office barking at top volume & stroppy as hell..”what currency do you have in NZ, & what’s it worth in roubles?” Been through this a thousand times with her, what’s another 10 today?
5-minutes later she’s back in my office..with a bloke. “Nelly! I’m not dressed properly (summer tank top), just a minute..I’m sorry, excuse me, I’m sorry!” as I scrambled into a jumper. This man wants to take a trip to NZ, needs to have some idea of what it’s likely to cost him, & where he should visit. Well for starters mate, you’re not gunna be getting a 5-star hotel for 2-weeks in Auckland, with brekky & dinner, for NZ$1000! Quick calculations for airfares & accommodation, suggested itinerary of Auckland/Bay Of Plenty/Nelson/Christchurch, & they were off cos Nelly was late for her lesson. I wish there’d been more time to find out exactly what this man wants..Bay of Islands, Coromandel, Hawkes Bay, Wellington, Dunedin/Queenstown might be better recommendations. He must do the Bay Of Plenty though!

I’m very confused! I phoned Dmitri II’s wife to book my flight out of Surgut & “Aye? You don’t make flight bookings?" "Ok" she said, "I’ll call you back in an hour.” An hour later, she’d phoned around looking for the best deal & Dmitri will take me to buy my ticket tomorrow. I don’t get it! She works for a travel agency, she’s just back from a reconnaissance trip, they both suggested I make my travel arrangements through her cos she speaks English, & now she tells me she doesn’t book travel. Bi-ZARRE!
Toldga there’d be anecdotes about internal travel bookings, didn’t I?!

Popped in to welcome Sergei & Irina back from their trip to Egypt, & to let them know I’m leaving. Sergei’s agreed to come to the last 4 Planeta evening lessons, but Irina can’t make it. They'd bought me a pen & a couple of papyrus bookmarks in Egypt, hieroglyphics on all. The pen’s a stainless steel jobby with gold hieroglyphics. Very suave!

60 Parallel has a heap more work for me. I’ve calculated that I’ll be paid NZ$65 for the 5.5-hours I spent on the 1st piece. Not a great hourly rate, so I’ll offer to continue doing the work (cos it’s blimmin interesting), & ask them to donate my fee to worthy causes.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005 Dmitri took me to buy my ticket today. The reason his wife couldn’t sort it out is because her company doesn’t handle domestic travel bookings unless there’s international travel involved.

52 KG’S!

Well peeps, this is the last message you’ll get from me in Surgut.

Thursday, 24 November 2005 Purge, purge, purge..Watergate/Pruegate? 5 bags & 2 bins of notes, paperwork, homework, & lesson material destined for the skips..a few hand-shredded, some scrunched, most just biffed. Reams of paper for recycling.

I had a very unsettling afternoon, in an already unsettled time. I finally decided to watch the DVD that Sergei gave me about Noni Juice. I’ve been putting it off as I’d assumed it would be a full-on marketing production; Noni works like Amway.
Nothing of the sort; it was a lovely little romantic story about an abandoned baby washed up on the shores of some South Pacific island, & after years of adversity grew up to be a great guy who reaped his just rewards.
It was filmed in New Zealand & the Cook Islands.
What was unsettling? The cast were New Zealanders! George Henare, Rawiri Paratene, Joe Foelau, Hori Ahipene, Jay Lagaia, … Very weird to see so many familiar faces, & to hear so many people talking with a Kiwi accent.

Mayster came to talk to me today. He’s finally accepted the reasons for my early departure & stopped sulking..kind of.

Valentina returned the tourism video of NZ I lent her. She was wildly excited but also said it made her cry. “You have a beautiful country Prue! I want to walk it! Why would you ever leave? Why would you come to a place like Surgut?”
Of course she’s right; we all know it, but sometimes you just have to go without to appreciate what you have. As for Surgut..I’ve already said it all.
I asked her to let me take a photo of her, quickly adding “for memory Valentina” because I know how anti she is about having her photo taken. “Tomorrow Prue; ok?”

It was finally brought home to me; none of my students expect lessons after Wednesday next week, because Thursday is 1 December..a new month. I wasn’t prepared for this reality; I’d expected to teach on my final night here. I’m not sure what to do. Refrain at my own farewell do, & teach afterwards. Hold back at the do & have a sociable time with students after. Let rip, & have a great time at Planeta’s expense. Mayster still hasn’t paid me for October, & so the next few days will have some bearing on my decision.

What was supposed to be a quick drink after work turned into a very late night. No drunken affair, but certainly more than the 2 quiet pints anticipated; the bar staff decided to be especially hospitable & wanted to chat.
As usual, Mark & I went our separate ways at the end of the bar’s driveway. As I waited at the traffic lights for the cross signal, a car skidded to a stop on the other side of the road; a bloke came racing towards me & was obviously yabbering at me. I was about to turn tail & run, when I realised it was the barman.
“Oh, hello.”
“Come with me! Get into the car!”
“No, I’m fine thanks!”
“Get In The Car!”
“NO! I’m going home!”
“I KNOW you’re going home, we’re driving you there!”
Once again, I was faced with determined Russian ‘gentleman’ behaviour; it’s unacceptable to allow a woman they like to walk alone at night. They were furious with Mark for leaving me to walk alone, no matter how much I tried to explain that he always offers & I always turn him down. As far as they’re concerned he’s negligent for accepting ‘no’ for an answer.
Damned if I know how ‘bar boy’ knew it was me..he’s never seen me coated, scarfed, gloved, & hatted before..all of these bought here so there’s no neon flashing ‘FOREIGNER’ cut to my clothes, I hadn’t made it to the skiddy part of the walk therefore giving myself away with “woops” & ‘windmills’. I’m left thinking they were either lurking in the shadows waiting to see if Mark & I are ‘an item’, or I walk funny!

Friday, 25 November 2005 Thinking more about last night; I’m not sure whether I should have the willies about how trusting & foolish I am, or whether I should consider myself a good judge of character at last. Either remains a moot point..if I hadn’t given in, I’d’ve probably been picked up & forcibly put into the car.
It’ll be hard going back to square one in a new country, learning a different culture, & being wary of everyone until I start understanding how they tick.

Wow! I heard Mayster in total unrestrained tantrum today. I was outside; he was in his office 2 floors up & behind double-glazing. I have no idea who the victim was or the crime committed, but it was nasty; screaming, bellowing, filthy language, & incredible table smashing! The man’s a stroke waiting to happen!

Valentina swanned into the classroom this evening, just as I suspected, wearing makeup. It’s the 1st time she’s worn makeup in more than 12-months. “I wanted to look nice for New Zealand!” BLESS! I wish she wanted to look good for Surgut & herself, because the transformation was wonderful..not just an attractive change to the way she looks, it also affected her outlook..a little.
She wanted to postpone the photo session until the end of the lesson. All cool, I was happy to do so. Now I’ve seen the results, I want to go back & do it all again. Not because the 1st lot were bad, but because I want to do better by her. I can’t help but think she chooses to present herself as not so attractive to the world because that’s the way she’s been made to feel. Yes, an easy assumption made by those of you in blissful monogamy or matrimony, & we eternal romantics no matter how cynical. Even if she truly does want to withdraw from the world, it can’t do any harm to give her some flattering pics, if only to pass on to her daughters & grandchildren.
Ben & possible grandchildren have been the primary motivation behind the photos I’ve allowed to be taken, & posed myself this last year; I wish I had more of MY family!

Saturday, 26 November 2005 Spent the day with Nelly & family. As soon as I’d finished stripping off outdoors layers, Natalya presented me with her farewell gift..a dangly silver Playboy bellybutton stud thing. :-O Any takers?
Nelly & Victor gave me earrings & a necklace..faux black pearls & diamantes, it’s a nice little set.
Nelly told me my farewell do will be changed to Wednesday as Mayster is going to Tyumen on Thursday, though I’m not to know this UNTIL Wednesday. It really doesn’t suit me because I have lessons on Wednesday that can’t be rescheduled to Thursday due to the student’s commitments. Fab! A Clayton’s farewell..5-minute appearance “Hi everyone, sorry can’t stay, gotta work, have a great time farewelling me; Nelly will be ‘proxy Prue’ so just direct all your speeches at her, & she’ll respond on my behalf. Thanks for coming!” Madness!
I asked Victor & Nelly how I go about couriering my docs back to NZ; they have no idea, don’t know anything about couriers! “You mean a telegram? … A fax then? …”
sigh I’ll send them from Moscow next week..it’ll probably be cheaper & quicker anyway.
I was in luck; Victor was shattered after performing in a concert & kipped for a couple of hours, vodka consumption kept to a comparatively low level, Nelly was smashed anyway. Tear jerky toasts accompanied each shot, in-between conversation determinedly maudlin in spite of my steering onto happier topics. By 12:30am I’d run out of energy & headed for home.

Sunday, 27 November 2005 I didn’t end up seeing Natasha today; she’s ill. Hopefully she’ll be well enough for me to see her before I leave.
Heaps of people are sick, which is probably due in main to the inexplicably strange weather. By now, we should be firmly into constant -20C, but we’re averaging about -8C. I also suspect the shortened daylight hours have a lot to do with poor health & low spirits. Sunrise currently at 8:25am & sunset at 3:20pm, daylight hours to get progressively shorter still, I’m finding myself the reverse of the summer months when White Nights had me awake for 20-hours a day. No doubt, a ‘normal’ reaction, now all I want to do is sleep. Vivaciousness & energy a dim memory; hate that!

I spent a good part of the day ferrying a seemingly endless supply of rubbish to the skips. It never ceases to amaze me how much I hoard ‘just in case’…
I phoned Alex to let him know I’ll be arriving in Moscow on Friday, & was very relieved by his excitement. Phew! I’m still an insecure bimbo sometimes!

At some point in each of the last 3 days it’s occurred to me “this is my last Friday night/Saturday/Sunday in Surgut.” It’s a funny feeling; a little bit sad, a little bit exciting, quite a bit scary, & has caused a fair amount of home-sickness too. By the end of next year I’m sure I’ll be well & truly in need of, & unable to resist a NZ & Oz fix.

There was something else I wanted to tell you about today, but I just can’t think what it was! Alzheimers!

I plan to spend the next few days compiling photo albums for Nelly & Victor, & Valla. Also a DVD of the video’s I’ve shot with them. One of you (sorry, can’t remember who) sent me an e-mail with picture attachments (actually, probably you, Lynne) that included a pic of a couple of surfers confronted by a wave solid with dolphins. It’s an awesome picture; Natalya’s besotted with dolphins, so I want to have this pic printed & framed for her. My idea was to buy Helen a bellybutton adornment..would it be too conspicuous to give her a dangly Playboy one? Yeah, I guess it would. Wrong too; she’s only 14 so something suitably garish & sparkly is the order. Scratch that; I want to give her a classy one that she’ll mature into.

After many giddy ideas & much deliberation, I’ve decided to buy Alex & Vadim a Roget’s Thesaurus each, plus grab an old thesaurus from Gutenburg for them both. It’s crossed my mind plenty of times & been scotched because I kept thinking “(yawn) BORING! SO teacher-ish, & impersonal!” Having spoken to them both since they’ve started their new jobs, hearing about their problems with report writing & communicating with expats, I think it’s a good idea. They’ve both asked me to recommend a good dictionary, neither has understood ‘thesaurus’. Before he left, I told Alex about Grandma’s thesaurus (published in the 19th century) vs. the latest edition, my preference for Grandma’s, & why. He was (yes, it sounds nerdy to you) very excited.
If it works, then I reckon it’ll be the best gift I can give them, & one to ensure they remember me every day. Yerk, I feel like an old librarian/Sunday school teacher!

Monday, 28 November 2005

Tuesday, 29 November 2005 Best laid plans of mice, men & Prue came to nothing today.
I’d intended hitting town to deplete stocks of cheap tiny stuffed dogs to supplement the flowers to be bought tomorrow. Why dogs? 2006 is the Chinese calendar ‘Year of The Dog’ of course!
Plans laid to waste by:
1) Nelly being in a needy mood & demanding constant hip contact
2) Planeta students’ hell bent on in-depth communication using just 3 English words each & calling for an additional 3 words from every student that passed by (a domino effect, precious time ticking by)
3) Foody chicks producing previously untasted, additional & un-needed morsels during the lunch break..designed to add a further 5kg’s to my hips & chest in the remaining few days of my sojourn
4) Protracted silent hugging & stroking from staff
5) A visit from Mark to ask me to meet for a drink tomorrow night, much to Nelly’s delight & necessitating a 30-minute debrief
6) Renewed loving from Mayster
7) A student arriving for the 6:20pm lesson at 5:30pm; confusion for her, me, & everyone else, 1 lesson turned into 2
...
… & the shops closed for the day

Lessons over, I was collected by Olga, Irene, & Sasha, & taken to the popular nightclub, Jumanji.
Dire warnings about the severity of Security had me quaking in my boots..pffffff! ‘Security Monster’ was thoroughly amused by my posh hat being loaded up with cell phone, keys, cigarettes, lighter, docs & money pouch laden with coins for begging babushka’s, so I could pass through the security scanner, & Olga’s explanation “she’s foreign…” “Of course!” he said, with a grin.
Animals leaping off pedestals & out of the walls, Russian billiard tables (“do you want to play?” … “Absolutely not!”) & a restaurant on the 2nd floor, 10-pin bowling & a restaurant on the 1st; our destination was the 1st floor restaurant..calyaan smoking! Yipeee, at last!
Basically, it’s a water bong/hookah (sp?) & you smoke a cocktail of whatever fruits take your fancy. Especially for me, after their sneaky questioning & my naïve answers, we smoked melons & citrus. Fagger’s & inhaler’s cravings quenched, no tobacco stench, & if you want ‘something more’ without breaking the law, you substitute the water with cheap ikky wine. I WANT ONE OF MY OWN! Even more than I want a Russian BBQ!!
Great entertainment for me, the amusement not understood by my mates; one bloke HURLING/BOUNCING his ball from the bowling line (good grief, don’t tell me I could be considered a stylish bowler here!), another bloke bowling ‘appropriately’ clothed in suit, tie, & Ronald McDonald shoes (“Come on! Why?” … “It’s the dress standard required for entry to this club, Prue!”). Insanity! And they agreed.
Irene gave me a sparkly keyring..a Great Barrier Reef fish (she can’t stand Russian souvenirs). Sasha gave me the most amazing piece of hand-craft..a delicately wood carved map of Tyumen Oblast (equivalent of our Bay Of Plenty/Auckland/Queensland/Far North Queensland) complete with Siberian Coat of Arms. Awesome! Another thing to be treasured, if I can get it home!!
An unplanned late night..approx. 4 hours sleep before ‘get up’ time..at this rate I’m going to sleep through Moscow!

Wednesday, 30 November 2005 Farewell lunch day; an ‘interesting’ affair. Mayster seated me next to him so he could hug & kiss to his heart’s content. I’m glad I didn't wear the green dress!
I asked Nelly to translate my speech, which wasn't too successful cos she broke into a panicky sweat & cried her way through it. Some of the others blubbed too, & I was none too composed by the end of it. Don't you hate that?!
They gave me a really pretty rose gold ring, set with a diamond & 2 mystery stones (maybe black agate). I had a spot of trouble concentrating on work afterwards cos I keep waving my hand around to admire the ring! Shallow cow!

Marina & Igor dropped in to say hooray; another emotional 30-minutes.

Drinks with Mark; he gave me a cute little Khanty-Mansi handcrafted leather & fur pouch for my cell phone, as a farewell gift.

Siberian Adventure - October 2005

2006-11-22T05:49:00.000Z

Saturday, 01 October 2005 There’s a stonking great wedding on the go tonight, some of the guests are boozed to bits & waaaay loud outside my room. It’s still early yet, so hopefully they’ll hit the wall ahead of time.

It’s been a beautiful day, clear sky, no wind, & deliciously warm (back into little tank tops & a light skirt).

I’ve had an amazing evening! Collected by Nelly, Victor, & Valla at 4pm, we went to a combined concert by the Surgut Symphony Orchestra, & Surgut Express Band. The symphony orchestra were up first, & they were fantastic! Beautiful classical pieces performed to perfection; I was appalled when I found myself drifting to sleep at one point! The man sitting next to me was obviously an alcy..straight vodka exhaled with every breath & oozing from every pore of his body. Pfew, I think I must’ve been drunk on his fumes!
After a perfect performance by the symphony orchestra, I wasn’t looking forward to Surgut Express Band with the same enthusiasm. Oh me of little faith! The Express Band were just as good; possibly better if the goosebumps on my arms, tears on my cheeks, & ear to ear grin are anything to go by. The tears caused by a spectacular rendition of “Love Story”, complete with sax solo. Freaking WOW! The following 4 numbers just got incrementally better. My 2 favourites being a blood rousing, foot tapping, jiggling in my seat, percussion dominated one (can’t beat tribal drums as far as I’m concerned); & the last one that had sections focussed on particular instruments; trumpets (complete with showy left then right blasts), groovy sax, French horns had a cute show, more drums. I’m sure this last one comes from Oliver Twist. Standing ovations (I was the 2nd person in the hall to stand), & the Russian demand for an encore (a synchronised, insistent hand-clap), the band repeated the Oliver Twist number.
Concert over all too soon for me; Nelly, Valla, & I went outside in search of Victor, to let him know we’d catch a taxi home. We found Max as well, so he gave us a ride. Russian language limitations, I was at a loss to express how much I enjoyed this concert. I told Nelly if I was in NZ I’d use bad language to describe how I felt. She wanted to know exactly what I’d say. I thought about it for a while & decided to tell her because she’s used the word herself; I leaned over & whispered in her ear “F*CKING AWESOME!” She loved that, but was considerate enough not to translate for the benefit of Max & Valla.
I’m telling you, you’d have to be a total nonce not to enjoy this show!
Back at Nelly’s, Victor finally arrived & greeted us with “Preevyet dyushky!”, Valla responded with “Preevyet Mushny!” (Hi girly’s!..Hi boy!). Hawk-eye-Nelly spotted me scratching my bites, & brought me a bottle of potion..”it doesn’t smell very nice but it’s very good!” she said. I did summersaults; oil of carnations, & the aroma was DEVINE! Obviously ‘my fragrance’, I could only smell it for a short time. I NEED TO BUY SOME OF THIS BEFORE I LEAVE!
A nice, sedate meal with a couple of drinks afterwards, the evening came to a cheerful, early end. I didn’t bother trying to argue about who would pay for my taxi; I let Victor pay, but slipped the fare into his jacket pocket.

Sunday, 02 October 2005 A bleak, dark, raining, & WINDY day today, the temperature wasn’t too bad in the afternoon, but the evening’s very cold. Even chilly in my room, I checked the heater; it doesn’t feel as warm as it should. No probs, I have the backup.

FINALLY, Alex & I finished his CV tonight, WHAT A MISSION!
Alex & Olya have offered for me to freight some of my stuff to Moscow with their gear. It’s a fantastic offer cos it’ll save me a fortune in excess baggage charges from here to Moscow. Hopefully too, it’ll be cheaper to post from Moscow to NZ the stuff I can’t take with me to my new country.
Reality will bite again when I pack up all ‘my treasures’ to freight with Alex & Olya’s gear. My room will lose it’s home feel & there won’t be anything to gaze at with fond memories.

Monday, 03 October 2005 Nelly badgered me about what I did with myself yesterday; she’d obviously checked the log book & found I didn’t start lessons until 4pm. In the end I gave up & told her I’d spent a lot of time clearing rubbish out of my room in preparation for leaving. It upset her, as I knew it would.

I’ve had a big fright today. Vasily had asked me to check my documentation to see when my visa expires so he can work out when I will work till. As far as I can tell right now I don’t actually HAVE a visa. The one issued in NZ expired back in April, so it looks like I might be an illegal alien. No weekend jaunts to Tyumen until this is sorted out.

Sergei & Irina asked Vasily if they could become private students on mine, rather than attending Planeta lessons. He gave them his blessing then told me their lessons start tomorrow at 4pm. I’VE ALREADY TOLD HIM A HUNDRED TIMES I HAVE NO TIME LEFT! God he winds me up!

Tuesday, 04 October 2005 My 14-year old students asked me to write my ‘biography’ for them a couple of weeks ago. I’ve been putting it off ‘cos I always think my life’s not that interesting. Anyway, they put the hard word on me on Friday, so I gave it a shot today & it turns out there’re lots of things I can tell them about that they’ll relate to, & lots of things that’ll thrill them. Cool! The difficult part is keeping the language simple enough for them to understand without losing the ‘feel’. I should’ve started when they 1st asked ‘cos I’m short on time for the editing process.

Wednesday, 05 October 2005 Nelly’s driving me INSANE at the moment, even more than usual. Monday’s revelation that I spent time Sunday clearing out in preparation for departure, has her redoubling her efforts to run interference with my job research & applications. Now, instead of leaving when I tell her I’m busy & can’t give her my full attention, she bangs my arm constantly & even leans across my lappy screen so I can’t see it anymore! And talks inane crap. Her screwy rationale is that if I don’t find a job elsewhere I’ll stay here. What she won’t understand is that I must leave Russia for now, & if I don’t find another job in time, I’ll be heading back to NZ & will probably never make it back to Russia!

Today’s the official ‘International Teacher’s Day’ here. Marina gave me the best present; a CD of photo’s taken by herself & a friend, of Surgut, spring, summer, autumn, winter, celebrations & festivals, & a few of a Russian village. All I can say is ‘fantastic memories’! The CD & files are entitled “To Prue from Siberia with love”. I’m blown away! I’m invited to join her & some friends on Saturday at a café. Stand by, I’m sending some pics with this message, & more will follow with later messages. Be warned, there are some ‘gruesome’ shots of Surgut, & you’ll be bound to empathise with David-from-Yorkshire’s despair, but I reiterate ‘beauty can be found, if only you open your eyes & heart!’

Alex was a jibbering wreck when he arrived 30-minutes late. He sent his new ‘English’ CV to a few places in Moscow on Monday, & now has an interview with BP in Moscow on Friday. He went to book his flights & was told there were no available seats; after a ton of begging & singing his hard-luck story, they found an expensive seat to Moscow, returning after 3am Saturday morning. He ran an ad for his apartment on Saturday, had 12 Real Estate Agencies respond, & sold it on Monday. In the meantime he & Olya are frantically selling off personal effects & car, whilst also going through a difficult legal process regarding her apartment & ex-husband. Poor boy, I’ve never seen him sweat before, but tonight he was dripping! A relatively minor concern, but still one that’s troubling them is Olya’s cat. She can’t take it to Moscow, & they haven’t found a home for it here. I suggested the cat be delivered to me; a Planeta student is bound to steal it & take it home, as they’ve done with The Mog & AngElla.

multi-boards…exposed wires…M-rag SSA

Tired, listless, lacking energy, I think I need Pluravit! Or something like that! It's been a mad week & I'm pleased to see the end of it, though I'm told next week will be much the same.

Thursday, 06 October 2005
Bedlam!
Planeta’s being inspected by the Russian Federation’s Education Department & the bodies of staff & students were everywhere today, from 9am – 10pm! Towards the end of the afternoon the ‘big guns’ or ‘cheap shots’ were brought out, namely me! My ‘dulcet tones’ & English language reached the ears of one of the inspectors & he requested a personal interview.
“Cancel your lesson!” “I can’t, they’re waiting for me now!” “Tell them it’s cancelled anyway!” “No! If it’s important, the inspector will test another 15 of the 40-odd students waiting, & I’ll see him in an hour!”
Unhappy Planeta faculty, happy ‘Prue’ students, & once the lesson was over, Ilyiat, the Inspector was over the moon after an hour of talking to me!
Ostensibly it was an interview to check the validity & worth of my presence, but in reality he wanted to test his English skills. He claimed his English isn’t any good, I told him he’s doing ok, gave him some pointers, & agreed to e-mail English practice.
And I thought I couldn’t play ‘the political game’! Another ‘notch’!
In the meantime, I’ve had an unexpected approach from a school in Mexico, & I’m trying to e-mail docs via spasmodic internet availability. “I’m a dick, I’m a dick, I’m a dick! I’m supposed to be trying to make money, but the ‘cultural’ lure is too much!” No worries, hopefully all I’ll have to buy is a ‘Snowy-River’ oilskin, & a pair of joddy’s. Errr, & some rattlesnake, scorpion, & tequila anti-venom! Oh yeah, don’t forget the container-load of ear-plugs so I don’t hear the mountain lions, wolves, coyotes, jaguars, bears, ocelots, wild pigs, & pumas chowing down on my pet calf!
It’s pie-in-the-sky, I doubt they can take me on as I haven’t completed my degree.
At some point in the panic Mayster’s son, Dmitri, managed to lose my key to the classroom. Mad scattering by Dmitri & Vladimir, stroppy dismissal by Mayster “PRUE, GO AWAY, WE’RE DOING IMPORTANT THINGS, COME BACK TOMORROW!” until he realised his pocket would be affected ‘BARK, SHOUT, HARRANGE, “FIND THE KEY NOW YOU IDIOTS!”’
The key’s a gonna ($$ to donuts it’s locked inside the room!); Nelly-to-the-rescue, she moved so I could use her classroom.
We’re ‘friends’ again after she had a ‘melt-down’ today & I assured her she was better to let me find a job in this hemisphere rather than forcing me to return to NZ “more chance of me returning, Nelly, even if only for a visit!” Confidence restored, as ‘Head of the Cathedral for English Language’ (legit title, sounds fancy, it merely means she has most of Planeta’s pitiful English language books, dated circa 1958, in her classroom) she’s written a fabulous reference for me. Two down, one to go! I want one from a student; Vadim would be a given & perfect, but he’s gone now; Alex would be great, but he’s too insecure, so I’ll cadge one off Irene, who’s been a strong defender of my worth. I don’t hold much hope for one from Vasily, we’re scrapping again, but if I can catch him in a reasonable frame of mind I’ll grab the opportunity.
Nelly’s classroom is lovely, & my students responded well in it. In spite of the ‘skin-of-my-butt’ lessons, due to prepared material being locked away in my usual room, we did well. The only thing that really stumped them was “10’ tall & bullet proof!” I was trying to describe my youthful false bravado when it came to riding horses (yes Jane, you & your sisters have a lot to answer for! If not for the Sirett’s, I’d probably be quietly rocking in my chair, knitting booties & beanies in preparation for Ben’s prolific frogspawn!)
The raft of day-time students awaiting inspection testing & peering through the windows watching us have a good time, was a little distracting for me initially; I called their bluff & invited them to join us. Visibly paling, they backed away!
Mayster made frequent ‘reccy’ passes with Ilyiat-The-Inspector, observing me working with groups throughout the evening until late. Warm, approving looks from both; Planeta’s bound to get ‘straight ‘A’s’ for English between Nelly & me.
“Sh*t” seems to be the ‘word for today’. One Planeta student (not mine, but a rough ‘sweety’ currently sporting a super black eye) told me “not listen that girl, she stupid, she speak you sh*t!”
“Come with me Honey…I don’t want to know about your problems, but if you’re going to speak English, what you should say is ‘she TALKS sh*t’” .. “Hahahahahaha! OK!” … “Hey everyone, Prue said…!” I scampered down the hall with the sound of student hilarity & approbation in my wake.
Explaining the trauma’s of my childhood with a name like ‘Prue’; “… Prune, Prude, & Poo!” “What does ‘Poo’ mean?”
“Sh*t!”
“Ooooh, we’re sorreeeyahahahahaha!”…”she said ‘sh*t’ hahahaha”…”sh*t-ahahahaha” Children!
Irene’s had a lousy week, no matter what she’s done it’s turned to custard..”Irene, sometimes we say ‘life’s a sh*t sandwich & it’s always lunchtime’” That one went down like a lead balloon; they can’t fathom a lunch short of soup, rice/gretchka/mashed spud, meat, salad, & bread, with cakes & buns on the side. “She said ‘sh*t’ again, hahahahahahaha!”

Text messages from Jenny tonight..she’s going out with students tomorrow night; should she tell Mark I’m on for beers after work? Nup, I told her I’d been surprised she didn’t show last week until I got the message that Mark mistakenly thought it was a date. She’d got the same impression from him, didn’t realise I was in the dark then, & is all for a girls night next Friday.

Friday, 07 October 2005 A day that could do with erasing from the calendar.
Vasily tossed his toys when Dmitri Mayster asked him to get duplicates of his classroom key cut..”WHY DON’T YOU TELL PRUE TO DO IT?!”
Yeah right, like … “Izvenyetya pazhalsta, ya-nye gavaryue pa-Russky, but” & brandishing an empty hand will really do the trick!
Now if I was Dmitri Mayster, I’d’ve taken Vasily’s key from him, so at least there’s a key here for now, & organised copies next week. Too logical, so there’s no key to the classroom, I still can’t get to my books & lessons, & I’ll be flying but the seat of my pants again tonight, Sunday, & probably Monday. And I’ve just realised my hat is locked in there too! Damnation!
I arrived at my office to find it’d been taken over as an examination room. The students taking the exam in my office, & Dmitri’s, were unsupervised, are ‘tame’ students, & were not alone. The collective 5 or 6 at a time in my office would’ve been coaching each other through the answers..a couple of them have been my students, so key participants. I was asked to remain with them but declined suspecting I’d be roped into providing winning answers.
So no clearing of e-mail, no idea about what’s happening in the world, can’t check on next year’s work prospects, & no chance of creating lessons from on-line sources. Scratchy, I went back to my room to sulk in private, & pull myself back into a better frame of mind (it worked with Ben when he was little, so it should work for me).
Once I’d sorted myself out enough to face the halls of Planeta, Mayster had calmed down significantly too. He must be an even bigger ogre at home than he has been at work this week because his wife looks as though she spent all last night howling. When I bumped into him he was with the Head Inspector (top dog from Moscow); last chance to charm a good result, he put his arm around me, explained to ‘Top Dog’ I’m from NZ, & introduced us. ‘Top Dog’ was suitably impressed that Planeta had someone from so far away, & wanted to know what my job was. A little smattering of Russian from me, he finished with ‘beautiful girl’. My ‘good inspection’ deed’s done for the day.
Into Nelly’s room to set up for lessons way too early, I left the lights off, kidded myself that I was reading Peter Pan in the name of lesson research, & snatched 40 winks on the couch. Phew, I felt so much better afterwards!
30-minutes before my 1st lesson, zippidy do-dah, my office had been vacated. Without bothering to turn lights on, I whipped in to check e-mail. Mayster poked his head in to see why the door was open just as I connected. Finding it was me he came all the way in, closed the door, plonked himself down in a chair … & I disconnected from the internet. He’s tired, aching for a good result from the inspection, & stressed to the max. I told him “It’s almost over, Planeta will do well, I’m sure of it!” And I am, in light of today’s ‘fixing’.

Saturday, 08 October 2005 I awoke to the sound of a demented chainsaw buzzing outside my window. Mayster’s a flaming vandal! He doesn’t own the land..yet..but has taken it upon himself to commence clear-felling the trees. I think it’s a crying shame, but then I don’t know what plans he has for the property. Something nice I hope! I hopped out of bed to observe his technique through the window, with the critical eye of an ex-wife of a forrester. Yep, he lacked finesse! No such thing as ‘scarfing’, his poor wee chainsaw (about the size of my comb) was being thrust & buzzed straight though trunks until it jammed, then he & Misha’s replacement took to shoving the tree in the direction they wanted it to fall, releasing the saw at the same time (timmmm-clonk-berrrr!) I sooooo wanted to sprint down the stairs & outside to offer the benefit of my ‘superior’ knowledge, albeit 2nd hand & merely observed. In order to conceal his mischief, Mayster then proceeded to thrust his long-suffering saw below ground-level to remove the remaining evidence of any trunk. Heaps of bribe-money at his disposal, he’s a law unto himself! The crows are angry though, & I doubt they’ll be mollified by fluttering roubles; let’s hope they reserve their revenge specifically for him!

I ventured out to buy bathroom supplies, & shatter me, it was cold! Blazing cheeks, runny nose, stingy ears, & cold-as hands. This’ll probably be the last weekend that I’ll get away with going out sans gloves, proper hats & coats..or at least without polyprops. The locals are getting cranky again too; my 1000 rouble note was met with scorn when my purchases only came to 700-odd roubles.

Sergei’s doctor friend who has the ‘odd’ diagnostic equipment at Planeta has taken to greeting me heartily, as does his wife. Just a little language lesson for me this afternoon; I asked him “rabota..harasho?” He replied “Orchen harasho! … Atlitchna!” The lesson being you don’t say ‘very good’ with regard to work, you say ‘excellent’. Gratefully noted; baby steps, every day!

I was supposed to go out with Marina, her husband, & friends tonight but I’ve begged off. White lie, I said I had a massive headache & sick belly; I have little head, ear, & tummy aches, but mostly I just need a peaceful evening & to make the most of no wedding. Not to mention it’s a really yukky, windy, rainy, COLD day outside & I can’t be a*sed rugging up! I’d kill for a bath & Lush bathbomb tonight. Humpf, so much for ‘never say no to an invite cos you’ll miss out on an amazing experience!’ I think I’m in withdrawal mode due to my imminent departure. I’m suffering guilt pangs cos Marina’s a honey, but better I hermit than make a poor showing.

You know your hair’s getting long when … I showered & washed my hair 12-hours ago, whacked it into a pony-tail & slapped on my cap, & it’s still wet. Mental note; can’t do this anymore now the weather’s turning mean!

Sunday, 09 October 2005 Ha! No wonder it was cold yesterday, it’s snowed overnight, the first for the season. Bring on the snowman!
By the time I got outside to take a photo the stuff had melted, it snowed on & off for the rest of the day, it was too grey to make a decent photo, & the snow melted as fast as it fell.

Mayster came back with his chainsaw. I watched him struggle & cloud himself in smoke for ages with the first tree. Once felled, & it was safe to approach, I grabbed his hand, picked up a stick, took him over to some dirt & drew a picture of how to scarf & cut, then took him to a tree to demonstrate. The rest of the trees came down with a hiss & a roar, I got big thumbs up & beams; he was a happy logger, & I was surprised he took any notice of what I’d said. Dirty Dr arrived on the scene in the midst of it all, & tried to pull me to a safe place away from where he thought a tree was going to fall; the tree was being cut according to my specifications, he chose the path of death & I ended up saving him! What was I thinking?
The trees are being cleared to make a parking area, so much for hoping something nice was going to be done with the area! "They took all the trees and put 'em in a tree museum, charged the people a dollar & a half just to see 'em..don't it always seem to go, you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone, they paved paradise and put up a parking lot..dooo wap wap wap..."
Trees finished with for the day, Mayster pulled out an electric grinder & set to removing 2 segments of steel fence for access to his new carpark. An absolute death trap: the ground’s wet & his grinder’s attached to a chain of multi-boards & an extension cord, plugged into some socket inside Planeta. A couple of the multi-boards had exposed wires artfully wrapped in newspaper to M-rag SSA (Mayster-rough as guts Safety Standard Approved)! No way I was going anywhere near THIS project to offer advice & support! Towards the end he decided to climb the fence & work on the other side. I looked up in time to see him tumble from the top, land on his butt, & roll like a telly-tubby; discretion called for, I ducked inside so the sound of my laughter didn’t reach his ears.
Later in the day, Misha’s replacement called me over to help him drag the largest of the trees to the pile he’d made with the others. HEAVY! I helped him chop the branches off & stack those in another pile..not so valuable, my back was killing me; I’m getting soft! He wanted to know when I’m returning to NZ, & if I have any kids. He’s from Kazakhstan & has NINE kids! No wonder he’s here alone; his wife’s probably sent him away so she can take a break from child-bearing!
I did enjoy all this activity today, shades of working on my own place. Part entertainment, part being useful, & I’ve given them something else to remember me for.

Vitaly & Elena are back from their holiday in Moscow. They caught the train there & flew back. I picked their brains about the train trip. 3 days & 2 nights in a 4-bed berth they shared with another man. I want to go back to Moscow on the train, but Elena thought it was a bad idea because you don’t know who you’ll be sharing with, & I could end up in a room with 3 men, though I’m sure that wouldn’t happen. She thinks I should pay double & opt for a 2-bed berth, but I can’t imagine that’s any safer cos you still don’t know who your room-mate will be (“You might get lucky Prue!”), the only advantage is that you can be sure you won’t be landed with kids. Hmmmm, actually that’s worth consideration.
I talked to Alex about it tonight, & he had reservations as well; it takes time (I’ll make it), it may be very cold on the train (I have a blanket & sleeping bag), but mostly because I don’t speak Russian. I don’t see that’s an issue; I’ve stumbled my way through months here with the aid of my phrasebook & careful listening, & if the worst comes to the worst I’ll make sure I have a good book to read between gazing at the scenery, & writing the 3rd to last chapter of this tale. Alex suggested that he could travel with me when the time comes. A very sweet offer, but I actually want to make this trip by myself, have it as another challenge & adventure successfully completed, take some time to relax, & come to terms with my leaving. The good things about taking the train are that I’ll get to see more of the country, including the Urals, it’s cheaper than flying (Surgut airfares are daylight robbery), & I won’t be charged for excess baggage.
Alex noticed that my jacket was a bit grubby, & tried to dust it off.
They do that here without a second's thought; I’ve had security guys & relatively unknown students ‘rescue me’ by coming up & picking a leaf or seed from my hair that the wind deposited. Never happened in NZ, I found it ‘space-invading & uncomfortably intimate’ initially, in spite of appreciating the fact that I wouldn’t suffer the humiliation of spending the day looking like a tramp from a haystack!
I explained I’d been playing ‘logging expert & unpaid muscle’ today. Being a ‘Russian gentleman’, Alex couldn’t see the voluntary & humorous side of my involvement, was unimpressed that Mayster accepted my help, & disapproved of Misha’s replacement asking for assistance. “Alex, I didn’t give Mayster a choice, & I was happy to help the little worker man!”
He’d’ve had a nervous breakdown if he’d been there when I was helping Vadim & the boys dig the car out of the sand! Their worry was bad enough, I think it would’ve come to wrestling if Alex was there … “Sit over there & wait!” “No, I won’t, I want to help!” “Sit!” “No!” “Yes!” …
Back to the ‘space-invading’ comment…I know I’ve said how much Nelly drives me up the wall with her constant body-contact, but I don’t think I’ve mentioned that the women here hold hands & link arms like the Chinese & Japanese in NZ. I thought it was a peculiarly ‘oriental’ thing. Russian’s take it further; incredibly affectionate & unreserved, the women lip-kiss when they meet (even if they only saw each other a couple of hours ago..you know, before this last lesson), the guys greet the girls the same way, even when they’re just friends, & guys who are good mates are entirely relaxed about draping their arms around each other whilst shooting the breeze! They’re a very touchy-feely ethnic group; I find it odd but endearing, think Kiwi’s & Aussies could do with relaxing a bit (but not to the same extent), just so long as nobody encroaches on my personal arms-length space. Sad but true, I wish I could reduce the acreage I zealously guard!

I met a young guy yesterday at Planeta who speaks a little English, & has been learning Russian. Zarif’s a friendly little man, asked for my phone number, which I gave him, never expecting to hear from him. Tonight he sent a text asking how I was & what was I doing. I told him I was fine & was looking for a job. A new text asked if I like cocktails, & I replied yes, sometimes. Next thing my phone was ringing & he was asking if I’d like to join him for a drink. I’m tired, still a bit seedy from yesterday, not up to an evening of challenging communication, & don’t know this boy from Adam; “I’m sorry, I work nights, but thanks for the invite!” He wanted to know what time I finish work, hoping we could meet then. Not a chance!

Monday, 10 October 2005 Alexei came & told me the students need me to help with a presentation & wanted to know when I’m free. I wrote my lesson schedule out for him, he staggered a bit, & said they’d try & co-ordinate a time. Given up on Dmitri II, Stass found me & gave a different story about their presentation requirements. Next came Kate, & I have a 3rd version! Finally sure of what they want (I must create a new presentation & speech, they need it tomorrow), & lessons over I hit my room geared up for creativity. (yawn) 4am, the back broken, but by no means finished, I face-planted into my bed.

Tuesday, 11 October 2005 Up after snatching a bit of sleep, & feeling ok, I was frantically trying to finish the presentation; incessant interruptions by Stass & Nelly, given yet another ‘brief’ with demands that it be ready in 30-minutes, I got a bit stroppy & said it couldn’t be done. “Don’t worry” they said, “none of this is necessary, we thought we’d try you out, your old speech is perfect!” The last straw, after a trying couple of weeks & a sleepless night, I lost the plot! No screaming or hair pulling, my thunderous face & rapid speech were enough; they’re suitably afraid of me … & I’m repentant (I don’t want fear, but some consideration would be nice)!

Text message from Alex; unlikely he’ll see me tonight, he has a phone interview about the job with BP.
Ages later, another text “90% I have the job!”
OUTSTANDING!

Text conversation with Vadim followed; “Shell is great! Too much work, & it’s difficult; lots of mistakes with English!” Of course there are! I couldn’t teach him enough in the way of ‘Oil & Gas Engineering’ English; he’s a quick learner & a charismatic guy, so he’ll be fine. He just needed a confidence boost.

Wednesday, 12 October 2005 In the wee small hours of this morning, sometime around 3am, I almost wet myself; translating my presentation into Russian (yes, I calmed down & decided to keep working on the new presentation), Te Puke became “The Vomit Te”!
I’m a shattered shell! I dredged myself out of bed at some ungodly daylight hour & stumbled up the stairs. I needed to have my speech printed so Nelly could proof-read the Russian translation. No Vladimir in sight, so no printing from CD. No probs, I’ll copy to floppy so Lena can print it. Duh, no! Lena’s computer has poohed itself & can’t connect to the printer. Stalemate!
20-minutes before ‘show-time’ Vladimir appeared, & reluctantly printed the speech.
HIDEOUS! An unruly roomful of brats, ineffective teachers with no control, there were only 2 moments of attentive silence during the hour-long Planeta presentation, & they were when I let out a couple of ‘farm-whistles’. The 1st brought about a stunned silence, followed by uproarious applause (not what I was looking for), the 2nd gave momentary silence until I shouted at them to be quiet for a moment & then asked them to show their appreciation for the 2 students that had valiantly attempted to translate.
The Planeta staff & students present were appalled by this group; they had Kate in tears because they wouldn’t shut-up & listen!
Thinking about the awful behaviour this afternoon, I’ve decided on a couple of strategies to combat future similar episodes. The near future probably; we’re making presentations every day for the next week!

I’ve heard from another school in Mexico. They’re interested in having me take some conversational English classes & also conduct science lessons in English with young kids. I’m interested, but am suffering insecurities about my science expertise. The school has BOOKS! It bases it’s curriculum on an American format, but the Director has little faith in teachers from the U.S., preferring people from the UK, Aussie, & NZ.
Bloweded if I can see what’s in store for me next year! All I can say is nothing in China ‘feels right’, but Mexico does. Just like last year when Surgut ‘felt right’, & I haven’t regretted going with my gut in coming here!

The unconfirmed 10% for Alex getting his job with BP are merely 8 signatures to authorise his appointment. He’ll be in Moscow by October-end at the latest.

Talking with Maks & Natasha tonight, I was reminded of the international publication Maks gave me a couple of weeks ago that consisted of interviews with some key people in the Russian ‘Arts & Entertainment’ industry, as well as transcripts from a workshop that Maks was involved in. Each article was accompanied by a poor English translation. I commented that the publication was interesting, there was a lot to be desired when it came to the English translation, & if the editor was interested I’m happy to proof read. Well, Maks was on the phone, & out of his seat in the wink of an eye! The upshot being that the editor is keen & wants to meet me. If anything comes of it, & she has regular work for me, I’ll wind down what’s left of my evening & Sunday sessions .. FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC!

Thursday, October 13, 2005 Despondent text messages from Jenny today; she hates it here, she hates Lingva Centre, she hates her flat, she hates her flatmates, she wants to go home, but can’t organize flights without Russian assistance. She plans to do a bunk so can’t ask her colleagues to help. I’ve asked one of my students to call the travel agency tomorrow & get flight details.
I don’t get doing a secret runner! Surely, it’s better to concede defeat, apologise, & go.

Friday, October 14, 2005 Well, I did all I could for Jenny, & came up trumps. I let her know I have alternative accommodation for her, flights are sorted, all she needs to do is give the nod. Uh-uh, she’s changed her mind! I think she may be a bit of a menace.

Maks & I went to the Surgut Cultural University today to meet with the Chief Editor of that publication I mentioned. We were early so he introduced me to a posh photographer, who in turn showed me his latest pics with some new effects technology, pretty smart! Next I was introduced to the art director. A fascinating little man from Kamchatka (Far East Siberia), who took me for a tour of students art; wow, it was amazing!
Finally on to Yulia, & I have a new part-time job proof-reading & correcting their translations. I’m bursting over it!
On-going conversation between Maks & Yulia, they then told me they want to offer me a long-term contract working on the publication. Also work assisting Maks with English presentations and & programmes for the Oil & Gas companies at the new museum he’s been appointed director of, as well as securing teaching work at Surgut University & Big Ben, plus Yulia wants me to teach her English during the day. Not sure about this larger development; the variety & excitement appeal of course, but I don’t know whether I should stay another year. I need to think about all of this over the weekend.

What season is NZ in now? What’s the time there RIGHT now?

Friday, October 14, 2005 Ok, so I closed in a rush last week & forgot a few things.
Pics to start with, the 2 of Mayster are self-explanatory. I love the ‘yard broom’; combination of “Oh my God, it’s a primitive country!” vs. resounding applause for ‘recycling’, the broom was made over-night from twigs off the trees felled the day before.
The publication is called “60 Parallel” & has contributions from international Arts, Entertainment, & Cultural experts, some from private enterprises, some from SOE’s, & is distributed to 60 countries. At least, that’s what I understand.
My accommodation will be provided.
At this stage, I have no idea what my salary is likely to be; I suggested I work for a month now & see how much effort & time is involved, then we’ll talk money for next year.
I also offered to continue to be their proofreader even if I leave the country; they were concerned about that offer because they don’t know how they could pay me. Giving it some thought, I’ve decided that if the money is puny, I’m happy for them to donate my fee to either some financial support for the homeless oldies, or to one of the orphanages here. The experience is the most important thing for me right now, but if the money’s great, well I’ll be here to collect it every month!

I bumped into Nelly & Ludmila the Accountant in the hall; Ludmila told Nelly to tell me that she’s very upset with me because I’ve made everyone love me & I’m going to break their hearts when I leave. All I could say in return was that I love them all too, but when I go they’ll still have each other, I’ll be sad & on my own. For once, I was sure Nelly translated honestly; Ludmila choked, nodded, squeezed my arm, & left.
I really like Ludmila, she’s the one that seems most like me; “think you’re great, luvya to bits, not gunna touch ya, & back off with YOUR grabby tentacles!” She has a wicked sense of humour & naughty sparkly eyes.

Lessons over, I geared up against the cold to meet Jenny & Mark. On my way down the hall, one of Planeta’s students waylaid me, all studly-like in his ‘Saturday Night Fever’ white suit!; there’s a wedding on & he & his family are guests. He introduced me to his mama & papa; also his brother. Lovely people, we talked unintelligible foreign languages to each other & played charades a little. I excused myself, dropped the classroom keys with ‘security’, & headed out the door. Fortified with a little vodka, the student followed me & wanted to talk (I’m ashamed to admit I have no idea what his name is, he’s only ever been one of my hallway ‘Hi!’s I must get Nelly to discretely give me his name on Monday). Broken English & shabby Russian, we chatted for a time, he asked me if I’m anybodies girlfriend, assured me I should be, asked how old I am, then told me he’s 19, but if he was 40 – 45 I would be HIS girlfriend! We agreed that I should learn Russian, he asked me to stay another year, & then finally told me I need to accept that I must never leave. All done, he gave me a big hug & kiss, & let me go on my way.
Even Stass said today that his wish is I won’t leave … in spite of putting the fear of ‘Prue’ into him on Wednesday.
Who knows, they may get a 12-month reprieve if I decide to throw caution even further to the wind & run with today’s proposal, though I’ll only be a visitor at Planeta.

Jenny bailed out on drinks at the last minute, & left me in the lurch with Mark. He accepted my rebuffs with good humour.
The bar staff were fab (as usual in this place), & for once I was the ‘expert’ in Russian, so I got to ask for menu’s, food, & a doggy bag. I’m such a clever little pixie! And the staff changed from fab to awesome!

Rebuffs? An entirely misleading label for what I did. Having already told him I’m not interested, I chose selective deafness, aka ‘I’m ignoring that faux-pas.
‘Did she hear what I said? She must have! Maybe she didn’t, should I say it again? I will! Maybe she’s deaf. She can’t be she responds to everything else I say. Ooooh I get it, I need new pick-up lines!’
Nup, you just need to use them on someone else.

Saturday, 15 October 2005 Was bitten by Jenny today; I responded an hour after her text to me, “sorry, queue for bathroom, queue for loo”, she came back with “Don’t want to know about your toilet habits, too much information!” I didn’t think there was any gory detail there, merely the fact that my bathroom is shared, & I don’t take my phone to the shower or toilet! Odd & unpredictable creatures, humans!

Went out with Marina today to a museum/art exhibition; it took 3-hours. The 2nd floor was 50/50. Oil & gas history (I’ve seen it all before & better with Alex & Vadim). A model of Surgut (I should get excited but models of towns & cities bore me rigid). WWII pilots garb, & a divers copper bell-helmet; interesting & brought a few laughs, Marina’s dad was a diver & she described how, when she was little, she used to drag & lever his helmet onto a rock so she could pop into it; I particularly wanted to steal the anti-mozzie suit). Some super photos of Surgut locals at work & play; one of surgery in progress, with more blood than I cared to see.
1st & 3rd floors scored 1st=.
The 3rd floor was the art exhibition. Really clever stuff, most of it was a ‘p*ss-take’ in one form or another. Excellent caricatures of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rowan Atkinson, Tom Hanks, Liza Minnelli, & Sophia Loren; jibes at the Poles & Ukrainians; satirical bits on the former Communist leaders. A superb display of photos of Siberian ‘aborigines’, as they’re called here, from 100 years ago. Poor blighters, most of them looked petrified, no doubt believing their souls would be stolen by this ‘witchcraft’.
The 1st floor was dedicated to taxidermy & my fingers twitched the whole time, I just ached to touch everything. Sable & mink, & other critters that didn’t appear in Marina’s or my phrasebooks. A massive bear (wanted a photo, but I’d been instructed to keep my camera zipped; sooo wanted a cuddle!) Huge unidentifiable birds, eagles, & owls. Of course, best for last, I SAW REAL LIVE…umm REAL DEAD … ummm REAL LIVE DEAD … oh whatever, MAMMOTH bones & tusks! REAL ONES!! Now some of you may be thinking “(yawn) a bone’s a bone, they're only good for dogs to chew on, what’s (yawn, yawn) all the excitement about?”, & maybe you’re right, but I was enthralled, & kept going back to them. Mammoths! Wow!!
On each floor I was asked to write in the visitor’s register; once I had, the attendants stepped in to read what I’d written & discovered hieroglyphics. “Is she German then?” “No,” said Marina “she’s from New Zealand.” “Yeor-my-yeor!” (kind of like 'Oh My God!') they said.

As promised, I met Mark when he finished work to show him the shops where he can find safe meat, good fruit & veg. Unfortunately by the time he finished work the cheese shop was closed, which is what he really wants. A cheap but nice meal in one place, a beer in a previously undiscovered bar, he finally understood my knickers are inviolable, & we went our separate ways. Home alone by 10pm.
I have a new cure for sleepless nights; it’s called ‘Pride & Prejudice’. Blimey it’s a naff book, either I’m a pleb, or the magic’s just a couple of pages away. That’s if I ever get there; my eyes start rolling in my head after a couple of sentences!

Sunday, 16 October 2005 45-minute phone call with my adorable Ben today. I decided to tell him about my belly button piercing; he was just as disapproving of this as my lizard tattoo, though maturity mellowed his response. Poor boy, he’s lumbered with an embarrassingly non-conformist mother, whose foibles only become acceptable once his mates assure him “yeah, that’s your Mum! It’s ok, she’s pretty cool!”
By the time we get to see each other he’ll’ve accepted the piercing, but no doubt I’ll’ve done something else to challenge his perception of a ‘mother’. Nose piercing perhaps? Not out of the question! Better these issues than horrifying him by being a ‘slapper’ as he & his mates view some of the other mothers running the gamut of ‘dating for the mature’. I suspect though, he’d find some comfort in me having a man, simply in the hope that I’ll settle down & stop defacing my body, as well as being assured that I’m not a ‘freak’. “It’s all good that you didn’t go man-crazy after you & AJJ split, but it’s time to move on now Mum, I’m ready for you to meet someone!” Likewise Son, but there’s precious little to choose from & nothing right has passed my way!
He’s not going to make it to see me this year after all, which I’d expected, but it’s because his annual leave’s been cancelled; that sucks! I was as good as gold until he followed up with a soppy “I love you Mum” text. Waaaaah, blubber…you know how it goes.

An unexpected & gratefully accepted afternoon of rest today.
Vitaly & Elena arrived for their lessons, but I sent Elena packing, & Vitaly followed her somewhat bewildered.
Last Sunday she sent an e-mail accusing me of trying to steal her husband (yeah maybe, if I was into necrophilia!), I wrote back assuring I have no interest in him, & she seemed to accept that. I was prepared to leave it there, but Thursday she did all she could to sabotage the lesson. I didn’t bite, but was slacked off all the same. Today she told a succession of lies, & made a pitiful attempt to blackmail, simple to swat aside given Vitaly was blissfully unaware of this wee drama (I thought he knew on Monday). I said if she wanted to take a crack at causing a scandal she could, but I’d contact Vitaly & her Manager to let them know what she’d been up to. I told her I don’t have time to see her on Sunday’s anymore, & asked her to leave. She poohed herself, & pleaded with me to forgive her. I told her she’s a dangerous woman so she came over all affectionate & said how much she loves me. No success; she became really panicky & begged me not to say anything to Vitaly. Silly little girl, I don’t need to say anything; with her rapid expulsion today he’ll be asking her all sorts of questions. I know, this reads like a penny-dreadful, but it’s all true, I swear!
I am getting smarter; once-upon-a-year-&-more-ago I’d’ve turned myself inside out attempting to resolve this sweetly, ultimately finding myself chewed up & spat out. Now, I’ve worked out that my energies are better spent on rational people.
Yeah ok, not such a calm start to the afternoon, but it only took 30-odd minutes for the calm to kick in after this.

Maks & Natasha couldn’t come cos they’re swamped with work; Alex couldn’t come cos he’s flat out at work, as well as packing up & loading a container. He wanted to collect my gear tonight, but I sent him a text saying I need to keep my stuff here for now in case I end up staying. He came for a visit to find out what the gossip is & was very excited. He wants me to stop in Moscow for a week in December on my compulsory way out of the country (I have to leave, even if only for 48-hours).
It’s freezing cold outside, & tonight I resorted to the jacket I brought from NZ; there’ll be snow on the ground when I wake up tomorrow, I betcha! And so do the birds; they’re ‘outta here’ en-masse & in formation!

Obviously, there’s no chance of me developing a Russian accent, but I’ve become aware of a Russianism that I’ve heartily, though unconsciously adopted.. “Oi!” Not used to attract someone’s attention as it is in NZ, it’s inoffensive & has replaced “Sh*t!” in my vocab when I get a little fright; you know, like when you flick on a light switch & the bulb goes ‘crack’, or you drop your cell phone, or someone bangs into you & knocks you flying.
I mention this only because tonight, I flicked the light switch so I could see my way up the stairs to my office, something went ‘crack’, I loudly went “Oi!”, & clattered on my way, but it was then that I realised how naturally this little word slips from my lips.
On the way back down, I tried to turn the light off, but no go; it must’ve been the switch that popped (that’s when I should say ‘yeor-my-yeor’ but I haven’t adopted this one). I showed new Night-Security-Darling, & she flew into a “Russians! Bad work! Drink too much, & not coffee or tea!” diatribe. Maybe she’s right about whoever used to be responsible for the wiring at Planeta, but I’m sure the lovely Ramaan will progressively fix all that’s shonky here.
Like the other security ladies, she wants to be my friend, & it’d be neat if only she can bring herself to be patient & talk slowly. Certainly, her tongue fits the Planeta mould; within 10-minutes of hanging up from Ben, all Planeta staff on site had approached me to ask how he is!

10:59 PM Deedle-lee-dee-de-deee! I have a truly clean bathroom! At some point in the last couple of hours, it’s received its 1st proper swabbing since the beginning of June, actually probably earlier than that even! I’ve done my best with cloths, Ajax, & janola, but drew the line at getting on my hands & knees to scrub the toilet floor clear from the daily aftermath of poorly aimed pee-ers of unknown origin! Safer to wear shoes & avert my eyes! GROSS!!!!!!

Monday, 17 October 2005 Had my 1st ice skate for the season, & no I wasn’t wearing skates. It was so cold overnight a patch of water on the driveway froze, & I wasn’t looking where I was walking..too busy back chatting some cheeky students!

Grrrr Nelly; I think her age is catching up with her! She told me at lunch that it’s Tatiana Petrovna’s birthday today. Lunch over; I nipped out to buy Tatiana some flowers. When I gave them to her, she was completely bemused; it turns out her birthday’s Thursday!
Nelly accosted me on the stairs a couple of hours later & gave me a burst for not listening properly..”Tatiana Petrovna’s birthday is tomorrow!”
“Yes I did listen to you, Nelly! You said it's today, but actually it’s Thursday, not tomorrow, so you’re still mistaken.” I should’ve saved my breath. She knew full well she was confused so shouted over me the entire time. These ‘episodes’ of hers are becoming more & more frequent.
Ludmila the Accountant was with us, & tuned Nelly up for 2 reasons 1) “Don’t ‘touch her’ (a figurative term, it means ‘leave her alone’’), she meant well!” 2) “She buys everyone gifts for their birthdays, & we only gave her a ‘collective’ one, why is that? We’ve been very rude!”
No rudeness on their part, my paltry gifts on their birthdays are how I get to say ‘thank you’ without them feeling obliged to give me something else in return. Besides, I dread to think what my excess baggage or shipping costs would be if I received more than I already have!

Rocked up for today’s presentation as per the time on the schedule I managed to badger out of the students … “err, no, the presentation was 3-hours ago! Sorry we forgot to tell you; we wondered why you didn’t show up!” Not sure these kids could organise a party in a brewery. Actually, that’s not true, they could. There’d be no glasses or straws, & the barrel taps wouldn’t be working, but they’d lever the lid off with the dangerously pointy toes of their shoes (male & female)! The plethora of leather hats & caps could serve as drinking vessels.

Dmitri II finally returned today. He brasses me off with his unreliability & incurable lateness, but he manages to charm me when he bothers to turn up! Little twerp!
I stunned him twice today; once when I said an English word neither of us could translate to Russian. I went to the ENGLISH/Russian part of a dictionary, looked it up, & said the Russian word. Next, when he said a Russian word, same situation, but I went to the RUSSIAN/English half of the dictionary.
(frown & little smile) “You can read Russian, Prue?”
“Just a little, I’ve been teaching myself.”
(beam) “Wo, that’s very good! You’ve made more progress than me; I must start working as hard!”
Yes, I’ve made more progress on a pro-rata basis over the last 6-weeks, but I’m still way behind overall. If I decide to stay, my mission is to knock everyone here over as quickly as possible.
Dmitri II's wife’s a travel agent & so he’s given me her work numbers so I can arrange my travel through her. I mentioned I want to go to Moscow by train & he just about had kittens. “NO! It’s too dangerous!”
If it’s as bad as everyone says, how come the ‘Trans-Siberian’ is such a promoted trip?

Tatiana Petrovna grabbed me in the hall as she was leaving for the day “I’m taking my beautiful flowers home, big thank you, I love you!” A sketchy translation, it’s all I could glean from her effusive speech whilst scrunched up in her chunky-woman hug.

I updated my calendar tonight. No Vadim, Alex about to disappear, Elena sacked & Vitaly gone in support, there’s an awful lot of free time suddenly. I can easily fill all the gaps with people who’ve been sitting on the wait list, but I’m not sure I want to. I think I’ll cool my heels & see what happens with ’60 Parallel’.

Tuesday, 18 October 2005 Coldy-oldy today, -3C & windy. Nelly’s daughter just about knocked me off my feet; she launched herself at me from a distance & I didn’t see her coming. Hugs, kisses, & demands that I come to visit urgently. Generally, I see her as having a similar temperament to Victor, but today she was her mother’s daughter!

My first payday since July, NZ$376 today for the month of September; for some perspective, a packet of ciggies costs NZ2.50. I’m flush!

2 presentations; with the 1st, a boy in the audience disputed Kate’s translation & so was brought on stage to take over. That was the last time he showed any real proficiency (stage fright I think), however he was a little darling.
Before the 2nd started, Stass had a go at a young boy sitting behind me for being noisy, & Nelly chipped in for good measure. I was a bit confused by it all because I hadn’t noticed him being any worse than the rest of the room; he had that ‘naughty boy’ look though. When I got back to my seat after my piece, the little man tapped me on the shoulder & said “How do you do? My name is Dima!” His mates thought it was hilarious cos he doesn’t speak English, & had asked a girl behind him to teach him the greeting. Even more touching, I was his for the asking (he’s going to be a smooth talking lady-killer when he grows up). Stass came to sit next to me so I said “Stass, I’d like you to meet my friend Dima.” They shook hands, & Stass asked me how long I’ve known Dima. “Just now Stass, we’ve been talking, & he’s very polite.”
When the ‘show’ was over, very few of the kids went to the desk where they’re supposed to register their interest in studying at Planeta; they all came to me instead. I had 3 Planeta students interpreting & controlling the flow of questions. "When did you come here? When will you leave? Would you like to stay? How old are you? Tell us about NZ animals! Tell us about your son! Does NZ really look like Lord of the Rings? Do your houses look like ours? What season is NZ in now? What’s the time there RIGHT now?"
It was awesome!
About 20 of them arrived at the classroom while I was with Sergei & Irina; they wanted to come in & watch the lesson, but I told them they couldn’t with this one.
These kids want lessons with me, & I’d love to have them, but once they learn how much it costs I doubt I’ll see them. Bummer! I’ll have a word with Vasily & see if he’s willing to offer a group discount for a set number of students. If that works then I might shift Dmitri II, Sergei & Irina to new times so the kids can come at 4ish.

During the hour with Sergei & Irina, talking about likes & dislikes, the subject of dancing came up. I said I’d love to see some traditional Russian dancing before I leave, so Sergei treated me to 5-seconds of that ‘drop to a squat & kick a leg out’ dance. It just about ruptured him cos he’s not as fit as he used to be, but I was ecstatic & he was proud!

I sent you all a message early this evening “It’s snowing … brrrr!” Yes, & underfoot it’s skiddy icy too! Not quite ‘windmill’ material yet, but getting to the supermarket tonight involved a ridiculous ‘twinkle-toes’, mincy gait, with the odd slide to remind me of my peril.
Snow & rain expected for the rest of this week, with warm weather forecast for next. Great! Warmer temps means snow melting to water, then re-freezing to ice, so it’s time to break out ice-pick stilettos! The Intermediate group were tickled last night by my tale of initial confusion then ensuing enlightenment about ‘stiletto’s & ice’ at the end of February.
HEY! THAT’S THE TITLE OF MY BOOK! “Stiletto’s & Ice”; sorry Boot, “Mayonnaise & Marmite” just got pipped; may I reserve the rights in case there’s a sequel though?
I have no idea what was originally said, but when I told a couple of passing guys I don’t speak Russian & kept walking, they called me back. They both spoke a little English, & the main guy, Ilyiat, told me his mum’s English. FANTASTIC! He wanted my phone number, but I’ve decided to stop giving it to total strangers no matter how nice I think they are at 1st sight, so I told him to call Planeta.
Funny, I finally hear a different name (Ilyiat, the Inspector), & low & behold, it’s not so different after all!
Being a hat girl, I do revel in their being the necessary norm here; they’re a pain when you’re trying to talk to anyone taller though if you’re trying to see who you’re talking to! Having a peanut head, even if hats don’t have peaks or brims, collars of coats or jackets push them over my eyes, so I’m forced to raise my head higher than is natural, & all I want to do is pull the stupid thing of! Can’t do that though, snow settling on your head gives a burning sensation similar to dry ice on warts..YOUCH, bat, bat! I found this out earlier today.
Speaking of cold weather & hats; that furry tea cosy I bought in Moscow isn’t Russian road-kill possum, it’s Mink! So it damned well should be for the price, & I’m somewhat mollified, but now I’m fretting cos I want to send it home & am justifiably scared it’ll be confiscated by NZ Customs; apparently they’re not trustful of Russian practices when it comes to fur. It’s doubtful I’ll wear it again, even here, cos I dislike it so much, but it’ll be an important part of my ‘Russian corner’ when I return south.
On from that, it’s amazing how much time gets wasted primping in front of the mirror trying to find ‘just the right angle’ for a hat to look good, & when you’re forced to have a ‘wardrobe’ of them, that’s a lot of evenings accounted for! Styley hats don’t take much time cos..well, they’re styley! Beanies, pompom hats, & the like take a lot of work when intended for other than the ski-field; preen, preen, preen, practice, practice, practice, & I still manage to look like a scruffy pog.

Wednesday, 19 October 2005 A new presentation hit today; after my usual 3 Russian greetings, I followed with “I’m sorry, I don’t speak Russian”, & “my name is Prue” in Russian. Resounding applause from everyone, surprise & approving nods from Planeta attendees because I hadn’t warned them I’d do it. I was just as surprised, I hadn’t expected such appreciation.

An interesting hour with Dmitri II; he used to make billiard tables, so we talked about their construction, the materials used, & accessories. Instead of fabric net pockets, they make full leather pockets here, much better for the balls. I was particularly interested in the ‘practice’ cue balls, 2 types, one to teach angles, one to teach jump shots.
Ben, from what I’ve seen, I doubt you need the ‘angle’ ball, but would you like a ‘jump’ one?

Thursday, 20 October 2005 Just a small group for the presentation today, more performers than audience. They were young kids again, & cute as buttons. Part way through my talk, I noticed one of the boys had a black eye; I kept talking, but gave him a wink & smile while running my finger under my own eye. He got the giggles, came to talk to me after, & took great pains to assure me that he’d received it from another boy, not a girl as I’d cheekily suggested.

Nelly came to extend Tatiana Petrovna’s invitation to join her birthday celebration at 4pm. I asked Nelly to make my apologies as I had a lesson at that time. Dmitri Mayster came to the classroom at 4:30pm to say Tatiana was waiting for me. Lesson over just after 5pm, I whipped down the stairs intending to join the ‘party’. Tatiana met me in the hall, enveloped me in another of her hugs, & woman-handled me into the room.
Interesting welcome from Mayster; a business-like handshake!
I was ticked off with everyone; they sat, ate, drank, & talked while Tatiana ran around serving food & drinks, & clearing tables..just as she does for every function. I couldn’t stand it, took a load of plates off her, & demanded that she sit & enjoy! She tried to argue, but met with the ‘immovably determined Prue’ for the first time, & sat. With that, all were treated to the ‘Eden Park hospo-chick whirl-wind’. Tables cleared of debris, dishes scraped & stacked, I was seated again before they realised what had happened.
Mayster brought up the subject of me teaching him English again; he expected immediate acceptance, but I asked him how much he’s prepared to pay, adding I don’t come cheap. Light-hearted banter ensued. He said he’d pay retrospectively, depending on how good I am. I told him his success depended on his own commitment, to which he replied he expects to use the time to relax & it’s entirely my responsibility to feed him the skill. I responded with “Then definitely cash up front, it’s your incentive to work!” Approval: “Oh-ho, she’s a business woman!”
Evening lesson times discussed (post 9:30pm), Mrs Mayster put her ‘territorial’ pants on & said she’d be there to ‘turn the pages’ … “I’ll be grateful to have you with us!” Greater approval because I didn’t become flustered or take offence, & all the women pretended to feel secure in leaving the room to Mayster & I alone while they ostensibly went to collect coats & hats. Either they disappeared for girly ‘vodka shots’ or it was a test; irrespective, they made individual unexpected appearances, still uncoated, over the next 30-minutes.
Mayster asked me to say something in Russian..old faithful; with suitably expressive face “I’m sorry, I don’t speak Russian”, he was thrilled to bits by my proficiency & lack of accent.
I was saved from having to demonstrate further by Ramaan, the sparky, being delivered to the room, & prevailed upon to eat & knock back massive vodka shots. He asked Mayster how he’d found & convinced me to come to Russia. What should’ve been a 1-minute explanation became an excuse for a 10-minute waffle, & more vodka shots. Ramaan caught me watching & felt the need to explain he drinks rarely. Far from my concern, he hasn’t struck me as a drinker, I was intrigued to watch a ‘clean’ man fit that much vodka into his mouth, & then swallow without gagging or shuddering!
I made a final attempt to clear up, but ran out of time to finish the job. LESSONS!
In my office collecting lesson material, Mayster arrived with a ‘gift’. Back to familiar hugs & kisses. Hmmmm, now I’m certain they’re not typical polite ‘Russian affection’.

Knock me down & tap-dance all over me, Elena arrived for the Planeta lesson. She wanted to bare her soul & apologise in front of everyone, but I cut her short by saying I didn’t want it discussed. It’s not a subject for open forum, & she’s welcome to continue with Planeta lessons. Part of me admires her guts, & if I was mercenary I’d let her back into my Sundays, but I’m not tough enough/too tough for that! We’ll both have to accept & live with the failings of our respective personalities.

I’m in bed now, lappy-loaded ‘Pride & Prejudice’ sleep medication comfortably settled on my belly, with grapes & apples to wash it down with, a chair acting as bedside table to take the weight of my lappy when P&P works its magic.

…THEIR neighbour has gone barmy tonight…

Friday, 21 October 2005 Oh joy, oh bliss, the final presentation! Stass is a bit of a ‘Rove’ (damn I pine for that Oz show!) I miss some of what he says, but get the gist & like him translating for me; he gets plenty of laughs. Today I was thoroughly bamboozled; I alternated between faking understanding, & mike-in-hand “I don’t trust you Stass, what did you just say?” Enough English speakers in the audience, they lapped it up, & tried to keep me informed!
I was invited to the ‘end-of-presentations’ student party at 5pm; “Of course I’ll be there!”
Mayster changed to time to 4pm, which meant I couldn’t attend due to lessons. Everyone I met after 5pm asked why I hadn’t come.

Grade ‘A’ students today; they all tickled me giggly when I tested them & they came up trumps!

Dmitri II told about a completely new banya/sauna experience, infrared sauna; no hotter than +50C, infrared rays penetrate your body & cure all that ails! “Come with us!” Neither convinced nor dismissive of Russian faith in the healing powers of excessive heat followed by bone-chilling wallows in freezing pools or snow, I’m only prepared to sample the hot half of the cure. At least this invitation came with assurances that everyone keeps their clothes on! “Ok, before I leave!”
His wife was coming to collect him at 5pm & wanted to talk to me about my travel plans. Marginally less scathing about train-travel, in all good conscience she strongly advised I book the most expensive option, a 2-bed berth, with her undertaking to try to negotiate a female roommate. Her major concern is that I’m not ‘Jane-average back-packer’; I have valuable possessions that’ll be prey to theft, & no amount of negotiating will guarantee me an honest travel companion.
Fair comment.
With all everyone’s said about the trials of train travel, I’m starting to think it’ll be better to book an advance seat on a flight to Moscow (yummy big discount) & grab a return bus trip to St Pete’s before heading across the border. Marginally more expensive, it’ll mean leaving Surgut a week earlier than I’d planned (suddenly more expensive due to loss of guaranteed income); I’ll be sure of keeping my possessions whilst also seeing some good sights. Maybe the lost income will be counter-balanced by hospitality in lieu of payment for ad-hoc lessons in-transit.

‘Beginner woman’ Lena was gorgeous! She has the naughtiest giggle now she trusts me not to be mean to her. Last week I heard it for the first time when I farewelled her in Russian. Tonight, instead of breaking a sweat & being on the verge of tears because she can’t remember what ‘ears’ are, she giggled. Going through the alphabet, she was beside herself when I drew ‘H’ on the blackboard with the up-rights being a couple of burning ciggies..she’s a smoker! After that, she never once got the letter or sound wrong, no more Russian back-throat ‘hoiking’, she produced a pretty ‘hhhaaaaaaa’, & voluntarily applied the same theory to ‘f’..“fffaaaaaaaaa”.
Halfway through her lesson a crowd of people from tonight’s wedding stopped outside the classroom to have a loud & animated conversation. They knew we were there, & saw me looking at them, but didn’t think to move along; one of them even came to peer closely through the window. I waved to him; he waved back, then returned to his mates. I expected they’d shove off then, but no such luck. In the end, they became so noisy Lena couldn’t concentrate.
I excused myself, & as I came out of the room half the group shot downstairs, the other half went up. Noodles! I chased after the ‘upstairs’ ones (no escape for them, it’s a dead-end), & with my best authoritarian Russian voice & some stroppy Kiwi for good measure, said “PAZHALSTA!! YOU’RE TOO LOUD! GO!!!” As they scuttled past, saying “Izvenyetye, izvenyetye, sorry, sorry, excuse me, excuse me”, (hahahaha, a couple of them recognized my ‘native’ babble), I found that I’d just bollixed the bride, groom, attendants, & MC. Far from contrite, no longer cross, I saw the funny side. They were like a bunch of young teenagers, though it’s a long time since any of them were that age.
Lena’s respect gained from my demonstration of one appropriate Russian word, & some feistiness followed with good humour, confidence restored by silence, she performed admirably! Even better, she’s paid up! Bless her criminal wee ankle boots!

Saturday, October 22, 2005 An atrocious indulgence of relaxation & hermiting today, I didn’t get out of bed properly until almost 4pm. I spent the day reading, snoozing, drinking coffee, eating fruit, & savouring the time to think about ‘stuff’. Only the desperate need for a pee dislodged me from my room; I decided to go the whole hog, have a shower & get dressed as well.
I continued the momentum, went in search of meat, bread, & salad for dinner, & rewarded for my effort by seeing some young kids ‘skating’ on frozen puddles. No skates, no accident, they were having a ball skidding & spinning in their Nikes. I stopped to watch for a while; they must be awesome to watch in winter with skates & big areas to play in!
Just as I got back to my room, the phone rang & it was Mark asking me to meet him for a drink.
A daggy evening spent regaling each other with tales of odd but endearing Russian experiences.
Half way through he hit me with “I don’t know what you’ve done to me, I never thought I’d feel this excited about a woman again, come back to my place & drink a bottle of wine, or I’ll grab a bottle & go to your place for wine & your Russian cheese…”
“No! I don’t want anything more than friendship, & if you try for more I’ll push you away, so please stop with this kind of talk!”
Back to general chitchat, but throughout the evening he grabbed my hands & told me how much he liked me. A few times he told me not to push so hard, & the last time I told him not to push at all.
Not fully deterred, he insisted on escorting me all the way back to Planeta. We got to the gates & I said, “this is Planeta, thanks, goodnight!”, but he was determined to walk me to the door, so up the driveway we walked.

Inside, I found myself with a hammered young guy, Vovo (brother of the groom), trying to push & pull his way through the doors to the hallway without success. I was equally unsuccessful so I knocked until they were opened. He wanted to talk, so called a mate to help him, a lawyer. Vovo has been teaching himself English from books; I suggested he come to my lessons. Planeta staff were hell bent on preventing the conversation because Vovo was ‘too drunk’, & as we all know, I must be protected from the ‘seedier’ side of Russian culture because I’m a Western gentlewoman & therefore unexposed to intoxication! My staunchest & warmest protector was Grumplestiltskin! Go figure!! I assured him & the others I was ok, but ended up with 4 staff in attendance, none of them English speakers, merely there to monitor the pre-translated questions & information, & 6 partiers trying to talk. It lasted for about 30-minutes, when Planeta staff decided in unison enough-was-enough & hustled me up the stairs. I’d’ve been happy to keep talking in the hall, but the pressure was mounting for me to join the party, & as I was only wearing jeans I accepted the ‘hustling’. Frigging good music happening though!

Sunday, October 23, 2005 A quiet one spent reorganizing my room; I still can’t find my toenail polish. However, I was delighted to find 16,000 roubles I’d forgotten I hid during summer (to hell with the nail polish!!!) This was the caviar on the mucsun; with last week’s weather forcing my re-acquaintance with all winter garb, I found a pocket, hat, or glove of ‘gold’ almost every day. My sorely depleted savings have received a happy boost, as have my spirits; I’ve been worrying about how I’d managed to blow so much money with nothing to account for it!
Hahaha-nooo-hahahaha-oh God, I’m a nutter-hahahahaha!!!!!Pass me a tissue!Hahahaha! If I live long enough, I’m going to be one of those old ladies who has a bucket-load of cash scattered throughout her wardrobe, teapots, & in every nook & cranny of the house & furniture, whilst bemoaning my severely strapped financial position. Ben, when I kark it, don’t you dare dispose of anything until you’ve investigated every lining, hem, hatband, stuffed toy, furniture zip, wallpaper join, & the fridge/freezer! It’ll be a good idea to fan your way through all books too, cos they keep cash nice & smooth so it doesn’t have to be ironed. YES, I DO BOTH, but I think ironing paper money’s less weird than ironing sheets, towels, & underwear...marginally!

Alex was my only visitor today & we went out for coffee & ice cream. I watched a man peeling the ‘paper skin’ off the felled birches today & asked Alex what it was wanted for; some kind of traditional craft to sell to tourists, he said ‘boxes’, but I can’t imagine what they look like so I’ll have to get someone to show me an example.
I discovered the cause of those stinky patches encountered on every walk; they’re the septic pipes, sometimes just manholes, sometimes small structures. After I’d asked Alex, & he’d explained with much embarrassment, he asked how we dealt with this problem in light of my ignorance. I described the Auckland ‘poo-ponds’, & he was initially disgusted until I explained they seldom smell, look pretty, & homes are built overlooking them. We both agreed that in spite of that, neither of us would choose to live there if an alternative was available.
He asked if he could bring Olya’s cat to me on Tuesday. He’s planning to hand in his resignation tomorrow, & hopes to be ‘walked’ & so heading out of Surgut in a week.

New Siberian hazard for me this evening, narrowly avoided luckily; going to the loo still wearing beanie, scarf, & jacket, you’ve got to be careful your scarf doesn’t flop into the bowl when you’re putting the seat down after someone’s left it up! Whew, that was close!

Monday, October 24, 2005 Back indoors from my ‘1st of the day, & temperature reccy’ fag, I was greeted by a bamboozlingly effusive Mrs. Mayster, complete with hug & hand-grabbing “Yeor-my-yeor! You’re cold!” An extra-big hug to warm me up. I thought “Well that’s blimmin weird!” as I tootled up the stairs. Not so weird; apparently an ‘Englishman’ has called looking for me today, & so the word’s out that I’m in the full flush of romance! Blook, I don’t think so!
To my surprise, the description of ‘the man’ matches David-from-Yorkshire. Still, it was Nelly who was filling me in, so he could’ve been a tall, swarthy, debonair Italian, or a grungy Trans-Siberian traveler from Oz or NZ!

The Intermediate group asked on Thursday if they could have tea & food at tonight’s lesson. It was agreed everyone would bring a small plate. Now I have 2/3 of a massive ‘ant hill’ (a cake kind of thing), a bag of chocolate peanut slice, 2/3 of a chicken & potato pie (2/3 the size of a NZ roasting pan), & a mixed hors-d’œuvre platter of pates, salami, & fresh sardines on bread rounds. There’s enough food here to feed me lunch & dinner for a week! I’m embarrassed & moved; it was a group ploy to give me some yummy home made food.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 Victor drove me to his & Nelly’s granddaughter’s school today to talk to a couple of classes. We arrived at their appointed time of 11am only to be parked in another room because they weren’t ready for us. Finally, at 12pm they were ready & the fun began. Another neat bunch of kids, around 50 of them ranging in age from 12 – 16, they asked non-stop questions until 1pm when they were collected to go to their next class.
I spoke to 2 of their Russian English teachers; one translated for me, the other spoke terrible English, which explains a lot about the students' lack of expertise. Just a thought; if I stay another year I could run lessons for the local teachers!

No Alex tonight, he’s flying to Moscow; the legal document they had drawn up with Alex authorizing Olya’s use of his apartment there is loaded with errors & so she can’t register, which means her son, Sergei, can’t start school, & that means she can’t start work.
No cat delivery.

Nelly & Mayster fell out during the staff meeting late this afternoon unbeknown to me. I got dragged into the fray by Mayster spotting me heading to her classroom to set up for my lessons. Hugs & kisses in the hall, he escorted me there knowing full-well Nelly would show any minute. Scary scene, I bolted back to my office! 20-minutes later Nelly stepped out of her classroom & screeched in her best ‘fish-wife’ fashion “Prudence! Bring me the key!” I skittered down the hall to find her in no need of the key, but tissues instead. Ooooooh, it was a BAD row! An hour later, she was still mopping tears between spewing invective!

In the meantime, I had a lesson with the Elementary group, & I’ve found myself with a cat after all! Valentina, proud mother of 1 dog & 5 cats (*#@$!) foolishly adopted a stray & 6th cat, only to find it was preggers! She’d managed to get rid of all but one of the kittens; this last little bundle is breaking her heart & home because one of her other cats has taken a violent dislike to it.
I said I’d take the kitten once I’d managed to find a home for Olya’s cat, but no, her situation is too serious & urgent for delay. “Ok, bring your kitten to me on Thursday when you come for your next lesson.” No, more serious & urgent for that even, she went home at the end of the lesson to collect dog & kitten & came straight back to Planeta!
Valentina took leave tearfully, came back to hug & thank me for my help, then left a sniveling wreck.
Blimey, I hope a student does steal this little one; to my eyes she’s not as adorable as the previous 2, but she’s definitely a character! All black, with long fur, a VERY long tail, & loud motor; I’ve tentatively named her Possum; I think it suits her. The alternative is Pheobe after Saturn’s 18th furthest satellite, which is very dark, orbits clockwise, unlike most moons & planets in the solar system that orbit clock-wise (the whole solar-system thing will probably have appeal here), & also suits her. It remains to be seen which will catch on!
The 1st thing she did was find her dirt box & make use of it.
Then she wolfed down her Whiskers & a sardine hors-d’œuvre, & I need to teach her some table-manners!
She’s a hooligan! She’s broken her paper toy 5 times already; my other 2 cats never broke it once! “What’s next?..ah, I see a couple of vases out there by my dinner plate that’re aching to be knocked over & the contents spread hither & thither!” She’s mauled one of my trivial opposable thumbs, & a bare heel cos I carelessly left it dangling off the end of my ankle under my desk!
She’s clever! She’s learning English already; understands “No!” now, but still persists in trying to get on the table..albeit from a different angle or side! “Sksssssss!” flattens her ears & has her diving for cover. This last is an ‘oddy’ cos “skss-skss-skss” is how Russians call their cats.
Crazy moggy she found the rat’s ‘saucer of death’ under my cupboard & hooked the contents out! PANIC! Just like the mother of a ‘new-born’, I shoved my fingers into her mouth & down her throat to make sure nothing was in there, then went into a rant as I scraped up all the bits off the carpet, shoved the saucer (hopefully) out of paws reach, then sprinted to the bathroom to wash my hands! BLOODY KIDS!
This week’s neighbours are probably cowering in a corner of their room because THEIR neighbour has gone barmy tonight, “…talking, giggling, & growling in turns, she’s in that room alone!”
Right now, it’s 11:15pm & Possum’s curled up on my lap catching 40 winks , which I’m unhappy about cos that’s likely to mean she’ll be all fired up some time around 3am! I’ve tried tempting her with any number of playthings but she’s just plum tuckered out!
Bad timing cos I’M tuckered out after a crappy sleep feeling cold all last night, an unfeasibly early start to the day, & fighting off ‘Bertie Germs’! With luck, I’ll fall into a ‘mini-coma’ & sleep through her antics!
Wouldn’t you know it, just as she’s become still & photographable, my batteries have run out of juice!
Some good hints, I’m going to hit the sack too; I have another early start tomorrow.
Bummer, damn, damn, damn! I was a little slow; she’s woken up & is tearing about the place like ‘Roadrunner’! (sigh) Ok, well I can read for a while until she settles down again.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 Wow! Stink man! Thumping headache, lousy sore throat, & I’m supposed to be getting up early to have a productive day, no way today!

I passed Possum on to Sveta’s daughter, Anya, this evening. Two cute little girls together, I’m not sure who was the keenest to cuddle! Beauty! Hopefully this clears the way for Olya’s cat when he arrives!

My fairy godmother was watching over me today; only one lesson, the others were cancelled ‘cos everyone’s too busy with work!

I phoned Valentina to let her know the kitten is doing fine & she can rest easy.

… ‘Guns’ (which actually turns out to be ‘Hans’…

It's been a hum drum week really, probably not much different from yours, it's consisted of cats, mates, & work.

Thursday, October 27, 2005 Let me tell you right here & now, pate on french bread, lavishly sprinkled with chopped fennel leaves is the ducks guts! Or is it just that my palate is so starved of anything not loaded with sour cream, cheese & mayo? Hell to pay though, whatever was in that pate gave me the dry-horrors within 5-minutes; fingers crossed it’s not Asian ‘flu virus 2005!

Possum & I were both disappointed when Anya returned her to me at around 10:30pm last night; Anya was none too happy either. By the time I returned to my room, close to midnight, Possum had decided I was pretty ok again..she needed ‘skin therapy’ & company.
All’s not lost, Anya & I have agreed that Possum will return to her after school today.
Doh! Couldn’t give Possum to Anya cos I realised Valentina was coming for a lesson tonight, & I wanted her to see her kitten was happy. It turned out to be a bitter/sweet experience for Valentina..thrilled to bits to find her ‘little girl’ present, Possum was cruelly disinterested in Valentina, & kept escaping from her to climb up my legs as I was writing on the blackboard.
I wanted a photo of this group, but Valentina refused. My wee girls were weren’t so shy, happily posing for my camera, then pulling out their own. Ben, Violetta (2nd from right) is all yours. Since seeing your photo, she’s asked every lesson when you’ll come here, & seems to think by asking 3 times a week you will! As she’s only 15, & you’re not ready to settle down yet, you might be a ‘good match’ in about 8 years; the age gap is about right by Russian standards..& you’ll probably have your 1st baby 9-months later. Meet me in Mexico!

My plan was to have Possum attend most lessons in the hope that a student would ‘fall in love’ & take her, but it’s impossible..she really is a hooligan! She’s destroyed Nelly’s vase of dead ornamental cabbage on her desk, mauled a potplant, incessantly attacked a vase of dried flowers & almost knocked the vase over in the end, stole the chalk from the desk & batted it around the floor. Two positives, from under the desks she found someones lost hairclip, & a chocolate (ooh, yummy!); the balance is bad; she’s too distracting for the students & me!

I received an e-mail last night from a foreign teacher in Moscow asking about jobs in Siberia. I promised to go to ‘Big Ben’ & get contact details for him today.
Odd things, coincidences!
An e-mail from David-from-Yorkshire was waiting for me today..he caught a train out of here this morning, thanked me for my friendship & help (“I wouldn’t have lasted as long as I did without you”), & asked that I keep in touch. It wasn’t him that visited the other day, though his was one of the calls I didn’t bother picking up last week; not bloody-mindedness, I don’t answer calls anymore from numbers I don’t recognize.
It’ll be interesting to see if Jenny’s still in town..one of the things I was supposed to do on Wednesday was accompany her to the train station to book her ‘escape’. Aside from foul weather & feeling like crap, given she has less than 2-weeks ‘til the end of her contract, not to mention the efforts I went to to help her a couple of weeks ago, I’d decided not to involve myself in her erratic behaviour any further.
I girded my loins & rocked up to ‘Big Ben’ this afternoon to get the promised contact details, & to say “hello” to the new teachers. After turning down a job-offer, I was taken to meet the ‘foreign boys’.
Do you know what? Day-by-day I’m more & more sure I’m weird! Admittedly, the foreign boys are Brits & therefore different from me, but one of the boys has come for a 2nd ‘tour’ & is still reticent about the place. Why? Why would you come back then?
They greeted my invitation to occasional expat ‘drinks, meals, & chat’ with more suspicion & indifference than their Russian peers & Management!

Back to not answering calls; I’ve received waaaay too many from men who don’t speak English, but persist in calling anyway, at all times of the day & night. damned if I know how they get my number! I got Maks to answer one of these calls ages ago, & that was the end of that person! Once Maks & Natasha got over their concern for my safety, they fell apart over the new ‘phone-sex’ service in Surgut .. ‘dial-a-Kiwi, say what you like, she doesn’t understand, listen to an English voice.. who cares what she’s saying cos she sounds sweet when she’s saying it! Yeah, thanks guys, (shudder) wait a minute while I go & wash my hands & phone!

Friday, October 28, 2005 Gift from Sergei & Irina; a jar of natural honey brought back by Irina’s mother from their ‘motherland’, somewhere else in Russia. There’s enough honey in this jar to last me my next 3 lifetimes! If I could be sure it’d make it through customs, I’d send it to you, Mark & Toni, but as it’s ‘home jarred’ there’s not a chance.

In the library waiting to have payment receipts photocopied for Vasily, a woman came in, greeted Nelly & I, then looked hard at me. I looked back & smiled, unsure what else to do. She looked harder, & harder, then said..I don’t know what. Apparently I look like someone she worked with some time ago. Nelly launched into a great explanation about why I didn’t respond, I optimistically commented that I must no longer look foreign. “No, you’re foreign all right, but the look is Russian!”

Rehashed recriminations from Nelly, “You don’t love me, why won’t you spend your evenings & weekends with me?” She’d forgotten her own flash of rationality last week “we see each other every day, so of course you want to see other people on Saturdays.” So I had to remind her I spend at least 3-hours every week-day with her, I work evenings, other people want to see me too, I have only 1 day off a week to clean & relax, told her she was trying my patience, & beginning to offend me with her emotional manipulations & demands. Tears & back-tracking, she still demanded I visit on Saturday; I refused to make any promises.
In fact, there’s no way in hell I’ll visit her this weekend; I have too many chores, & want time to bask in my clean room.

Delivered Possum to Anya, “keep her until tomorrow!”
“Really?”
“Yes!”

1st lesson down, stood up for the 2nd, spent an hour cruising ‘Daves ESL Cafe’ looking at jobs & offering insight to life in Surgut to a couple of people looking at jobs here.

Out to meet Mark for drinks & tell him happy stories about Possum. With luck, he’ll adopt her.

Back home, & I found Possum’s been dumped in my foyer.

Saturday, October 29, 2005 (12:24 AM..jiggle, wriggle; I’ve been trying to get into the loo for over an hour, there’s an endless Russian tag-team going on..as soon as I hear the door open & close I leap from my seat, but by the time I get my door open someone’s beaten me to it! God forbid I have to use Possum’s dirtbox! & yes, I know this is too much information..Jenny should be grateful SHE didn’t get THIS message!)

(much earlier) With some trepidation, I invited Mark to have a ‘grazing’ dinner (tapa’s Russian style) at my place tonight, with the object of him meeting Possum & becoming enchanted by her. By 10pm I had him rugging up to face the outdoors & 95% convinced; all that was required was him sweet-talking his landlady. Unfortunately Possum chose that very moment to avail herself of her dirt box..pfffffeeeeewwwww! Talk about bad timing! No chance of her shifting house now!
The difficulties of the evening were softened by an EXTRAORDINARY discovery..FEIJOA’S! Knock me over with a snow-flake! Admittedly, they’re the size of marbles & unfeasibly expensive, but ‘HOLD ME BACK! LOSERS!..YOU’RE NOT STRONG ENOUGH!!!’ I grubbed my way through the pile, gently squeezing all, & found the only 4 ‘bombalows’ that could possibly meet the grade . Even more surprised, they tasted great!

Sunday, October 30, 2005 Misha’s replacement collared me outside..he’s going home to Kazakhstan on Wednesday.

Saw Max & Natasha today, & they talked about their plans for my employment in Surgut next year. Unfortunately for them nothing’s been signed off, & I don’t have the luxury of time. More importantly, I’ve decided today that I really must leave. I’ve worked my way through most of my emotions & fears, & it’s time to move on.

Alex arrived after, & I’m in trouble; he wants to deliver Olya’s cat on Tuesday. What the hell am I going to do with 2 cats? It’s my own stupid soft fault; I’ll work something out, I have to!

Monday, October 31, 2005 Dmitri II arrived apologizing for not taking me to a Halloween party last night. I said not to worry cos I was shattered after a weekend of Planeta weddings & parties. Bless him, he told me if it happens again I’m to call & he’ll arrange a hotel room for me. He was appalled when I told him most weekends are like this.
Next, Nelly shocked him as she crashed our meeting & screeched at me because I didn’t meet her for coffee at 4pm.
“Nelly, I told you 3 times I had a lesson at 4.”
“Yes that’s right Prudence, & I told you to come to me for coffee at 4 o’clock!”
“Nelly, how could you expect me to come to you for coffee at 4 when I said I had a lesson then? I can’t be in 2 places at once!”
“I TOLD you to come to me!” She focused on Dmitri & demanded, “When will you be finished with her?”
Actually, she shocked me!
Dmitri II wanted to know if she was my boss, then was confused when I said no. “Why does she speak to you like this?”
It’s too hard to explain to a young local man about an oldish local woman‘s mental deterioration, & possessiveness of a foreign teacher, so I just told him to forget it, that I’d smooth her feathers later. He wasn’t very pleased with today’s revelations about my life here in spite of my reassurances that on the whole it’s good.

End of last lesson, one of the students spotted a snowman in the trees. It wasn’t ‘til I did some ‘enhancement’ of the photo (yes, it’s still crap, but it’s impossible for my camera to accept ‘snow' AND 'night' scene instructions!) that I discovered it’s a Halloween figure (note the witches stick).
Everyone’s been surprised that Halloween isn’t a big thing in NZ, & very few here have heard of Guy Fawkes.
Back in from photo session, Misha’s Replacement was waiting to say ‘goodbye’ to me. He made a wee speech, grabbed my hand, smiled & squeezed his eyes tight shut. I think he was trying to tell me he was pleased to have met me. I gave him a hug, wished him good luck & farewell. Little man, he was shocked, then got all googy like an adolescent school boy.