Siberian Adventure - September 2005

“This is ZZ-Top, & this is Bin Laden!”

Wow, I've read heaps of e-mails today from you all telling me how lovely spring is there. Lucky beggars!
The server here has packed a sad again, so I'll send messages as & when I fluke a connection.

Thursday, September 1, 2005 The first day of spring for you, the first day of autumn for me, & the first day of the new school year here.
It’s going to be pandemonium for the next month getting to grips with my new timetable, becoming reacquainted with the old students, meeting new students, & making presentations to daytime classes. Back to the days of March; next to no sleep, & absolutely no privacy. Stress-Central!
On the subject of ‘privacy’ (sorry B-S, you’ve read this already), did you know there’s no such word as ‘privacy’ in the Russian language? No, I’m serious, it’s true! Put that word into translators, they’ll return Russian words, but translate them back to English & you get ‘retirement, solitariness, isolation, seclusion, solitude, withdrawal, secret, mystery, secrecy’, all viewed with varying degrees of negativity or suspicion.

I got up early today so I could get to Lingva Centre to meet Jenny. Nelly caught me in the hall, packed a sad that I was going there, & told me I couldn’t possibly see Jenny until mid-afternoon because it’s ‘Knowledge Day’, a holiday for all teachers (except me of course), & there’s a celebratory lunch at 12:30pm. She chose to become a wounded ‘cloth-eared-bint’ & decided I was leaving Planeta to work for Lingva Centre.
Tomorrow will have to do to try to see Jenny ‘cos there won’t be enough time after lunch to get to her & back in time for my 4pm lesson. Poop!
I felt like a specimen at a stock auction; everyone putting their arms around me, hands gripping my wrists, fingers prodding my arms & poking at my ribs, all to confirm how much smaller I’ve become in 3-months. They all claimed I’ve lost weight, but I haven’t!
The up side was the DAMN-THIS-IS-GOOD potato & chicken pie (no cream or mayo in sight..wahooo!) I pigged out on three pieces, followed by apple & raspberry pie (disappointing), and then I went back for a fourth piece of the DAMN-THIS-IS-GOOD pie (that should settle their concerns about my eating abilities). I turned down the vodka, & opted for a single, sedate glass of wine, & three cups of tea.
With hindsight, that Russian language ‘final coup’ of last week was not so smart.
Nelly was itching & twitching all day … in the end, “So tell me please, what have you been doing with your free time?”
“What free time Nelly?
“For instance, what have you been doing when you don’t have lessons?”
“The usual. Sleeping, shopping, preparing for lessons, writing!”
“And what else?”
“Nothing! What are you looking for?”
“For example, have you met a man? Are you seeing a man?”
Ah-ha! Yes, tongues are wagging about Alexei!
“He’s a very good man you know Prudence, & he likes you very much! He’s been talking to me about you every day.”
Next, Mayster. “We must find you a Russian man! Is there anyone you’re interested in?”
GIVE IT A REST! It’s my own fault; one of the reasons I gave for not returning to Planeta was “it’s time for me to find a man!” A very handy excuse, it’s come back to bite me!
(mental sigh, a dose of deserved medicine) “No, thank you I’m ok! I’m very happy the way I am for now” … unless you can get me Eduard Kashuba, his name sounds very cool in Russian.

My students gave me gorgeous lilies in honour of today. Cuties!
One of my new students tonight is a former English teacher. Talk about pressure & insecurity! She’s fantastic! She hasn’t taught English for 3-years, & the only person she’s spoken English with in all this time is her husband, who barely speaks it at all (he started with me last week). I’m amazed by her tenacity & skill! She’s a neat lady too!
As always, newbies ask me if I speak Russian, & want to know how I cope with shopping here. I told them I speak very little but I cope.
“Speak Russian for us! What can you say?” … “Hahahaha, that’s great, you’re very good you know!” … “I’m going to come to your lessons; you’re trying to learn our language so I want to learn yours with you, let me pay for my lessons now!”
Bugger me, what a great card this is to play! If only I’d known earlier!

My local dairy ran out of my usual ciggies today, so I bought the only other brand of menthol cigarettes I’ve seen here. Described as ‘Slims’ on the packet, to my horror, they’re the thickness of a Kiwi cigarette but long, they’re too big, & too strong for me, even though they’re ‘lights’, AND they STINK! There’s hope after all that I’ll give up eventually, I’m obviously going for the ‘weaning’ approach!

Friday, September 02, 2005 Still no call on Jenny, there was a colossal electrical storm today, I wasn’t keen on traipsing the streets & dodging lightning bolts.
Bad air, & fiercely dizzy meant I couldn’t stand for long, or eat. Vasily was concerned; but I reminded him “Russian’s get headaches, this Kiwi gets woozy instead.”
He went into another rave about how healthy & constitutionally strong I must be because it took me so long to fall ill here (those nasty swollen glands). All people from Surgut become ill for the 1st week of any trip to the Europe part of Russia or abroad (it’s a fact; my students have all told me it’s the case). The same is true when they return, & for most new people coming to Surgut. Personally, I think the temporary dose of depression that hits most when they return here after spending time in prettier surroundings & better climates is the biggest ‘illness’.

Vasily finally produced my reference today! Job applications will be flying left, right, & centre shortly!
He was returning from Mayster’s office & I heard him say “mozhet buit”. I asked him “maybe what?” Silence, long look, again “My father-in-law was right, you’re a spy! You understand more than you say you do, I’ll be more careful around you in future!”

It’s weird! My buddies chatter away to me about anything & everything all the time, but as soon as another Russian comes within earshot, most either drop their voices to barely audible, or go completely mute. Dmitri II & I spent 15-minutes in silence today because Vasily came to the classroom to fiddle with some paperwork. No amount of coaxing from me could induce him to speak!

Outside to have a post-chat ciggie with Dmitri, I had my lighter out while he was still fumbling for his. “Please Dmitri, let me.” He took my lighter off me, lit my cigarette, then his own.
Such is the way of many Russian men; a ‘nice’ woman/lady should never have to light her own cigarette when in the company of a man!
Often not ‘pretty’ to look at, but so, so, so gallant, I think I’d like one for myself!
Ben, you’d get on well with Dmitri. He’s about 27 (I think), & is the ‘Extreme Sports’ guy in town. He organizes the skateboard & trick-bike expos here, & is also a mad-keen snow-boarder.

Back at Planeta, Alexei searched my shopping bags. Cripes, this is a first! Bathroom accessories cast aside, salads, smoked chicken, Russian salami, juice, & fruit all approved. Lesson chockies met scorn. I think he wanted to check what I’m eating (probably fuelled by everyone’s concern that I’ve become too thin..IT WAS JUST THE BLACK T-SHIRT GUYS!). I passed inspection, once I’d made it clear the sweets were for students (but wouldn’t you think ‘junk-food’ supplements are a good idea for a ‘chicken carcass’?) The seal of approval; he grabbed my face & kissed me on the lips. This is getting out of hand!

‘Mad-Tea-Party’ lesson day. It truly is becoming mad. I always provide the tea, but Sergei & Irina brought some too, green tea with lilies & chrysanthemums, tasty if I could pick the green tea out!
I’d said I’d bring sweets; Olga & Oksana arrived with a cake.
We’re all full to the gunnels! No one wants to offend anyone by not tasting everything!
With so many newbies, & varying levels of competence, I’d decided a photo show-&-tell would be a good idea so they could think about what they would say in advance.
I saw some cool life history tonight, but the pictures to beat all were Sergei’s. He brought a couple of pics of himself from a few years ago when he still had hair, AND A LONG BEARD! He kakked himself as he brought them out. “This is ZZ-Top, & this is Bin Laden!” Oh, & it was so true! We were all gob-smacked, then fell apart too. Talk about image-errors! I wish I could show you.
I showed them you, Ben (“Ooooh” went the new young women, “How old is he? Is he married?” HOLSTER THOSE OVARIES GIRLS!), John Wright tending the leg-of-pork, & mussels BBQ last Labour Weekend (“Ooooh” went the women in their 20’s & 30’s, “How old is he? Is he married?” You’re supposed to be checking out the meat ladies! “We are-hahahahaha!”), Jane, Kim, & Barry in Queenstown snow (“You DO Have Snow, & it’s GOOD snow! Wow!) A Kiwi postie (“nice little shorts” said Sergei), Liquor King trolleys (they all thought it was a hoot that we have them). …

“YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!” Oh God, I’ve just had an aerial ‘dog-fight’ with an enormous flying ‘thingy’, the size of my car! The spider used up all my Raid & I haven’t been able to source a new can, so I clogged the ‘thingy’s’ wings with my moth spray, it crashed, & I smashed it! SHUDDER! Sorry about that.

… Wellington in winter..thanks Sean & Sherie (“that’s a NZ winter?”), & finally, given they’d all revealed unflattering past looks, I showed them my three-stage ‘transition’ (gasps, & whole-hearted approval for the current ‘me’, “we don’t like your hair short; you’re becoming younger with every year!”)

‘Kitchen’ Sveta’s very cute little girl greeted me with “hello” tonight. She’s a little poppet, & started ‘zdrasvuitye’ing me months ago; the first day we saw each other. We’ve become daily ‘hello buddies’, as I fretfully help her down the stairs when she’s navigating them in roller-blades. One day, before I leave here, I’m going to give her a cuddle.

Saturday, September 03, 2005 I awoke in a massive panic, fearing I’d slept late for lessons again. “Settle Prue, it’s Saturday!” Whew! I may as well make a start now anyway.
Finally, a day to myself. I went to find Jenny, grabbing a street map, & a cool world map for her son. I also found pockets of postcards with scenes of Surgut, so I bought a set for them & a set for me. STINK MAN! She was out, but I did get to talk to her on the phone. She sounds like a nice lady. The Director of Lingva Centre came to talk to me, & invited me to join them for a cruise on the Ob tomorrow. I thanked her very much but had to decline due to lessons. Bummer! She’s asked me to come & visit whenever I have time.
I saw Yvgeny’s girlfriend on the way to Lingva Centre. A shy ‘hello’, which I returned as I thoughtlessly blasted past (it was cold & threatening rain, I wanted to get back indoors ASAP). I spun, walked back, & asked how she & Yvgeny are. HUGE smile; they’re very good!
Heading back to Planeta, I stopped at the fruit & veg kiosk outside my local dairy. Their scales decided to stop working, so we went into the dairy to weigh my purchases. Rummaging around trying to make the right change, I was told “spa-goinya, spa-goinya; vye harasho” (calm, calm; you’re good!), & lots of other stuff. I WAS calm! But now, I understand ‘spa-goinya noiche’ better.
Common & mutual remarks from the security guys are “vwoosh, in, out, up, down, back & forth, vwoosh, she’s a blur, speeding everywhere; she’s strange & very amusing! We know when she’s out of bed!”
The funny thing is I think I’m in slow-mode most of the time.

Sunday, September 04, 2005 Another panicky awakening, I have 5-hours before I need to get up, & I’ve set 3 alarms to make sure I do! Intermittent & troubled sleep thereafter, I conceded defeat & climbed out of bed after 2-hours. Guilt does terrible things to your sleep patterns, but is great for keeping you on time!
I used the extra hours to buy one little container of make-up! My phrasebook let me down in a BIG way, even more than I’d anticipated. The shop girlies were beside themselves trying to help me. “Say it in English; we might understand…no we don’t, sorry!” In the end, they’d emptied the contents of every display case for me, & never once got grumpy! Even though my final purchase wasn’t the most lucrative, they remained chirpy, possibly because the chosen item turned out to be a Russian brand, & invited me to return. I hope it works out ok, no such thing as ‘testers’ like Oz & NZ.

Talking to Elena this afternoon, she’s gone all insecure & hopeless with her English after 7-weeks holiday. She was persistent, “What Russian can you speak?”
She’s suffering homesickness (her family’s in Omsk, more than 2,000km’s away), & the customary acclimatization sickness of all Surgutians.
“Izvenyetye pazhalsta, ya-nye gavaryu pa-Ruskye, no ya khatelebui gavaryu pa-Ruskye!” (I’m sorry, I don’t speak Russian, but I want to speak Russian!”)
“Would you like to live in Russia?”
“Mozhet buit, nor porzha.” (Maybe, but later.)
A massive smile; “Thank you Prue, you’re doing well. Ok, I’m going to wait for you, I need you to come back because we all need your happiness; but you have to move to Moscow! For now I’m going to become good at English so you will come back!”

Today’s the annual celebration for Oil & Gas Men. Obviously, a biggie in Surgut with 90% of the population linked to the industry, it’s a day for ‘play & over-indulgence’. I’ve had several no-shows today.
Vasily phoned to tell me there’s a free concert close to Planeta, with plenty of famous Russian rock bands, & a big ‘Salute’ (fireworks display) after. I’d love to go, but I need to sit, drum my fingers & wait, on the off chance anyone shows up here. Also, I’m not so stupid as to walk the streets alone on a public-booze-fuelled night, especially after what happened to Stass & Yuri on Victory Day.
Vasily asked about my weekend, & so I told him about trying to catch up with Jenny yesterday. “Ok, that’s nice, bye.”
30-minutes later, I received a panic-call.
“How did you know she was here? What do you mean you were at Lingva Centre during summer? Why were you there? You were at ‘Big Ben’ first? OH MY GOD, why? Who did you speak to? The Directors at both places? Eeeeeek! Why? How? Did you tell them where you work? You did? Noooooooo! What did they ask; what did you tell them? (gasp) You Were Invited To Join Their River Cruise Today? Jesus! Did you go?
“Calm down Vasily! They invited me to catch up with their ‘native-English speakers’, & I will when I get a chance! When I got to Lingva Centre they told me they were bringing a teacher from England here & put us in contact with each other!”
“You don’t understand Russians; they feign disinterest but it’s not true. They’ll find out about you, & how I got you here. Oh God, no! How did they find ‘natives’ to come here? What have you been saying to people? This is a bad night dream!”
“The internet is hardly a new innovation; no doubt they’ve found their teachers the same way you found me! Lighten up! By the way, it’s not a ‘bad night dream’; it’s a ‘nightmare’! Also, I plan to meet Jenny tomorrow, at Lingva Centre!”
(wail) “This is very bad!”
Good grief! Is it such a crime to meet other English teachers?

Monday, September 05, 2005 It’s my ‘baby’s’ birthday today, boohoo I’m not there to be with him. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEN!

New security guy today, thank goodness! Alexei is now preparing to move to Tvar (I think that’s what it’s called) alone. I turned down his proposal for me to move with him & settle.
The new guy is drop-dead gorgeous, possibly the best looking Russian man I’ve seen! Wow!
This place is full of extremes & it still amazes me every day. The pic of the tree; it was totally green yesterday! Overnight autumn for this one, & its berries have gone from killer lemon/grapefruit yesterday, to juicy sweet today! It’s a battle between the sparrows & me who eats the most!

No Irene tonight. She ate watermelon on Thursday night & had an allergic reaction, needed medication on Friday, but was ok. Dopey girl, she ate more watermelon on Saturday, & was admitted to hospital. She won’t be discharged until Friday. I can’t possibly imagine how watermelon can be toxic, unless it’s been sprayed or injected with chemicals.
New girl, Olga, gave me the cartoon ‘wide popping eyes, jaw on the floor’ look when Natalia was explaining about Irene. Natalia had stalled, then asked the room “arrboos, shto p’engleskye?” Olga & I chimed in unison “watermelon”.
Lesson over, Olga asked “How many Russian words do you understand, Prue?” “Quite a few, so be careful! Hahaha, it’s ok, I’m still very bad!”

Tuesday, September 06, 2005 The new security guy’s name is Vitaly. Yet another one who won’t say ‘Prue’, & I can’t bring myself to introduce myself as ‘Prudence’. Stalemate!

Text message from Alex during my first lesson, to let me know he’s back in town, healthy, but unable to see me tonight because he has some problems to sort out.
After the lesson, I went outside to have a fag & reply to him. Once finished, I headed back inside, surrounded by a gaggle of rowdy mothers & kiddies, & heard above the racket “Hi Prue!” I looked up & there was Alex, tanned & grinning! It was so cool to see him! We had a big hug in the middle of everyone (way out of character for him), & went outside to smoke.
And smoke. And smoke. While he’s been on holiday, his Company’s become smoke-free, inside & out, for the entire working day, & he’s gagging for nicotine!
Talk, talk, talk, until late. Dubai, Singapore, Bali, Bali, Bali. In Bali, they were told to go to the clubs for Europeans, & not to go anywhere near the nightclubs the Australian’s go to, “But I don’t know why, Prue!” They went to look at one to find out (expecting wild animals), & liked it so much they stayed. “The atmosphere was sooooo good, Prue! We only had 2 drinks because we didn’t need alcohol. Everyone was happy, having fun, & we felt safe, relaxed, & so happy being there with them. Of course, there was a lot of marijuana being smoked, it’s everywhere there. They were very noisy too! We stayed until 5am, it was very cool!”
All this sounds so familiar, but from the other side. He’s echoing my ravings about Russians, only his are about Aussies. Awesome! And, no wonder they were relaxed & happy with all that dope around them!
Sad news. Olya’s been offered a job in Moscow, & she starts in October. Alex is gutted that she’s leaving, but is even more determined to find a job there now. He hopes to move by New Year at the latest.
The up-side: Ben, Alex said if you do come to Russia this year, definitely Olya, & Alex if he’s there then, will collect you from the airport, give you a place to sleep (MASSIVE $$$ savings), & will show you around Moscow (you lucky little beast!) Alex has Moscow friends that speak English well, & so they could take you clubbing. It’s an enormous relief to me because I’ve been worrying about you & Moscow, & I was thoroughly touched by Alex’s excitement & enthusiasm!
As well, Alexander’s son speaks English, lives in Moscow, & is your age. I’m sure he’d be happy to meet you too.
Not to mention Vadim, who’d love to catch up with you, & is waiting to hear if he’s been accepted for a job in Moscow right now.
Start your vodka-training son! If you come in November, you’ll be looked after for a couple of days before heading to Surgut. If you come mid-December, I’ll meet you in Moscow.
Our last 2 cigarettes (I’m ready to choke now), & I couldn’t resist telling Alex my latest ‘Russian’. With every new phrase, he cracked up, told me I’ve done well, & gave me a hug. It’s so cool to please!

Wednesday, September 07, 2005 I was a good girl, & did the right thing hauling myself out of bed early today so I could surprise Nelly. I’d found a miniature rose, coloured lilac (her favourite colour, almost to the point of obsession, hence the hair). She was beside herself when I gave it to her, & couldn’t believe it was ‘alive’.
We had lunch together in her classroom; curd yogurt, fruit, a scrummy sausage thing (though I’m a bit over sausage after 3-months of it), & a weird cheese.
I’ve seen this cheese in the shops but didn’t realise it was cheese. It’s presented in a variety of ways, sometimes thin strips twisted together, sometimes plaited, Nelly’s one was segmented like a caterpillar. It’s a smoked cheese & really yummy, but the outer layer is stringy & coarse, & thus weird.

Text message from Vasily: “Oh God, I’ve been bitten by a dog!” No sense of urgency given he had a heart attack over MY dog, I phoned a while later. We talked; the dog had growled & lunged at him, no damage other than to pride, but he fears rabies anyway! Vasily: “What’s the wet stuff in your mouth?” Prue: “Saliva.” Vasily: “You might be right, I’m not sure, I’ll check if you know what you’re talking about!”
Grave warnings; “Be careful when you’re walking Prue! The good thing is it’s getting colder & so you’ll be wearing more clo-thizz, though your legs will be in danger. You should buy a ‘balloon of chemicals’!” AKA: mace spray.
My initial thought was “get your hand off it!” Only one dog has ever confronted me; he was old & demented, mistakenly territorial, I knew what to do, so no damage done. That was a Kiwi dog though. I’m counting on ‘people are people, dogs are dogs, wherever you are in the world’, but I’ll bear in mind Russian dogs may be forced to resort to instinct once colder weather sets in if they’re abandoned. I don’t want my new Russian coats damaged!

Introducing myself, & asking the names of the security guys helps. They’re much more tolerant of my charades when I ask them to disable the alarm. I just can’t get my mouth around the Russian word well enough for them to understand me. Vitaly has been the quickest to respond so far.

Beginner lesson with Marina (she did so well I was jumping out of my skin!), & I received a text from Alex telling me he definitely won’t be seeing me tonight, work has turned to custard for him. Prior to that, Natasha’d arrived to ask if I had free time tonight. I thought she & Max were planning to come & see me, but no. They’re taking me home after work for drinks & to show me photos & video of Max’s trip to Cannes.
With Alex canceling, I had time to zip out to the dairy & buy some ‘stuff’ to take to Max & Natasha. New sausage & cheese introductions from Nelly today, I grabbed one of each. I would’ve bought some wine & fruit, but the dairy only had ‘cheap & nasty’, & the kiosk has crap fruit. The ‘real’ shops near enough are shut now.
With a ‘small semblance of respect’ packed in my bag, I called Natasha & Max to let them know I’m ready early. “WE’LL BE THERE IN 5-MINUTES!”
More than drinks & travel, they cooked up a dreadful spaghetti arrangement. Spaghetti, not merely drowned, but suffocated & mummified in butter, chunky chopped sausage (not mine) complete with paper skin that had to be picked out of the spaghetti & denuded before eating (almost worth the effort & I’m reminded of prawns in the shell basking in some messy sauce..I’ve never ‘got’ that either!), & a vile tomato sauce that turned the spaghetti into something that came out of a Watties can. The sausage chunks were too big for one mouthful, not a knife in sight! A comedy of errors, but I was very grateful to be eating a hot meal, & it came with a yummy feta salad.
Throughout, we sampled Max’s ‘France duty-free’ purchases. Rose champa…can’t remember the spelling, like champagne but it was a ‘still’. One glass each. Dry (heaven for me), yummy. Next came the Chardonnay, & it was a nice one, though as to be expected in Russia, tepid. They didn’t like it at all, so I recommended they chill it next time, & suggested what to eat with it. I doubt they’ll ever like it; as I’ve said before, Russians love sweet wines. These tastings were interspersed with shots of ‘J & B’ scotch. Not being a lover of scotch, I was pleasantly surprised. Max also wanted to open his bottle of Ballantines, but I told him he should hold that for another time (hopefully when I’ve gone!)
As is the custom, every drink came with a toast. I was asked for ‘traditional’ NZ toasts, & all I could think of was “Cheers ears, no probs nobs, hair off your head, skin off your knob”, but that’s just too rude & hard to explain to this nice couple.
I DON’T DO TOASTS; THEY’RE ‘MENS WORK, like mowing lawns & dealing with insects & rats! I cringingly opted for “To wonderful friends, & the people we love”, & they were rapt because Russia has a similar one; “For those that are with us, & to absent friends”, scored kisses & 20-minutes of fumbling translation to prove Russians do this one too!
“Oh!” they said, “We’re the same people!” More wine, more J & B, let’s go!
In the meantime, we’d moved from bad spaghetti to 10kg’s of watermelon, no exaggeration! My belly was bursting!
Into the living room (12:50am) we move, & it’s time to look at more photos, & watch Max’s Cannes video (I won’t be having lunch with Nelly). That done, “Prue, you’ll sleep here with us tonight!”
“No. I want to go home. Thank you.”
It took half an hour to source a taxi company that works this time of night on a Wednesday. While waiting, Max & Natasha bagged a watermelon for me.
“Thank you, but no, there’s no point, I don’t have a knife.” Knife added to the bag.
“Thank you again, but there’s still not point, I don’t have a surface to cut it on.” Side plate & a ‘Tupperware’ container added to the bag, so I can eat off a plate & store the rest.
“Seriously, No! I don’t have a BENCH! Come with me, & let me show you what I mean!” A waste of time, I’ve returned to Planeta with all this ‘stuff’.
Gotta love them for their generosity!
Final battle for the night, the taxi. “We’ll pay.” “I have money, I’ll pay.” “No, we’re paying!” “STOP IT, I’m paying!” “Prue, we’re going to pay, because if the driver knows you don’t speak Russian he’ll rob you!” “Ok, then I’ll pay you, & you can pay him!” “NO!”
Listening to Max giving the driver instructions, he went told him I speak Russian badly & so he mustn’t speak to me! I’m going to ‘beat’ Max for this deception!
Destination correct, driver says “zdys?” I say “da!” He says “dosvedanye!” I say “dosvedanye, bal-shoye spa-ce-bo, spa-goinya-noiche!” My cover’s blown! He chuckled, ‘spa-goinye-noiche’d’ me, & I oh-so-sophisticatedly climbed the gate into Planeta grounds (cursed thing jams shut occasionally!), burned my way to the door, buzzed to be let in, & woke up ‘Mr. Angry’! Actually, he was nicer at this hour, than any other time. I silently gave thanks for 3am discombobulation, & sprinted to my room before he had time to muster his (this time) justifiably sh*tty-liver!

Thursday, September 08, 2005 Knackered after last night, I was a bit confused. I waited for 15-minutes for Dmitri II to show up before I realised today’s Thursday.
I helped to carry cafeteria supplies inside instead, scored a small growling (it’s work for men & lowly kitchen girlies, not for the likes of me; “it’s ok, I’m happy to help!”), & plenty of thanks at the end.
An hour later ‘starved’ belly growls sent me out for pizza & salad; dry horrors 3-hours after, & I was trapped in a lesson with an hour to go. An hour’s a long time when you’re shriveling up like a raisin from the inside!
Recently new student, Aurika the med student, asked how old I am after the lesson. Then she asked if I have a diet. “No, why?” It was too difficult for her to explain right then, so now, she has 3 homework assignments to complete by Monday.

Time to go & change into a big woolly jersey!

slide through your mouth … cover in saliva … suck … incredible!

G’day! How’s this for posting on time?! Not such a comprehensive one this week; busy, busy, busy!

Friday, September 09, 2005 Ahhrummmm, can’t think of anything. Yes I can! There’s mail being held for me at the post office. I have to collect it myself. Something to look forward to on Monday!

Saturday, September 10, 2005 8am alarm this morning. I’m going mushrooming in the forest. Vladimir (one of Planeta’s students) has invited me to join him & some friends. What a day! I bought & used up an entire new set of batteries in my camera, over 100 photos taken, but only about 50 made the final cut.
What a dag! Zooming out to the forest, Vladimir hit the brakes. I turned around & saw why, there’s a cop car ahead. But no, it’s a cut-out fake! Hahahahahaha!
I was shown another of those big ant mounds, but this time taught a neat trick. You grab a thin twig off the forest floor, slide it through your mouth so it’s covered in saliva, then put the twig close to the entrance hole on the mound. The ants go for it, climbing on, racing up & down. After a few minutes, you grab your twig, shake the ants off then suck it. The taste is incredible!
A squirrel put on a magnificent show for me, so good the photos showed huge trees with a reddish blur! Little beast! I thought later I should’ve switched to video mode, but after further consideration I decided it wouldn’t have made any difference. He leaped from tree to tree, raced up & down, & leapt some more, chattering the entire time. Gorgeous!!! The 3 pics I’ve kept of him are not worth the extra load on your inbox unfortunately.
All sorts of ‘shrooms here. Puff balls are called “old mans tobacco”, & if found before the contents turn to powder, are taken for eating (OH MY GOD!) Magic mushrooms aren’t eaten, but are sometimes picked; added to a bottle of vodka & left to stand for about 40-days, the vodka becomes a ‘miracle-cure’ when massaged into painful joints.
It was about this time Vladimir’s mum became agitated because he wasn’t replying to her calls. She told me to stay exactly where I was while she went in search. I was ok for about 10-minutes, then the mozzies went into a feeding frenzy. I was bitten through my jeans & hat. They managed to get inside my jacket, through my jersey, & under my polyprop. Some even managed to get up the inside of my jeans for a munch! After that, I had to keep moving. I even resorted to having a couple of cigarettes (I hate seeing people smoking in the forest, fire hazard as well as wrecking the clean air), but the smoke served to ward them off for a wee while. Then I got the willies, because I heard some strange noises, & started imagining bears coming out of the trees & couldn’t for the life of me remember what you’re supposed to do when confronted by a bear. By this time it was starting to get cold, I widened my circular track so I could move around a bit more, & feed up on brusnika & wild blueberries. Next it was time to clown around with my camera for a bit of diversion. All up, I was alone in that scary forest for more than an hour! Vladimir arrived having been found by his mum & dispatched to collect me. Back out to the car & his friend Sasha was missing. Another 90-minutes of searching before he appeared trudging down the road. He’d got lost & headed for the sound of traffic, emerging on a different road about a kilometre away. Scary Man!

Back to Planeta because I have a lesson with Dmitri II at 5pm. At 6:20pm he finally showed up, loaded me into his car, & took me on a little tour of his businesses. First the sports shop, then the graphic design studio (very cool), & finally the café, where we had dinner. There’s a menu change on the way, so a couple of new dishes were tried out on us. The 1st: Partisanski Salat – small cubes of tongue (during the war, partisans would rather have their tongues chopped up than talk, hence the name of the salad), chopped hard-boiled eggs, sliced spring onions, fresh fennel, sliced black olives, little strips of bread, & mayo, eaten with slices of black Russian bread. The 2nd: Un-named, it was fish coated in breadcrumbs, fried in oil & topped with pinenuts, brusnika berry sauce, wild & white rice, with lemon, orange, & grapefruit wedges. Apparently, a unique & innovative dish, & it’s name will have something to do with me &/or NZ! I wish they wouldn’t!
Out of the café, & it’s BUCKETING down! Home, & I’m happy to be there!

Sunday, September 11, 2005 Work. Oksana brought me an apple cake from her parents, a jar of roasted mushrooms from her 10-year-old daughter who wants to come to my lessons again, & a bag of Russian chocolates from herself.
Security lady, Valentina, gave me a jar of home-made raspberry jam to eat with cups of tea.
It must be my birthday again!

Monday, September 12, 2005 Early to rise again, I went in search of Nelly, hoping to have lunch with her, but she wasn’t at work.
Off to town to grab whiteboard markers for Alex so he can write new words on his fridge. Half way into town, I went from comfortably warm to blimin cold! Time to speed up, but it didn’t do much good. I pulled into a shop & bought a corduroy jacket that was on sale. Nice! While I was ‘in the neighbourhood’ I called into Lingva Centre on the off-chance Jenny-from-Manchester might be there. HOORAH! She was, along with another English teacher from England, who’s here on a 12-month contract! A quick 30-minute chat, then they had to go to lessons.
I headed back to Planeta, only to be told there’s a party at 4pm that I’m expected to attend. I said I couldn’t possibly because I had a lesson at that time. “Cancel it, you’ve got to be there!” I grumbled that it’s not on, & I should’ve been told about it last week so I could make proper arrangements.
A quick dash to my room to change out of jeans (boohoo, business attire every day again), & on my way back, Vladimir called for me to follow him to his office, where he gave me a CD with photos from Saturday, & a jar of the ‘shrooms we picked!
As it turns out, it was a party for those of us who had birthdays over summer. We were each given a pretty porcelain mug, & a pot plant.
Mayster had a gift for Dirty Dr. too. It was very interesting watching these 2 men do the ‘two-cheek’ kiss thing, finishing off with a lip-kiss. I can’t imagine seeing Aussie & Kiwi blokes doing this.
Lessons, & my students gave me big ‘wow’s’ followed by dismayed cries. Most of them have started during summer & haven’t seen me in anything other than jeans. Their dismay was over my smart black suit becoming covered in chalk within a matter of minutes. I wasn’t too thrilled either!
One final gift for me, my little white cat is back! Not outside, but inside!! She spent the evening following me from room to room ‘talking’ all the while, & waiting for my lessons to be over. Now, she’s curled up on my bed where she should be! No smuggling required, everyone knows she’s inside Planeta, & stopped to pat her.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005 1:02 AM I can’t believe it; it’s really cold tonight & those lousy ‘garden gnomes’ are back & partying! Is it coincidence that my ‘little white girl’ is back too? I wonder if she belongs to them? Not if I can help it!
I’m off to try & get some kip. Catch you later in the day.

Tra-la-la. I had a really good sleep. This little cat is a great bed-cuddle. She woke me early wanting to go to the loo. I made a ‘dirtbox’ loaded with loo paper (I need to find out where to get ‘kitty litter’), & she took to it straight away, though she wasn’t too thrilled when her tooties got wet. Back to bed we went for a couple of hours. Up, dressed, & out to face the day. I took her outside so she could have a proper loo stop & left her to it.

I went off to ‘Big Ben’, the other language school, to see if their English teacher had arrived. Yep, he has! After a small interrogation (Where do you work? What do you do there? How did you know he was coming? Why do you want to see him? What do you expect to talk about? …), I was finally introduced to him. His name’s David, he’s 51 & from Yorkshire. We chatted for about an hour, then agreed to meet after work tonight. Cool!

Back to Planeta to get work over & done with.
I asked Nelly to write Planeta’s address on a piece of paper for me so I can keep it in my money pouch in case I need to get a taxi (it’s something I meant to do when I first arrived). That led her to giving me a brief lesson in Russian script. It’s become even clearer to me why I can’t read their handwriting; typescript ‘т’ (t), when handwritten, becomes ‘m’, ‘г’ (g) becomes a back-to-front ‘s’, ‘д’ (d) becomes ‘g’, & ‘и’ (e) becomes ‘u’. There are a few other changes, but you get the idea I’m sure. Why leave a difficult thing at that when you can make it more difficult?! Crazy Russians!

The heating’s on, HOOOOORAAAAAAAY!

Alex walked me to the café where David & I agreed to meet.
A big night! Before he left work, David had been lectured by his boss about fraternizing with the ‘enemy’. We agreed we wouldn’t talk about our work places, & he’s decided he won’t tell them in future that he’ll be meeting me. I don’t think that’s such a good idea, we’re bound to be seen & word will get back. His decision, nothing to do with me.
Two bottles of wine (1/2 a bottle for me, the rest for him), & a couple of vodka shots. I’ve cut back on my alcohol intake lately, & for over a week been tea-total, & I was unfairly squiffy. Must’ve been a low-tolerance day. Yuk, hate that!
Back to his place, & I lost a glove in the taxi. Not a good one thankfully, but I’m ticked off with myself all the same. I was curious to see what his accommodation was like – VERY nice, it even has a kitchen! We talked all night. Fast, flowing English, & big words (3 syllables or more)! (satisfied sigh)

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 ‘Walk of shame’, I had to return to Planeta still in yesterdays clothes, not that anyone would notice if it wasn't me (it’s the norm to wear the same outfit every day for a week; people like me who change every day are sharply told “It’s not a fashion show!”). They know I went out last night & didn’t come back. Nelly was curiously silent about this state of affairs, so I brought the subject up myself. She prefers the ‘bonking all night’ rumour.
Good enough for a buddy, but that’s all, I just don’t fancy him, he’s not a ‘manly’ man. Don’t anyone DARE tell me that’s where I’m going wrong!
Freaking windy today! I should’ve gone to the shops for more tea & something to nibble on, but I’m concerned Vadim will prove to be correct, & I’ll get blown away!

Speaking of my boy, he got that job in Moscow! He sent me an e-mail letting me know, told me 70% of his interview was in English, & it was because of me that he got the job. Maybe, maybe not, but it’s nice of him to say.
It’s fantastic news for him & his family, but I’m going to miss him! Damn, damn, damn!
Now I need to decide whether to give his time to someone else, or do myself a favour & keep the time for me.

Oksana & Marina were talking to me tonight about the iodine deficiency problems here. It must be the time of year, because 4 other people have advised me about it this week. Anyway, apple pips are a good source of iodine according to the doctors. I knew there was a reason why I eat apple cores!

Alex has decided he’ll spend 30-minutes each visit teaching me Russian! I suggested I pay him, but he claims it’ll help him with his English. What a load of tripe! I appreciate his help though.

Max & Natasha wanted to see my photos since June & cracked up when they saw the ‘cop car’. Apparently, the police use a similar ploy with a cut-out cop. Everyone thinks it’s hilarious, particularly since the ‘cop’ has a huge smile on his face (like anyone here openly grins!) Max helped a friend steal one a couple of years ago; the ‘cop’ now stands at the friend’s dacha, keeping the birds off the garden. What a giggle!

Thursday, September 15, 2005 Just a brief note today so I can flick this out.

Nelly’s in full ‘green-eyed-monster’ mode. She keeps inviting me to spend weekends at their dacha & I keep turning her down because of my work commitments. She won’t come to grips with the difference between me having time to spend a few hours with others vs. not having time to spend 48-hours with her. If she’d invite me to spend the afternoon at her dacha she’d get a resounding ‘yes’, but she doesn’t like that option. Unlucky!

It’s a gorgeous day today. Warm, clear blue sky, no wind. It’s good to be alive!

Lots of mail from you this week. It’s been great. Sorry I haven’t replied to heaps of you, but as I’ve said, time’s at a premium right now. Hopefully I’ll have Saturday to myself & will catch up then.

Love from Me & My Little Girl (AngElla, as named by the staff here)

… stroll … dart in the head … whimpers & staccato steps … marmite sarnies

Man, getting this message out has been an exercise in frustration! I've blown 3-hours in the last 2 days trying to do so. I can't attach the photos this week, every time I try e-mail crashes. I'll try sending them later, but for now it's best that I send this & go for a calming walk.

Thursday, 15 September 2005 cont. I forgot to mention that I made a ‘guest appearance’ in Vasily’s class today. Year One students, so ‘freshys'’ at Planeta. WHAT A NEAT GROUP! These kids have been the chattiest, most interested & interesting, least shy group so far. A huge relief for me, their pre-prepared questions had nothing to do with NZ Politics, our economic policies, or climate. They asked about things they were truly interested in, like “have you dated a Russian man?” Once over that one we had a fab time.
I didn’t get the chance to thank Vasily because he shot off, so I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll also talk to Nelly about it, & with luck, she’ll get her students to do the same.

I’ve had an e-mail from Sean today, the 1st of my ‘intrepid travellers of Russia’ great mates that I made before leaving NZ. He’s confessed to becoming confused by the endless string of Alex’s, Alexander’s, & Alexei’s. It’s ok, I get confused too, & I have their faces to look at! Short of attaching a photo of each with every e-mail, I can’t help you. In the interest of clarification though, there’re two Alex’s; No.1: 1st= bloke buddy (Khanty-Mansisk trip pics), No.2: Telecom bloke (no photo) & out of the picture. There’s only one Alexander, he’s the man-mountain student I thought was only marginally bigger than me (you’ve seen the photo). There’re three Alexei’s; No.1: Planeta student responsible for publishing exhausted photos of me; No.2: function bouncer & gun-flashing security boy; No.3: security bloke, wanna-be husband fled to Tver; no photos of these 3.
Be thankful I don’t write about all of the Olya’s, Lyuba’s, Olga’s, Oleg’s, Sergei’s, Valentina’s, Nadeerzhda’s, Dmitri’s, Yulia’s, Tatiana’s, Victor’s, Anatoly’s, Natasha’s, Natalya’s, Irina’s, Marina’s, Elena’s, Vitaly’s, Vladimir’s, & Katya’s that I’ve met! I’m pretty sure that’s the extent of the usual-baby-names book in Russia. Arrrgh! I hate it when I get a name wrong when there are so few to choose from! My biggest problem are the diminutives; Vladimir can be Vlad or Vovo; Alexander has, oh my god, so many options … Alex, Alexei, Sasha, Liusha … I meet a ‘Natalia’, then thought I screwed up because someone called her ‘Natasha’ or … no it’s too hard, I could fill 10 tea-chests with the variations for each name. I have no idea what Nelly’s daughter’s actual name is! Suffice to say, it’s very disturbing for someone who places great importance on getting a name right; well you would wouldn’t you with ‘Prudence McArthur/Mackintosh/Jarvis’ for handles (“how do you spell Pru/Prue/Pruma Cartha?”) Don’t even start me on a life of spelling ‘Mackintosh’! Is it any wonder I’ve stuck with ‘Jarvis’?

Friday, 16 September 2005 Hooo-oo-ooooo-eeee! I decided to give up on waiting for anyone to have time to take me to the post office, & to be fair I haven’t asked anybody myself. Today I had time to take to the streets with map in hand, & search for the place myself. More feathers in my cap; not only can I read a map, but I can read a map in Russian now! AND, I’m a woman! Of course, I still turn the thing upside down or sideways, according to the direction in which I’m travelling, but hey, I’ve collected a parcel today!
Although I was itching to collect the parcel, & help would’ve meant I’d’ve had it earlier in the week, it’s even more precious today for collecting it on my own.
The post office was a bit of a challenge. The chicky demanded my passport for proof of identity, no surprise she didn’t like it once I’d handed it over (refer comparison photos), so I directed her to the page with my Surgut residency docs & photo. None too keen on that evidence either, she reluctantly relinquished this precious package.
Now the plan was to nonchalantly stroll back to Planeta, get to my room, & rip it open there. I took 5 steps away from the PO counter, found myself next to a table, stopped, & tore into it like a 5-year-old on Christmas morning! 2 bags of Darrell Lea liquorice, 2 big bars of Cadbury’s Black Forest chocolate, a little jar of Marmite, a packet of liquorice tea, & a hand-written novel from my mate Claire, aka Bee-Stings (B-S)! Gasps of delight & chuckles! I packed all but the letter into my bag, took to the street & read all the way home. A bit of a footpath hazard as I weaved my way back to Planeta. B-S wrote strict instructions to keep these treasures just for me, but I couldn’t resist. Big hugs & kisses to you sweetheart, you’ve made my month!
The first packet of Darrel Lea has disappeared into the gobs of staff & students. Really funny watching their faces, I’m happy to be short one bag. All were wary of this package of black goop I was thrusting at them.
The staff: “It’s edible? Really? What? You want ME to put it in MY mouth? Do I have to?” Reluctantly they each took the smallest piece they could spot in the packet. The looks on their faces as they reached into the bag were hilarious; their tentative nibbles were priceless! I wish I’d had my camera! I bet 80% of them spat that offending fragment into the bin as soon as I turned my back. Vasily had no compunction in screwing up his face & spitting into my bin! “Arrrggghhh, it tastes like medicine! This is delicious to you? You really are a STRANGE woman!”
My students: Much the same response, though Irina & Sergei went into raptures! The others nibbled slowly, rolled the sticky remainder between their fingers for about 5-minutes until I offered them the bin. Shamed into persistence by Irina & Sergei they said “No! It’s good … maybe … I just need time to get used to it! Do you take it with coffee?”
“Actually 2 pieces, with a mug of liquorice tea, followed by an apple, while reading a good book in bed & listening to Bach, before going to sleep!”
No qualms from Ludmila, she took 2 pieces, & came back for more. My cat likes it too!
Next, the ‘sniff’ test over the jar of marmite. “Hmmmm, interesting! Is it a sauce?”
Marmite sarnies next week! The people of Surgut will always remember me, for one reason or another!
Back to Vasily: he’d made an appearance at Planeta to let me know he’d been making enquiries into ‘flu shots for me. Loaded with dire warnings about fatalities from Hepatitis shots in Surgut last year, he’s prepared to escort me to have my ‘flu injection if that’s what I’m determined to do. It’ll be available next month. Yippee!

Lessons over, running late, I met David-from-Yorkshire as planned. Tragic! He’s been here a week today & is already bagging the place. He swung from “I’m going to catch the next train out of here, it’s an UGLY town!” (to be fair, it is, but it’s the people that make a place!) “This sleepy place is just what I need to relax & spend time alone.” “God I’m glad I’m here, the women are gorgeous!” “These people are animals! The men at the next table are annoying me!”
I walked him to where he could flag a taxi; I’m such a ‘gent’! On the way, he had a ‘go’ at me, claiming the guy that sat next to me at our table wanted a bit of me & I was flirting in return. All of Ben’s age, wanting to practice his English, fascinated to know why a foreign woman would come to Surgut for a year, & full of desire for the girl he’d come with, he was asking me to check his text ‘love messages’ to her!

Saturday, 17 September 2005 Call me a fool! I’d agreed to meet David for lunch & show him around town a little bit. It’s because I feel a speck of pity for him. The man’s going through a serious mid-life crisis. It doesn’t cost me anything to be nice to him, & maybe, just maybe some of my enthusiasm will rub off.
Before he arrived, I bought him a map of Surgut & Tyumen Oblast. I’m going to make him mark the places he visits so he can track his ventures as he cheers up.
He asked if I was as happy & smiley when I first arrived as I am now, or have I changed from being here. I told him I’d rocked into Surgut the ‘sunbeam from Down-Under’, but I’ve changed, not that anyone here would know because the changes have been on the inside.
I showed him the best pharmacy in town; he wanted sleeping pills. I showed him the best bookshop in town, but he wasn’t interested because he’d slipped into a blue funk. I took him to ‘Tarelka’ for a meal; he chirped up for a while, then got grumpy over a baby who was crying & was amazed that it didn’t disturb me. I bustled him out of there & headed towards Neftyanic Square because he wanted to find the theatre where a performing arts group from Moscow are playing. I’m hoping this is the right place; it’s the best theatre I know of in town. I told him he was like a bratty kid on a car trip “Is this it? … Are we nearly there yet? … When are we going to be there? … Now? Are we there now?”
Mission successfully accomplished, he cheered up again & wanted to go to ‘White Crow’, a snazzy café I’d pointed out to him on the way.
About-turn, we headed back the way we came. I’m so glad we went there! The minute we walked in, he came over all animated.
It IS a neat place; I love it! Very modern & funky decor, it has classy black & white photos everywhere. Excellent music too! Not to mention yummy Illy cappuccinos for me!
Part of my psychological therapy for David, I took a couple of photos of him in a salubrious environment with a pretty young Russian waitress.
Heading back to ‘Big Ben’ because he has a lesson at 4pm, we spotted a guy feeding the pigeons outside the main shopping area, not sure if you can see in the 2nd photo, but one climbed onto his hand. I took another couple of photos of David in front of Big Ben, ensuring there was greenery & plenty of blue sky.
I’ve e-mailed these pics to him tonight so he has something nice to look at & tide him over until Monday night when we’ll catch up again.

Free again & in serene company, I should’ve gone home to clean up the piggery of a room I’ve created over the last 2 days. “Nah, to hell with it!” It’s a gorgeous day, too good to waste being cooped up inside, “I’ll do my ‘housework’ this evening.”
Aimless meandering; I strolled the streets, popped into shops on a whim, one of which was a fur coat shop, where I was chastised for indulging a little boy in his game of war. He embarked on an aerial attack with his paper dart; I took to dodging & ambushing him from behind coat racks. We both left with our wallets intact! In spite of their disapproval of the ‘game’, I scored smiles & cheery ‘dosvedanye’s’ when I left.
Funny, every shop I called into after that, I copped a paper dart in the head..his mum was obviously spending her day the same way I was!
I broke the rules’ & took unsanctioned photos of street vendors. These ones were selling brusnika berries, wild blueberries, pine nuts, & sunflower seeds. Mushrooms. Fennel, parsley, wilting basil, spring onions, carrots, & beets. Mushroom stems (sold separately from the caps). Bay leaves, radishes, some other ‘greenery’ that looks suspiciously like ragwort gone to seed to me, & corn on the cob. The fish is what gets me, as usual! It’s 20+ degrees today, & the fish is just lying there out in the sun, no attempt to shade it, let alone keep it cool!
I made friends with a stray scruffy poodle who’d managed to sneak past security in one mall; he sniffed me, I said “hello”, he leaned against my leg, I thoughtlessly patted him, he plonked himself down on the floor & my foot .. ‘ownership staked’ by him; oops! I made my surreptitious escape while he was distracted by a couple of other women ‘flirting’ with him.
I casually looked at winter hats to replace that awful 8,500 rouble (NZ$500) ‘tea-cosy’ I bought in Moscow; bummer, the only one that suited me was a cool 12,500 roubles (NZ$750) … sable of course! “Step AWAY from the hat & this shop!” Pathetic whimpers & staccato steps, I managed it!
I did end up buying a pair of black cords to go with the jacket I bought last week. The 3 pair of work trou I brought with me are on their last legs, & I’m reluctant to replace them with something similar. I’ve decided it’s better to have hardy multi-purpose gear ... professional at a pinch, definitely smarter than jeans. When I pack to leave, my trou will go in the bin (assuming they’ll last that long); damned shame about the matching jackets that make suits sitting in storage back in NZ!
2nd to last shop, I couldn’t resist trying on a couple of GLAMOROUS evening gowns. I chose a dusky pink strappy number, the shop-lady handed me the marginally more demure blue version. Smart woman! The pink was my COLOUR, the blue was my STYLE, & the colour was good! I primped & preened in the changing room for ages, egged on by the bargain price, but finally settled for reason … “when on earth will I wear such a dress? By the time I get to wear it I’ll have changed shape, & won’t I be scratchy then?!” Rather than ‘worn’, these dresses are ‘painted’ on; no margin for an extra gram in weight, rolls would be unforgivable!
Return to practicalities, I bought ‘Kitty Litter’ at my final shop. Butter & a loaf of soft white bread as well..marmite tomorrow!
Back at Planeta, AngElla yelled & swore at me all the way to my office once she copped my ‘scent’. I couldn’t believe the vision she presented; my wee white angel’s been playing ‘mechanic’ today, she’s grease-scungy-black from ears to toes! Reciprocal remonstrations, she left me in a huff.
I sat here shaking my head over the folly of a white cat! The pic doesn’t do justice to her filthy achievement, but it’s not bad.
About 7:30pm & outside taking photos of this lovely evening, I thought I spotted her heading for the trees. I called her &, uh-oh, I could have a new cat! He’s a lovely big tabby, just as chatty & cuddly as AngElla. Everyone’s gone ‘partisan’ & indulged me with AngElla, but I doubt they’ll coddle a 2nd fur-ball! Eeek, what to do? It’s going to get nasty cold here soon; I want to rescue this ‘baby’ too!
The cranberries against the sky are ready to eat (a fantastic desktop pic that one, what’re my chances of making millions selling it to Bill Gates?), the other berries aren’t. They’re ready once the leaves are dropping. These trees are side-by-side! Gorgeous aye?! It’s hard to understand how people can’t see the beauty here!

Oh dear! I’ve just discovered there’s still a serious gap in my personal development. All this writing led me to ‘boxer-style’ drools at the memory of marmite. For all my independence, progress, & growth this year, I still can’t slice a loaf of bread! My first effort was a pathetic piece of ‘lace’, the 2nd, a door wedge! No real deterrent, I’ve had an ‘upstairs, downstairs’ marmite ‘gasm! Vitamin B induced calm, I’m off to sleep!

Sunday, 18 September 2005 Yogurt & coffee for breakfast, marmite sarnies for lunch & afternoon tea; is this heaven?
What should’ve been a full-on day ended up with gaps. My 1pm appointment today was a no-show. 2pm & 3pm turned up. A break until 6pm, when Alex arrived.
He wanted to walk, so we shanked it to the other side of town, browsed a super mall, saw the most amazing sunset (guess what..no freaking camera!), then sat outside & had a beer. Two teenagers interrupted our conversation & asked if they could talk to us. Alex zipped his lips & left me to do the talking. Finally, I called on Alex’s help with a Russian word; the boys’ eyes nearly fell out of their heads when Alex spoke in Russian. It took 5-minutes for the penny to drop & the boys finally asked if Alex was Russian. He & I laughed about it in the taxi on the way back to Planeta “I TOLD you your English was good!”

It’s been another lovely day, & evening too.

Having shot outside to grab a photo of the moon, I decided I should take the opportunity to snap the entry area of Planeta for you; ain’t it grand in all those sultry shades of BROWN & grey! That couch is where night security sleeps.

Monday, September 19, 2005 I should’ve got the hint last night when I took that photo of the moon; watery moon, raining today!

Beginner lesson tonight & 3 new students arrived. Oksana was suddenly the expert in the room; great for her confidence.
Intermediate group immediately after, & pushing poo uphill; they were in silent “I hate Monday” mode. I duped some of them into speaking by mentioning clothing sizes. They wanted to argue with me about my size (I’ve been through this with Nelly; she didn’t believe me either & so I ended up with a top the size of a marquee for my birthday). We moved on to bra sizes, well actually the different sizing models; apologies to the guys in the room for this conversation, though they didn’t seem too concerned because it gave them an excuse to ogle & compare!

Lesson over, out to meet David again. Thank goodness, he was buoyant! He didn’t talk negatively once. Hopefully it’ll last, & I’ll be able to pull back, & just catch up every couple of weeks or so. He has plans for the reverse; true to form, he views me as a sex-starved bunny (true) who’ll swoon into his bed due to his irresistible charm (not true, he’s far from irresistible!) He even went so far as to predict that I’ll change my plans within a fortnight & be making inquiries into alternative work here so I can stay with him! “Hahahahahahaha, get a grip, hahahahahahahaha!”

Tuesday, September 20, 2005 I had, what I think may be the worst night of my life last night, followed by a miserable day. Somewhere around 3am I woke to the sound of a dog yelping, which is not unusual in itself; sometimes they’re crying because they’re lost, sometimes because they’ve received a kick from some brute. Last night though, the yelps were followed by the growls of what sounded like a much bigger dog. The scuffling & dog-noises got closer & closer to my room, more & more disturbing. Finally, there was a long nasty growl, an agonized squeal, then silence for a while. I was pretty sure I knew what had happened. I leapt out of bed to see if I could see anything, & to gauge the size & danger of the big dog. Nothing, it was too dark. I went back to bed & just lay there, listening to the snuffling. Eventually, the big dog gave some contented snorts & woofs. Come daylight, I got up again, & sure enough, there was the body of a dog straight across the driveway from my window, just the body; its head had been eaten.
I can’t shake the feeling that I should’ve done something to stop this occurring, though in all reality there’s nothing I could do. By the time I thought I knew what was happening, it was too late for that dog, & other than Alexei (the gun-toter), night security here are unarmed. There’s no way I could’ve convinced anyone to go outside at that hour.
I’ve felt sick & shaky all day. Nelly’s tried to cheer me, but the fact that she really didn’t give a toss about the dog made me feel worse. I couldn’t bear the confines of Planeta so took to the streets (screwy brain).

I stopped in at Big Ben to tell David & suggest he should start using the driver service they have for their teachers. Nup, he didn’t care about the dog either, & couldn’t see any reason to stop walking the 40-minutes to his apartment at night. Maybe he’s thinking like I did when Vasily told me about his dog attack. The thing is, I think a dog that’s driven to cannibalism must be a risk to people; & suddenly I feel foolish & repentant about my casual response to Vasily a fortnight ago.
Next destination, Lingva Centre, to invite Jenny & Mark to drinks & nibbles on Friday night. I didn’t see Mark, but Jenny & I talked for ages. She’s unhappy here, & was beside herself to learn that there’re places to go & things to do. The woman’s a real dag! Just what I needed; we talked about Surgut, working with the locals & the challenges that go with it, she has yukky accommodation too, so we commiserated & giggled about that; we briefly touched on the subject of men & seem to agree (more giggles), & lastly, she told me there’s a heap of work for someone like me in the UK. I was shocked! Food for thought, definitely!

Jenny cheered me up no end; my lesson tonight was a good one.
Alex arrived next & I talked to him about the dogs, & what safety precautions I should take. He told me he often hears gunshots at night at this time of year & throughout winter, & they’re most likely the police destroying stray dogs or the wild ones that come from the forest because their usual food source becomes scarce. He was great! Then we moved on to his trials & tribulations with Olya, but with the telling, we both had a jolly good laugh. A good hour for both of us. Also, I talked to Alex about Jenny & her son, Steven; the problems they’re experiencing with him being ‘coloured’, his boredom, isolation, & loneliness. Bless Alex & all that he is, he wants to take Jenny & Steven out, & introduce Steven to Olya’s son, Sergei. Damn, I love this man, he’s such a softie!
My mission tomorrow is to talk to Marina & ask if her son, Igor, would be willing to meet Steven too. I’m sure Igor will say ‘yes’ because he’s a gorgeous kid & loves to speak English. Cross your collective fingers for Steven, please!

Unfortunately, work over & back in my room, I can hear the dogs at it again out on the street. There’ve been a few yelps, & the nightmare is back. Music turned up, I can’t hear too much from outside for now.
This is the first day that I’ve actually verbally said “I want to go home!” I know it’ll pass; maybe tomorrow, probably Thursday, I’ll be back to my upbeat self.

(mental shake) Right, move onto another subject.
China. OH MY GOD! It’s a cursed minefield! Looking at jobs, checking www.eslcafe.com for posts about each place, I’m learning lots, but so much is scary. The worst is arriving to find that not only is there no job, but in fact, there’s no school! Stranded!
Often the conditions are hideous; broken classroom windows (a mixed blessing, they’re an escape avenue for the rats as you enter, but an ‘easy in’ for the mozzies & roaches), the accommodation is not much better.
Most teachers recommend your first placement be in one of the main cities, but competition is stiff for those jobs. Some say “come without a job, you’re better to get one once you’ve arrived & can check it out”; others say “you’ll be deported before you get a job.”
Then there’re the posts from some of the scam-artists themselves; not so easy for me to spot, but thankfully the experienced teachers pick up on them smartly; grammar being the tell-tale sign, these guys are so good their grammar mistakes can be taken as typo’s by a FOB like me.
On the lighter side; I read a post from one guy today listing the reasons not to go to China. 1) People pee in the street, 2) Management is inefficient, 3) People steal, or take credit for your ideas, 4) Members of staff are excluded from ‘good stuff’ & have to work hard … & on the list went.
I responded with “hmmmm, it sounds much like Russia, NZ, & Oz …”.
Blow me down if some bimbo in rose specs responded saying “Excuuuse me, I’ve never been to Russia, but I’m from NZ & I’ve been to Australia, & I’ve never seen anyone urinating in the street!”
What can I say? I just had to respond to that one! “I’m a Kiwi, been to most places in NZ, my family now lives in Oz so I’ve made numerous trips there, where are you from because I’d like to go there, blah, blah, have you never been outside a pub at closing time in NZ or Oz?”
Funnily enough, she’s disappeared from the thread.
Hmmm, I started by saying this was a lighter note, but it doesn’t read that way; maybe if we were sitting together & yabbering we’d laugh.

OK, let me try another story.
Into my local dairy to buy juice tonight, that naughty ‘not-so-regular’ boss guy cracked up as I walked in. He’d seen me all over town today, & thought it was hilarious as he regaled everyone with his sights of me “vwooshing” (it’s their word, not mine) everywhere. No doubts that it was me he saw; he described my orange Kiwi cap, orange jacket & orange shoes perfectly, & listed the streets I’d been on. He enhanced his narrative with fantastic charades! Cheeky rascal!
It was cold today, alright? Cold enough to see your breath!
Brute, he could’ve offered me a ride! Maybe he did, but his was just another ‘toot’ in the symphony of car horns that accompany any walk along the streets here.
It WAS funny though, I can just imagine the sight I presented; glowing nose & cheeks, wild curly hair flapping out the back of my cap, an orange flash overtaking all pedestrians, & challenging cars for first place across the finish line.

Ok, that’s me for the night. Wish me luck for a peaceful sleep, & even more luck to the less-than-fittest in the fight for survival out here in the wilds. Sorry, but the dogs ARE weighing heavy on my mind today.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 A surprisingly good sleep given my troubled mind last night; I bounced out of bed ready to face the day. It was a good one too, except for 30-minutes when I was sitting waiting for Dmitri II NOT to show up. My mind drifting, I found myself thinking that I’m looking forward to leaving. I don’t think it’s true, it’s just a hang-over from yesterday.

Mayster caught me heading down the hall with a bag of laundry. Hearty approval of my suit, he wanted to know where I was going (I still can’t say laundry satisfactorily; my version sounds more like ‘Chechnya’, which of course is a dirty word here), so all I could do was show him a worn garment (thank goodness it wasn’t a bra or knickers at the top of the heap!) He didn’t ‘get it’ & moved on. Washing machine loaded, laundry door locked, & about to head back to my office, I was trapped by a ‘chain gang’ loading stationery supplies into the room next door. Mayster emerged from their midst, & wanted to know what the room was that I was coming out of (“you’re JOKING right?”, I thought, “it’s YOUR place!”) While I unlocked the door so I could show him, he stepped behind me & copped a feel of my butt! The letch, it was a con; I hope he enjoyed it! Actually, no I don’t!

By the time Alex arrived I was a ‘cripple’. Standing & walking in poncy, girly shoes from 9am until 8pm today & most of the previous 2 days, after 3 months of jeans & casual flats, my tooties are screaming! I MUST find something smart to wear tomorrow that doesn’t require heels.
He commented on this week’s desktop pic & I challenged “Isn’t Surgut beautiful?” He agreed, but asked what the blue thing was that I'd laid behind the cranberry branch; when I told him it was just a live branch against Saturday’s sky he was gob-smacked! “Oh Prue, it’s perfect! What a beautiful day, & I didn’t see it myself!”
I asked Alex what a ‘traditional farewell gift’ is so I’m prepared when I say goodbye to Vadim. All he could come up with was ‘a framed picture of yourself, for memory’. Yeah well, that’s all very nice, but Vadim has copies of all the pics I’ve taken on our excursions, & I can’t imagine that he’d have any use for a noncy framed pic of just me. I’d rather give something more … I dunno what!

Shocked by the too-quick condemnation of Surgut by David & Jenny, people who’re experienced foreign teachers, saddened by ‘the locals’ who’re so determined to undermine this place, I’ve started thinking about compiling a pictorial & written account of ‘The Beauty of Surgut, A Kiwi’s Perspective’ to leave behind or forward on. The title needs more imagination because it’s another ‘yawn’, but it’s a starting point. Suggestions anyone? Boot?

Wow, this is the first time I’ve struggled with my ‘3rd Trimester’ subject line. I’ve got two racked up & I can’t choose.
Are you enjoying the change from ‘Week ‘whatever!’, & 2nd Tri[yawn]mester..week ? ‘who cares’ (except me)’? I am!
Whichever I go for, tell me if you’d’ve preferred either of the others. Think of it as ‘market research’; yeah, I did a spell for Neilsons Market Research while I was at uni.
A necessary service, I liken it to prostitution (leave your soul at the door, slap a smile on your face, & prepare for hours of use & abuse); market researchers are more reviled than any ‘slapper’, even by those who enlist the help of research houses! Even before becoming one of those irritating/unfortunate people, I accommodated them because ‘if you don’t vote, you shouldn’t b*tch!’ (what WAS the result of the election? Mere morbid curiosity!) At least my ‘research’ is just one question … for now! (talk about tangents & making a short story long!)

“Excuuuse me..never been to Russia..from NZ..to Australia..never seen..urinating in the street!”

..cannibalism..head..eaten..food..(This is sick! I’m obviously getting over it!)

11:32 PM NEWS FLASH!! I think the bad dog has just been destroyed! There was an awfully familiar bark, & then a gunshot. Here’s hoping!
Another ‘erk’ moment. Who would’ve thought I’d welcome the sound of gunshots & the destruction of a dog? The Siberian ‘Wild West’ has changed me through necessity; I hope this new ‘hardness’ won’t become an inherent trait, but maybe it will if I stick to my 5-year plan. I guess it’ll depend on the countries, & more-so the towns/cities I stop in.

Every day NZ becomes more & less of a paradise. Yes, people pee in the streets & steal your ‘professional glory’, contrary to ‘bimbo & himbo counter-claims’, & there are plenty of other things to grizzle about, but NZ doesn’t have wild dogs & other nasties. Conversely, though often praised as a ‘friendly’ nation, I wonder if Kiwis are as good as the ‘press’ we receive.
Or is it down to the individual traveler, & the luck of the draw when it comes to the people you meet? Is Surgut as good as I say it is, or is it something to do with me &/or the privilege I’ve had meeting the people I have?
Is the entire world tolerant of ‘considerate’ tourists & sojourners, but cruelly scournful of immigrants regardless of their good intentions & efforts? Conundrums!
Maybe I’ll have the answers by the time my travelers boots have holes in their soles, or I find somewhere to stop for longer than 12-months.
On-going (philosophical or psychological?) pursuits; for me anyway, it’s a lighter, more interesting, & welcome change from the ‘me, me, what is me?’ crud. I’m heading back to the “tell me about …” … “why … why … why?” Or is it that I’m a nosey wench?
I’ve just read what I’ve written & I’m cringing a bit; I know I load my ‘weekly’s’ & replies to personal messages with my own opinions & experiences. My socio-linguistics paper told me it’s ‘typical female communication style’, empathizing & personal anecdotes, & all that ‘stuff’, but I’m scared it smacks of self-centredness.

Ye gads! This has become another of my ‘cyber-space clogging, rain-forest threatening’ epistles! It’s time to break for a week.

Same place, approximately same time, who knows what channel.

You, your family, & your friends will always be welcome in my home!

Preevyet! Another week drifted into the mist; are your weeks disappearing as quickly as mine? Scary man!

Thursday, September 22, 2005 Holy-blimin-tamoly, time’s running out! So much to do!

Much amusement yesterday. AngElla has been conspicuous by her absence since Sunday. I got Nelly to ask the kitchen girlies if she’s camping out with them. Nope, she’s moved into the library. I paid her a visit in the afternoon, & she yowled & b*tched at me the entire time & wouldn’t let me cuddle her. I gave up, but as I was leaving I looked back & found she was watching me. It was enough. She let out a big ‘meow’ & came sprinting after me. Irina, the librarian, & Ludmila, the accountant, who’d been watching, just howled. So, I was back to having a little white shadow, & a bed pal last night.
The little maggot, I’ve brought her in from outside a couple of times today (because she’d been tossed out to have a wee) & the first thing she did both times when she got to my room was climb into her dirt-box & pee. She’s can’t relax enough outside to go to the loo. She’s petrified of dogs all of a sudden, & I wonder if she’s had a narrow escape recently. Or is that my own recently-developed paranoia interpretation?

Great news today; I received a text from Jenny to let me know she & Mark will definitely come for drinks on Friday! What joy that text brought; aside from the great news, it was crawling with text abbreviations, something that doesn’t happen with my Russian friends. Though I’ve been aware of my frustration when having to tap out grammatically correct, perfectly spelled English messages, wen I wnt 2 fyr smthng quck, I hadn’t realised how much I miss reading the gobbledegook that is the nature of txt msgs. And boy, can I learn some tricks from her!

So much for being pleased with myself for producing a good resume in English for Vadim. I made the same offer to Alex last night & today he e-mailed me his. Holy Crapola! I can’t make head nor tail of it, it’s sooooo technical. A tonne of it reads badly to me, but it may just be ‘geology-speak’. I don’t have the luxury of time that Vadim gave me; Alex needs it done quickly! No ‘sleep-in’ for me on Saturday! In fact, I shouldn’t be ‘wasting’ time writing to you tonight. Nup, there’s gotta be some ‘down’ time!

An e-mail from Sean today. The election’s hung? Wow! Keep me posted! I get ‘Breaking News’ from CNN daily; I must see if I can get the same from the illustrious NZ Herald. Or should I go for The Dominion? Or are they one & the same these days? Parochialism aside, what’s the best NZ newspaper?

I asked Vladimir if he would scan my Russian residency doc & photo so I can use them as intermediary evidence that I am who I say I am when applying for jobs, in light of the passport & now image-issues.
He can’t spare me the 2-minutes required until next week! Grrr, he’s got time to muck around gabbing with the boys though! Deep breaths, “remember that you find their inefficiencies ‘quaint’ usually”; I smiled nicely, said that would be fine, & am working on a strategy whereby I’ll get my scanned doc earlier, without anyone losing face. Blimey, what am I getting worked up about? Tomorrow’s Friday, it’s almost ‘next week’! Oh yeah, that’s right, I want to send job applications this weekend! Ach, I’ll just attach what I have with the promise of Russian docs to follow.

My Monday threat of removing chairs & tables seemed to have some effect on the Intermediate group tonight. They meekly complied with my directions for seat changing, & worked well with their new partners. I’m particularly thrilled with Irene, the ‘Parnell Princess’. Before resuming lessons, she visited & told me she’d given a lot of thought to the things I’d said to her last winter about her attitude to others, & suddenly she’s got friends rather than enemies at work. So far, she seems to have mellowed & matured a lot; so much so tonight, I gave her a hug, thanked her for her help, & said I was really proud of her. She left sparklier than a pair of Siberian jeans (& Siberian jeans are REALLY sparkly)!

Friday, 23 September 2005 1:34 AM I’m still hopeless. I thought I heard ‘my girl’ outside. I sat & weighed up the options: 1) Nip downstairs & wake up ‘Grumplestiltskin’; 2) stay where I am, losing sleep, fretting, & listening for cat & dog fights all night.
No-brainer: I tiptoed down the stairs, phrasebook in pocket ‘just in case’, past Grumplestiltskin snoring on the couch, through the turnstile (whew, that was easy), & damnit the gnome woke up as I tweaked the keys! I told him I was looking for ‘the cat’, & ‘stay in bed’. I did my rounds within CCTV view, smoked a fag, & ‘hello, the door’s locked!’ I really want to have a hiss about this, but in all good conscience I can’t. It’s not really reasonable to disturb someone’s sleep at this hour is it! Even though this guy resembles the ‘Angry B#%*#rd Driver’ from Moscow, in both looks & demeanour..they’re brothers I reckon!

Wa-oh! Mostly I revel in the healthier attitude to diet here than we have at home, but tonight I could go an entire McDonald’s, KFC, Wendy’s, Burger King, Big Al’s, & lord save me, White Lady, banquet! I must be hormonal; I’ve eaten everything in sight, sweet & savoury, & still there’s a hungry snake in my belly! I sat in front of the fridge, like you sit in front of the telly, & gazed. Finally my eyes fell upon an unsuspecting bag of cucumbers & tomatoes; uncooked ratatouille, ‘but I NEED something more’!
GO TO BED!
“NO! I NEED Oryans Originals, with home-made sour cream & shrimp dip!”
Tough! No such thing here, GO TO BED!
S-I-G-H-! A-L-R-I-G-H-T! But I have cravings! There’ll be gastronomic hell to pay tomorrow!
Just one last check before I go to bed :-/ nothing! No, hang on, there’s that salty cheese plait & a couple of apples. Right, ‘Tom Sawyer’ & hey, there’s that bag of licorice B-S sent me too!
6-hours kip, weary but hungry, I hauled my butt out of bed, searching for acceptable breakfast food. Next to nothing left after last night’s feeding-frenzy, I dredged up chocolates, my last apple, & coffee. I’m a hungry, sorry sight; panda eyes, & not from smudged makeup.
Angry snakes biting all day, no matter what I shoved into my mouth, it wasn’t enough. And TIRED! Talk about hit the wall Jack!

An amazing text from Vasily today: “I just wanted to say I am very happy with your work here. Things seem to be changing for the better for Planeta and for me as well, thanks to you” Knock me down with a feather!

Nelly phoned during my 1st lesson. Thawed due to necessity, after her inexplicably stroppy departure this afternoon, she was looking for a favour. Her grand-daughter, Helen, wanted to know if I’d be willing to make an appearance at her English class at school. “Of course! Tell Helen to talk to her teacher & we’ll arrange a time.”

Aching to get work over & done with & hit my pit, it can’t happen. I’ve organised the inaugural English teachers’ ‘bash’, & it just wouldn’t do for ME to be a no-show.
David b*tched every 2-minutes that Jenny & Mark wouldn’t come, & had me on the verge of snapping his head off. His colleague, Tim, arrived. 27 years old, & eager to flash his cash. He works for a construction company, & does the hiring of foreign teachers for Big Ben.
Jenny & Mark arrived at the time they said they would, & suddenly it was worth missing some sleep!
They’re both especially funny people, & I had a hilarious time.
I screwed up & visited the men’s loo by mistake. Luckily no-one was in there, so I stayed. Waaaaaay cleaner than the women’s loo (what’s with that?) I told Jenny of my mistake so she thought she’d try it; not so lucky as me, she opened the door to the cubicle & disturbed a man sitting there. Hahahahahahaha!
Mark’s 54, went to uni about 6-years ago, now has a degree in philosophy, & lots of funny anecdotes.
Jenny’s my age, & put herself through uni not long ago. She looks like a ‘sweet’ woman, but has a wicked wit & an inoffensively dirty mouth.
I can’t wait to see these two again.
Not so, Tim & David.
Tim offered to give me a job here next year, & to prove his sincerity suggested we go home & have wild sex to seal the deal. The last I saw of him, he was snogging a Russian ‘walnut’.
David swung from trying to pick up Russian babes, whining at me for cradle-snatching Tim, demanding I go home with HIM for sex, & finally abusing me when I said no. Apparently I'm too old and ugly to be so choosey! Doesn't say much for his opinion of himself does it? ‘True gentleman’ that he is, he left me to negotiate my own way home. He did me a favour! I’m well pleased with myself again, I can now arrange my own taxi here. Is there no end to my talents?

Saturday, 24 September 2005 I WAS supposed to go to the theatre with David tonight, but that plan’s now scotched due to my old & ugly ‘b*tch’ status. I’m relieved cos I’m knackered, he’s a twat, & I can’t imagine I’d deal with his propositions nearly so politely today. It’s his birthday, so I wish him all the best from the haven of my room! No really, I do!
Jenny & Mark have invited me to catch up with them tonight, but I’ve said “no” for now. I may change my mind cos last night’s wedding has spilled over to today; if I’m not going to get sleep perhaps I should opt for good company.
I’m in an odd frame of mind today though; bored but can’t be bothered doing anything. I wonder if this mood would transform to ‘grumpy’ if I was living with someone?
I’m not sure I can sustain my current level of tutoring; my one day off a week is hardly restful with me racing about town doing chores, catching up with friends, sight-seeing, & trying to grab some time for me. Inevitably I end up having days like today, which I later berate myself for, for the waste of time & lost opportunities.

Well writing that last sentence did the trick. I forced myself into the shower & immediately felt better. Not 100% but at least I was moving.

I decided to keep the momentum going, went shopping for fruit, & a knife. Bizarre! Do you think I can find a shop that sells kitchen knives? I found one knife, a swanky little arrangement fashioned for looks not function, & as you would expect, ridiculously expensive! No sale!
I made an unexpected purchase, something I haven’t actively sought, but I’m rapt with it. A Braun Silk epil. My aging epilady gave up the ghost not long after I arrived, & I’ve been shaving. Tonight I have deliciously smooth legs, top to bottom, in less time than a half-leg wax-job, & way less painful! Given the choice, I’ll never bother waxing again. I thoroughly recommend this gadget! As for the epilady, well it’s gone into the bin with no regrets.
I mention this in the public arena of my weekly e-mail to all, in case any of you guys are secret chest shavers or waxers, or go for the more masochistic ‘back, crack, & sack’ job.

I don’t know what it was today, but the shop people, wherever I went, were particularly nice to me. More so than usual. Even the ones where I didn’t buy anything. I wonder if my panda-eyes had something to do with it? Or is it just that being so bushed, my rate of movement was drastically reduced & they had time to be nice? OR is it that my mood is ‘needy’ & I’ve soaked up every speck of kindness?
Outside the last shop of the day, there’s a youngish guy playing a baiyan (can’t spell it, a slightly smaller piano accordion), singing with eyes closed & gusto. Just as I passed, he opened his eyes & gave me a gorgeous wink. It blew me away!
Just inside the main doors of the shop, the little old babushka that begs during winter has reappeared. Sure sign it’s getting colder & difficult times are imminent!
I bought my chicken & fruit, stopped at a packing table to fish out all my coin from the bottom of my money pouch, & counted it up. It’s only fair that I return the kindness I’ve received today. I’d intended to give the babushka my only 10 rouble note in the hope that it would encourage others to be generous, & my ratty coin to the busker. When I counted up the coin it came to more than 30 roubles, so the babushka got the coin, & the busker got the note. It was the right choice; the babushka hid most of the coin in the folds of her coat & skirt (probably so no-one will mug her on the way to the hole she sleeps in; I’ll explain this shortly), grabbed my hand & made a gummy, extended speech of thanks & blessing. She did it the last time I gave her money & I didn’t handle it so well, today I was ready for it.
I almost NEVER drop money for buskers, not cos I object to them, I just prefer to give my money to needier people. Everybody being so nice must have softened me. Nah, it was that wink!
I returned to Planeta with soaring spirits, my earlier lethargy cast to the wind.

So, the hole the babushka probably lives in. I’d asked Dmitri II a couple of weeks ago where the homeless people live, especially in winter. He was the perfect person to ask because a flat he’d lived in a few years ago had a hole nearby where homeless people went & he was able to watch them come & go. He’s a sensitive wee man too, & had taken the time to talk to some of these people. Basically ther’re man-holes in the street that go down & under the apartment blocks, there for maintenance purposes. The homeless get into these holes because they can keep warm cuddling up to the pipes that supply hot water to each flat. Certainly not dry when it rains, & they have to share their ‘accommodation’ with the rats (eeyew, a big shiver down my spine at the thought), but better than freezing to death in the winter; in the summer, they keep cool cuddling up to the cold water pipes.
The drunks I don’t care quite so much about though I’m not immune to their plight; people like this babushka make my heart bleed. Heaps of these old folk are in this position through no fault of their own. Allegedly, one night, in the early days of perestroika, people went to bed knowing they had x-amount of roubles saved in their bank accounts. They awoke to find that a zero had disappeared from that figure overnight. An undisclosed & unadmitted political decision, it’s affected the entire population. It left plenty brassed off, many disadvantaged, & some destitute; I struggle to walk past the destitute. Few here trust bank accounts anymore.
Please feel free to tell me if I’m repeating myself. I’m starting to have ‘déjà vu’ moments. I searched earlier messages & can’t find similar references, so I’m hoping it’s stuff I’ve written & deleted because I thought it wasn’t appropriate at the time.

It was touch & go there for a while, but I decided to stay home & brave the wedding. I’ll see Jenny & Mark on Thursday; I’d rather save the snoring on their couches for when I know them better!

I think meeting the other teachers has changed things for me. I’ve been thoroughly content until now, but these guys have triggered a raft of emotions. Eager for things familiar, & common outlooks; impatience over the intrusion into my Russian assimilation (hang on, who initiated the meetings? Oh yeah, that’s right, it was me!); frustration & embarrassment at their too-quick condemnation of the place; disappointment in myself for being so fickle. I need the proper perspective that only comes from a good night’s sleep, & a couple of weeks of reflection!

Sunday, 25 September 2005 A marginally good night’s sleep, reflection started but far from completed, I checked my e-mails & read a message suggesting that I sounded ‘a bit down’ in last week’s message. Re-reading that message & thinking about it, it probably wasn’t my best effort. The ‘dog-thing’ upset me a lot; it’s impossible to explain how awful it was. Fellow animal-lovers may have some idea, but the reality of it was so much worse.
Now I know, I NEVER want to take a ‘safari’ tour!
Also, I’ve spread myself thin for the last couple of weeks (will I never learn?) Too much work, charging about meeting & entertaining the new folk in town, just enough time to attend to my personal chores as long as I do them at full throttle, no time to relax. And this weekend’s wedding is STILL going! Some small satisfaction, the guests are looking as shabby & ‘over it’ as me today.

Oksana was a no-show for 1pm again; I can look at it two ways. Get pippy because the time could be put to better use, or chill out & enjoy an unscheduled hour’s reading & relaxing. I’m working on the latter. She arrived shortly before 5pm with a box of chocolates by way of apology; I tried to turn the gift down, but Russian respect demanded acceptance.
Vitaliy insisted I play him Kiwi music. God save him, he liked The Exponents in all their live, tuneless glory! Usually The Exponents are zealously guarded for my memories only, not for horrifying Russians with unpolished Kiwi bar performances!
No-show from Max & Natasha as well; I’m assuming Kerell is still sick.
An hour working with Alex on his CV, there’s a heap more work to do, but I have a much better understanding now, so I’ll give it some attention tomorrow on my own. My professional & intellectual confidence is restored.
Finally, Vadim. He scornfully shunned the classroom, “Let’s go drink beer!” So much for being off booze, this weekend’s a lost cause!
A great time had of course, & I’m overwhelmed yet again. Vadim only started learning English in November last year, self-taught by listening to music, I didn’t know this before. He tried Lingva Centre, but the Russian teachers were too aggressive & intimidating. So referring back to a month or so ago, when I was in raptures about his progress, it’s now all the more impressive! Maybe I did do some good with him; he certainly claims I did. He says he learned through talking with me not to be afraid of conversing with ‘Westerners’; “My family’s future is better now that I’m working for an international company. I got my job with Shell Oil because of you. You, your family, & your friends will always be welcome in my home!”
Gulp, lump in my throat; “thank you very much, it’s been MY pleasure; let’s change the subject!”
The hurricanes in America (devastating but impersonal for us both); oil prices & corruption (greedy oil-barons); the current NZ election fiasco, neither of us care too much (not his country, & I’m an apathetic absentee), it triggered a discussion about loopy political parties, Vadim was tickled by The McGillicuddy Normal Party, excited by The Greens & intrigued by Nandor Tanczos! He went into raptures again over the music I’d copied for him, & told me he’d listened to Donovan Frankenreiter all the way from Surgut to Moscow (almost a full week on the road).
When he walked me home, I gave him a hug & kiss goodbye as usual; it dawned on me that this is most probably the last time I’ll see him! It’s wasn’t a good feeling, I gave him another hug & kiss, & I’ve come to my room with a heavy heart.
The farewells & sadness have started already; sniff, sniff, where’re my tissues? Damnit! I’ve opted for some diversion; deliciously fuzzless arms, courtesy of my new best friend, Braun Silk epil! Damn, my arms & legs are sexy! “Silly wench!” It’s time for bed.

Monday, 26 September 2005 Best intentions canned, I hermited in my room for most of the day, reading ‘Tom Sawyer’; nearly finished. Not actually slacking off, I’ve taken to downloading e-books & reading them to make sure they’re suitable for using in lessons. This book makes the grade, ‘Huckleberry Finn’ definitely didn’t; I loved it, but it’s not an ‘easy read’ with those Southern States dialects.
Please EVERYONE, tell me what books you read when you were at primary & intermediate school age. Some of my favourites are free downloads, but plenty aren’t. When it comes to reading material for guys, I’m at a bit of a loss.
Sean; thanks for your suggestions. Unfortunately the English is too complex in ‘The White Wolf’, ‘The Silver Sword’ remains too controversial given it’s about the war & Germany, ‘Three Billy Goats Gruff’ is one of the levels I’m looking for but I need to check it out, I sooooo want to give them ‘The Narnia Tales’ but again, too complex for most!
To give you some idea, I’ve used ‘Heidi’, can’t find ‘Mary Poppins …’, ‘Famous Five …’, or ‘Secret Seven…’ I wonder if ‘Biggles’ would work. I’m tempted by Roald Dahl, but fear they won’t ‘get it’. Would love some ‘Margaret Mahy’ or similar for the ‘beginners’.
Also, if anyone can point me in the direction of good ‘free e-book downloads’ sites I’d appreciate it. I’m currently ransacking the ‘Gutenberg’ site.

It’s interesting looking at the new male students here. There are some who have coloured their hair, quite a few with long hair, & I’m seeing pierced ears. This is definitely new for Planeta, & very uncommon in Surgut as far as I’ve seen. I wonder how long it’ll take Mayster to beat them into submission?

I’ve donned the mantle of ‘unsuspecting, thoughtless, & gut-wrenching’ inquisitor for the last two days. Seemingly innocuous questions have led to students bursting into tears, one of whom left the lesson early. “What? What have I done? I’m so sorry! I had no idea …!”
It seems I’m not the only one riding the slippery emotional slide to 31 December, or there-abouts. My publicised meetings with the other English teachers haven’t helped; my students & friends now view themselves as less important to me. Can I hope to make them understand that these new foreigners are no threat, & there’s room in my heart for all?

Tuesday, 27 September 2005 Up & about early (for me, anyway). Nelly was all over me like a rash. Holding my hand with one of hers, & gripping my arm with the other, we crabbed about the Institute like a couple of Siamese twins. I love the woman, but really …! I finally extricated myself, but only to the point that she was no longer clutching me; she maintained physical contact through hip & shoulder bumping, & endless tapping of my arms & chest, to the peril of our lunch tray. I still can’t come to terms with such close proximity! Outward smiles, gentle verbal ‘settle down’s’, inside ‘BACK OFF’s’!
I was told there’s to be a do on Friday for ‘Teacher’s Day’, though the actual day isn’t until 5 October. “Sorry, I can’t attend, I have lessons.”
“Cancel them!”
“No, I’m sorry, not this time. If I do I’ll have to work Saturday & I’m not prepared to do that.”

Crows! They’ve just arrived, I haven’t seen them before. Yuk, I don’t like them! They’re waaay bigger than I thought, make a hell of a racket all day every day, & swoop on each other quite aggressively. Were they crows in Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds’? These ones look much bigger than Hitchcocks; it could be that time has dimmed my memory of the film, though I wouldn’t be surprised if the Siberian ones are bigger, like most things in this vast country!

First lesson finished, I went outside to wait for Alex. I need the fresh air cos I’m dozy. Mayster was standing across the drive & gave me a big ‘finger wag’ & growling, then beckoned me over. Trembling in my boots (his angry moods scare the b-jingo’s out of me), I had no idea what I was in trouble for. It became clear as soon as I walked to him. He grabbed my arms & pulled me inside his jacket; apparently I wasn’t wearing sufficient clothes for the night air, & he was duty-bound to warm ‘the careless Kiwi’. I asked about ‘Misha the Scary’ & learned he’s gone for good, as Mayster manoeuvred me back to my original side of the driveway, then hugged & kissed & told me I’m not to leave. To hell with replacement foreign teachers, they can be ‘canned’, “you’re the one for Planeta & Surgut!” I wriggled into a more comfortable (arms length) position, & told him I want to see other countries (if you can call the pidgin English/Russian we spoke ‘talking’, we did pretty well.) He told me he’s planning to be in NZ the year after next, & expects to see me then; I told him I’m not planning to be there & revealed the 5-year-absentee-plan. He asked where I’d be, I said probably Europe, he asked ‘Russia?’, I said maybe. Another enforced visit to the interior of his jacket; & a couple of unsophisticated attempts at kisses as I was squirming out of there.
Saved by my red-jacketed knight; Alex, who never acknowledges Mayster unless Mayster approaches him directly, strode into our midst with a loud “Zdrasvuitye” & launched into one of those peculiar arm swinging, body bowing, handshakes that are so common here. And now, I wonder if ‘those handshakes’ are more than just an enthusiastic greeting for friends; are they also a challenge? ‘Grab my hand or cop a low blow!’
Mayster slunk into the trees (literally) & was last seen chasing a couple of screaming kids off the property. Alex & I laughed about that, not a word mentioned about the other.
His CV’s still not finished; Alex controlled our time with up-beat, light-hearted conversation.

Wednesday, 28 September 2005 2:36 AM Gutted! I went to insert the new date in preparation for the morning, but before I could do so I stopped in my tracks. What the hell have I done since Monday night’s close & insertion of Tuesday’s date, that I haven’t written since, & it’s now Friday morning! This HAS been Thursday night, hasn’t it? Hasn’t it? Oh no, I just FEEL like I’ve been through a whole week already, & it’s actually only the close of Tuesday. Too many people, too many lessons, too much happening, too many demands for my time! I’ve lost my mind!

Up early again, mostly because the pain in my left thumb & forefinger after a mozzie banquet roused me, it wasn’t premature enough.
Vasily demanded entrance to my room; unsuccessful, he left with the promise that I’d meet him in 20-minutes in my office.
He wanted to tackle me about last night’s conversation with Mayster. Mayster’s grilled him this morning over his saying that I wouldn’t return to Planeta next year because “she’s VERY homesick & wants to see her son”. I’ve NEVER given that as a reason! Why would I when I’ve said Ben hopes to come to Surgut before I leave, & have asked about the cost of a room here for him?
So much for all the stuff I’ve written earlier about “we must find you a man so you’ll stay” because that’s one reason I did give Vasily.
I do tire of the fibs & fabrications of the two I rely on the most at Planeta! No doubt about it, I won’t return for a 2nd tour of Russia until I’ve some semblance of mastery of the language & can fend for myself!
Vasily’s parting message, “Mayster asked me to say ‘business is unfinished with you, & expects to meet with you in NZ and/or have you back in Russia’. Think about it, you’ve made an important impression!”

Sidling down a hallway wall this evening, trying not to disturb a student project spread all over the floor, I lost balance & ended up with my heels lodged against ‘east’, & my hands planted against ‘west’. The ‘bridge’ too wide for any leverage from me, I was stranded. I needed to be ‘rescued’ by a student lifting me back to an upright position. I was embarrassed, he thought it was funny & appreciated my respect for their project. I did see the funny side once I was fully restored to vertical state!
The air’s super thin, so thin in fact, that when Max & Natasha arrived they were amazed to learn I’m not suffering debilitating headaches this week. I have had headaches but put them down to stress & tiredness.
To give you some perspective; I asked Max about the massive bruise across the bridge of his nose. Nothing to do with being the father of a hyperactive child, domestic violence, manly punch-ups, or accidental falls, his bruise is due to haemorrhages caused by the problematic air pressure at this time of year; it’s an annual occurrence for him. They were a little ‘freaked’ by my questioning, & wanted know if I thought it was caused by cerebral problems. What the heck would I know about such things?
I’m now reminded of Alexander’s earlier warnings about the months of October & November, “the season for strokes”, & it’s become clear why he’s left Surgut to holiday ‘south’ for the next few weeks. Elena & Vitaliy too!
Suddenly I’m grateful for my embarrassing ‘woozy’ affliction, long may that be my only complaint!

Staggeringly yours,
Prudance (no, I haven’t forgotten how to spell my own name. Some students have explained why they call me this, think my name suits me, & is beautiful..‘-dance’ “because that’s what you do everyday, dancing is happiness, & we want to join you”..nothing to do with dictionary translations of ‘prudEnce’, suddenly I can live with the name here..for now!)


The English word for ‘prezervativ’ is condom, but you might hear ‘rubber’

Thursday, 29 September 2005 Wow, angry mozzies now! I’ve woken up with bites on my palms, cheek, nose, & eyes. ITCHY! & beautiful of course.

I’ve tried to get a photo of the crows but they’re camera shy, & I freak out when they take off & swarm over me.

Vasily sought me out; “Prue, some of the students have asked what a marijuana cigarette is called in English, & anything else you know about drugs that you can tell them.” I’m conflicted by this kind of thing, & told Vasily so. It’s different to talking openly with Ben & his mates, where there’s no language barrier & the information can’t be misconstrued. I can choose to take the high moral ground & refuse to give these kids the information, I can be realistic & accept that they’ll deal or buy in spite of my withholding, & better they learn from me than some creep with a pocketful of ‘goodies’! So, I divulged some of the bits & pieces I know, along with a ‘motherly’ cautionary message. They soaked up the info & laughed off the caution, as I knew they would.

Went to visit Jenny & Mark today; Mark wasn’t there but had a good chat with Jenny, & the deputy director. Mark will be at their branch close to Planeta tomorrow, so I’ll pop in to say ‘Hi’, & probably catch up for drinks with them tomorrow night.

Two neat lessons tonight; Elementary’s were lively & interesting (I really enjoy my three 14-year-old girls..can’t believe I’m saying that!) They’ve got so much going on in their lives; regular school, Russian Cultural School (performing arts), talented & thoughtful friends, lovely ‘naïve’ weekends at dacha’s where they smash cakes into each others faces, & “go to banya”, weekends at each others homes, they play the guitar & sing, whisper & giggle all night at both dacha’s & homes, & of course English lessons with me. They’ve given me a whole new perspective & I’ve revised my criteria for work next year.
In comparison, my adult students get out of bed every morning, feed the kids, go to work, go home, eat dinner, watch TV, & go to bed. The joys of mature students are the funny times when their translations from Russian to English produce something ‘earthy’ or compromising, the inevitable laughs, & the closer bond that results. Or the distinctly adult topics that come up. A case in point was my next lesson.
Intermediate’s had a session of ‘women’s talk’ due to all three guys being absent. Because one of the girl’s is a med student, we covered women’s health issues, particularly breast & cervical cancer & screening for both.
“The English word for ‘prezervativ’ is condom, but you might hear ‘rubber’. Use them! And in future, when you show someone that brightly coloured male porcelain chook you were given for ‘The Year of the Chicken’ (Chinese Horoscope is BIG here), it’s safer to call it a ‘rooster’; ‘cock’ is more appropriate for tonight’s discussion, though really you should avoid the word altogether ladies!”
‘Prezervativ’ always makes me giggle. What would you do with preserved ‘tadpoles’? Tell me they’re not added to jars of home-made fare from dacha’s!
Next Irene asked “Have you been ‘cut’, Prue?” I thought she was asking me if I’d had surgery, but asked her to be more specific with her question. Nope, she wanted to talk bikini lines ..
“Are you serious? Do we have to?”
Yes, she was & we did have to; she wanted to know more about the ‘theme’ looks I’d mentioned in passing before summer .. red hearts for Valentines Day, green trees for Christmas. Good grief!
Explaining it involved wax rather than scissors & a razor; fear of catching ‘crabs’ from wax, Irene became squeamish, & the ‘enlightenment’ ended there.

I scrubbed Taiwan off my list earlier today after reading posts from teachers proclaiming “the money’s great, students are awful, managerial support is negligible, the locals isolate us.” The final straw being the post from an ‘old-timer’ “I’m in the process of establishing counselling sessions & networks throughout Taiwan for foreign teachers suffering depression, please respond if you need this service, giving your location.” All responses were affirmative & detailed, which I’ve never seen before on this website.

This week’s ‘peculiarly Russian, maybe not, definitely nothing I’m familiar with’ learning’s have been two:-
1) There aren’t enough schools for students, so some run shifts. Gulnara’s eldest son (10-years old) has a ‘floating’ timetable, but generally has school hours of 2pm to 8 or 8:30pm. POOR LITTLE MAN! Monday’s & Thursday’s, if his timetable fits, he baby-sits his little brother while Gulnara & Airat have lessons with me. All in a good cause, Airat’s sister emigrated to Oz a few years ago, & they hope to emigrate next year.
2) If swimming is your exercise of choice, admittance to all pools is only by way of a full med-check & doctor’s cert. Things like cancer, AIDS, eczema, & blood-pressure problems can be transmitted through chlorine-saturated water don’t you know; god-forbid you strengthen that dicky ticker just in case you disturb the other punters by becoming a ‘floater’! No Dr’s cert, no problem! Toss yourself into one of the ‘swampy’ lakes or rivers if you want to swim, they’re rotten anyway. Come winter, even better. Cracking the ice is good exercise, & if you kark-it, no worries, you’ll be an ice-block in a matter of minutes!
Jenny’s a disillusioned gym bunny & scathing critic. Being a casual exerciser at best, happy to settle for bustling around the building & striding the streets on a mission, I was initially taken aback, then subsequently amused, & unsurprised by this ‘rule’. Short of being conned into ‘walrusing’, the only water-sport for me between now & departure time will be showers, teeth-scrubbing, flushing loos, hand-washing, dishes, laundry, plant watering, tea & coffee, the occasional bottle of ‘mineral’, & navigating road-lakes, ice-traps, & snow-drifts, possibly battling with rats again.
Oh yeah, & my 1st-ever snowman; he must be made! Experienced assistance required, hopefully I’ll attract some willing hands.

My Russian is slowly getting better every day, & with it the locals forays into communicating with me. They’re encouraged by my ‘baby-babble’ & burgeoning understanding, & hit me with full-on adult-talk! I feel like there’s no change since Feb, but in truth there is, heaps & heaps. Just not enough!

One more sleep & 3 lessons to go & it’s almost the weekend! Whacky-do! Every available minute is booked, but that’s ok. Looking at the bigger picture, I’m on the downhill slide to next weekend & hopefully some rest.

Friday, 30 September 2005 Having told Vasily yesterday I’d see him after 2:30pm today, true to form he chose to disregard that & at 10:30am bowled into the ‘lounge’ area outside my room to find me clad in a towel & locking my door on the way to the bathroom. He had a seizure & I gave him a hard look. First time ever, the door was closed again on his way out, the force of my look ensured the door hit him in the butt as he left!
90-minutes later, I was scrubbed-up & kind-of presentable. The broken sleeps from mozzie banquets every night this week have taken their toll, not to mention the delightful array of lumps that could be useful for a game of ‘join-the-dots’! What’s the bet, once joined, these dots will produce a cute ‘feasting mozzie’ cartoon?
After talks with Vasily, lunch with Nelly, & finally getting my Russian docs scanned by Vladimir, it was time to waddle over to Lingva Centre to say ‘hello’ to Mark. While I waited for him to arrive (me early, him late) I perused the Oxford Uni Press ‘junk mail’ & struck gold. At the very top of the rack, where none can reach them, unless you’re a barbarian Kiwi & rude enough to climb on a chair with your shoes on, were some booklets with lesson activities & teachers notes. I ‘stole’ one (there for anyone to take, with the probable exclusion of rival teachers), & it’s GREAT!
Mark finally arrived; we had a couple of minutes to chat, long enough to agree ‘beer after work’.

Back at Planeta, the place is buzzing; kitchen staff preparing for this afternoon’s ‘Teacher’s Day’ celebration, teaching & admin staff dicking around excitedly talking about the coming event.
I’m flattered; a few of the staff have learned ‘Good morning’ & ‘good afternoon’ over summer, no guarantee they’re said at the right time of day, but I’m not about to quibble!
“No, I won’t be attending, I have lessons!” Vasily gave me a burst for not cancelling my lessons, but was slightly mollified when I reminded him that Saturday’s my only day off & I’m not prepared to give it up. Then, he rallied & complained that “if it’s good enough for your students to cancel lessons, it’s good enough for you!” In a rebellious mood, there may be some merit to this argument, but I prefer the ‘professional’ approach.
The ‘argument’ became academic in the end; Dmitri didn’t show up so I attended the do.
As it turns out, I’m stoked I made an appearance. Again, in the midst of Mayster’s interminable speeches (I pay more attention these days cos there’re bits & pieces I understand, but my mind still wanders) I heard “Prue” & then realised the “charrfeese” word prior was ‘Jarvis’. GUESS WHAT! Go on, guess! Ok, I’ll tell you then. I’ve been awarded a ‘Certificate of Distinction in Teaching English to Russian Students & Business People of Surgut’; this recognition comes not just from my work with Planeta students, but from my other students as well! How freaking AWESOME is that?! Oh yeah, & I was given a gorgeous red rose, normally that would have me fizzing, but it’s chicken feed today!
Vladimir better have his scanner warmed up next week, cos I have a VERY IMPORTANT piece of paper that needs digitalising!
Da-de-da-de-da-daaaa!

Fabby lesson with the Elementary’s tonight all about personality characteristics (courtesy of pilfered material from Lingva Centre..”thank you!”); after the initial warm-up talk, it threatened to be a disaster because they didn’t want to do the dictionary-work required. “No probs, take three new words each, look them up, & report back to the group.” I scored an unexpected 99% thumbs-up, “thanks for an excellent lesson” at the end. The only dissatisfied person being Valentina; pippy that she was the only one in the room that considered ‘down-to-earth’ a bad characteristic.
Final lesson finished late, cos I just can’t get Marina to stop talking. I close the dictionaries & put them away, bag my gear, stand by the door with bag & keys in hand, & on she talks, with no sign of packing her stuff away (bless her, she’s a honey, but I’ve been eaten alive by the mozzies in the classroom, IT’S MY 1-DAY WEEKEND NOW & I HAVE PEOPLE TO SEE!)
Time only to dump my bag & don my cash & docs pouch, red coat, & blue autumn hat, none to change my clothes, I left my room at the time that I was supposed to be at White Crow to meet Mark & Jenny; I have a 20-minute dash ahead of me. Down Planeta’s hallway in full heel-clattering flight, Roman (the sparky) poked his head out from an alcove to see what the noise was about. Lovely ‘boy’ smile; “Prue Jarvis (he thinks ‘Jarvis’ is my patronymic), beautiful!” Yep, they definitely prefer my ‘styley girly’ coat over the practical down-feather jacket I arrived with. Even if I do say so myself, it IS a good look!
I hit White Crow 15-minutes late (bloody good foot work), far from glamorous once the hat & coat came off (hot & sweaty from my dash), & I needn’t have worried. Mark arrived a couple of minutes before me.
“Where’s Jenny?”
“At home, why?”
Yeeks, Mark thought tonight was a ‘date’!
So having clarified my view of things, we had a relaxed beer; I agreed to celebrate Guy Fawkes with him on the condition that he teaches me how to build my snowman. Then we went in search of food. Buskin Robbins, suggested by Mark, was the first choice (apparently you can create some semblance of a curry), nup, closed! My suggestion, Teryelka. Closed too! YOU’VE GOT TO BE JOKING, IT’S 10pm FRIDAY NIGHT!
Mark: “Let’s grab a kebab then, is that ok?”
Prue: “Yummy, yep that’ll do me!”
What can I say? You buy kebabs from caravan/kiosks. The options are listed in Russian, without numbers or pictures, & neither of us speak Russian! I’m more ‘useful’ because I’ve taught myself to read some Russian, it was still a fiasco!
For me; I saw pork on a ‘stick’ rotating around heat, & recognised it as ‘the meat that gets shaved into your chapatti-thingy’. Mark saw rotisseried chooks sitting around gathering salmonella & decided he wanted a chicken kebab. Misplaced gallantry over-riding superior (though pathetic) knowledge, he tried to order 2 chicken kebabs. VERY, VERY FUNNY! Kebab-Man started to wrap a whole chook into each of the 2 chapatti-thingy’s. “STOP! Niet …” Thankfully the man behind us understood what we were trying to ask for even though he didn’t speak English. We departed with the pork kebabs I thought we should’ve asked for in the first place, & sat in a bus stop to eat them.
Back to where Mark & Jenny live. Now I may have a pokey little brown room, & they may have an ‘apartment’ with a kitchen, but give me my place over theirs any day! Not just Mark, Jenny & her son Steven; they share with two other women & a couple of kids. Their apartment’s about the size of my 2-bedroom flat in Alverston St., but without a living room (for the Aussie crew, about the size of Toni’s & Mark’s old flat). Talk about close living! Nasty!! If I was ever to see David again, I’d slap his spoiled ears for his whining about the place he lives in; it’s a nice place anyway, but a palace compared to what the rest of us have .. & mine comes 2nd!
Guided tour of accommodation over, some photos looked at, I was ready to go home.
Mark asserted he’d walk me there, I conned him into agreeing to a half-way walk. That got me through unfamiliar night-time territory, & allowed him the comfort of his ‘gentleman’ instinct. And a gentleman he was. Wherever we walked, he ensured he was on the traffic side of me. Very nice, I do like that ‘stuff’, damn shame I don’t fancy him!

The English word for ‘prezervativ’ is condom, but you might hear ‘rubber’

Hi everyone! Woweee, flat out in Planetaland; how're tricks with you?

Thursday, 29 September 2005 Wow, angry mozzies now! I’ve woken up with bites on my palms, cheek, nose, & eyes. ITCHY! & beautiful of course.

I’ve tried to get a photo of the crows but they’re camera shy, & I freak out when they take off & swarm over me.

Vasily sought me out; “Prue, some of the students have asked what a marijuana cigarette is called in English, & anything else you know about drugs that you can tell them.” Eeek, what to say? It’s different to talking openly with Ben & his mates, where there’s no language barrier & the information can’t be misconstrued. I can choose to take the high moral ground & refuse to give these kids the information, I can be realistic & accept that they’ll deal or buy in spite of my withholding, & better they learn from me than some creep with a pocketful of ‘goodies’! So, I told some of the bits & pieces I know, along with a ‘finger-wag’ “don’t do it!” They soaked up the info & laughed off the caution, as I knew they would.

Went to visit Jenny & Mark today; Mark wasn’t there but had a good chat with Jenny, & the deputy director. Mark will be at their branch close to Planeta tomorrow, so I’ll pop in to say ‘Hi’, & probably catch up for drinks with them tomorrow night.

Two neat lessons tonight; Elementary’s were lively & interesting (I really enjoy my three 14-year-old girls..can’t believe I’m saying that!) They’ve got so much going on in their lives; regular school, Russian Cultural School (performing arts), talented & thoughtful friends, lovely ‘naïve’ weekends at dacha’s where they smash cakes into each others faces, & “go to banya”, weekends at each others homes, they play the guitar & sing, whisper & giggle all night at both dacha’s & homes, & of course English lessons with me. They’ve given me a whole new perspective & I’ve revised my criteria for work next year.
In comparison, my adult students get out of bed every morning, feed the kids, go to work, go home, eat dinner, watch TV, & go to bed. The joys of mature students are the funny times when their translations from Russian to English produce something ‘earthy’ or compromising, the inevitable laughs, & the closer bond that results. Or the distinctly adult topics that come up. A case in point was my next lesson.
Intermediate’s had a session of ‘women’s talk’ due to all three guys being absent. Because one of the girl’s is a med student, we covered women’s health issues, particularly breast & cervical cancer & screening for both, of course condoms were mentioned.
“The English word for ‘prezervativ’ is condom, but you might hear ‘rubber’. Use them! And in future, when you show someone that brightly coloured male porcelain chook you were given for ‘The Year of the Chicken’ (Chinese Horoscope is BIG here), it’s safer to call it a ‘rooster’; ‘cock’ is more appropriate for tonight’s discussion, though really you should avoid the word altogether ladies!”
‘Prezervativ’ always makes me giggle. What would you do with preserved ‘tadpoles’? Tell me they’re not added to jars of home-made fare from dacha’s!
Next Irene asked “Have you been ‘cut’, Prue?” I thought she was asking me if I’d had surgery, but asked her to be more specific with her question. Nope, she wanted to talk bikini lines ..
“Are you serious? Do we have to?”
Yes, she was & we did; she wanted to know more about the ‘theme’ looks I’d mentioned in passing before summer .. red hearts for Valentines Day, green trees for Christmas. Good grief!
Explaining it involved wax rather than scissors & a razor; fear of catching ‘crabs’ from wax, Irene became squeamish, & the ‘enlightenment’ ended there.

I scrubbed Taiwan off my list earlier today after reading posts from teachers proclaiming “the money’s great, students are awful, managerial support is negligible, the locals isolate us.” The final straw being the post from an ‘old-timer’ “I’m in the process of establishing counselling sessions & networks throughout Taiwan for foreign teachers suffering depression, please respond if you need this service, giving your location.” All responses were affirmative & detailed, which I’ve never seen before on this website.

This week’s ‘peculiarly Russian, maybe not, definitely nothing I’m familiar with’ learning’s have been two:-
1) There aren’t enough schools for students, so some run shifts. Gulnara’s eldest son (10-years old) has a ‘floating’ timetable, but generally has school hours of 2pm to 8 or 8:30pm. POOR LITTLE MAN! Monday’s & Thursday’s, if his timetable fits, he baby-sits his little brother while Gulnara & Airat have lessons with me. All in a good cause, Airat’s sister immigrated to Oz a few years ago, & they hope to emigrate next year.
2) If swimming is your exercise of choice, admittance to all pools is only by way of a full med-check & doctor’s cert. Things like cancer, AIDS, eczema, & blood-pressure problems can be transmitted through chlorine-saturated water don’t you know; god-forbid you strengthen that dicky ticker just in case you disturb the other punters by becoming a ‘floater’! No Dr’s cert, no problem! Toss yourself into one of the ‘swampy’ lakes or rivers if you want to swim, they’re rotten anyway. Come winter, even better. Cracking the ice is good exercise, & if you kark-it, no worries, you’ll be an ice-block in a matter of minutes!
Jenny’s a disillusioned gym bunny & scathing critic; being a casual exerciser at best, happy to settle for bustling around the building & striding the streets on a mission, I was initially taken aback, then subsequently amused, & unsurprised by this ‘rule’. Short of being conned into ‘walrusing’, the only water-sport for me between now & departure time will be showers, teeth-scrubbing, flushing loos, hand-washing, dishes, laundry, plant watering, tea & coffee, the occasional bottle of ‘mineral’, & navigating road-lakes, ice-traps, & snow-drifts, possibly battling with rats again.
Oh yeah, & my 1st-ever snowman; HE MUST BE MADE! Experienced assistance required, hopefully I’ll attract some willing hands.

My Russian is slowly getting better every day, & with it the locals forays into communicating with me. They’re encouraged by my ‘baby-babble’ & burgeoning understanding, & hit me with full-on adult-talk! I feel like there’s no change since Feb, but in truth there is, heaps & heaps. Just not enough!

One more sleep & 3 lessons to go & it’s almost the weekend! Whacky-do! Every available minute is booked, but that’s ok. Looking at the bigger picture, I’m on the downhill slide to next weekend & hopefully some rest.

Friday, 30 September 2005 Having told Vasily yesterday I’d see him after 2:30pm today, true to form he chose to disregard that & at 10:30am bowled into the ‘lounge’ area outside my room to find me clad in a towel & locking my door on the way to the bathroom. He had a seizure & I gave him a hard look. First time ever, the door was closed again on his way out, the force of my look ensured the door hit him in the butt as he left!
90-minutes later, I was scrubbed-up & kind-of presentable. The broken sleeps from mozzie banquets every night this week have taken their toll, not to mention the delightful array of lumps that could be useful for a game of ‘join-the-dots’! What’s the bet, once joined, these dots will produce a cute ‘feasting mozzie’ cartoon?
After talks with Vasily, lunch with Nelly, & finally getting my Russian docs scanned by Vladimir, it was time to waddle over to Lingva Centre to say ‘hello’ to Mark. While I waited for him to arrive (me early, him late) I perused the Oxford Uni Press ‘junk mail’ & struck gold. At the very top of the rack, where none can reach them, unless you’re a barbarian Kiwi & rude enough to climb on a chair with your shoes on, were some booklets with lesson activities & teachers notes. I ‘stole’ one (there for anyone to take, with the probable exclusion of rival teachers), & it’s GREAT!
Mark finally arrived; we had a couple of minutes to chat, long enough to agree ‘beer after work’.

Back at Planeta, the place is buzzing; kitchen staff preparing for this afternoon’s ‘Teacher’s Day’ celebration, teaching & admin staff dicking around excitedly talking about the coming event.
I’m flattered; a few of the staff have learned ‘Good morning’ & ‘good afternoon’ over summer, no guarantee they’re said at the right time of day, but I’m not about to quibble!
“No, I won’t be attending, I have lessons!” Vasily gave me a burst for not cancelling my lessons, but was slightly mollified when I reminded him that Saturday’s my only day off & I’m not prepared to give it up. Then, he rallied & complained that “if it’s good enough for your students to cancel lessons, it’s good enough for you!”
The ‘argument’ became academic in the end; Dmitri didn’t show up so I attended the do.
As it turns out, I’m stoked I made an appearance. Again, in the midst of Mayster’s interminable speeches (I pay more attention these days cos there’re bits & pieces I understand, but my mind still wanders) I heard “Prue” & then realised the “charrfeese” word prior was ‘Jarvis’. GUESS WHAT! Go on, guess! Ok, I’ll tell you then. I’ve been awarded a ‘Certificate of Distinction in Teaching English to Russian Students & Business People of Surgut’; this recognition comes not just from my work with Planeta students, but from my other students as well! How freaking AWESOME is that?! Oh yeah, & I was given a gorgeous red rose, normally that would have me fizzing, but it’s chicken feed today!
Vladimir better have his scanner warmed up next week, cos I have a VERY IMPORTANT piece of paper that needs digitalising!
Da-de-daaaa!

Fabby lesson with the Elementary’s tonight all about personality characteristics (courtesy of pilfered material from Lingva Centre..”thank you!”); after the initial warm-up talk, it threatened to be a disaster because they didn’t want to do the dictionary-work required. “No probs, take three new words each, look them up, & report back to the group.” I scored an unexpected 99% thumbs-up, “thanks for an excellent lesson” at the end. The only dissatisfied person being Valentina; pippy that she was the only one in the room that considered ‘down-to-earth’ a bad characteristic.
Final lesson finished late, cos I just can’t get Marina to stop talking. I close the dictionaries & put them away, bag my gear, stand by the door with bag & keys in hand, & on she talks, with no sign of packing her stuff away (bless her, she’s a honey, but I’ve been eaten alive by the mozzies in the classroom, IT’S MY 1-DAY WEEKEND NOW & I HAVE PEOPLE TO SEE!)
Time only to dump my bag & don my cash & docs pouch, red coat, & blue autumn hat, no time to change my clothes, I left my room at the time that I was supposed to be at White Crow to meet Mark & Jenny; I have a 20-minute dash ahead of me. Down Planeta’s hallway in full heel-clattering flight, Roman (the sparky) poked his head out from an alcove to see what the noise was about. Lovely ‘boy’ smile & broken English; “Prue Jarvis (he thinks ‘Jarvis’ is my patronymic), beautiful!” Yep, they definitely prefer my ‘styley girly’ coat over the practical down-feather jacket I arrived with. Even if I do say so myself, it IS a chic look!
I hit White Crow 15-minutes late (very fine foot work), far from glamorous once the hat & coat came off (hot & sweaty from my dash), & I needn’t have worried. Mark arrived only a couple of minutes before me.
“Where’s Jenny?”
“At home, why?”
Yeeks, Mark thought tonight was a ‘date’!
So having clarified my view of things, we had a relaxed beer. I agreed to celebrate Guy Fawkes with him on the condition that he teaches me how to build my snowman. Then we went in search of food. Buskin Robbins, suggested by Mark, was the first choice (apparently you can create some semblance of a curry), nup, closed! My suggestion, Teryelka. Closed too! YOU’VE GOT TO BE JOKING, IT’S 10pm FRIDAY NIGHT!
Mark: “Let’s grab a kebab then, is that ok?”
Prue: “Yummy, yep that’ll do me!”
What can I say? You buy kebabs from caravan/kiosks. The options are listed in Russian, without numbers or pictures, & neither of us speak Russian! I’m more ‘useful’ because I’ve taught myself to read some Russian, it was still a fiasco!
For me; I saw pork on a ‘stick’ rotating around heat, & recognised it as ‘the meat that gets shaved into your chapatti-thingy’. Mark saw rotisseried chooks sitting around gathering salmonella & decided he wanted a chicken kebab. Misplaced gallantry over-riding superior (though pathetic) knowledge, he tried to order 2 chicken kebabs. VERY, VERY FUNNY! Kebab-Man started to wrap a whole chook into each of the 2 chapatti-thingy’s (he had to’ve been thinking we’re gluttonous pigs!) “STOP! Niet …” Thankfully the man behind us understood what we were trying to ask for even though he didn’t speak English. We departed with the pork kebabs I thought we should’ve asked for in the first place, & sat in a bus stop to eat them (no match for the Port Douglas New Year bus stop party of 2003, but what ever could be?)
Back to where Mark & Jenny live. Now I may have a pokey little brown room, & they may have an ‘apartment’ with a kitchen, but give me my place over theirs any day! Not just Mark, Jenny & her son Steven; they share with two other women & a couple of kids. Their apartment’s about the size of my 2-bedroom flat in Alverston St. back in New Zealand, but without a living room (for the Aussie crew, about the size of Toni’s & Mark’s old flat). Talk about close living! Nasty!!
Guided tour of accommodation over, some photos looked at, I was ready to go home.
Mark asserted he’d walk me there, I made him agree to a half-way walk. That got me through unfamiliar night-time territory, & allowed him the comfort of his ‘gentleman’ instinct. And a gentleman he was. Wherever we walked, he ensured he was on the traffic side of me. Very nice, I do like that ‘stuff’!